Try To Substitute My Dreams With You

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/61903906.

Rating:

Mature

Archive Warnings:

Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Squid Game (TV 2021)

Relationships:

Choi Su-Bong | Thanos/Nam-gyu, Nam-Gyu/Thanos

Characters:

Nam-Gyu, Thanos (Squid Game), Park Min-su, Se-mi (Squid Game), Gyeong-Su (Squid Game), Lee Myung-gi, Choi Su-Bong | Thanos, Seon-nyeo | Shaman Of The Sea (Squid Game), Kang Dae-Ho (Squid Game)

Additional Tags:

Time Loop, Groundhog Day, Character Death, Round 3: Mingle (Squid Game), Blood and Violence, Fix-It of Sorts, Heavy Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Not Beta Read, Eventual Romance, Episode: s02e07 Friend or Foe (Squid Game), Episode: s02e06 O X (Squid Game), Choi Su-bong | Thanos Dies Repeatedly, Character Study, Kind Of, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Jealousy, Blood and Injury, Mild Gore, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Sexual Tension, First Kiss, Making Out, Bloody Kisses, Biting, Fanart

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Eden's Best Fanfics

Stats:

Published: 2025-01-02 Updated: 2025-02-03 Words: 50,667 Chapters: 9/13

Try To Substitute My Dreams With You

by Wyvern (Amphiptere)

Summary

Nam-gyu's eyes shoot open and he lets out an involuntary yelp. Any ache in his body dissipates as if it were never present to begin with. Thanos is in front of him, his lips pulled back into a smile and a familiar shine in his eyes. He's pumping his fist out rhythmically to the blaring music, jerking his body around to it. Nam-gyu's heart is beating harshly in his chest and he lifts shaky hands out of his pockets to feel his pulse. His stomach doesn't hurt, his knuckles aren't bruised or covered in anyone else's blood, and most notably, Thanos is alive.

Heartburn

Chapter Notes

I felt like having a little side project for when I'm not working on my super long fanfic for "From". And I decided that I'd try out a trope that I'm quite fond of but haven't been able to write for yet. So... here it is. Thanos x Namgyu but make it a time-loop groundhog day au. Enjoy!

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @all0v3rtheplace & @livfordoodles!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Min-su!" Thanos drawls out, pressing his hands against the doorframe of the bathroom stall that the little twerp is hiding in. Nam-gyu wastes no time stalking past him and stepping into the neighboring stall. "I know you're upset with me," Thanos continues. Nam-gyu closes the stall door behind him and clambers up onto the toilet. "I'm sorry, boy!" Thanos cries out dramatically in English and Nam-gyu has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. He doesn't want to reveal himself too soon. He adjusts his position on the toilet so he doesn't end up slipping and getting his feet wet. "But still, you shouldn't have betrayed me. That really hurt."

Nam-gyu, with a grunt, climbs up over the stall and lets his arms dangle over the edge, where he's finally able to get a proper look at Min-su. "Open the door!" Thanos hits the stall door with a splayed hand, which has Min-su's full attention until Nam-gyu takes it away.

"Hey, Min-su," He tries to sound as friendly as he can. "You said you got scammed in a rental deal and have no place to go anyway" Thanos is hitting his head against the stall door, getting louder and louder as he begs Min-su to open up. It's not really helping their case, admittedly, but Nam-gyu is less annoyed by Thanos' antics and more entertained. "Let's play one more game," Nam-gyu attempts, trying to distract the frightened man from his crazed ally. "We'll protect you, I swear. So when we vote tomorrow," Maybe Nam-gyu's next move isn't all that comforting, because he hoists himself up from the toilet and attempts to climb over the stall. "You're gonna press O, all right? Come on!" He reaches out for the startled man, who is leaping up from the toilet and pushing the stall door open.

Was it even locked?

Thanos greets Min-su instantly, gripping him by his shoulders and backing him up into the stall. "Woah, boy. Sit the fuck down," He sounds slightly more aggressive now, giving Nam-gyu the idea that they're through with goofing around and it's time to get serious. Min-su scrambles back against the toilet with wide eyes and Nam-gyu stays hanging off the edge between the stalls, watching him with an amused glint in his eyes. "Look Min-su," Thanos continues in Korean. "Before I came here, I went to a bridge to kill myself. But on that bridge, a man in a suit came and gave me that card. You got one too, didn't you?"

Nam-gyu's amusement falters and his grip loosens. Was this some sort of manipulation tactic or was Thanos being serious? He couldn't possibly be opening up about something like this, right? He falls completely silent as he watches over this interaction, uncertain whether or not to believe a word from Thanos' mouth.

Min-su keeps his gaze locked on the bathroom floor. "Yes," he answers after a few heavy breaths.

"I don't have a religion, but it felt like..." Thanos breaks into a gleeful smile and Nam-gyu instinctively tries to match it, even if the pair aren't looking his way. "Like divine intervention. It felt like I was being given a chance at a whole new life. So I decided to give it my best shot and make my mom proud." Thanos reaches for Min-su, tightly gripping the X patch on the front of his sweater. "But you're stopping me from doing that. It makes me fucking furious!" He shouts, face twisting from his faux laidback kindness to pure rage. "I'm so fucking angry, man!" He shouts the string of English in Min-su's face and the other man shrinks back in fear.

"Knock it off."

Nam-gyu blinks away from the two and curls his lip at the new arrival. Of course, it has to be him and not any other player- only he would have a random burst of heroism. Nam-gyu jumps down from the toilet and swings the stall open to meet with Thanos. "Mind your own damn business and fuck off," Thanos says.

Myung-gi doesn't sound phased in the slightest. "You're interfering with the vote."

"The Amazing Myung-gi," Nam-gyu quips. "Who do you think you are? The election commissioner?"

"MG Coin." Thanos doesn't sound enthused. "You're next, so just take a piss and get out." He digs his finger into the other man's forehead and shoves him back. There's a brief moment that passes consisting of the two staring each other down before Myung-gi gets an idea- Nam-gyu can see the way his eyes flicker with satisfaction.

"Everyone on Team X! These guys are threatening one of us!" He shouts, turning to face the small crowd of X's behind him. Nam-gyu turns to see a few people exiting stalls to see what the commotion is all about. "They're forcing him to vote O next time!"

"Is that true? Hey, that's cheating," One of the X's steps forward to back Myung-gi up. Nam-gyu doesn't care about his name or his number, his attention is fully locked on the bright red X patch on his right breast.

"You kids are still so young. Who taught you to do something so nasty?" Another steps up.

Thanos, likely knowing he's outnumbered- or maybe just suspecting an oncoming altercation, whips his body around. "Hey! Team O!" He calls out loudly before throwing his arms up into an 'O' gesture. With his back turned to the crowding Xs, Nam-gyu keeps a close eye on those behind him as he slicks back his hair, tucking it behind his ears. "These Xs are about to attack us!"

"What the fuck? Why would they attack us?"

Nam-gyu pockets his hands and watches Thanos.

"Shut your trap," One of the X's from before says.

"You damn wimps. Just shut up and take a piss!" One of the O's bites back. Thanos looks proud of what he's started- or more so contributed to. This was absolutely Myung-gi's doing. If he wanted a fight, then he was definitely getting one now.

"I already did, asshole!"

Min-su takes his chance to escape and he's too quick for Nam-gyu to attempt to grab him and drag him back to Thanos' feet. The little twerp darts through the crowd and hurries to hide behind one of the taller men in the back. Thanos steps forward and reaches out. "Min-su, come here."

As expected, Myung-gi and the other X's block his way. When Nam-gyu takes a step forward to run after him instead, Thanos shoots him a look that tells him to stay. So, instead, he keeps close to Thanos and watches his back, front, sides, and anywhere that an X could come out from and attack. There are a few X's behind them, but about two O's in front of them hiding behind Myung-gi's little crew. "MG Coin," Thanos begins coldly. "Are you high? Have you lost your mind?"

His random willingness to defend the weak is... rather uncharacteristic of him. This whole time he's had other people defending him, or he's been much like Min-su by running off before things could get dark. And now, suddenly, he's confident and he cares about others. He wants to be the good guy now. "It's because of her, isn't it?" Nam-gyu guesses. It's the only way that people ever change anyway. There's no such thing as doing it for yourself, you're always doing it for someone else. Thanos tilts his head in Nam-gyu's direction but doesn't break eye contact with Myung-gi. He leans up and cups a hand around his mouth like it's some secret, "We saw him with some bitch earlier. It looked like they were a thing, remember?" Thanos finally looks back at Nam-gyu, his lips quirking up into a faint smirk.

"You little shit. You have time to fool around with a girl?" He wags his finger at Nam-gyu like a disappointed mother.

"I've been watching her carefully," Nam-gyu adds. "She was walking a bit funny," He giggles a little to himself, and with his hands back in his pockets, he lifts his sweater up a little. "and her belly looked-"

"Leave her alone, you bastards!" Myung-gi interrupts, stepping toward Nam-gyu with a dangerous look in his eyes. A little warily, Nam-gyu walks back a little but he keeps his pleasant smile on his face.

Thanos pouts at him mockingly. "You're getting all worked up. So there is something going on."

"I'm telling you," Nam-gyu agrees. "Something's going on!"

"MG Coin," Thanos says a third time now. "If you press X again tomorrow, I'm going to cut off your finger, give it to her," He leans in and whispers something to Myung-gi that Nam-gyu cannot quite make out. But it clearly sets something off in the other, who looks the most insulted that he's ever been. It must've been bad. "She'll love it," Thanos concludes in English, which doesn't aid in Nam-gyu's confusion any. As almost endearing as Thanos' use of English is, Nam-gyu doesn't know a lot of what he's saying nearly half the time.

Maybe Myung-gi understands it, though, because he rears his clenched fist back and attempts a right hook on Thanos who swiftly leans away from the punch. Of course, he was expecting something like that. You can only egg a guy on for so long before he snaps. "You asshole!" Thanos doesn't even react to it before he throws his own right hook at Myung-gi. It hits with a loud smack and it sends the other staggering back with a pained groan.

And then it begins. A flurry of X's and O's tackling each other, pushing each other, grabbing each other, and throwing each other around like they're nothing but toys. A rush of adrenaline takes control of Nam-gyu and he pushes an X backwards into another.

The pair of X's catch themselves before they can hit the ground, however, and the first one latches back onto Nam-gyu like a leech. Nam-gyu reels back and punches him in the collarbone, or somewhere close enough to it. The X pushes him roughly into the crowd of O's forming behind him. "Back up! Back the fuck up!" He accidentally elbows one of his own, but they're too blinded by the ongoing fighting and chaos to mind it much. Nam-gyu swerves out of the way of an oncoming punch from the same X that's been giving him trouble but doesn't have enough time to dodge the second hit that makes direct contact with his gut.

It knocks the air out of him and he catches himself against one of the urinals. He shakes his head with a groan and tries not to gag upon realizing that he's touched the urinal directly with his fingers. It's gross, but there are bigger problems at hand right now. Like Min-su running out of the bathroom and narrowly avoiding collision with any of the other players. He's whimpering like a dog the entire way out and his patheticism makes Nam-gyu's lip curl in disgust.

Maybe Thanos didn't want him chasing after Min-su before the fight, but surely this would be okay. He launches himself away from the urinal and stalks across the bathroom while holding his aching stomach. Before he can get anywhere near the bathroom door, an X is falling against him with a sharp cry. He lifts his head to see one of the satisfied O's flexing his fingers with a smirk before clenching his fist again and punching another nearby X square in the jaw. With an annoyed hiss, Nam-gyu redirects his attention back to the fight by grabbing the X by his shoulders and spinning him around to throw him against the very urinal he used for support.

Thanos is yelling somewhere in the background, but Nam-gyu knows that he doesn't need to worry. During the fight so far, he's managed to get a look at the flash of purple hair in his peripherals and by the looks of it, Thanos is winning. He doesn't need help and Nam-gyu doesn't want to interrupt his moment. As much as he too despises Myung-gi, he knows how important this is to Thanos. Especially if his little life story held any amount of truth to it.

So Nam-gyu focuses on landing punch after punch on the poor X below him, who is trying and failing to cover his face with his arms- ironically enough, in the gesture of an X. Before he can even think of bashing the fucker's head in against the urinal, he's being dragged off of the X by another by the hair.

The X he was previously fighting falls limp to the ground, the only sound emitting from him being weak, raspy breaths. It's nothing that Nam-gyu gets to relish in as his attacker's grip around his hair tightens and he's brought back into the center of the fight. "You motherfucker!" He growls, reaching his arms around and aiming each hit against his back. "Motherfucker!" He says again, "Fucking X bastard!" He tries to hold the other player in a headlock, but he's skinny and his movements are swifter than Nam-gyu's. He slips out of his grip and clutches the ends of his sweater, lifting it up as a protective shield for his head. Nam-gyu continues pounding against his back before attempting again to trap him in a headlock.

The X jumps away from Nam-gyu and before he can even finish the "Damn you!" his vision darkens around the edges and the world feels suddenly fuzzy. He spins around with a grunt and lands flat on his stomach. He catches himself before his head can hit the undoubtedly dirty floor a whirl of colors swirling before him. He registers the wet sensation underneath his curled fingertips before anything else. He worries for a second that he's bleeding, and that one of these fucks managed to break skin in one of their punches, or maybe that Nam-gyu's been hitting too hard without realizing it. But his knuckles aren't cut open- maybe they'll end up bruising tonight, but they aren't cut- and the blood, it isn't his.

He follows the small trail with his blurry vision and although he can't make out the victim's face, the bright purple hair tells him all he needs to know. He gasps upon this realization and blinks rapidly, forcing himself to adjust to the sight. He's not sure which is worse. The only person he felt safe around is on the floor surrounded by his own blood with a fork sticking out of his throat, or that Thanos was fucking alive still. Somehow, still breathing and looking at Nam-gyu in terror. He's seen something close to this look in Thanos before but it was never anything like this. His eyes are watering and his lips are twitching like he wants to say something, but all that comes out is a throaty gurgle.

Nam-gyu pushes himself forward with his elbows and reaches out for Thanos. With the last bit of strength that the other man can exert, he grabs onto Nam-gyu's hand and whines. Nam-gyu didn't know what he was reaching for initially. He doesn't think it was meant to be Thanos' hand.

He finds that he cannot let go either way. Not when Thanos, alive, is staring at him like this. And even while dying, refusing to let any tears fall. He's too strong. He's too strong to let such a weakness show. Nam-gyu admires it, even if he wants nothing more than to tell Thanos that it's okay to cry. He squeezes his hand and Thanos tries to squeeze back.

The moment isn't allowed to last any longer. The X that punched him seconds ago is kicking Nam-gyu in the side and he has no choice but to pull away. Thanos whines again, sounding quieter than before. "Fuck you! You fucking loser!" Nam-gyu curls on his side and tries to cover his face with his hands as the X kicks him over and over again. When he hears Thanos let out one final shuddery breath, the world goes completely dark seconds later.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu's eyes shoot open and he lets out an involuntary yelp. Any ache in his body dissipates as if it were never present to begin with. Thanos is in front of him, his lips pulled back into a smile and a familiar shine in his eyes. He's pumping his fist out rhythmically to the blaring music, jerking his body around to it. Nam-gyu's heart is beating harshly in his chest and he lifts shaky hands out of his pockets to feel his pulse. His stomach doesn't hurt, his knuckles aren't bruised or covered in anyone else's blood, and most notably, Thanos is alive.

He sways uneasily in place before looking around the room rapidly. It's from the previous game. All of the other players are standing on the spinning platform, music is playing, and he's certain that they're about to call out a number. Everything before him, it's exactly like the game that they had just played.

"Hey, hey," Thanos comes into Nam-gyu's vision with a confused smile. Nam-gyu looks back at him but all he can see is a pair of watering, fearful eyes and blood gushing out from a severely injured throat. Nam-gyu swallows thickly and his eyes dart to Thanos' throat. Clean. Bare of any four-pronged marks. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Before Nam-gyu can think of a response, be it a lie or something close to the truth, the platform clunks to a halt and Nam-gyu has to catch himself before he falls on his ass. "Ten!" The voice on the intercom states cheerfully.

"It's just like..." It's like before. It's exactly like in the dream. Was it even a dream if Nam-gyu can't recall ever falling asleep? It's not like he had any time to nap right before the game and he couldn't have simply imagined everything that happened after what happens now. Just like before, Thanos loops his arm around Nam-gyu's.

Without waiting for an explanation given they have thirty seconds to gather enough people and find a room, Thanos gleefully skips away from the platform with Min-su, Se-mi, and Gyeong-su in tow. "Five more! Five more people, please!" He cheers as he skips around. Nam-gyu struggles to keep up with him just as well as he struggles to keep any bile from rising in his throat.

Just like before, Se-mi finds a group of five, which turns out to be six. Just like before, Thanos pretends to ditch Min-su in the chaos and then grabs him by his sleeve by the door of their chosen room at the last second, leaving the other group's extra member dead and Min-su shaken up. Se-mi smacks Thanos in the arm with a stern look on her face and Thanos laughs it off like he's the coolest person in the room.

The other group is too scared to say anything.

When the shooting dies down and the bodies are cleaned up, the doors unlatch and Thanos leads them out of the room. "Baaaack to the platform!" He points out in front of himself with both hands, which he turns into finger guns to shoot invisible bullets at the other players as they exit their rooms.

Se-mi stays quiet out of embarrassment. Min-su stays quiet out of discomfort. Gyeong-su stays quiet, too, but skips alongside Thanos as they finally reach the platform. Nam-gyu is the only one of their group who is acting strangely and it does not go unnoticed. When the platform begins to spin again and the music picks up, Thanos leans down into Nam-gyu's view with a raised eyebrow.

"Nam-su?"

He doesn't even think to correct Thanos when he gets his name wrong. "What?"

"I won't ask you what's wrong," He says. "But if you plan on dragging us down the whole game, I'm going to throw you out. Please don't make me do that."

Nam-gyu doesn't doubt Thanos when he says this. He nods and forces a smile. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I just..." He can't even think up a decent lie. "Nothing's wrong!" He sways along to the music as if to prove as much. Fortunately, Thanos either doesn't care or he doesn't feel like getting into this right now, because he loops his arm around Nam-gyu's and shrugs.

"Perfecto!" He cheers in English. "Come now, come! Dance with me more!" Nam-gyu doesn't understand a lick of what he's saying, but he thinks he recognizes the word 'dance', because Thanos had said something similar last time before skipping around in a circle with him. Nam-gyu tries his best to find the enthusiasm to do this, shaking the thoughts away and focusing on the joyous music while trying to match Thanos' mood.

It was just a dream. There's absolutely nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. Thanos is alive and everything that happened to them after simply had not happened. Taking a deep breath, Nam-gyu reverts to his carefree smile. It's exactly what Thanos wants from him because the other's eyes flash in relief. When the music stops and the platform halts again, Thanos twirls away from Nam-gyu, who shoves his hands into his pockets and watches as Thanos throws his head back and waits for the announcement.

"Four."

Nam-gyu visibly cringes. Odd. He's almost certain that that's what it was before, too. Thanos looks over at Nam-gyu expectantly, merely glances at Se-mi, and then finally turns his attention towards Gyeong-su and Min-su.

Min-su shrinks down, his legs shaking and his eyes wide. When Thanos looks between them like it's even a real decision because the obvious choice should be Gyeong-su, the less pathetic player smiles nervously. "Please..."

Thanos points at him wickedly and still while speaking in English, "Gyeong-su, you're out!" He kicks the other man down in the chest, watching with a crazed look in his eye as he falls to the ground. It's exactly like it was before. Thanos picks Min-su over the obvious choice.

"Gyeong-su-" Min-su reaches for him, but Se-mi takes his hand and drags him away from the fallen player.

"LETS GOOOO!! WOOO!" Thanos sprints away and Nam-gyu rushes after him, Se-mi and Min-su hurrying behind.

When the door clicks shut behind them, Nam-gyu trips over himself and places his hands on the wall in front of him while trying to catch his breath. Thanos has his back against the same wall, still whooping and cheering at the loss of their teammate. He straightens himself, runs his hands through his hair, and slowly reaches the door. He peeks outside the opening, still trying to catch his breath. Last time, he wanted to make sure Gyeong-su was okay. This time, he wants to check if this is all really playing out like it did in his dream.

"Nam-gyu, what happened to Gyeong-su?" Min-su leans over his shoulder and it sends an uncomfortable chill down his spine. He shifts away from Min-su and turns his head to glare at him. "Can you fuck off?" It's a much tamer response than what Nam-gyu said last time, but Min-su still looks like a kicked puppy. Nam-gyu huffs and turns back toward the door.

"Wait!" Thanos lifts his arms up and Nam-gyu huffs. He knows what's coming next by now if any of this is real. Thanos glares at Min-su and Se-mi. "Where did you leave my boy Gyeong-su?" Gunshots ring out right on time, followed by screams from outside.

Thanos grabs Nam-gyu and throws him away from the door before peeking outside. "FUCK! GYEONG-SUUUU!" Last time, Nam-gyu sat against the wall and watched as Thanos broke down. This time, he does the exact same thing. When Thanos turns around finally and looks at the group, there's sadness in his eyes. There's regret. Nam-gyu pitied him before. But now, he's seen worse. He's seen something horrific. So he says nothing and waits, counting in his head this time how many seconds it takes before Thanos is back to his usual self.

"It takes them so long to clean up!" Thanos shifts in place and shakes his hands around, shuddering visibly. Eight seconds. It took him eight seconds to get over it. "I'm ready for the next round! The anticipation is killing me!"

"This game will kill you," Se-mi mumbles to herself.

Nam-gyu asked her to repeat herself before- to say it to Thanos' face next time. But he chooses this time to only scowl at her.

When the doors finally click open, the group continues back to the platform. "Hey, Min-su! Come on, my boy. Come on!"

As Min-su catches up with everyone else, Nam-gyu sticks close to Thanos to ensure his survival. To ensure both of their survival. It's what he's been doing this entire time, there's nothing new about that. As the music starts up again and the platform begins spinning, Thanos leans over Nam-gyu's shoulder. "What do you think the number will be next?" There's nothing new about that, either. Thanos asked him before, too. He can't remember what his response was last time and he can't remember what the next number is either.

They've already sacrificed that other group's sixth member, Gyeong-su was dead, and... what happens next?

"I don't remember."

"What?" Thanos scoffs and Nam-gyu quickly realizes his mistake.

But the platform stops and the game answers the question for them. "Three."

Thanos clasps a hand over Nam-gyu's shoulder and spins them both around to look at Se-mi and Min-su. "Who should we take?" Nam-gyu asks, deflecting from Thanos' question. It's a bad time to answer right now, anyway.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" Thanos says. "Rock, paper, scissors!" He shouts over the sea of screaming people.

Se-mi offers her hand to Min-su instead. "Come with me."

"Winner comes with us! Rock, paper, scissors!" Thanos yells again. Nam-gyu leans closer into the other's space and nods, forcing a grin on his lips. Pressuring the pair- or, pressuring Min-su, works because the man holds out a scissors gesture to counter Se-mi's paper.

"Min-su threw scissors!" Nam-gyu announces.

Thanos says something in English, slaps Min-su over the shoulder playfully, and then yanks him away from Se-mi.

"No, no, no, no," Min-su mutters to himself the second that the door locks.

Thanos pays him no mind. Unlike last time, however, instead of impatiently waiting at the door for the next round, he's looking directly at Nam-gyu. His expression is unreadable but Nam-gyu can tell that he's intently focusing on something. Something that he clearly isn't keen on sharing just yet. Nam-gyu glances at Min-su who is pacing around the room with his hands in his hair. Whatever's on Thanos' mind is something meant to be shared between them. Not with Min-su here. When Nam-gyu looks back at Thanos, the other's eyebrows are furrowed together and he's frowning.

Whatever thought that's plaguing him has the gears in his head turning. When the door unlocks and the next round begins, Thanos leads the way out again. Nam-gyu follows him closely. "What's the next number?"

"Huh?"

"The next number," Thanos glances over his shoulder. "What do you think?"

"I don't know." He swallows a lump in his throat and this time when they stand on the platform, Thanos stays completely still with his head lowered. The music starts up again and it's as if his energy has run low. "What's your problem?" Nam-gyu eventually asks. "Don't wanna bring down the mood, do we?"

Thanos only grunts in response.

"Six."

They take Min-su with them again and find Se-mi and the two people she found herself with in the previous round. It happened the same way as it did last time, but far more awkward with Thanos' change in demeanor.

Se-mi refuses to look at Min-su.

Min-su won't look at anybody but Se-mi.

And everyone else is silent.

It's a little eerie how differently Thanos is acting now. Nam-gyu is practically glued to him when the doors open up again and Thanos stalks out with his hands in his pockets. He doesn't want Thanos to be mad at him and leave him or anything but the other man is incredibly erratic and impulsive. There's no telling what he plans on doing.

When it's announced that there is one remaining round of the game, Nam-gyu huffs out a frustrated sigh and starts looking around for anyone he can use as a backup plan. If Thanos abandons him, he'll probably be taking Min-su with him. He's the only other person who's trailing along with them and he's skittish enough to jump at the idea of the first person to offer up any protection.

And if they both get out of this alive, Thanos would surely be mad at Nam-gyu for stealing away Thanos' ticket to survival. His gaze lands on a timid young woman walking by herself back to the platform. She'll do. Another woman comes up to stand next to her. If the number is three, again, he'll go with them. But only if Thanos kicks him to the curb.

If it's four, he'll grab the pair of women across the platform, find any unsuspecting singular player, and drag them along with him. He wishes that he could remember what numbers were announced each round. It would make this less stressful. The world blesses him with a vision of the future and he wastes it by feeling sick over something that hasn't ever happened?

The image of Thanos bleeding out flashes in his head and he shudders again.

They stand on the platform together and wait for it to start back up again, Min-su stepping up to stand in between them. It's disturbing to Nam-gyu how he thinks they're friends. They aren't. He nudges the other with his elbow and Min-su quickly gets the message, backing away from the pair.

"Two."

Nam-gyu opens his mouth in surprise, remembering finally what the final round's number was. Of course it was two. How could he forget that it was two? He remembers standing in the room with Thanos, laughing and jumping around together in victory. Falling over each other and shouting compliments. 'GOOD JOB!', 'YES, MY BOY!', 'WE DID IT!', as well as a few in English that Nam-gyu couldn't translate. He's had a lot on his mind, he doesn't want to be too hard on himself for forgetting.

Thanos grabs him by his sleeve and darts away from the platform with a series of whooping before a shrill, "BYEEEE MIN-SUUUUU!" It's less about genuinely wanting to break his silence around Nam-gyu and more about teasing Min-su, which he honestly understands. He would do the same in a heartbeat.

Thanos lets go of him and runs up ahead to cut off another player, grabbing the vibrant door and holding it open. Nam-gyu rushes after him and grabs the back of the other player's head, threading his fingers through her hair and yanking her backwards. She screams and falls to the floor with a sob. He turns back around just as Thanos is kicking down the other player and holding the door open for Nam-gyu.

Once inside, Thanos keeps his hand on the door, holding it shut and waiting for it to lock. Nam-gyu presses his back against the wall and takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself. The door locks with a click and Thanos finally lets go of the handle, turning on Nam-gyu immediately.

"And! We! Win!" He throws his arms up in the air and jumps in place. It's not what he said before, but it shows Nam-gyu that he's back to his old self and he's no longer in a rough mood. He smiles lightly against his better judgment, his gaze softening at Thanos' overjoyed expression. "Let's go!" He says in English before suddenly grabbing Nam-gyu by the front of his sweater and pinning him roughly against the door. The latter yelps in surprise at the sudden aggression and grabs the other's wrists.

"Wha-"

"Now talk," Thanos demands and Nam-gyu feels the color draining from his face. "And don't say you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not stupid. You, talk. Now."

Chapter End Notes

Leave comments and let me know what you think! This isn't my first time writing for Squid Game but It's my first time writing these characters, so be a little gentle. I'm not taking any of this SUPER seriously! I'm just trying to have fun because time loops are fun :3

Heartsick

Chapter Notes

I am BLOWN AWAY by the immediate support that this fic received! I’m not sure what I was expecting when I posted this but it for sure wasn’t this.

Thank you everyone who commented! Normally I respond to every comment I get on fics but I was so overwhelmed by the kind words from everyone that I just couldn’t for some reason.

I usually take longer to update but I had a ton of inspiration and free time so the second chapter is out pretty early. I hope you guys enjoy :)

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @natee_s_arts

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Thanos is nothing short of an enigma. His left eye is twitching as he stares Nam-gyu down, not close enough for him to feel his breath against his face but close enough for Nam-gyu to see some of the finer details of his face. Despite his demands and cruel tone of voice, he's smiling at Nam-gyu and rubbing small circles with his thumbs into the sweater that he's still gripping tightly. "Come on," Thanos coos in English, cocking his head to the side and parting his lips to show his teeth.

"I don't know what you-"

The man throws his head back and groans in frustration. He lets go of the sweater part of Nam-gyu's tracksuit and pushes his fingertips harshly into his chest. Nam-gyu's hands fall back to his sides and he sinks against the door slightly, eyeing Thanos innocently from a few inches below him. "I asked you what you thought the next number would be," Thanos throws an arm out and gestures vaguely at Nam-gyu. "You said you didn't remember!"

Nam-gyu opens his mouth to counter him with something but the only thing that comes out is a troubled, choked sound. He shuts his mouth and pointedly looks away. Why was it taking such a long time for them to clean up the bodies? Nam-gyu is trapped in this room with Thanos and he doesn't know how to explain any of what's been happening. "I said I didn't know."

Thanos slams a closed fist against the door, right by Nam-gyu's head and the latter jumps in surprise. "You can't do this to me right now, bro! I know what I heard!" He backs away from him again and Nam-gyu lets out a breath that he had no idea he was holding. "You're not too high, are you?" Thanos turns back on him with a quirked eyebrow. He fishes through the collar of his sweater and pulls out his cross to dangle it in front of Nam-gyu's face. "Do I need to quit letting you have these?"

"No!" Nam-gyu responds quickly, reaching out for the cross. Thanos, just as quickly, drops it back into its hiding place behind the dark green layer of clothing. The corners of his lips twitch into a knowing smirk before morphing into shocked realization, and then, something akin to genuine hurt.

"You aren't going crazy like that 456 freak, right?" Thanos seems more upset by that hypothetical than the potential danger of Nam-gyu overdosing, for some reason. "No, no! There is no way I'm letting you lose it like he is!" He rushes back into Nam-gyu's space and cups each side of his neck with his warm, clammy palms. Initially, Nam-gyu startles at the sudden contact, fearing that Thanos is about to choke him to death. He relaxes when the other's thumbs brush up against his jawline before gingerly stroking Nam-gyu's cheeks, an oddly intimate motion that he has to disregard since it's Thanos and this is simply the kind of thing he does.

"It's not that!" He assures Thanos, raising his voice slightly to match the other's. "I just... I had a weird uh..." He isn't sure how believable he would sound if he told Thanos about the dream. He's not quite sure yet if it should even be called that. In an effort to collect himself, he swats Thanos' touch away and sidesteps away from the door. "I had a weird thought during the game... and then I overheard someone guessing what they thought the next number could be. I guess I... I guess I just tricked myself into thinking that they were right and I got into my head about it." He purses his lips, thinking over the validity of his lie, and then meets Thanos' contemplative, narrowed eyes. "Must be the drugs," He attempts to shrug it off. "But it's no big deal, I don't have to stop. Really."

Thanos looks concerned, his worried frown not faltering for a second. His gaze flicks down to the floor, his eyebrows drawing together and his lips morphing into a pout. Nam-gyu gnaws on the inside of his cheek as he waits for Thanos to draw his own conclusions. "So you feel okay?" Thanos asks hesitantly. There's something in his voice that Nam-gyu can't place and he desperately wants to turn away from serious conversation and return to the erratic, impulsivity that overtakes the retired rapper's energy.

"Not just okay," Nam-gyu pats Thanos on the back with a forced chuckle. "I feel like a winner! Look at us, we've made it!" He pumps his fist in the air and tries to force Thanos back to normal. This, fortunately, works, as Thanos slowly breaks into another one of his token grins before he jumps in the air and whoops loudly.

"Yeeeeah, my boyyyy!" He grabs Nam-gyu by the shoulders and shakes him around before whirling his body toward the door and hitting his hand against it. "Let us out! Let the winners out! We! Are! So! READY! more games, more games, more games-" He gestures at Nam-gyu with a finger to chant with him.

With no hesitation, he joins in. "More games! More games! More games!"

When the doors finally click unlocked, the pair exit the room with a newfound sense of enthusiasm, or, more accurately, a returning sense of enthusiasm, as they follow the guards and the remaining players back to the dorms.

It gives Nam-gyu plenty of time to think about everything. Namely, the extreme case of Deja Vu paired with the grisly memory of Thanos bleeding out beside him. It's easy to push his paranoia off to the side when he looks at Thanos now and can see for himself that he's fine. It's better when Thanos clicks his cross open and skillfully walks backward on the steps when he offers the contents inside to Nam-gyu. "Our treat," Thanos hums.

He plucks one of the bright pink pills from the casing and swallows it down. Thanos watches him intently as he does before popping one for himself. It succeeds in distracting Nam-gyu from the lingering thoughts in the back of his mind and before long, he chalks everything up to a very accurate glimpse into the future that was entirely induced by drugs.

Instead of feeling a sense of dread at every event he recognizes or suspects, he smiles calmly and keeps in step with Thanos. Eventually, Nam-gyu stops looking into everything happening around him altogether and he begins to forget what happens next- or what happens in the vision at least.

Thanos leads him to their chosen section of the dorms and Nam-gyu watches as the other man jumps up and grips the edge of one of the beds. It's only two bunks high, so he doesn't even struggle to lift himself up with a long grunt. He lands awkwardly on the mattress, snorts, and then rolls himself over to sit up and look down at Nam-gyu.

"Where are the others?" He asks. "Do you know?"

Nam-gyu stops himself from asking 'What others?', only now remembering that it's not just him and Thanos. "I don't keep track of them," He admits.

"Me neither," Thanos looks down at his legs as they dangle off the bed. Then he idly starts to kick them. "Other than you, sometimes."

"I'm honored," Nam-gyu leaps up and catches himself on the edge of the bed. He waits for a beat and then gazes up at Thanos like he's seeking out permission to sit with him. Thanos stares back at him, a tranquil look in his eyes. He does not deny Nam-gyu the privilege of sharing a space with him, but he doesn't outwardly accept either. Nam-gyu doesn't like the idea of hanging off the edge though, so he climbs the rest of the way and plops down beside his friend. "I keep track of you, too."

"Because of the drugs," Thanos phrases it like it's a fact rather than a question.

"Not just that!" Nam-gyu denies it, but he doesn't know what other examples he can give. Thanos is looking at him expectantly like he's waiting for Nam-gyu to list any reasons other than the colorful pills he stores safely in his cross. But he doesn't. He stares back at Thanos guiltily.

Thanos doesn't look surprised and it's hard to tell if he's upset by Nam-gyu's lack of words. If anything, the other man appears empty, as if nothing is going on in his head. He's high. He's way too high to process Nam-gyu's inability to get a word out. Nam-gyu's guilt eventually fades and he forgets why he was upset in the first place.

He leans back against the mattress and points his nose toward the ceiling. When Thanos suddenly gasps, it takes longer than Nam-gyu would like to admit for him to register the way Thanos scrambles off the bunk bed and races down the steps. He blinks in shock and then follows behind.

"My little boy, Min-su!" Thanos throws an arm around the player in question to spin him around. Min-su looks up at Thanos, terrified, and the fear doesn't even leave him when he stiffly returns Thanos' hug. "I'm so happy to see you again, bro." Nam-gyu awkwardly stands nearby with a tight smile, unsure whether to put his hands in his pockets or cross his arms over his chest. "Min-su, do you know how worried I was?"

He takes Min-su's hands and tries to meet his gaze, "I thought I was running with you," He insists sincerely. "But then I realized I was with this douche." Nam-gyu has to ignore the way Thanos' words sting the same way he did last time. He still laughs along despite the sting, knowing that Thanos doesn't mean it. He couldn't mean it.

"He's tough," Nam-gyu says. "I told you he wouldn't die easily. You saw what he did," He finds it easier to play off his hurt feelings the more that he gets into hyping Min-su up. "When Se-mi stuck her hand out like this, he took a beat, then went scissors." Nam-gyu doesn't know why he can't stop glancing at their hands. Did Thanos hold them so tightly the last time? "I knew immediately that you were crazy. I got chills, Min-su." Thanos finally lets go of the other man's hands but still throws an arm around him as they begin to walk off. Nam-gyu quickly falls into step with them, snaking his arm around Min-su's back from the other side.

"Let's play one more game, okay?" Thanos says in English and Nam-gyu knows what he's saying there. It's what he's been saying. Instead of heading back to the bunk that they were sitting on together, Thanos makes a beeline for a set of steps.

Thanos tugs Min-su along, leaving Nam-gyu to lag behind the pair as they walk up the steps and turn around to sit. It's more Thanos dragging Min-su to sit with him than Min-su willingly going, but Nam-gyu still curls his lip into a snarl at the man when their eyes briefly lock. He doesn't know why he does it, truthfully. He'll call it an intimidation tactic if anyone asks.

He makes sure to turn away from them when Thanos wraps his arm around Min-su affectionately and pulls the shorter of them closer to his body. As much as Nam-gyu would like to sit down and space off or dance around the lobby with Thanos- in the scenario where he can get Thanos up from his spot and insist on it, he looks off among the sea of players.

For reasons he can't determine, he finds himself seeking out a particular pair of people. The two players are hiding intentionally from everyone else, discussing something together in the privacy of their own little space behind the bunk structures.

Nam-gyu knows who they are.

He can hardly make out the numbers on their jumpsuits, how they wear their hair, or who has the most bloodstained shoes, but he knows exactly who he's looking at the second he's staring in this particular direction. He remembers this. Nam-gyu remembers this.

As the pair walk back to the clearing and he can see their numbers, he confirms their identities. Myung-gi and player 222. He watches them parting ways, the girl leaving him behind with a frustrated aura surrounding her. Myung-gi looks on, head bowed slightly in disappointment. This scene has played out before Nam-gyu already.

He's not sure why he almost doesn't want to alert Thanos to this. He can hear the man behind him muttering to himself some improvised lyrics and can sense him bobbing his head along and gurgling nonsensically. Everything within Nam-gyu is telling him to keep quiet. "Hey," He wants to smack himself in the face.

"What's up?" Thanos asks. Nam-gyu doesn't say anything, but Thanos must follow his gaze because he scoffs quietly. "That bastard sure is lucky. Even in a place like this." It's word for word what Nam-gyu expects him to say.

The excruciatingly, painstaking, repetitious round of voting goes exactly the same way as it had in Nam-gyu's vision. The same players that voted X before vote X again. The same players that vote O before vote O again. Se-mi abandons them first but Nam-gyu admittedly saw it coming for a while though. He doesn't comment on her betrayal this time but he still sees Thanos flipping her off in the corner of his eye.

As the voting continues, he realizes that he's coming down from his high, and the avalanche of paranoia returns in full swing. It's around the time when Thanos exaggeratingly skips down the aisle and kisses the O button with a loud "MWWWWAH" that Nam-gyu remembers that he's lived through this already.

Min-su is shivering next to him even though it can't be all that cold engulfed in the body heat of those surrounding him. He wraps his arm around him and ignores the way he jumps in place. He can't remember what he said in the... the vision when he tried to convince Min-su to vote O. It doesn't matter what he said before as it didn't work out in the end.

He'll try something else now, in the real world. "Min-su," He says quietly and the other looks up at him warily. "You remember what to do, right?"

"It's... it's O."

"Yeah, that's right. Just one more game and then we can all go home. You have my word," He ruffles Min-su's hair before leaning against him intrusively. "After the next game, it doesn't matter what the other O's say. You, me, Thanos, we all vote X and we get out of here."

Min-su tries to shift away from him but Nam-gyu keeps him in place. "You trust us, right? You have to tell me you trust us."

"I-I do," Min-su tells him. "Of course I do..."

Thanos, right on time, creeps toward the edge of the O's section to meet with the pair. "Min-su, just one more game." He assures.

"I already talked to him," Nam-gyu responds. "We agreed to play one more game and leave with one billion," He tries to put as much emphasis as he can on the amount of money they'll be receiving just to appeal to Min-su more, but the other can't even meet his eyes.

Thanos raises his arms into an O gesture with a smile that reaches ear to ear, and Nam-gyu mimics the gesture.

"Player 125."

"Come on, Min-su. Come on," Nam-gyu leads him toward the aisle and rubs his thumbs into his shoulders in support. He pushes the other man forward and patiently waits his turn at the end of the aisle. He doesn't bother turning to look at Se-mi, who he suspects is glaring at him from her spot among the X's.

Instead, he's hoping that Min-su makes the right choice this time. If he hits O, then it means that they can avoid the trouble of the gory fight after. They'll break the tie and they can all play one more game. Nam-gyu knows how this will play out if Min-su hits X. He doesn't know how he knows, but he does.

And it scares him.

The console lights up red, illuminating the front of Min-su and revealing to anyone close enough to see what he voted for in real-time. Nam-gyu's eyes flick up toward the scoreboard but he already knows what Min-su voted for. It's the same as before. He wets his lips as he approaches the console once his number is called, throwing a glare over his shoulder at the boy who refuses to look his way. "That fucking coward," He grumbles to himself as he hits the O button with a closed fist.

"He didn't..." Thanos is saying when Nam-gyu is close enough. "My boy Min-su?" He leans forward and peers over a few of the other players to try and get a look at Min-su but he struggles to see anything from where he's standing. Nam-gyu slinks past a player who isn't very keen on moving for him as he finally takes his place beside Thanos. "I thought you said you talked to him?"

"I did," Nam-gyu insists. "He's a fucking coward. He was probably gonna vote X no matter what we say." Thanos falls eerily quiet and he stares off toward the X's spot with an unreadable look twisting his features. Nam-gyu tries not to stare too hard.

During mealtime, Nam-gyu waits in line this time. He pockets his fork, hands his food over to someone at the end of the O line, and doesn't wait around to be thanked by the other player, instead making a beeline for Thanos who waits on the same steps from earlier.  He has a faraway look in his eyes when Nam-gyu approaches him. He's not even on the same planet as Nam-gyu because when he sits, Thanos doesn't even acknowledge him.

Nam-gyu tries to figure out what Thanos is staring at, but there's nothing worth noting when he follows his gaze to the furthest corner of the room. A blank, boring wall. Something is wrong and Nam-gyu doesn't need to ask what it is. He isn't stupid.

"Not hungry?" Thanos' voice lacks emotion. It's unsettling.

"Mm-hm."

"So why were you waiting in line for so long?"

He doesn't have an answer, his fingers idly twitching to feel the outline of the fork in his pocket. "Did you take another one of your little pills?"

"While you were in line," Thanos confirms. Nam-gyu wonders if that'll change what happens next in his vision. Everything has played out somewhat accurately thus far. Thanos being higher than Nam-gyu is right now might make things different. Last time, the pair followed Min-su straight into the bathroom. But now some time has passed, Min-su is nowhere to be found in the lobby, and Thanos is a mess. Nam-gyu can't tell if he's angrier than he is sad or sadder than he is angry. "Nam-su?"

"It's Nam-gyu," He corrects with a sigh. Thanos disregards this.

"I want to kill Min-su."

Nam-gyu doesn't try to stop Thanos when he gets to his feet three minutes after confessing his murderous desires and stomps toward the men's restroom. He tries to keep up with him the best that he can, keeping one hand firmly over his pocket so that the fork doesn't fall out. He watches the back of Thanos' head as he enters the room and he's finally in a few seconds later just in time to hear Thanos drawl out "Min-su! I know you're upset with me."

Again, word for word. Nam-gyu slowly walks closer to Thanos and the stall that Min-su is hiding in. "I'm sorry, boy!" Thanos' demeanor hasn't changed despite his earlier confession, so maybe he's wanted to kill Min-su this whole time. "But still, you shouldn't have betrayed me. That really hurt."

He waits for the next part. The part he knows should be next if his vision rings true still. "Open the door!" This time, he gets to see Thanos slapping his hand against the stall door. He also gets to see how Thanos arches his body towards it, all so dramatically. He continues knocking obnoxiously on the stall door and insisting that Min-su opens up and Nam-gyu knows that he can't stand around forever when he has an important part to play.

He hurries around Thanos and enters the neighboring stall, wasting no time as he climbs up the wall separating them. "Min-su!" He grunts. He doesn't recall whatever speech was made in his vision and he's let enough time pass already. He doesn't know how much longer he has until what happens next... well, happens next. So instead of bothering with any faux comfort directed Min-su's way, he reaches for the boy and tries to grab him by his sweater.

Min-su leaps away from the toilet and pushes the stall door open, only to be greeted by Thanos who seizes his shoulders and backs him up into the stall. "Woah, boy. Sit the fuck down," Min-su lands on the toilet, and Thanos hovers over him menacingly. "Look, Min-su," Thanos says and Nam-gyu feels itchy in his own skin. "Before I came here, I went to a bridge to kill myself. But on that bridge-" Nam-gyu tunes out the rest of Thanos' story, his grip around the wall separating the stalls so hard that his knuckles turn white.

Why was he telling Min-su any of this? Why was he opening up about something so personal to someone who didn't matter?

Why was everything happening the exact same way that it had before? He's tried to ignore it, try to push it to the back of his mind so as to not concern Thanos. Nam-gyu's mouth is dry and he can't stop looking behind Thanos, anticipating what follows. "It's making me fucking furious! I'm so fucking angry, man!" Thanos' bilingual shouting snaps Nam-gyu out of his thoughts harshly. Myung-gi, as if on cue, steps into view and stops right behind Thanos. "Knock it off."

He jumps down from the toilet and swings the stall open to meet with Thanos just as he says, "Mind your own damn business and fuck off."

"You're interfering with the vote."

Thanos sways in place, a cruel smile finding its way to his lips. His eyes are unfocused and he's twitchy- it's like he's simultaneously here in the bathroom and somewhere far, far away from here. Nam-gyu looks between his friend and Myung-gi nervously. Thanos wasn't as high in the vision. Maybe it'll help that he's losing mental stability.

"MG Coin," Thanos says darkly. He takes a threatening step closer to the other man before pressing his finger against his forehead and shoving him back. "I think you should get out of here before I paint the walls here with your blood." That's not what Nam-gyu was expecting to hear.

"Everyone on Team X!" Myung-gi starts, and Nam-gyu was expecting that one. "These guys are threatening one of us!" He turns to face the small crowd of X's behind him. "They're forcing him to vote O next time!"

"Is that true? Hey, that's cheating!"

"You kids are still so young. Who taught you to do something so nasty?"

Thanos twitches again. Nam-gyu looks on, his own body tense. When Thanos whirls around to call upon the O's, Nam-gyu doesn't look back. He only stares at Thanos. "Hey! Team O! These Xs are about to attack us!"

"What the fuck? Why would they attack us?"

"Shut your trap!"

"You damn wimps. Just shut up and take a piss!"

"I already did, asshole!"

Nam-gyu stays still as Min-su takes his chance to escape, darting through the crowd to hide behind the same taller man from before in the back. "Min-su, come here." Thanos steps toward the X's.

Myung-gi and the other X's block his way. "MG Coin. Are you high? Have you lost your mind?" They're glaring at each other, and Nam-gyu doesn't think Myung-gi understands how unpredictable Thanos is now compared to the version of him in Nam-gyu's vision. There's a long beat of silence that Nam-gyu knows he's supposed to fill but he can't find the words.

If they bring up Myung-gi's girl, a fight is going to break out. Thanos will die. It's what happened in his vision and at this point, Nam-gyu has no reason not to believe it'll happen in real life, too. He won't remind Thanos of her. He's probably way too high to remember that tiny detail on his own, anyway. He's the reason that Gyeong-su is dead right now and he was in complete disbelief that he had anything to do with that.

"It's that girl, isn't it?"

Nam-gyu's breath catches in his throat and he looks up at Thanos with wide eyes. "What?"

"You remember," Thanos nudges him with his elbow playfully. "MG Coin's girl. The pretty one with the funny walk. You've called dibs on her, MG Coin?" Nam-gyu slumps his shoulders and looks at the floor, defeated. Maybe he can still stop this fight from happening- he can't believe that he's trying to stop a fight for once. It's unlike Nam-gyu to avoid anything as fun as violence and chaos. But knowing what he knows about how this fight ends, or suspecting it at the very least, he has to do something. He can't let Thanos die.

"Leave her alone, you bastards!" Myung-gi steps towards Thanos this time instead of Nam-gyu.

Thanos pouts at him mockingly. "You're getting all worked up. So there is something going on." In less than twenty seconds, Myung-gi is going to throw a punch that Thanos will avoid with ease. Any moment now, he's going to tell Myung-gi the most insulting thing imaginable and Myung-gi is going to snap.

"Thanos," Nam-gyu whispers urgently.

"MG Coin," Thanos begins and Nam-gyu knows it's too late. He clenches his fists in preparation and tries to remember which of the X's attacked him first in his vision. "If you press X again tomorrow, I'm going to cut off your finger, give it to her," He leans in and whispers to Myung-gi again like last time. "She'll love it."

Nam-gyu tenses when Myung-gi misses his swing, Thanos swerving out of his line of fire with a crazed, twitchy smile. "So feisty!" He comments this time before he lands his punch directly on Myung-gi's jaw. The other groans as he falls against one of the X's behind him.

And then it's happening again. X's and O's tackle each other, claw at each other, and throw each other around the bathroom like rag dolls. Nam-gyu feels the adrenaline rush but instead of resorting to violence, he backs away from the oncoming X with wide eyes and shaky hands. His hands press against the X's chest and as Nam-gyu opens his mouth to yell at him to back off, the X's fist collides with the side of his head.

A wave of dizziness hits Nam-gyu, followed by a wave of nausea when the same X pushes him roughly into the O's behind him before hitting him once again across the face, and then finally landing a punch in the gut. It knocks the air out of him and he staggers away from his attacker, catching himself against one of the urinals.

He clutches his stomach and fights the urge to vomit, trying instead to catch his breath. He blinks away a few stray tears and looks up to find his attacker. The X is fighting off a pair of O's now, too busy and too distracted to worry about Nam-gyu anymore. His gaze flicks over to the bathroom door as it closes. Min-su ran off again and this time, Nam-gyu has no interest in chasing him down.

A nearby X lets out a sharp cry and stumbles to the floor in front of him, narrowly avoiding collision with Nam-gyu. The O, the same O from last time, flexes his fingers proudly before turning towards a different X.

Thanos is yelling again and this time, Nam-gyu faces the noise in alert. He's pinning Myung-gi to the bathroom floor with his hands around the other man's throat. He's winning. Just like he was before, Thanos is winning. How can he go from choking Myung-gi out to writhing on the floor with a fork sticking out of his throat?

Nam-gyu knows that there's no time to dwell on this. He steps over an X on the ground who is in the middle of getting back up and hurries across the bathroom to Thanos' aid. He can clearly see the way Myung-gi's face starts turning purple and Thanos' arms start shaking from the pressure he's adding to his attack- he can make out individual strands of purple hair and the wrinkles in his tracksuit. And then he's being dragged away from Thanos, a sharp ache stemming from the back of his head as an X yanks him away by the hair.

"NO!" Nam-gyu reaches around to swat at the X's face. "Stop! Let go, motherfucker!" He tries to grab the other's hair in retaliation but all he does is trip over himself and send them both to the ground. He squirms away from the X when he loosens his grip around Nam-gyu, giving the latter plenty of time to raise his thigh, aim the best he can, and backward kick him right between the legs. The X's hands fly to caress the new injury with a pathetic cry, and it's now when Nam-gyu remembers that he's armed. He slips the fork out of his pocket and begins stabbing at the X viciously in the chest and neck region.

"Damn you!" He shouts in the X's face, watching as the life gradually drains from his eyes and his breathing ceases entirely. "Damn you, damn you, damn you!" He screams over and over again, stabbing him until the fork starts to bend, and every time he plunges it into the dead player's body, it leaves him with a sickening wet squelch.

He leaves the utensil in the center of his chest, right between his collarbones, before assessing the damage. He shudders out a heavy breath and places a hand behind him to support himself. The adrenaline rush is coming to a close, but the fight is far from over. X's and O's shout at each other and continuously throw each other around like animals. It's deafening.

"Nnn..na-n..." Somehow, despite the noise, he hears it. And he curses himself for somehow managing to get distracted in the chaos when the only thing he should have been paying attention to is Thanos.

"Thanos!" He turns his body around and crawls the short distance across the bathroom floor to his friend. He's not sure if Thanos is trying to say his name or if it's just unintelligible moans in pain, but the other stops trying to call out for whatever it is once Nam-gyu is at his side. He is surrounded by his own blood and the same shiny utensil is sticking out the side of his throat. His wide, terrified eyes are unfocused and his fingers are twitching uncontrollably- Nam-gyu can't tell if he's reaching for him or not. He takes his hand again regardless.

He's trying not to cry again. Nam-gyu can see the tears welling up and all he can think of is how strong Thanos is. "I'm sorry," Nam-gyu says. "I'm so sorry." He could have prevented this. He saw this play out in his vision and he still let Thanos die. How could he let Thanos die?

This time, Thanos is the one to squeeze his hand first. Nam-gyu blinks, looks down at their hands, and squeezes back.

He has no time to register the pair of X's grabbing his sweater from behind and ripping him away from Thanos' body because the world goes dark all over again.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu's eyes shoot open and he thinks he might be fucked.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks so much for reading! More to come soon because I love this pairing so much <3

Edit: Fixed formatting! I uploaded this from my phone this time, so it was wonky. I apologize

Heartless

Chapter Notes

Longer chapter for you guys :))

Someone asked in the last chapter if I have an updating schedule. I do not have an updating schedule, but as of right now ive been consistently publishing a new part every two days. There’s no guarantee that this will be a habit! But I’m trying my best to frequently make new content for this fanfic!

And look at what I made! A playlist for this ship (and for this fic too kinda…) : Thangyu Playlist

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @ray-hound & @miikunui !

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Nam-gyu is a lot of things.

He's high- as the platform spins around in a circle, his mind tries its best to convince him that there's nothing to worry about. The feeling is fading, as his mind gradually comes to terms with his predicament and the low dosage of narcotics in his system isn't enough to pull Nam-gyu out of this.

He's scared, and not just of this new, inexplicable phenomenon. He's scared of this game- the game that he has played twice now. He takes his hands out of his pockets and watches as they tremble. The music, the low murmuring of the other players, and the jerky yet rhythmical movements in the corner of his eye are all things he tunes out. It's white noise to him.

He's sick. His body is free of any injuries from the fight in the bathroom that took place only seconds ago. His head doesn't ache from any punches thrown and overall he's physically fine. His stomach still churns violently within and his skin feels unbearably hot. He finally looks up to see Thanos, who hasn't looked at him just yet, but Nam-gyu feels like- no, knows, that he will soon enough.

Nam-gyu is many things. But he isn't stupid. He's lived through this before, he's lived through it twice now. He's being given a third chance to make things right. Thanos meets his gaze finally, his expression subtly flickering from carefree delight to confusion before settling on the former. "Hey, hey," He says in the same tone as last time's run. Nam-gyu staggers away from him when he steps into his view fully. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Before Nam-gyu can think of what to tell him, the platform clunks to a halt and Nam-gyu has to steady himself so he doesn't fall. "Ten!" The voice on the intercom states cheerfully. He doesn't have time to speak, doesn't have time to think. Thanos loops his arm around Nam-gyu's and skips away from the platform with their remaining three teammates in tow.

"Five more!" Thanos says, just like before. "Five more people, please!" He doesn't struggle as much this time keeping up with Thanos. But he still thinks he's only one miscalculated step from tumbling to the ground and throwing up everything in his stomach.

He thinks his blood runs cold when Se-mi finds a group of five, which is actually a group of six. Exactly like before. Min-su is nearly ditched but Thanos still yanks him inside their chosen room at the last second. Min-su is shaken up, Se-mi smacks Thanos in the arm, and Thanos laughs it off. The other group is too terrified to even speak up.

The shooting dies down and the doors unlatch.

Like the other two times before, Thanos leads them out with a "Baaaack to the platform!" and a pair of finger guns that he shoots at the other players as they exit their rooms. They each take their places back on the platform and moments after the last couple of players step on, the music picks up and the platform begins to spin again. On cue, Thanos leans down with a raised eyebrow.

"Nam-su?"

"Nam-gyu," he replies emotionlessly.

Thanos waits a beat. "I won't ask you what's wrong, but if y-" Before he can finish what he's saying because Nam-gyu already knows what he's about to say, he whirls around to fully face Thanos with wide, serious eyes.

"The next number they call out is going to be four." Once he says it, Thanos' mouth snaps shut and he looks back at Nam-gyu, dumbfounded. "You, me, Se-mi, and Gyeong-su. You need to pick Gyeong-su over Min-su." With Min-su out of the picture, that's one less vote for X and the O's will win. The fight will never happen because Thanos will never have experienced Min-su's inevitable betrayal.

They can ditch Se-mi when the number is three, and they can leave Gyeong-su to find someone else while they run away together. It's how Nam-gyu can fix all of this and prevent Thanos' death. "My boy Min-su?" Thanos sounds insulted like Nam-gyu is supposed to understand why Min-su matters so much to this team."Wait, hold up," He lifts his hands like he's trying to stop Nam-gyu in his tracks. "How do you know what number it'll be?"

Maybe he should have thought of an explanation first. He's not an expert at lying on the spot, especially when his stress levels are to the roof. "Do you trust me?" Nam-gyu asks and Thanos frowns. It shouldn't hurt his heart that Thanos doesn't have an answer to that. "It's going to call four. Just wait." Thanos doesn't take his eyes off of Nam-gyu as the platform continues spinning. When it stops, he looks up in the direction of the cheery voice as it announces; "Four!"

Thanos parts his lips in surprise before meeting Nam-gyu's gaze. There's no time for a conversation, not with time ticking. Thanos must realize this, too, because he turns to address the rest of the group. He glances over Se-mi and then settles between Gyeong-su and Min-su. What happens next should significantly change the way things end. Nam-su stands behind him, sending silent prayers out to whoever has enough control over Thanos' conscious to make him make the right decision. Gyeong-su smiles nervously, "Please..."

Thanos, in one swift moment, kicks Min-su to the ground with a wickedly cruel smile. The weak little man slides back at least a few feet from Thanos and Nam-gyu lets out a breath of relief. "Min-su!" Se-mi crouches down next to him and works hurriedly to help him back up. "You bastards!" She doesn't say anything after that before running off into the chaos with an arm over Min-su's shoulders.

"What-" Nam-gyu is cut off by Thanos.

"Our number four is getting away!" He shouts.

Gyeong-su, alive, stands on Thanos' other side, "Forget her! We'll find someone else! Let's move, now!" When Nam-gyu checks the countdown, his heart skips a beat. Time is ticking and it hasn't occurred to him at any point that picking Gyeong-su over Min-su would result in Se-mi leaving, too.

Thanos doesn't let him dwell on this at all, literally pulling him out of his thoughts by dragging him across the platform. "One more person!" Thanos holds out a finger as he moves toward different groups, but none of them stop to acknowledge him.

"One more!" Gyeong-su shouts nearby.

"We need one more!" Nam-gyu adds desperately. "Just one!"

"I have someone!" Gyeong-su yells out. When Nam-gyu turns, it's a short woman struggling against Gyeong-su's powerful grasp around her wrist.

"No! I won't leave my friend! Let me go!" She tries and fails to tear herself away from him. Suddenly, a male player comes into view from behind Gyeong-su, shoving him to the ground.

"Don't touch her!" He promptly takes her hand and runs back to his group.

He glances up at the countdown. Seven seconds left. They have second seconds. And in a cruel twist of fate, Nam-gyu sees Min-su, Se-mi, and another pair of players successfully making it to one of the doors right before the doors all audibly click locked and the lights come on, signifying the end of the round. Nam-gyu freezes in place and he thinks his heart stops beating in his chest.

"That wasn't enough time!" Thanos' voice catches his attention. It can't end like this. Two glimpses into the future, two views on different outcomes, and this is how Nam-gyu lets it end? "Redo it! Let us have a redo!"

Gunfire erupts within seconds and bodies start falling, their screams shaking Nam-gyu to his core. Their screams have much more significance when he knows he's going to join them. Thanos takes his hand suddenly and begins running past the other losers of the game. "Wait for me!" Gyeong-su's voice echoes from behind, but Thanos doesn't stop.

Nam-gyu wants to apologize for failing him again, but he's too scared to have this conversation. It's useless trying to run, the guards in pink are going to shoot them down regardless, and the longer that they survive this, the easier targets they will become. When Thanos eventually gets shot in the chest, he doesn't let go of Nam-gyu, so they both go down. He ends up landing on top of Thanos but rolls off of him quickly when his friend hisses in pain. Blood quickly begins to seep through his sweater, dying the article of clothing dark red and turning it sticky to the touch. "Thanos!" Nam-gyu hurries to apply pressure, uselessly, while keeping himself low to the ground in hopes that the guards somehow forget about him.

"Where did... it come from?" Thanos asks in gasps. The bullet must've punctured his lung, but Nam-gyu isn't sure. He makes the assumption based entirely on the fact that Thanos is starting to cough up blood now. It splatters onto his chin and lips, dribbling down his jawline.

He's looking up at Nam-gyu, the unbridled terror returning in his expression. It's nothing like the previous times that Nam-gyu watched him die, but it's unsettling all the same. "Don't talk," He pleads, partly because he knows it only hurts Thanos to do so and partly because Nam-gyu can't bear hearing him like this.

Nam-gyu isn't alerted by the nearby footsteps, but he does look up when Thanos' face is overcome by the shadow of the approaching guard. As Nam-gyu turns his head slowly to look up at the guard, the last thing he feels is Thanos' hand landing on top of his own, his fingers wrapping around Nam-gyu's and smearing the still gushing blood between them before he's shot point blank in the forehead.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu’s eyes shoot open and his hands come out of his pockets in a flash. He feels around his forehead for any sign of injury, namely a gaping hole in the center of it, only to find his body clear of any open wounds. The only indication that his body still recalls being shot at all is the aching sensation in the front of his skull and the way his heart is beating rapidly. Thanos is in front of him, his lips pulled back into a smile and a familiar shine in his eyes. He's pumping his fist out rhythmically to the blaring music.

He knows what's going on by now. "It's like the Bill Murray movie," He notes aloud. Thanos is still dancing when he looks over at him.

"Ghostbusters?"

He blinks up to meet Thanos' gaze. What else can he do to save the story? He can't remember much about Groundhog Day, he's not very well informed on Westerner pop culture. He knows more about the concept of days that repeat, not how Bill Murray's character got out of the situation. He's tried taking a fork into the bathroom but Thanos still bled out on the floor. He's tried getting Min-su killed instead of Gyeong-su and that results in Thanos getting shot.

"Hey, hey," Thanos comes into Nam-gyu's vision with a confused smile. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The platform clunks to a halt and Nam-gyu catches himself with ease. Now that it's happened three times before, he has time to brace himself every time Thanos asks what's wrong with him. "Ten!"

Maybe he doesn't need to change anything about Mingle. It worked out well the first time, and it worked well the second time too. Maybe Gyeong-su is meant to die in this game and Min-su is meant to live. Nam-gyu can't even begin to fathom why that is, and why the universe determined that picking Gyeong-su over Min-su should result in their failure.

But following Thanos' lead works during this game. So he won't tell Thanos the numbers ahead of time and he'll let Thanos do what he wants to. It'll make Nam-gyu seem less crazy and it'll get them out of the game alive. Thanos loops his arm around Nam-gyu's and this time, he pulls himself together in time to skip alongside him.

"Five more! Five more people, please!" Thanos calls out to the groups of players scrambling to find enough people. Nam-gyu pretends to look around with him, even though he's merely waiting for Se-mi to find the same group of six that she's found in the previous three versions of events. Thanos, again, pretends to ditch Min-su only to grab him by his sleeve and pull him inside before the other group's sixth member can make it inside.

Se-mi smacks Thanos' arm and he laughs her off while the other group watches theirs, afraid. When the shooting dies down and the bodies are cleaned up, the doors unlatch and Thanos leads them out of the room with the same, overly enthusiastic "Baaaack to the platform!" while pointing out in front of himself with both hands. When he turns them into finger guns, Nam-gyu joins in on shooting at the other players as they exit the rooms, even adding on a few 'pew pew!' sounds.

Instead of Thanos pulling Nam-gyu aside to figure out what's wrong, he does what he did the first run. "Here," He guides Nam-gyu to stand facing away from him. He latches their arms together and turns his head so Nam-gyu can see his captivating grin. "Dance, let's dance!" He instructs in English and they're doing just that as the song plays and the platform spins. When the music stops and the platform halts again, Thanos twirls away from Nam-gyu and throws his head back to face the announcement.

"Four."

Thanos gives Nam-gyu a look that at this point, Nam-gyu reads as 'obviously I'm taking you', or something along the lines of it. He barely acknowledges Se-mi, but Nam-gyu knows he's taking her. He can't really understand why he wants to keep her or Min-su, but he supposes he can chalk it up to her being sort of pretty. "Please..." Nam-gyu hears Gyeong-su say, his voice quivering.

Nam-gyu sends him an apologetic look before Thanos even kicks him down. "Gyeong-su, you're out! LETS GOOOO!! WOOO!" He sprints away without even looking back, the remainder of his team racing after him. The door clicks shut behind them and Nam-gyu successfully manages to avoid falling against the wall this time. Thanos continues whooping in the background but he isn't paying much attention to his antics.

He runs his fingers through his ears, tucking any stray strands behind his ears. He approaches the door, already knowing what he'll see. Nothing that happens outside the door is anything he's capable of changing. The guards will always shoot everyone dead. "Nam-gyu, what happened to Gyeong-su?" Min-su leans over his shoulder and Nam-gyu's first thought is to turn around and strangle him right here in this room.

"I'm not sure," He turns to glare at Min-su. "Want me to throw you out there so you can go check?" After he says this, another gunshot rings out and he relishes in the way Min-su jumps.

"That would kill all of us, you idiot," Se-mi retorts and Nam-gyu ignores her.

"Wait!" Thanos throws his arms up and Nam-gyu steps away from the door in advance. He doesn't want to be tossed to the side this time. He's out of sight, too, so it doesn't feel like Thanos is addressing him at all when he points an accusatory finger at Min-su and Se-mi when he asks "Where did you leave my boy Gyeong-su?" More gunshots, followed by more screams. Thanos is against the door in seconds, "FUCK! GYEONG-SUUUU!"

Nam-gyu slinks down the wall and sits on his haunches, watching the back of Thanos' head as he claws through the gap uselessly. When he eventually turns to the group sadly, Nam-gyu idly wonders what Thanos' reaction would have been if it were him out there instead of Gyeong-su. He wonders how possible it'd be to test the results of that.

He himself had died in the previous loop, so it wasn't just Thanos' death that could reset it. At least, he thinks that's how this works.

"It takes them so long to clean up!" Thanos shakes his hands around and lets out an exaggerated shudder. "I'm ready for the next round! The anticipation is killing me!" Nam-gyu deflates at the realization that regardless of what Thanos' reaction would be to his death, he would be over it in seconds. The drugs would revert him to his usual self and he'd forget all about Nam-gyu.

"This game will kill you," Se-mi mumbles to herself.

When they're eventually back on the platform, Thanos asks him again, "What do you think the number will be next?" He can't tell him what he knows. He doesn't want to seem crazy or psychic in Thanos' eyes. But maybe there is something that Nam-gyu can change about the way this game plays out.

"What if it's three?" He asks. "If it's three, I say we take Se-mi." She would fight tooth and nail to get away from them and leave with Min-su, but it's the perfect scenario. They kill off Min-su, the vote doesn't end in a tie, and Thanos lives another day. The reaction from Thanos is not one he's expecting.

"Really? It's hard for me to pick between them," He looks over his shoulder at the blissfully unaware pair and then back at Nam-gyu. "I'd make them play rock, paper, scissors." Nam-gyu deflates at this comment.

He doesn't get to argue against it, however, because the platform clunks to a stop. "Three."

"Hey, you were right!" Thanos slaps him playfully on the back. "Rock, paper, scissors!" He points at Se-mi and Min-su.

Se-mi offers her hand out to Min-su. "Come with me."

"Winner comes with us! Rock, paper, scissors!" The pressure works on Min-su, who counters Se-mi's paper with scissors.

"Min-su threw scissors," Nam-gyu announces lamely. Thanos says something in English and then drags Min-su away from Se-mi. They get inside one of the rooms and Min-su immediately begins to pace back and forth in the room.

"Nam-su," Thanos bumps Nam-gyu's shoulder with his own. "How did you even know that they'd call out 'three', huh?" It doesn't sound accusatory, it sounds impressed. He smiles a little.

"Lucky guess," He replies. Thanos' eyebrows raise and his smile widens.

He flicks Nam-gyu's ear with a painted nail, almost affectionately. Or maybe Nam-gyu is reading into the intent behind Thanos' actions. "Lucky guess?" He repeats back to him. "I'm lucky if anything, having someone so smart on my team!"

"No, no, no, no..." Min-su keeps saying, but Nam-gyu easily tunes it out after Thanos says that. The door finally unlocks after a little bit more waiting, with Thanos impatiently bouncing on the balls of his feet while he stands in front of it and Min-su still muttering to himself.

"Welcome back, my friends!" Thanos says after he opens it, Nam-gyu trailing behind him and following him up with a 'Skrrt!' They take their places on the platform again with Thanos hovering around him like he's the only person standing on it. "Guess again! You were right the last time, you could be right again!" Nam-gyu smiles back a little bashfully and as much as he wants to give in and tell him, he knows that it'll stop being impressive after a while and start raising suspicion.

"It was three last time and four before then," Nam-gyu shrugs as casually as he can. "What if it's two next?"

"Then I'm taking you with me for sure!"

"Six."

Thanos is visibly disappointed that it isn't two, but he doesn't blame Nam-gyu for being wrong. They take Min-su with them again and find Se-mi and the two people she found herself with in the previous round. It's awkward, but not between Thanos and Nam-gyu. That's really all that matters in the end.

Thanos can't stay still for the life of him. He's waiting like a dog that desperately wants to go outside, bouncing again in place as the gunfire and screams from outside continue. It's nothing he does out of anxiousness but rather excitement, and while this fact should disturb Nam-gyu, he only finds it endearing.

The doors click unlocked and Thanos exits with Nam-gyu close behind. They make their way back to the platform, Min-su stepping up to stand in between them once they're situated. Nam-gyu scowls at him, put off by his constant insistence on being around them. He nudges him sharply in the ribs with his elbow and Min-su quickly gets the message, backing away from the pair with a grimace.

"Maybe now it'll be two," Nam-gyu tells Thanos, but he makes sure that Min-su hears it, too. He wants him to know that there is no chance in Hell that Thanos would ever pick Min-su over him, even if he can't directly say it without sounding possessive. The shorter man warily looks between them and his eyes start darting around the platform for anyone else that can take him.

Nam-gyu smirks and straightens his posture as Thanos places a hand on the small of his back. "It'd be crazy if you end up right this time," He laughs.

Nam-gyu laughs, too. Min-su remains quiet.

"Two."

"YEAHH! THAT'S RIGHT, MY BOY!" His hand, which is still over the small of his back, travels up his spine to grab a handful of the fabric covering his shoulder before guiding him along to one of the doors.

Thanos lets go of him so he can run up ahead to cut off another player, grabbing the door that they were heading for and holding it open. Nam-gyu rushes after him and grabs the back of one of the player's heads, threading his fingers through her hair and yanking her backward so she tumbles to the floor with a high-pitched sob. He turns back around just as Thanos is kicking down the other player in the chest and holding the door open for Nam-gyu.

He darts inside and Thanos twirls around to shut the door behind him. He holds it closed until it locks with a click before breaking into a smile. "WE DID IT!" He practically tackles Nam-gyu into the wall behind him. "YES, MY BOY!" He adds, and Nam-gyu falls over him with a shrill laugh of his own.

"WE WON!" He cheers, and he feels lightheaded by how genuinely happy he feels. Maybe this time he can really save Thanos. The other man is still basically hugging him, one arm thrown over his shoulder to caress his back and the other wrapped around his waist. Nam-gyu is leaning into his space with a hand pressed against the center of his chest where can feel the chain of his cross underneath the fabric of his sweater.

"GOOD JOB!" Thanos takes a step away to yell in Nam-gyu's face. It's around then that they pull apart from each other. Thanos backs himself against the opposing wall and Nam-gyu presses his weight against his own side of the room, sliding down a little for a comfortable position. "Whatever the next game is," Thanos says with a breathy laugh. "We'll get through it for sure."

"You and me?" Nam-gyu chuckles.

"Duhhhh!" He snorts. "Who else?"

It fills him with a sense of confidence and he suddenly feels like this is where he saves Thanos. He'll grab a fork during mealtime after the voting and he'll keep Thanos safe from any potential harm. This is gonna be the one.

The doors unlock and Thanos slips out first like he always does. "I think we did a pretty good job," Nam-gyu tries to catch up and Thanos falls into step with him. "Might be worthy of a little..." He gestures at Thanos' zipper with a hand, gradually smirking up at the other when he pats his chest and it dawns on him.

"Yeah, yeah," He agrees. "Just wait a minute."

It's a little over more than a minute when they exit the game room and follow the line of players up and down steps. Eventually, Thanos unzips his sweater and reaches down for his cross. He clicks it open and spins over to walk backward up the steps like last time and all the other times. Nam-gyu makes deliberate eye contact with him when he offers the contents inside to Nam-gyu. "Our treat," He hums.

Nam-gyu plucks one of the bright pink pills from the casing and swallows it down. Thanos watches him intently as he does before popping one for himself. There shouldn't be anything wrong with doing this, it isn't until after voting that the fight happens. Thanos should be okay to get high for right now. Besides, Nam-gyu really wants to anyway.

Thanos leads him to their chosen section of the dorms and Nam-gyu watches as the other man jumps up and grips the edge of one of the beds. Without struggle, he lifts himself up with a long grunt. He lands awkwardly on the mattress, snorts, and then rolls himself over to sit up and look down at Nam-gyu.

"Where are the others?" He asks. "Do you know?"

He shrugs. "I don't keep track of them." He liked giving that response before, he'll use it again this time.

"Me neither," Thanos looks down at his legs as they dangle off the bed before kicking them idly. "Other than you, sometimes."

"I'm honored," Nam-gyu leaps up and catches himself on the edge of the bed. He doesn't look at Thanos for permission before he climbs up to sit next to him. He assumes that it's fine because it was fine before, and Thanos isn't shoving him off the bed so it's probably fine now. "I keep track of you, too." He says after a beat, simply contemplating if he should repeat that phrase or not.

"Because of the drugs," Thanos has the same response.

"Because..." Nam-gyu blanks. He think's might've had an actual response ready this time. He seems like more of an asshole now. Thanos has the same reaction that he did before- an expectant look, something that lacks any shock or hurt, and then an emptiness. He still feels guilty for his own idiocy, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to self-soothe.

When Thanos gasps and scrambles off the bed to run down the steps, Nam-gyu debates whether or not he should join Thanos. He's been hovering near Thanos since the games started. He lays back against the mattress and covers his eyes with his forearm. "My little boy, Min-su!" Thanos greets, followed by an "I'm so happy to see you again, bro!" Nam-gyu sneers at the image of them hugging, or more so Thanos hugging a terrified Min-su. "Min-su, do you know how worried I was?" Nam-gyu thinks it would be better to tune out the rest of it.

It might even be better to stay right here until voting starts. Nam-gyu doesn't feel like moving or watching Thanos treat Min-su like an equal. When he hears a pair of footsteps coming back up the steps he feels someone brush against his legs. The person grabs him by his ankles and reveals their identity by saying, "Nam-su," It's Thanos. Why wouldn't it be? "Did you not get enough sleep? Hey, come on, Min-su made it out alive."

Nam-gyu sits up and rests his elbows on his knees, allowing his hands to dangle over his lap. Thanos is standing in front of him, head tilted back so he can see Nam-gyu's face. "We could sit here," He suggests.

"Where would Min-su sit?" Thanos asks, and maybe that's the point. He keeps quiet about that and signals for Thanos to back up. He hops down to the steps, keeping himself steady with the assistance of the bed's bars behind him.

He doesn't point anything out when he sees Myung-gi and player 222 together, but Thanos still sees them at the last second. "That bastard sure is lucky. Even in a place like this." It makes Nam-gyu's heart skip a beat for all the wrong reasons and he has to calm himself with a deep breath. He doesn't know how he could've prevented that. Even with Thanos improvising lyrics and gurgling nonsensically behind him, he still ends up seeing the two together. Should Nam-gyu have been standing in front of them?

When voting comes around, Min-su chooses X. Nam-gyu reluctantly decides not to grab Min-su by the collar of his sweater and smash his head against the O button. He stalks up to the console and it illuminates his face in a blue hue when he submits his vote.

At mealtime, Nam-gyu waits in line again. He pockets the fork and hands the food off to the same player at the end of the O line. He doesn't wait to be thanked by whoever it is, making his way directly to Thanos, who has a faraway look in his eyes. Nam-gyu's lips twitch into a frown when he realizes that Thanos is high again. Higher than before.

He sits next to Thanos and follows his gaze to that same boring corner of the room. "Not hungry?" He lacks emotion. Apparently, by not immediately hunting down Min-su after the vote, Thanos pops another pill as he waits for Nam-gyu to return.

"Mm-hm."

"So why were you waiting in line for so long?"

He slips his hand into his pocket and retrieves the fork, figuring that there's no harm in being honest. Thanos looks down at the fork and raises an eyebrow. "Arming myself," Nam-gyu explains.

"You think Min-su might attack us?" Thanos snorts out a laugh like it's a ridiculous scenario, and it is. Min-su isn't who Nam-gyu is worried about. He puts the fork back in his pocket.

"I don't know," He lies.

Thanos is still staring at him. "Do you want to kill Min-su?"

Min-su has been trying to kill Min-su on at least three separate occasions just to ensure Thanos' survival. But he doesn't think he can answer that truthfully. "Do you?" It looks like Thanos is having a hard time answering the same question. His left eye twitches and he turns his body away from Nam-gyu.

"I do," He admits. "I don't understand why he would do that to us after everything we've done for him." Nam-gyu can't really think of anything they've done for Min-su outside of offering protection but he doesn't want to argue with Thanos over something so minuscule. He places a comforting hand over the other's shoulder, clutching his fingers around the fabric of his sweater. "Maybe we could change his mind."

"And if we can't?" Nam-gyu asks because he knows it'll come to that.

"Then I want to kill him," Thanos clenches his hands into fists and Nam-gyu lets go of him. "Come on," He gets to his feet and stomps away from Nam-gyu and toward the men's restroom, where Min-su is hiding away. Nam-gyu heads down the steps after him, grabbing onto his sleeve and tugging him backward away from the door. "What? What do you want?" Thanos looks over his shoulder to glare down at Nam-gyu.

"I'll wait out here," He insists. There's only one guard by this door, so he's able to keep watch for Myung-gi while Thanos busies himself with attempting to sway Min-su to the O's side. If he plays his cards right, the guard won't have enough time to stop him from giving Myung-gi what he deserves and Thanos won't end up bleeding out on the floor. He'll figure out the rest from there.

"Seriously? You aren't coming with me?"

It's hard for Nam-gyu to say it, especially when Thanos is clearly hurting. "I'll be just a second," He promises. He'll take out Myung-gi and retreat to the men's room to meet back up with Thanos and avoid the masked guard. "Go take care of Min-su. I have to handle something."

"I'll help you," Thanos stops in his tracks and faces Nam-gyu.

"No, I-" He takes a breath. "Trust me, okay? Remember when you said you felt lucky having me on your team? I'm doing something good for the team and I need to do it alone." Thanos can't be here when it happens. There's no hard evidence that Myung-gi stabs Thanos, but Nam-gyu isn't an idiot. One minute, Thanos has Myung-gi pinned down with his hands around his throat, and the next, Thanos is choking on his own blood and Myung-gi is nowhere to be found.

Thanos frowns deeply but eventually gives in with a curt nod. "Five minutes."

"Five minutes," Nam-gyu agrees. "It might even take less." He doesn't know how long it's supposed to take for Myung-gi to show up, but it can't be longer than five minutes. Thanos exits the dorms to find the men's room, leaving Nam-gyu to wait by the door.

This is how Nam-gyu saves him. There's no way that it could go wrong from here. He'll kill Myung-gi, maybe kill Min-su too, and the X's win. Thanos lives. It's the perfect happy ending to the mindfuckery that Nam-gyu has been suffering through for... four days? Do the loops count as days? This is his fifth try at saving Thanos' life, but it hasn't felt like days since the first go at it. Especially the attempt before this one when they failed the game of Mingle.

Whatever the case, Nam-gyu is going to end this. Now.

He surveys the lobby carefully, keeping his eye on any player who passes by or looks like they plan on getting too close. None of them are Myung-gi, so he doesn't pay them much attention. The guard isn't giving him any trouble either. They haven't even looked Nam-gyu's way. There's not even an indication that the guard is aware of anything, because they still don't move when there's the beginning of an argument stirring in the center of the room.

"I was in the Marines, fucking asshole!" Nam-gyu startles and turns his gaze toward the clearing at the sudden, defensive yell. One of the O's has his sleeve pushed up and he's showing off a tattoo towards the opposing side. The X's laugh mockingly.

"Oh yeah? Then I was in the air force, fucker!" One of the X's retorts.

It's a back-and-forth until players on each side start to get up and meet at the clearing, yelling and egging each other on. He glances to the side, noting that the guard still hasn't moved. Killing Myung-gi shouldn't get him in trouble then, right? They're clearly allowing this to go down.

Finally, MG Coin himself comes into view. Nam-gyu tenses at the sight of him and forces himself to not grab the fork just yet. "Are you his guard dog?" Myung-gi comments, unamused. Nam-gyu bares his teeth at him and bites back any response that comes to mind. He needs him a little closer if he doesn't want to miss his shot.

Myung-gi has nothing else to say, it seems because he casually steps past Nam-gyu and tries to push the door open. Nam-gyu grabs his wrist roughly and hauls him away from the door. "What are you-" Nam-gyu shoves him back and he successfully catches himself from falling. "Am I not allowed to take a fucking piss?"

Nam-gyu wastes no more time, taking the fork out of his pocket and advancing on Myung-gi. He reels his arm back and with a yell, aims for the other's heart. Myung-gi swerves himself out of the way and Nam-gyu catches a glimpse of his hand darting to fish out his own fork from his pocket. "Are you fucking crazy?!" The fact that he's even armed is enough proof that he is Thanos' killer. With this confirmation, Nam-gyu doesn't hesitate to throw himself at Myung-gi again.

This time, he plunges the fork into the other man's shoulder, earning a pained yelp from Myung-gi. He tries to yank it out of his body, but the object is stuck and all it does is cause Myung-gi to hiss. He grabs onto Nam-gyu's arm and tries to push him off. He keeps his feet planted firmly on the ground and seizes the opportunity to snatch Myung-gi's fork away from him. He throws the object to the side and grins at the sound of it clattering away.

Since he can't pull the fork out of him, he decides to press it in further.

Myung-gi cries out loudly but Nam-gyu quickly covers his mouth with a hand. The guard is letting them do what they want to, but there's no telling what the other players would do if they witnessed the scuffle. Nam-gyu can't risk being seen. He keeps his grip on the fork tightly and pushes Myung-gi backward so they're hidden behind the bunk bed structures.

Once they're out of sight, he tries again to rip the fork out of Myung-gi's shoulder. It's digging into the other man's flesh and staining his clothes red- if his aim was any better, he would've struck MG Coin's heart directly. But he's messy and inexperienced, so there's only so much Nam-gyu can do.

When Myung-gi bites his hand, Nam-gyu curses loudly and pulls his hand away. "Motherfucker!" Nam-gyu spits in his face and swats his hand in the air. He can feel blood dripping down his fingers, indicating that Myung-gi has broken his skin. In his frustration, he backs the other player up against one of the mattresses. Myung-gi falls onto it hard and immediately lifts his arms up to Nam-gyu's chest, trying desperately to push him off.

He's so close to changing everything. Myung-gi dies, Thanos lives, and the games continue. It's all he wants. It's all he needs.

The air is promptly knocked out of him as a sudden surge of excruciating pain travels and expands up into his abdomen. He gasps harshly and coughs in Myung-gi's face, unable to hold himself steady when the other man shoves him off. He tries to keep himself on his feet but he falls to the floor instead, his hands shaky as he caresses the new pain in his crotch. He could've sworn that he had Myung-gi's legs pinned down with his body. Of course, that unfair little fucker found a way to knee him in the crotch anyways.

He pushes himself forward, keeping one hand over his new injury and the other hand against the floor. He feels his body convulse harshly and he fights back the wave of nausea. He lifts his head when he hears shifting from above, watery eyes locking onto Myung-gi as he gets up. He struggles to stand up without falling right back down, groaning lowly at the ache in his abdomen.

Myung-gi's fingers wrap around the handle of the fork left in his body. He grits his teeth together, shuts his eyes tightly, and tugs on it. It doesn't budge. He tugs again, harder, and it finally comes loose. Blood sprays out from the wound and he lets out a long, shaky breath. Nam-gyu tries again to get to his feet, but Myung-gi is practically tripping over himself to meet him halfway.

Nam-gyu tries to shield himself from Myung-gi, but it's hard to protect himself from something as unexpected as a fork being stabbed into his neck. It's right when he's on his feet, too, when he registers the white-hot throbbing in his throat. He coughs again, spitting specks of blood onto Myung-gi's horrified face. He isn't reaching for Myung-gi anymore, instead trying to grab blindly at the object sticking out of him. But his fingers fail him, twitching uselessly around the silver handle.

Nam-gyu can't stand on his own, and Myung-gi has no interest in letting him cling to him. He steps away from Nam-gyu with a hand applying pressure to his shoulder, watching as Nam-gyu lands on the ground with a whine. "Nam-su! That little fucker isn't leaving the goddamned stall! I said five minutes, not-" Nam-gyu can't even look up to see Thanos reentering the dorms. He's still trying to pull the fork out of his throat.

Finally, he takes it in his hand and pulls it out of his throat. Blood instantly starts to gush out of the four separate holes, coating the front and side of his neck in the angry red color. When someone, presumably Thanos, is at his side, he leans closer to them. Fortunately, he doesn't have to do much work, because Thanos pulls Nam-gyu into his lap. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" Thanos' voice sounds close, but somehow far away at the same time.

Myung-gi stutters something out before he turns and runs off to rejoin the other X's. Thanos tries to get up to chase after him, but Nam-gyu desperately takes his hands as a silent plea for him to stay. It's getting harder to stay awake- to stay strong. Is this how Thanos felt? Was he this scared and did his body hurt this much?

The other man squeezes his hands. "You said five minutes," Thanos isn't crying, but his voice breaks slightly. Nam-gyu isn't expecting him to cry. In fact, after he's gone, Thanos is probably going to forget all about this. Just like he had with Gyeong-su. Nam-gyu shouldn't care about that as much as he does. He blinks up at Thanos weakly. He can literally feel himself dying. Why does he have to die so slowly and so, so painfully?

Why does Thanos look so angry?

He can look angry all he wants.

He's alive. He's alive and that means Nam-gyu saved him. The bathroom fight never happens so Thanos never gets stabbed. He can easily convince himself that that's all that matters. It only occurs to him when the blood loss makes him feel too dizzy to keep his eyes open that Min-su and Myung-gi, a pair of X's, are still alive. He's the only O casualty. The X's win.

Fuck.

He tries to sit up, eyes wide and his hands fumbling against Thanos' chest. "No, no, you need to-" Thanos is trying to stop him from moving too quickly, keeping his hand firmly on his chest. But Thanos doesn't understand. And he can't understand because Nam-gyu's mouth isn't working. "It's okay, bro. It's okay," And when Thanos puts it like that, Nam-gyu might believe him. Or maybe it's easier to believe him when he's this fragile.

He's dying in his friend's arms and he's fucked up everything, but it's okay.

When he closes his eyes again, he's somewhere else when he opens them.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Chapter End Notes

The support is making me cry i love you guys so much 🥹

Stay tuned for more timelooping with namgyu 🫶

You may find some grammatical errors or formatting issues in this chapter and in the previous one. I can’t fix it right now but I plan on making edits when I have access to my laptop again. Rest assured that any errors you see will be corrected soon!

Heartbeat

Chapter Notes

This took a while to get out, I’m sorry! The story is NOT over (probably not even close to being over), i just got caught up in grinding on Marvel Rivals.

And then the editing took ages because I’m STILL at my friends house and away from my laptop😓

This chapter has a lot of suicide mentions and a little bit more about Thanos’ struggle before the games. That’s your little TW!

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @chuupa.chupss!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

He gasps, maybe a little too loudly, and presses his index and middle finger against his neck. The first thought that Nam-gyu has after confirming that his throat is clear of any open wounds is a simple; I have another chance. This is immediately followed by the surge of overwhelming emotions he feels when he catches sight of Thanos, who, like every other time a loop begins, is pumping his fist out away from the platform, jerking his body rhythmically to the beat of the music blasting in their ears. He feels his eyes welling up with tears when he recalls the way Thanos held him in his arms as he let out his final breath. When he died during the game of Mingle, it was quick and relatively painless- aside from the lingering headache that it brought him upon the start of the next loop. He finds it hard to breathe this time around and his body is still tingling uncomfortably from the hit that Myung-gi landed on his balls. The worst part is how he remembers feeling emotionally.

Scared, confused, and an utter failure.

When Thanos steps in front of him and he opens his mouth to ask the same question he asks every other time, Nam-gyu doesn't let him say a thing. He pays no mind to the way Thanos flinches when he wraps his arms around him, pulling the other man close into a crushing embrace. He's practically clawing at Thanos' back, fingernails digging into the fabric of his sweater to keep him still, to keep him here, where Nam-gyu can protect him. He buries his nose into the crook of Thanos' neck and holds back a wet sob. If he focuses hard enough on the smell of Thanos' sweat and the faint traces of other people's blood, he can stop himself from crying against his friend.

Thanos is frozen on the spot.

He isn't hugging him back but he's not exactly pushing Nam-gyu away, either. He has his arms raised stiffly at his sides in confusion and Nam-gyu doesn't need to pull away to see his bewilderment. When the platform clunks to a halt, Nam-gyu hugs him closer to keep his balance. "Ten!"

He finally lets go of Thanos and doesn't look at him when he grabs his sleeve and starts pulling him off the platform. He can feel Thanos and the rest of his team staring at him but none of it matters. They need to get back to the game and preferably ignore everything that just happened.

It's easier said than done. While they do return to the game, they don't let go of Nam-gyu's actions. Se-mi finds the group of six, Thanos pretends to sacrifice Min-su, and they all end up in a room together in the end. Min-su is shaken up, Se-mi smacks Thanos in the arm, and then the four of them are staring at the back of Nam-gyu's head. He can sense it, and when he braves a glance at Thanos, he confirms it.

He hears Gyeong-su mutter something like "How high is he?" to Thanos to which Thanos responds by unzipping the front of his tracksuit and fishing out his cross. He pops it open and performs a quick headcount on the remaining pills, Gyeong-su warily counting with him even though he shouldn't know how many Thanos has in total. Nam-gyu hears the cross click shut and it takes everything in him to not meet Thanos' gaze. No further words are exchanged within the group until the next round begins, with Thanos stepping out first while cheering "Baaaack to the platform!" and shooting at the other players exiting their rooms with a pair of finger guns.

Just when he thinks he's getting away with his blatant show of affection from earlier, Thanos meets him on the platform and forces Nam-gyu to face him. The platform hasn't started spinning yet, as some players are still gradually making their way back, so Thanos has plenty of time before the next round begins to interrogate Nam-gyu, who is staring up at him wordlessly. "What the fuck was that?" Thanos doesn't let Nam-gyu explain himself yet, instead gesturing at the space between them. He's close, close enough for Nam-gyu to see the twitching of his eye and the way one of his eyebrows is slit. He doesn't think he's noticed that about Thanos before, but it's fitting for him. "That stunt you pulled? What the hell is going on with you, Nam-su?"

"Nam-gyu."

"Right, Nam-gyu. Whatever," Thanos waves him off dismissively. "Are you going to explain yourself or what?"

The platform starts to spin and the music continues playing loudly, which is probably a good thing since Nam-gyu isn't sure if he wants Thanos to hear him when he replies simply with; "I just wanted to hug you."

"Why?" Thanos asks, exasperated.

Nam-gyu looks away. "I just did." Thanos wouldn't understand why Nam-gyu needed to do that- why he still feels like he needs to.

"If there's something going on-"

"There's nothing going on," Nam-gyu interrupts. He raises his hands up in surrender and takes a step back from Thanos. He's not going crazy. He knows that he isn't going crazy.

Thanos curls his lip and steps forward. "If there's something going on," He says again, more serious. "I need to know." His tone is laced with heavy concern and he reaches forward to grab one of Nam-gyu's shoulders a little too roughly. "We can't afford to lose you right now."

And, oh.

Oh.

He recalls the story that Thanos told Min-su in the men's room in the past few loops. He doubted the validity of it before- solely due to the fact that Thanos was opening up to Min-su of all people about it, but the look he's giving Nam-gyu is not one of anger or resentment. He's worried that Nam-gyu is planning on taking himself out. He's worried that Nam-gyu is in the same mental slump that Thanos was in before the games. Only instead of jumping off of any bridges, Nam-gyu would be throwing the game and allowing the guards to take him down.

He's not going to say as much to Nam-gyu, it's far too personal and he has no reason to tell him anything right now. But Nam-gyu knows.

"You won't lose me," Nam-gyu says because he hasn't reached the point where he wants to give up yet. "I'm just really tired." That much is true. He's getting exhausted from doing everything differently and ending up with the same results. Thanos dies, he dies, or they both die. He's getting pretty tired of how repetitive this is.

Thanos doesn't seem very reassured by Nam-gyu's words but there's no time to discuss this any further once the platform stops and the next number is called.

"Four."

The game continues normally from there. Thanos picks Min-su over Gyeong-su only to panic over his decision once they're all inside the room. Thanos asks Nam-gyu what he thinks the next number will be once the next round begins and he unenthusiastically guesses at random. Min-su leaves Se-mi behind and paces around regretfully in the room with Nam-gyu and Thanos. The three of them end up in a room with Se-mi and two others in the second to last round and then, finally, Nam-gyu and Thanos shove aside another pair of players to make it inside the room together for the final round.

It's almost exactly how it went the first time, just with less commentary on Nam-gyu's end since he's more focused on what happens after the game. He had tried to 'accidentally' shove Min-su down during the final round, hoping that the other man wouldn't get back up. But with one quick look over his shoulder to see the result of that on their way to their selected room, he sees Min-su getting right back up to his feet before scurrying off with another player. There's never any time to try and stop it from happening, because he always has to help Thanos in taking down another set of players before slipping into their room. The universe is adamant about keeping Min-su alive.

The universe clearly picks favorites and for some reason, Thanos isn't among them.

"And! We! Win!" Thanos throws his arms up in the air the second that the door clicks locked and Nam-gyu remembers that this is where they're supposed to be celebrating. It doesn't feel like a win anymore since Nam-gyu's been through it enough times that it's not nearly as exciting, but his heart is still beating rapidly and he's catching his breath against the wall with a weak smile. "Let's go!" Thanos cheers in English, and Nam-gyu catches on to the familiarity of this string of words.

It's word for word what Thanos said in the earliest loop. Instead of Thanos roughly pinning him against the door, though, he hovers over Nam-gyu with his expression twisted into a serious glare. "Hey. You're acting different," Which is disappointing to hear because Nam-gyu genuinely thought that he was doing a good job of masking himself when he finished hugging Thanos. He shifts uncomfortably under Thanos' calculative gaze, averting his eyes to the floor. "And I know it's not the drugs," He unzips his sweater harshly, revealing more of his shirt than is really necessary when he grabs his cross and dangles it in front of Nam-gyu's face. "I counted them."

"I know, yeah."

"So what is it?" Thanos asks. "You don't just randomly hug people like that unless you're afraid of dying or you're about to do something stupid."

Nam-gyu really considers telling him about the loop, because it's the secret third answer to Thanos' question. He isn't afraid of dying, he hasn't really been afraid of that since the game of red light, green light- he has a sneaking suspicion that he'd just come back anyway for another loop. He doesn't plan on intentionally cutting any loops short either.

If saying 'I hugged you because you were there for me when I was dying and I couldn't show my appreciation at the time and I was just really emotional when I saw you again in front of me' was easy, then Nam-gyu wouldn't have an issue with being honest.

The chances of Thanos believing him are dangerously low. If he can't save Thanos this time, he'll tell him everything that's going on the next time.

"Are you uncomfortable with me hugging you?" Nam-gyu deflects.

"That wasn't just some normal hug," Thanos doesn't give him a straight answer. "You hugged me like you were scared. Like if you let go of me, I'd disappear." It's not far off from how he feels.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" Nam-gyu suggests, if there even is a tomorrow for them. "I'm fine right now, I promise. Let's just talk about it more tomorrow. I'm really tired... and I'm hungry." Thanos purses his lips into a thin line and he refuses to look away from Nam-gyu. When the doors click to signal that they've unlocked, he sighs almost in defeat before gripping his arm and leading him out of the room.

"Fine," He relents. "But if you leave my sight, I'm killing you myself. I can't have anyone weak on my team." Nam-gyu wants to question why Min-su is even with them if that's the case but he keeps his mouth shut and lets Thanos tug him out of the game room. There is no celebratory pill popping when they get to the winding staircases. There isn't any uncomfortable silence on Thanos' end at least. He's nodding along to a tune in his head and mumbling improvised rap lyrics under his breath, and every word out of his mouth, as incomprehensible as it may be, is something Nam-gyu eagerly hangs onto.

Everything plays out similarly after that.

Thanos takes him to a private section of the dorms, hops up to sit on one of the beds, and then looks down at Nam-gyu. Unlike the previous loops, Thanos pats the spot beside him and Nam-gyu jumps, grips the edge, and hoists himself up to sit with him.

"Where are the others?" Thanos asks, his tone neutral like their previous conversation never happened. "Do you know?"

"I don't keep track of them," Nam-gyu says like he's reading a script. It's probably the only conversation that Nam-gyu wants to keep the exact same. It brings him a sense of comfort knowing what Thanos is going to say next.

"Me neither," He looks down at his legs as they dangle off of the bed, and Nam-gyu is glad because it means that Thanos can't see him mouthing the words to himself. "Other than you, sometimes." It makes Nam-gyu's heart swell for reasons he cannot explain.

He tilts his head towards Thanos. "I'm honored," He pauses, waiting for the right amount of time to pass before he adds; "I keep track of you, too."

"Because of the drugs." Thanos phrases it like it's a fact. It isn't.

"Because I care." Nam-gyu doesn't know where the confidence stems from but he's suddenly vulnerable from those three words alone. It's not all that he wants to say but it's what he can muster on a whim without trailing off or not answering Thanos at all.

There's too long of a pause. It takes too long for Thanos to think.

Then, finally, "Me too."

It's around now that Thanos is supposed to look up, see Min-su, and scramble off the bed to meet him. When Nam-gyu nervously turns his head to check on his friend, he quickly discovers that Thanos hasn't even completed the first step of this. He's staring at Nam-gyu with this unreadable look in his eyes.

Maybe now comes a speech. Words of reassurance from Thanos, who probably still suspects that Nam-gyu is spiraling and is plagued by suicidal thoughts. Maybe Nam-gyu is spiraling a little, but he hasn't thought of doing anything to himself just yet. It only wastes time, only cuts the loops short. He knows it wouldn't help anything. But Thanos doesn't know this- he's looking at Nam-gyu and all he sees is hurt. And he must relate to this nonexistent hurt in one way or another.

Thanos cares about him.

And it feels so undeserved.

Nam-gyu isn't struggling in the way that Thanos thinks, so his worries are completely unwarranted. It makes Nam-gyu feel like a total fraud. Not to mention the fact that he cannot, for the life of him, save Thanos' life. Thanos shouldn't care about him at all. What a 'valuable asset' he is. His lips twitch into a small frown and he looks down into his lap instead of at Thanos.

"I don't actually think that you're weak." Thanos draws his attention back.

"Huh?"

"Earlier," He shrugs, not specifying anything past that. Nam-gyu starts to spin his ring around his finger, trying his best to ground himself. Thanos should have seen Min-su by now, right? He should be excitedly crushing the other man in an overly friendly hug and gushing about his worries to him. Instead, he's trying to assure Nam-gyu of something he already sort of knew. Thanos has had plenty of opportunities to drop him but he's kept Nam-gyu around. "I was just mad because you were lying to me." There's no malice in his tone and his words alone shouldn't alarm Nam-gyu but it still makes him feel uneasy.

"Lying to you?" He asks hesitantly.

"Something's wrong. You just don't want to tell me," Thanos clarifies. Nam-gyu doesn't like the direction that this conversation is heading in whatsoever.

"I said I didn't want to talk about this," Nam-gyu continues spinning his ring around his finger but finally gathers enough courage to glare at Thanos. "Tomorrow, okay?"

Thanos grits his teeth together and he shifts his body so that he's facing Nam-gyu fully while they sit on the mattress together. It catches Nam-gyu off guard but he doesn't flinch away. "I wasn't uncomfortable when you hugged me." Thanos blurts out. "I was scared, alright? Because the last thing I did when I left home and walked to that bridge was hug my mom. I hugged her like it was the last time I ever would because, in my eyes, it was."

Nam-gyu opens his mouth in shock and then closes it when he can't think of what to say. "That's what you reminded me of when you did that. Like you were going to jump, too. Or that you were thinking I would," Thanos continues and then rests his forehead against his palm with a sigh. "I won't make you talk. I just..."

Thanos is struggling to find the words he's looking for and Nam-gyu doesn't want to stress him out any more than he already has. "I get it," He puts a hand over Thanos' knee and the other looks up at him before carefully placing his hand over Nam-gyu's. Their rings make an audible click. Thanos opening up to Min-su doesn't feel as personal as this. "You don't have to say anything else."

It feels unusual to touch Thanos without either of them bleeding. Unusual, but not bad.

"You're shaking again," Thanos notes. He keeps his hand over Nam-gyu's but uses his free one to retrieve his cross. "Want something to take the edge off or should I keep you away from these for a little while?"

"It'll be okay," Nam-gyu likes the sound of getting high before voting time. It's not a celebratory pill-popping moment as much as it is Thanos probably pitying him, but it's drugs. Nam-gyu is a junkie, time loop or not. He uses his free hand to pluck one out from the cross, placing it on his tongue and letting it slowly dissolve.

Thanos nudges the cross towards him again. "Get me one, too." Nam-gyu obeys, plucking out another and watching Thanos close the cross back up and tuck it away inside of his sweater. Then, unexpectedly, he leans in and opens his mouth a little, poking his tongue out between his lips and staring at Nam-gyu expectantly. "Come on," He urges in English.

"Just-" Nam-gyu blinks. He brings the pill closer to Thanos, "Like this?" and he places it on his tongue gently. Thanos flashes a smirk at Nam-gyu before his tongue disappears and an easygoing smirk finds its way on his face. Nam-gyu wipes his hand on the front of his pants to rid it of any germs and then he shuffles his sleeves down so he can turn them into paws. His hands will stop shaking soon, and his nerves will calm soon, too, with the help of Thanos.

Whatever it is that Thanos keeps in his cross, because he still hasn't told Nam-gyu much about it, it acts quickly. In no time, he's relaxed and any stress he feels from the loops goes away. Thanos still has his hand over Nam-gyu's, which is something Nam-gyu forgets about entirely until the other curls his fingers around his own.

Thanos doesn't leave his side at all this loop and Min-su's existence is pushed into the back of their minds like he always should have been. He's not sure if it has anything to do with Thanos worrying about him or if it's anything that Nam-gyu said differently this time, but he likes the attention. He feels ashamed for liking it so much. When voting finally begins, Thanos is glued to his side until it's finally his turn to go. Min-su isn't with them but Nam-gyu knows that he didn't die during Mingle. He's hiding somewhere in the crowd, probably still moping about betraying Se-mi. He only sees him again when he walks down the aisle and hesitantly chooses what he always does. Nam-gyu votes next, hitting his closed fist over the O button before joining Thanos on their side of the room.

"He didn't..." Thanos says when Nam-gyu is close enough. Looks like they're back to talking about Min-su. Nam-gyu looks off towards the X side with narrowed eyes. "My boy Min-su? I thought you said you talked to him."

"I did," Nam-gyu assures him. "He didn't wanna listen, I guess. That fucking coward." He didn't put a lot of effort into convincing Min-su to vote O, admittedly. He's already tried to enough times and it always ends the same way. Apparently, telling Min-su 'Se-mi is never going to forgive you even if you vote X' wasn't enough to sway him this time. Nam-gyu thinks he's going to stop telling Min-su that he has their protection, that they care about him, or any nonsense like that. It never changes what happens.

When the vote ends in a tie, Nam-gyu notices that his high is wearing off. He's aware of his body, his feelings, and his surroundings, and he's aware of what's supposed to happen next. Mealtime feels like it starts up faster than it has in any of the previous loops. “Come on,” Thanos says and Nam-gyu follows him without any questions.

To Nam-gyu’s surprise, Thanos doesn’t lead the way to the men’s room, where Min-su has undoubtedly scurried off to by now. “Sit,” Thanos instructs and Nam-gyu takes a seat on the steps in the same little corner that Nam-gyu always finds Thanos in when he waits in line for a fork. “Are you okay with waiting?”

Nam-gyu’s eyes dart up Thanos’ body. “Where are you going?” It’s not like Nam-gyu wants to watch Thanos die but sitting out here anxiously has got to be worse than letting his friend bleed out on the bathroom floor all alone.

Thanos leans against the nearby bedframes. “Are you still hungry? I was going to get you your food. I’m not hungry, so, you can just have mine.”

“Oh,” Nam-gyu looks down. “Sure, thanks.” He doesn’t watch Thanos leave. He keeps his head held low for the next four or five minutes before he finally redirects his attention towards the two separate lines. Thanos is easy to spot among the other players waiting on their meals- his bright purple hair swaying gently as he bounces in his spot in line.

He doesn’t understand why the universe is hellbent on killing him. Out of all the people stuck in this place, why him? And why should keeping him alive for a little longer cost Nam-gyu’s own life? Why is this even happening to him in the first place? He runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a shaky exhale. Can it end yet? Can this be the one where Nam-gyu makes everything right?

Is it karma?

He heaves another sigh and scrubs his palms over his face before grasping the cuffs of his sleeves again. He hears a pair of footsteps approaching but he doesn’t look up, assuming that it’s just Thanos back with his food. “That was quick.” He comments because the line did look pretty long. Who knows how much time has passed though. For all Nam-gyu knows, he’s been sitting in the same spot for ten minutes while overthinking how this all ends.

“It’s you.”

He doesn’t recognize that voice. He jolts in surprise and lets his hands fall to his sides. Metaphorical hackles risen, he scowls at the woman defensively. “I’m what?”

“The gods of Heaven and Earth have spoken to me,” The woman creeps up the steps and crouches in front of Nam-gyu. “You were not what I was expecting, but I sensed it when I saw you during the vote.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Nam-gyu shuffles away from her when he sees that she isn’t wearing shoes. Her appearance overall is eerie but it’s not just that that’s sending chills down Nam-gyu’s spine. She’s wearing eyeliner like she’s never worn makeup before and she smells like milk.

“A seer,” She reaches for Nam-gyu and he has no time to move away from the finger she drags down his knee. “You don’t look like a seer.”

“Maybe that’s because I’m not,” Nam-gyu hisses at her. He can’t even say he’s comforted when he sees the O badge that she’s wearing. Everything about her is unnerving regardless of what she’s voted for. “What do you want from me?”

The woman cocks her head to the side, narrowing her eyes at Nam-gyu like she’s studying him. “You have lived through this very moment… six times now.” Nam-gyu freezes. “For reasons unknown even to me, the gods have chosen you as a clairvoyant.” She presses her hands together and smirks at Nam-gyu. “You know what death feels like.”

“How do you know-”

“Have you been to Heaven? Or were you sent to Hell?” She leans forward, placing her hands over Nam-gyu’s knees and grinning at his face. Her breath smells like milk, too. “Or is this your Hell?”

Nam-gyu shoves her away and gets to his feet. “Fucking get away from me you psychopath!” The woman falls backwards but her cunning grin never falters. She looks up at Nam-gyu from the ground and laughs.

“You will come to me for help in time,” She says like she knows it for certain. “Maybe you will be kinder to that version of myself.” She calmly stands and dusts herself off.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Thanos is finally back. The woman doesn’t even look at him, she’s still looking Nam-gyu up and down curiously.

“Don’t worry,” She says. “I’m leaving.”

“Who was that? What did she want from you?” Thanos turns to Nam-gyu when she’s far enough away. Nam-gyu swallows down a lump in his throat and gently takes his food from Thanos.

“Some crazy bitch,” He mutters quietly. Thanos hums in agreement and they watch as she continues walking away. She climbs up one of the taller bed frames and crosses her legs on the mattress, placing her hands back together. Her lips begin moving in hushed prayer and Nam-gyu feels another shiver traveling down his spine.

“Well eat up,” Thanos eventually says and Nam-gyu obediently unwraps the meal. His discomfort never fades but eating the bland food prepared by the guards should distract him for a little while.

Chapter End Notes

How much would I have to pay you guys for fanart for this fic 🫶😓

ALSO YEAH this chapter is a little shorter than the other ones but I hope it’s still good and that you guys are still enjoying it !!

NOTE: the past few chapters may have errors! They will be corrected when I have access to my laptop again!

Heartbreak

Chapter Notes

HEY! Please go check out the end of chapter one and the hugging scene in chapter 4 to see some BEAUTIFUL fanarts!

For anyone wanting to submit any art of your own (and yes multiple pieces of the same scene are perfectly fine lol), please get ahold of me on Instagram (@leakinsanity) or Discord (@catixnip)!! I don’t care how well you think you can draw, I am happy to include it here. I’ll also make sure to dedicate an entire chapter at the end of the story to all of the submitted fanarts since a lot of people have been commenting that they wanna draw these two sillies.

All that being said, please do enjoy chapter five!

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @sawdust.y, @natee_s_arts, @nam_gyu_biggestglazer124, @coniwillkillyou, @iiishere, & @all0v3rtheplace!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"I just can't stop thinking about it," Thanos's voice pulls Nam-gyu out of his thoughts and he stops mid-chew to look up at him. They're sitting on the steps together, Thanos surveying the area while Nam-gyu all but picks at his meal. He wasn't actually that hungry but he has to look like he's eating at least a little bit for Thanos' sake. He didn't wait in that long line for nothing.

"Thinking about what?" Nam-gyu asks. He assumes it's going to be about Min-su's betrayal, maybe. It's the only thing that would make sense in his eyes. It won't be long before Thanos suggests hunting him down, and then it won't be long before the deadly bathroom fight.

Thanos shifts his body to face Nam-gyu a little more. "That lady," He explains, and this might be worse than discussing what to do about Min-su. "All she does is sit up on the highest point in the room and look down at all of us like we're ants. But she comes down just to freak you out like that and then leave like it's nothing?"

Nam-gyu shrugs nonchalantly, trying not to make it obvious that the interaction bothers him, too. "It's probably nothing we need to worry about. Just a bunch of crazy talk from a crazy lady." He wishes he could just forget all about what she said. Did anyone outside of Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day know about the timeloop, or was it just him? Nam-gyu seriously wishes he knew more about the film. He turns his head toward Thanos and wonders how much he knows about the movie. If he maybe has a synopsis or something.

Thanos is already looking at him.

"You know English," Nam-gyu states. It's not really a question.

"Yeah, my boy," Thanos replies in English just to prove it. "I'm not fluent. I know a moderate amount of it." He leans forward and rests his elbows over his knees. "Why?"

"You watch a lot of movies? American movies?" He tilts his head toward Thanos curiously. The other raises his eyebrows and nods slowly. "Groundhog Day?" He won't tell Thanos about the loop. He just needs another perspective. He needs Bill Murray's perspective. "Do you remember how he got out of the timeloop?"

Thanos' eyebrows pull together in immense concentration and he looks down at the steps they're sitting on thoughtfully. Nam-gyu watches his face closely, studying the light wrinkles in his skin and the way his lips turn into a semi-pout when he's deep in thought. He doesn't know why he's so drawn to it. "Good deeds," Thanos eventually says, meeting Nam-gyu's steady gaze. "He changes himself for the better, he does what's right, and he kisses the girl."

That's it? That's all it takes for the timeloop to break? He gnaws on his bottom lip and tries his best to cover his frustrations. He hasn't done anything wrong that needs fixing, has he? Nothing that nobody else here has done, at least. And there's not a lot of women in here who he could start pursuing out of the blue. Not a lot of women who voted O, at least. He thinks he throws up in his mouth a little at the idea of kissing that shaman lady. "Do you think there's other ways to get out of a timeloop?"

Thanos scoffs. "What, are you stuck in one?"

"No," Nam-gyu sputters. "Just making conversation. How else could someone get out of a timeloop?"

"Uhh," Thanos pauses. "Other than Groundhog Day, I've only seen Happy Death Day and Donnie Darko. I fell asleep watching the second one so I couldn't tell you how it ends." He rubs his face idly and then shrugs. "In Happy Death Day, the girl figures out who keeps killing her and stops it from happening."

"How?"

"Well, when I went to go see it, I went with this girl who was completely fluent in English. So we watched it in English, no subtitles. I was still sort of learning the language so I didn't grasp all of it," Thanos explains. "In terms of my timeloop knowledge, Groundhog Day is our best bet. I watched it last year I think." Happy Death Day is completely useless here. Nam-gyu knows who kills Thanos and he's already tried preventing it. He's never seen Donnie Darko before either- he didn't even know that it was a timeloop movie. Groundhog Day is truly their best bet and it's just as useless.

Nam-gyu can't think of anything he needs to change about himself and there's no girl to kiss. "What about outside of movies? Like, just in general. If you were stuck in a timeloop right now, how would you get out of it?"

Thanos wrings his hands together and hums. "I don't know. I think I would have a little fun with it first," He replies. Nam-gyu frowns deeply because there is nothing fun about reliving any of this. He tucks his hair behind his ears and rubs gently at the dead ends.

"How could it be fun?"

"You can do anything you want without any consequences," Thanos snorts out a laugh like it's obvious. "The same day repeating over and over? I'd be a God. I could try all the drugs I've never experienced before, I could go hundreds over the speed limit on a joyride, and have as much sex as I want without it mattering the next day." He sighs contently. "Whenever I get bored of that, if I ever do, I'd try figuring it out from there."

"...Right," This seems pointless. Nam-gyu can't do any of what Thanos just said. There's only one drug he can take in this place and as good as it makes him feel, it's not a variety. The other two activities are completely out of the question- there's nothing to drive and nobody to sleep with. "So how would you get out of it once you get bored?"

Thanos lets out a breathy laugh. "You can't get out of a timeloop until you figure out why you're in one! Once you know the why, you know the how."

Nam-gyu, in an attempt to hide his frustration, buries his face in his hands. He makes sure to forcibly laugh along with Thanos just to not raise any suspicion. "Yeah, of course," He says when he raises his head back up. "That makes sense." And he's not exactly lying. It would make sense to figure out the why- why was Nam-gyu reliving everything over and over? Why him of all people? Bill Murray's character comes to mind again, and thus the idea of 'fixing all of his wrongdoings' comes to mind. Nam-gyu knows that he's not a very good person, but this isn't anything new, is it? This is stupid. Everything about this is stupid.

He distracts himself by shoveling more food into his mouth.

Min-su doesn't come up in conversation.

Nam-gyu does not participate in the argument that plays out between the X's and the O's. He does look on in amusement when Thanos bolts into the crowd to join them, shouting phrases in English that are unfamiliar to Nam-gyu. It's not anything he's heard Thanos say before but it's fascinating all the same, watching him yell at the other men. Nam-gyu isn't too concerned about a fight breaking out in the clearing of the dorms, so he isn't worrying about Thanos' life. The last time he saw the arguing, or more accurately listened to it, it never turned into anything more. As expected, nothing comes of the arguing and each side eventually returns to their own side of the room, muttering angrily to themselves.

Thanos returns to his place at Nam-gyu's side and looks over at him with his lips pressed outward into a pout. "You didn't go up there with me, Nam-su."

He pokes at his food, pushing around the remaining four pieces in the tin foil wrap. "I'm still eating, sorry."

"All of those damned cowards over there," Thanos grumbles, disregarding Nam-gyu's excuse. "I think I'd give anything to beat some sense into them. I can't see why anyone would vote X. One more game and we can all leave with even more money than before." He idly reaches over and Nam-gyu only gets a glimpse of his painted nails before he's digging into the tin foil wrap with his bare hands and bringing Nam-gyu's food into his mouth. Nam-gyu looks on with raised eyebrows. "I swear, you're the only one that I trust here."

He smiles despite himself. "Same here, man." He'd like to say more to Thanos, anything to properly express how he feels, but it's difficult. Even with what Thanos said about actions not having any impact in a timeloop scenario, Nam-gyu still can't bring himself to open up too much.

And it's at this moment that something finally clicks.

"Wait."

Nam-gyu says, mainly to himself. He gapes at the ground and then slowly drags his gaze toward Thanos. Thanos, who is still alive. Thanos, who never went into the bathroom to scold Min-su and punch Myung-gi in the face. Thanos, who isn't currently bleeding out on the bathroom floor with a fork sticking out of his throat.

"What?" Thanos cocks his head to the side. It's a little gross to see that he's still chewing and talking to Nam-gyu with his mouth open but that's really the least of Nam-gyu's problems.

"Nothing, just..." Is this it? Did he finally beat this? He slowly breaks into a grin. "MG Coin. Let's get rid of MG Coin tonight when the lights go out." Myung-gi would never see it coming. They get rid of him tonight, the O's win the vote tomorrow, and Thanos doesn't die.

He's won. Nam-gyu has finally won.

"What, are you serious?" Thanos sounds taken aback by the idea, but not opposed.

"Min-su, too. We'll take them both out tonight and-"

"Woah," Thanos raises a hand to stop Nam-gyu. "Not Min-su. You really want to kill Min-su?"

"You don't?" Thanos is conflicted by the question. Nam-gyu hates it. "He betrayed us. He betrayed you. We can't seriously be letting him get away with that." He doesn't stop Thanos from stealing another bite of food from him.

"He's cute, though," Thanos says it like it's obvious. Nam-gyu wants to vomit. "We could talk to him. If he doesn't listen after that, then we can kill him."

Nam-gyu shoves his food aside and it falls out onto the floor. Thanos looks down at the mess, mouth agape, and then up at Nam-gyu who is now standing over him. "We tried that already! I've tried it over and over and over again!"

"What? When?"

Nam-gyu shuts his mouth and then growls in irritation. Thanos wouldn't know about the other times that they tried convincing Min-su to vote for O. "Before the vote," Nam-gyu isn't lying completely, at least. He did try. "He's never gonna fucking vote O. He's made up his mind, Thanos. He's not some kid, he's a grown man." When Thanos gets up from his spot on the steps and grabs Nam-gyu's arm, the latter doesn't even flinch.

"Watch it, Nam-su."

Nam-gyu rips his arm away from Thanos. "I'm tired. I'm tired of Min-su and I'm tired of this," He lifts the same arm up to run his fingers through his hair. It does nothing to soothe him. "And why can't you ever get my name right? I tell you over and over, it's Nam-gyu! Not Nam-su! It's never been Nam-su!" He pokes Thanos hard in the chest, a crazed look in his eyes. "You said that you trust me, so trust me right now! MG Coin and Park Min-su need to die tonight!" He whirls around and starts to march down the steps away from Thanos, but he doesn't get very far.

The other man is grabbing his arm again, much more rougher than before, and pulling him back up the steps, forcibly turning him back to face him. Nam-gyu braces himself for impact but nothing happens. "Stop it," Thanos says and Nam-gyu can't help but to listen. He stiffens in place and looks up at Thanos, deciding to zero in on his slit eyebrow. "You're stressing yourself out and that's stressing me out." The grip on his arm doesn't soften once. Thanos isn't letting go of him anytime soon. "You said that you're tired, right? So sleep. When it's lights out, you sleep. We'll make sure that the O's win the vote tomorrow. I need you to sleep off whatever's wrong in the meantime."

"I'm fine."

"No," Thanos shakes his head. "You aren't fine."

"Yes, I-"

"No." Thanos' hands travel up his arms and rest on his shoulders gently. Nam-gyu purses his lips into a thin line, his eyes flicking from the now comforting hands on his shoulders to Thanos' serious face. There's an ever so slight hint of hurt in his expression and maybe Nam-gyu went too far during his outburst. Maybe he overreacted.

Guiltily, he mutters out a low; "I'm sorry," It's a sincere apology that results in Thanos' hurt fading away- something that might mean the world to Nam-gyu. "You're right. I'll try to sleep this off tonight and we can... we can figure everything else out tomorrow." If the loop is truly over, then there will be a tomorrow. They can deal with Myung-gi and Min-su by then. He takes a deep breath and then nods. "Tomorrow." ‘If it ever comes.’ ‘No,’ Nam-gyu tries to correct his thoughts. ‘When it comes.’

"Tomorrow," Thanos agrees, and it sounds like a promise. "Now. Enough stressing," He takes his hands off of Nam-gyu and unzips the front of his tracksuit with a lopsided grin. "This will make you feel better."

There are five minutes left until lights out and Nam-gyu is on a different plane of existence. Thanos was right, which isn't really a surprise since he tends to always be right, but the fun candies in his cross do make Nam-gyu feel immensely better. He's lying flat on his back on one of the mattresses, looking up at the bottom of the bunk above him. His sweater and shoes are in a heap at the end of the bed, tucked safely away so that he won't kick them off in his sleep.

He isn't worried about falling asleep. When he had first popped the offered pill into his mouth, he had been overthinking it all like crazy. What if something happens to Thanos? What if something happens to himself? What if he hasn't broken this curse at all and it only ends up worse when Nam-gyu never wakes up at all? He knows what death feels like but he doesn't know what a permanent one will do to his psyche.

What happens if the shaman lady is right and this is Hell that he's living through? Some fucked up purgatory of sorts that's entirely inescapable, something that only exists in nightmares. But when the drugs kick in, the heavy-weighted thoughts are lifted and Nam-gyu feels free. He lolls his head to the side to stare up at a grinning Thanos, whispering a small "Thank you."

Thanos chuckles. "No problem." And then they head for their selected corner of the room for lights out. It's where Nam-gyu is now, resting on the mattress that's only a bed beneath Thanos’ while waiting for the room to be engulfed in darkness. It's comforting knowing that Thanos is nearby, and if he were a little higher than he is now, Nam-gyu would be reaching up for him in a silent plea for Thanos to join him.

To hold him like he had in the previous loop, just without Nam-gyu shaking and choking on his own blood.

Nam-gyu wants him here to guarantee that he remains safe and unharmed. Right here in Nam-gyu's presence where it's okay to touch him and okay to trace his tattoos and admire the tiniest of details on his body. The eyebrow slit, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, how far down the black stripe of tattoo travels. Is there anything wrong with wanting something like that?

His lips part and he wants to call out to Thanos- to say something, anything to him. Even if it's just his name. There's one minute left until lights out. Nam-gyu is counting down the seconds in his mind while wondering what should be okay to say.

The mattress creaks from above and Thanos beats him to it. "Nam-gyu?" It shouldn't make his heart do whatever it just does. Embarrassingly enough, Nam-gyu thinks he gasps. 'So you remember my name after all' Nam-gyu doesn't say. His mouth feels dry. Thanos doesn't wait for a response. "I really do like-"

The lights shut off and the world goes dark.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu's eyes shoot open and he lets out a distressed whine. Thanos is in front of him, his lips pulled back into a smile a bright shine in his eyes. He's pumping his fist out rhythmically to the blaring music, jerking his body around as the platform spins.

No.

No, no, no.

Thanos wasn't dying- neither of them fucking died! He lifts his shaky hands out of his pockets and stares at them. Everything was fine, they were fine. Why is Nam-gyu back here? Why is he back here now when everything was going so well?

"Hey, hey," Thanos has a confused smile on his face when he comes into view. "What the fuck is wrong with-" Nam-gyu shoves him out of the way and pushes past him, leaving the platform. "Hey!"

Thanos' cries are left ignored by Nam-gyu who brings his hands up to tug on handfuls of his hair. "I'M DONE!" He screams. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! I'M DONE!"

He tugs harder on his hair until he can't bear the stinging pain. "I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS, I DID EVERYTHING FUCKING RI-"

A gunshot rings out. He only remembers a series of gasps and shocked exclamations and the world darkens again before his body even hits the floor.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu's eyes shoot open. Thanos is in front of him with the same grin, dancing and jerking his body around rhythmically. Nam-gyu grabs him by the front of his sweater and ignores the way that he yelps in surprise. "What were you going to say?!" He pleads. "You really do like what?"

Thanos swats at his hands and Nam-gyu reluctantly lets go of him. "What?" His confusion morphs into irritation. "What the fuck is wrong with you? What are you talking about?"

"Ten!"

The platform clunks to a halt and Nam-gyu doesn't even stumble. Thanos doesn't hesitate to loop his arm around Nam-gyu's despite his mood, leading the way with the rest of their team in tow. Se-mi finds the group of six, Min-su is almost sacrificed, it's all the same events as before. Min-su is shaken up, Se-mi smacks Thanos, Thanos laughs.

Nam-gyu doesn't know what he's doing wrong. It's easy to chalk everything up to Min-su and MG Coin surviving in the last loop. Maybe Nam-gyu not killing them is why the loop reset by lights out. But nothing about this is easy. Nam-gyu scrubs his palms against his face and waits until the doors click unlocked before he shoves his hands back into his pockets and stalks after Thanos.

"Baaaack to the platform!" With Thanos' back turned to them, it isn't as weird for Nam-gyu to mouth the words. His earlier outburst does not go ignored. When the platform starts spinning again and the music picks up, Thanos leans down into Nam-gyu's view with a raised eyebrow.

"Nam-su?"

It hurts more hearing it now. Thanos knows his name. Or, the Thanos two loops ago did. He doesn't bother correcting him. He doesn't even bother responding. "I won't ask you what's wrong-"

Nam-gyu has nothing to lose. Thanos said it himself, his actions don't have consequences anymore. The timeloop is in control and it's decided to make Nam-gyu's life as miserable as it can. "I'm stuck in a timeloop," Nam-gyu deadpans, promptly shutting Thanos up. "The next numbers are four, three, six, and two."

"You- you what?"

"Groundhog Day," Nam-gyu adds. "I know what numbers they call because I've played this game six times now." He mentally thanks the shaman lady for giving him an exact number. "four, three, six, two."

When the platform stops, Nam-gyu holds up four fingers when the announcement cheerily calls out; "Four."

"Lucky guess," Thanos bites out before turning toward the group. Nam-gyu watches unenthusiastically when Thanos kicks Gyeong-su to the ground with a victorious shout of "Gyeong-su, you're out!". Min-su tries reaching out for Gyeong-su and Nam-gyu bitterly thinks that maybe he should just join him. Unfortunately, Se-mi always grabs him, and the four sprint away into a room together.

The doors all lock, the lights come up, and gunshots echo from outside. Nam-gyu doesn't bother looking outside this time, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall in the back. Thanos has other things in mind instead of mourning Gyeong-su's death, stepping up into Nam-gyu's space with narrowed eyes. "Are you high?"

"Nope," Nam-gyu pops the P.

"You're high."

Nam-gyu huffs and uncrosses his arms to hide his hands with his sleeves. "I just said I wasn't."

Thanos glares at him and then glances at Se-mi and Min-su. "So you really think you're stuck in some sort of fucking timeloop?"

Nam-gyu nods. "Not think, I know. But yeah," He pauses and looks over at the remaining half of their group. "Do they have to be here for this?" He doesn't want to give the very people who end up betraying them any more information than necessary.

Se-mi is smirking. "Prove it," She sounds far too amused for Nam-gyu's liking. "Prove that you're in a timeloop."

"I don't owe you shit, bitch," Nam-gyu spits out at her. Se-mi raises an eyebrow at him, her clever smirk faltering.

"What do you mean by timeloop?" Min-su's voice is so small that if it weren't for the gunshots dying down, Nam-gyu wouldn't have heard him. "Like this day keeps repeating for you?"

"That's what a timeloop is, genius," Nam-gyu scowls at the two and then slinks away from the wall, slipping past Thanos and positioning himself near the door. "I don't know if it's a full day, though. It's this game of Mingle, the voting session, and the-" Nam-gyu stops. "And then at mealtime I end up back in the game of Mingle and everything's the same." He doesn't want to talk about this with Se-mi or Min-su present but he's not given much of a choice when all three are staring at him.

"You sound insane," Se-mi says at the same time that Thanos asks, "So how does the vote end?"

Nam-gyu tucks his hair behind his ears and leans his back against the door. "It ends in a tie each time and we’re supposed to vote again the next morning. I never make it to that point."

"So you- you know who votes for what?" Min-su sounds pathetic. Nam-gyu relishes in the nervous look that he gives him when he nods curtly. Min-su is lucky that Nam-gyu doesn't reveal his vote to the room right now. They kind of need him for the next round, though, so he holds off. He can’t have Thanos kicking him out too early.

"Yeah? So what do I vote for then?" Thanos asks and Nam-gyu stares at him blankly.

"O."

"That's... kind of obvious, though," Se-mi says and Nam-gyu doesn't show in any way that he agrees. He steps off from the door the second that it unlocks, which is purely coincidental but works in his favor since it's almost like he knows exactly when it'll do that. Min-su is gaping at him like he's some sort of psychic.

"Three."

Thanos always insists on a game of rock, paper, scissors. Min-su always wins.

"Six."

Thanos is definitely starting to believe him now. At least a little.

It's as awkward as it always is when the six players end up in a room together but it's a little worse this time since Thanos, Se-mi, and Min-su are all staring at Nam-gyu with a variety of different facial expressions ranging from impressed to curious. Min-su taps Nam-gyu on the shoulder. "What's the next number?"

Nam-gyu steps away from him with a scowl and he refuses to answer. Thanos knows and that's all that matters.

They make it back to the platform in silence.

"Two."

As soon as he hears it, he prepared himself for a long, uncomfortable conversation with Thanos. They rush for a room together, Thanos kicking a male player down while Nam-gyu yanks a woman to the ground by her hair. Thanos holds the door closed behind him and waits for it to lock before he turns on Nam-gyu.

"So. You are either really good at guessing," He reaches to grab ahold of the collar of Nam-gyu's sweater. "Or you're telling the truth." Although Thanos is holding onto him tightly, he doesn't look very angry with him. That's relieving, to say the least.

He still takes Thanos' wrists in both hands, looking up at him intently. "What do I get out of lying other than making myself look like a lunatic?" Nam-gyu points out. "I knew what each number was going to be. I knew that Min-su would ditch Se-mi for us. I know that Se-mi and Min-su both end up voting X, betraying our trust. Hell, I could tell you what everyone ends up voting for as they walk up there." Thanos frowns and doesn't say a word. Nam-gyu takes a long deep breath. "I know that you die. In almost every loop, you die."

Thanos rolls his eyes in disbelief, letting go of Nam-gyu's sweater to gesture around them. "You're fucking with me," Nam-gyu's hands find their way into his pockets. "I mean, you can't be serious. We just won. I'm clearly alive right now." He pats himself down and leans back into Nam-gyu's space. "Do you think this is funny?"

"No," Nam-gyu scowls. "I don't. There's nothing funny about helplessly watching as you bleed out on the floor in front of me. There's nothing funny about not being able to do anything about it. There's nothing funny about experiencing death, either. I've been shot in the head and stabbed in the throat. I wasn't fucking laughing, then." He leans forward, their noses lightly bumping. Nam-gyu flinches away at the contact and then bares his teeth. "I'm not laughing now."

Thanos looks severely uncomfortable. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe he'll take Nam-gyu seriously. "How do I..." Thanos swallows. "How do I die, exactly?"

Maybe Nam-gyu is going too far. Maybe this is wrong of him to do. "Do you even believe me?" He exhales. "Or do you still think that I'm high?"

Thanos steps away and rubs the back of his neck. "You're freaking me out. I don't know how to answer you," He moves his hand up to scratch the back of his head. "Just- just tell me how I die, okay?"

This is a bad idea. But Nam-gyu's actions don't have consequences. If he fucks this up again, there's always another try. "MG Coin stabs you in the throat with a fork."

"I- What? A fork? Where the fuck does he get a fork from?"

"Mealtime," Nam-gyu explains simply. "They give us forks with our food. A bottle of soda, too. Tastes like they were trying to make some sort of Cola but used... fucking dirt or something as a base." Thanos swallows again and Nam-gyu feels a little bad for being open about this all.

Maybe he shouldn't tell Thanos about the loops in the future. Not if it's going to make him look so anxiety-ridden. "So what you- what you were saying to me before the first round..." Thanos trails off, looking at Nam-gyu expectantly.

"You were about to tell me something," Nam-gyu admits. "I kept you alive and I made sure that everything went smoothly. It was perfect." He slicks his hair back but clutches his fingers around the ends. "Everything was perfect until the lights went out and it reset. I didn't get to hear what you were going to say. I just know that it... it sounded really important."

"Oh."

The doors clicks unlocked and Nam-gyu waits a second before opening it. "This is my first time telling you about the loops. Maybe that'll change something. I don't know." And then he's out the door, leading the way for once since Thanos is trailing a few steps behind him.

There is no celebratory pill popping.

"What does she vote for?"

"X."

"Damn," The console lights up red. "Damn," Thanos says again. "Okay, what about him?"

"Also X."

"The fuck? There's no way. That guy looks so tough and confident- look at the way he carries himself, Nam-su," Thanos insists. The console lights up red and another vote is added to the X's. "What about the next guy?"

Nam-gyu squints at the man approaching the console next. "That one votes for O," Thanos pumps his fist in excitement. "The vote always ends in a tie," He reminds his friend. "It doesn't ever change. It's the only thing that's stayed consistent so far."

"I know, I know," Thanos shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "I just needed more proof that you're actually in a timeloop. I'm really starting to believe you now if it makes you feel any better." It does a little. Thanos points at the woman currently approaching the console. "What about her?"

"Uh..." He's not sure if he remembers. "O, I think. I think she's one of the few women that vote O. I could be thinking of someone else, though." He gazes up at Thanos. "Most of the women and the old fucks vote for X."

"And Min-su really votes X?" Thanos sounds hurt and Nam-gyu really wishes that Thanos wasn't so broken up over this. He nods slowly and ignores the way that Thanos visibly deflates. "Damn..." When it’s Thanos’ turn to vote, he does not kiss the O button this time. He presses it and walks to his designated place before turning to look at Nam-gyu from afar.

This is probably one of the worst loops, Nam-gyu realizes. Thanos is staring at him like a lost dog with its tail between its legs. If he could just keep his big mouth shut, maybe Thanos wouldn’t be dreading his possible death and looking around the room like anyone is going to jump out and stab him. On one hand, Thanos believes Nam-gyu and he doesn’t think he’s a crazy person- just a normal guy who’s stuck repeating the same few hours over and over again. On the other hand, Nam-gyu has him panicking over the prospect of dying and it isn’t even mealtime yet.

Min-su votes X and Nam-gyu doesn’t try and see Thanos’ reaction to it. He keeps his glare locked on Min-su, who is pointedly not looking back at him. He looks guiltier than he had in the other loops. “Fucking coward,” Nam-gyu hisses, walking up to the console and pressing O. He joins Thanos’ side and casually leans against him, resting his head on the other man’s shoulder and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m really tired of this,” Nam-gyu confesses. “It’s not even just traumatic. It’s boring,” His gaze drifts up towards the bright X and O display, watching as the numbers change over time. “The loops are different sometimes but some things are out of my control. I can’t change what game we play and I can’t change how long voting takes.”

“Why don’t we take out a few X’s?” Thanos suggests. “You said that this ends in a tie and we have to vote again tomorrow. If we kill a few of the X’s we automatically win.”

Nam-gyu sighs miserably. “Yeah, that’s easier said than done for some reason. It’s usually how one of us ends up dead.”

“Oh,” Thanos shuffles beside him, subtly leaning back into Nam-gyu. “Well, you said we both lived in your last loop. How are you back here?”

“I don’t know. The lights went out at bedtime and… I don’t know, I was just back in that game,” He bows his head and looks at their shoes. “I don’t know what went wrong. I think it could be because MG Coin and Min-su survived but there wasn’t anything that I could do about that. You didn’t want me to kill them.”

Thanos can’t help but to scoff out an amused chuckle. “What? I stopped you? That doesn’t sound like me.” Nam-gyu drags his tongue along his teeth and nods stiffly. It doesn’t sound like this Thanos, no. The Thanos two loops ago was different. It felt nice having someone looking out for him. He didn’t know that Thanos was capable of caring about anyone outside of Min-su, if you can even call that care. It’s certainly unrequited. Min-su wouldn’t be hiding behind Se-mi in the X’s designated section if he cared for Thanos in the slightest. “So what should we do?”

Nam-gyu turns his head and flinches when Thanos is already looking down at him. It’s like he completely forgets about the close proximity. “I’m not sure,” He admits. They can’t win the bathroom fight, they can’t ensure Min-su’s death in the game of Mingle without putting themselves at risk, and even going to bed unscathed ends with Nam-gyu right back where they started. He doesn’t know what more there is to do about this predicament- and he’s not sure what Thanos can do, either. If Thanos dies, it resets. If Nam-gyu dies, it resets. If neither of them dies, it still resets.

If he wasn’t losing hope before, he definitely is now.

And then, right at that moment, Nam-gyu feels a sudden, powerful urge to look across the room. He shifts away from Thanos who only follows the movement so he can continue leaning into Nam-gyu’s space. The shaman lady is watching him from her perch on the beds like a big cat in the wild stalks its prey. He can even see her eyes from where he stands, her thin eyeliner extenuating the piercingly knowing stare. She waits until Thanos is turning fully to follow Nam-gyu’s gaze before her lips pull back into a toothy smile.

“Creepy bitch,” Thanos mutters in English.

Nam-gyu can’t take his eyes off of her. He feels like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. When he looks at the woman, he feels an inexplicable sense of impending doom- but she knows. She knows what’s going on with him. “We need to talk to her.”

Chapter End Notes

Grammatical fixes will be made when I get home, yada yada yada. You get the idea (ive been at my friends for so long i practically live here what the hell am i doing)

Anyways, HOLY SHIT the support for this story is fucking insane. I am sobbing so joyously with the amount of comments and kindness from everyone! Thank you all so much for reading, drawing art for this, and leaving your kudos. ONE THOUSAND KUDOS BTW??? THATS THE MOST KUDOS IVE EVER GOTTEN 🥹

love you guys so much.

Heartache

Chapter Notes

HEY GUYS! Sorry that this took forever to put out! It was a bit longer than the wait time for the previous chapter, I know. I just got home today from my friend's house and edited all of the chapters before this one (nothing significant happens so there's no need for any rereads!)

Do feel free to check out any new fanarts you might've missed, though! Every artist who has drawn anything for me deserves every bit of support possible.

I hope that you guys enjoy this one :))) Again, I'm sorry for the long wait. On one of the days at my friend's, we had a visitor and it was from someone I hadn't seen in over a month so I tried to give them my full attention. All of that being said, please do enjoy.

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @https.a.sim, @ray-hound & @all0v3rtheplace

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Despite knowing how the vote ends, Thanos still looks up at the results with his mouth hanging open and his eyes blown wide. Nam-gyu doesn't have the heart to tell him an 'I told you so', merely tugging him along by his sleeve away from the others and guiding him past the bunks with purpose. "You were right..." Thanos says, stumbling over himself a little as he's still twisting his body around to see the board hanging over them.

Everyone else is trudging away from the clearing back to their places in the room since voting has come to a close, so not only does Nam-gyu have to tug along someone who isn't very insistent on walking on his own, but he also has to push past a few other players who aren't keen on getting out of his way. "We should corner her," Nam-gyu speaks up, referring to the shaman lady he knows he needs to speak with. "You climb up one side, I climb up the other."

"Wait, bro." Thanos finally realizes that he has control over his own body and comes to a full stop. Nam-gyu grunts at the sudden change. He thinks he knows what Thanos says this time despite him speaking in English; he's heard him say that enough times to grasp it.

"What?"

Thanos glances up toward the shaman and then back at Nam-gyu's face. "Why do you even need to talk to her? She's fucking weird." Nam-gyu wants so badly to agree but unfortunately, there is much more to her than that. Past all of her weirdness and horribly applied eyeliner are some answers to Nam-gyu's burning questions.

They stop at the front of the rows of bunks, Thanos on one side and Nam-gyu on the other as instructed earlier. "She knows what's going on," Nam-gyu explains, gesturing towards the woman and then in the space between them. "With me, with the loop, and probably even with you."

"What do you mean by that?" Thanos lowers himself down to Nam-gyu's level to make eye contact. "Why would she know anything about me?"

"The loop restarts whenever one of us dies," Nam-gyu reminds him. "A couple of loops ago, she came up to me and asked me about how it felt to die. If she knows about me, she'll know about you." Nam-gyu has some hope that she'll know how to get him out of this. He points down the aisle between the bunkbeds and looks up at Thanos desperately. "It's the only thing I can think of to do. If you don't want to help me, then that's fine. Just don't follow Min-su into the bathroom and get yourself killed. I need enough time to talk to her."

He doesn't wait for Thanos to respond, instead simply whirling around to stomp up the steps and get to the end of the row. He turns towards the bunk that the shaman is sitting on, admittedly a little surprised to see Thanos on the other side of the bed with a look of determination on his face. All he does is nod before gripping the edge of the bed above them and climbing up the structure as quickly as he can.

It's probably for the best that Thanos sticks around him in this loop. Guaranteeing his survival for a few more hours gives Nam-gyu enough time to figure out what to do in the next loop. After the few seconds it takes to recognize this, Nam-gyu grips his side of the bed and starts to climb.

Thanos is already on the other side of the bed, his arms crossed over the mattress and his narrowed eyes pointing toward the shaman lady. She, however, is staring down at Nam-gyu expectantly as he finally reaches them, her lips twisted into a cruel smile. "I was wondering when you would come," She says calmly. "The gods of Heaven and Earth told me to wait." Nam-gyu crosses his arms over the mattress as well, his fingernails digging into the covers so he has something to grasp for purchase.

He opens his mouth, but she's pressing her finger to his lips to shut him up. "Hush, you may ask your questions in a moment." Nam-gyu's first instinct is to bite her finger off, but he doesn't know where his hands have been. He grumbles in discomfort and relents, allowing the strange woman to speak. "My name is Seon-nyeo, shaman of the sea. What is happening to you is no coincidence and the gods have chosen you specifically to accomplish something important. Only you can change the outcome," She gestures over her shoulder with her thumb at Thanos. "His life is in your hands. You know this, but you haven't been paying attention to their signs."

"You sound crazier than he does," Thanos grumbles. "You realize that, right?"

Seon-nyeo finally turns her gaze to Thanos, who seems to shrink under her watchful eyes. "What kind of signs am I even supposed to be looking for?" Nam-gyu huffs. "Thanos and I both lived in the last loop. Why am I living through this again?"

"You failed to carry out their mission," Seon-nyeo unhelpfully explains. Nam-gyu waits a beat for her to elaborate but she simply straightens her posture and hums in content. It isn't enough for Nam-gyu, who hoists himself up and scrambles over the bed to hover over the woman.

"What do I have to do?!?" He sits in front of her on his knees and tries not to touch any part of her. "What fucking mission? I've tried everything that I can to fix this! What am I missing?"

"Roh Nam-gyu," She addresses him fully, tilting her head back to point her chin towards him. He flinches and curls his fingers around her bedsheets, baring his teeth at her dangerously. "You are both cursed and blessed. The gods have recognized you and have channeled their powers into you but you are ungrateful. Blessed to be seen directly by them but cursed to live through the consequences of your actions repeatedly." She sighs and runs her hand over the sheets that Nam-gyu messed up in an attempt to smooth them out- an action so human from someone that Nam-gyu finds easy to separate from the title. "I don't know what they want you to do. They have not told me."

"So then what help are you?" Thanos scoffs from beside them. "If you can't get him out of this, why should he even bother with you?" Her lips twitch downwards into a deep frown and she shuffles away from Nam-gyu so that she can turn her body towards Thanos.

"The gods of Heaven and Earth-"

"Oh, quit it with that religious nonsense, bitch," Thanos lifts himself up finally and Nam-gyu quickly makes enough room for him to sit. He plops down by Nam-gyu with a grunt and reaches over for a fistful of the shaman's sweater. "Do you think your gods will save you if I throw you off of here right now?" Her hands shoot up to wrap around Thanos' wrist, her eyes widening fearfully.

"I can't tell you what they want!" She yelps, her cool persona dropping in an instant. "I can only point you in the right direction!" Nam-gyu stifles a laugh, too distracted by the sound of nearby movements and concerned muttering by a pair of players a couple of beds away. He perks up at the sound of climbing and turns quickly to see the same pair making their way up.

"Who are they?"

"Believers," She says in a heavy breath, not even tearing her gaze away from Thanos. "Let go of me and I will tell them off."

Nam-gyu clenches his jaw and waits only a second before he grabs Thanos' forearm. Thanos lets go of her and allows Nam-gyu to pull him off of her. "Fine, fine." He keeps his hand on Thanos' arm.

She crawls in between the men and signals at her followers, promptly sending them away. Nam-gyu doesn't hide his disgust at her closeness, waiting until she sits back in her spot on the bed. "Now get to pointing," Thanos bites out.

Seon-nyeo takes a moment to collect herself, settling her hands over her knees and closing her eyes. Nam-gyu prefers it when she isn't looking at them. He and Thanos wait impatiently for her next move and her lack of words makes Nam-gyu feel antsy. He wonders if the air of mystery surrounding her is all just for show or if the cryptic way that she acts is supposed to be taken seriously. It's hard to take her seriously when she is insistent upon speaking in riddles. He's about the grab Seon-nyeo and shake her around when she finally opens her eyes and tries to lean forward in Nam-gyu's face.

Thanos places a hand over Nam-gyu's chest and shoots Seon-nyeo a warning glare, and she backs off slightly. "You need to change something," She says. Then, she points behind Thanos and Nam-gyu follows her finger to the X and O board that displays the vote's results. "You must change that."

"The vote?" Thanos speaks for him.

"It cannot be a tie," She adds. "When you figure out how to change the vote results, you will have your answers." She lets her hand fall to her side. "The O's must win. When the O side wins, you save Choi Su-bong's life."

Nam-gyu ignores the red-hot, bubbling urge in his gut to grab her and throw her off the bunks just for calling Thanos that. He hates the way she says his name and he hates seeing the way Thanos stiffens in the corner of his eye. His name is not a secret. It never was. But Nam-gyu wants nothing more than to punch this lady square in the face for making his friend uncomfortable. He has enough self-control to fight this urge, choosing instead to glare at the shaman. "I've tried that. That coward Min-su never changes his vote and it's impossible to kill him. MG Coin is under some sort of protection spell, too, because even laying a finger on him gets me or Thanos killed." He applies as much emphasis to Thanos' name just to get it into this shaman's thick skull.

"It is the only way," She says coolly, unbothered by the bite in Nam-gyu's tone. "The gods require a great sacrifice." Nam-gyu slumps his shoulders and ignores the way that his hands tremble. The vote needs to change- if he can get rid of Min-su or Myung-gi before voting takes place, he can break the loop and allow the games to continue.

"How do we know this isn't all your fault?" Thanos' voice brings Nam-gyu out of his thoughts and he turns to look at his friend. "You didn't curse him, did you?"

"What purpose would that even serve me, hm?" Seon-nyeo sounds offended. She waves him off dismissively with an exaggerated eye roll. "Neither of your lives matter enough to me for me to exact any nonexistent revenge. I don't even know how to cast a spell like that. My life will continue as the gods intend, so even if I did curse your friend, I wouldn't have the honor of seeing his torture play out. Curses like these are almost entirely useless to whoever casts them."

It's a good enough response for Nam-gyu, as disappointing as it is to hear. If Seon-nyeo was responsible for this, then they could take her out right now and continue with life normally. It might be something that they can test out in another loop but Nam-gyu knows better than to try anything now. He runs his fingers through his hair, slicking it back along the way and tucking the strands behind his ears. "You both may leave," She shoos them away with her hands, practically swatting them in Nam-gyu's face. "I've helped you to the best of my ability. You're on your own, now. I have a vote to worry about tomorrow."

Nam-gyu scowls at her and turns away from them both, facing the descending beds that he plans on stepping down like stairs. "At least you get a tomorrow." He hears Thanos following him closely behind but they don't say a word to each other until their shoes are finally hitting the floor. Nam-gyu has to keep himself from yelling at a player when they accidentally shoulder-check him as they pass by for mealtime, which people are now lining up for.

Thanos has enough kindness in his heart to wait until they've returned to their chosen little spot before he speaks up. "Maybe we could kill Min-su now. Or MG Coin." Nam-gyu sits down on the steps and buries his face in the palms of his hands. Thanos walks up the steps and stands nearby, choosing not to sit next to him yet. "That's all it takes, right?"

Nam-gyu lets out a shaky sigh.

"We can both wait in line for mealtime," Thanos adds when Nam-gyu has yet to say anything. "We both get forks. That outnumbers MG Coin's singular fork. We take him out easily, you and me. I think I would prefer that over hurting Min-su. He doesn't know that I die in the time loops, does he? Maybe if he knew that I die, he'd be more willing to vote O for us."

Finally, Nam-gyu looks up at him. "That doesn't change the vote. We still tie."

"What? No, we don't," Thanos kneels down and leans in to catch Nam-gyu's eyes. "That's one less X to worry about."

"No, it-" Nam-gyu covers his face again. "It has to be before the vote. That bitch says I need to change the vote or the loop resets. I can't change the vote right now, not anymore. We're going to reset even if we try to convince Min-su to vote differently or try to kill MG Coin." He pauses and rubs his fingertips against his eyelids gently. "And I don't want to see you die again."

Thanos grunts and nudges him with his elbow, almost playfully. "I guess it's nice to see you care so much about me." It shouldn't hurt Nam-gyu to hear that, but it crushes his heart at the reminder that he cares. He wishes that he could hear Thanos say it back again. Like the loop before, when everything was different. When he looks up from behind his hands and sees Thanos, he knows that nothing's really changed about him.

This is still Thanos.

He's still him.

But Nam-gyu misses a version that no longer exists. He misses someone who was probably never real to begin with. That Thanos was a version of himself that existed only because of the choices that Nam-gyu made- if that was how this works. Nam-gyu expects to see Thanos now and easily compare him to any other loop's version of him. Instead, all he sees is his friend. The only person that he trusts in this entire room. It makes him feel almost like a fraud, now. To be able to look at this Thanos and see the ones from the previous loops. he knows they aren't the same but he can't help himself from wanting to reach out, hold his friend's hand, and ask him what he was about to say before.

"I'll get it right next time," Nam-gyu tells him. He doesn't know for sure if he will. He doesn't know how much hope he has left anymore. But he won't stop until he gets it right. He can't live this day forever and he can't live in a world where Thanos bleeds out in a dirty bathroom in a place that feels like Hell.

Thanos cracks a weak smile. "You can get it right this time," he tries to reassure him. "Maybe if we kill MG Coin right now, we don't reset at all. Maybe we just go right into the next day and the O's win." Nam-gyu doesn't return his smile.

"Thanos," He tries, with a hint of desperation. "I don't want to see you die again."

"Well, if we both have forks-"

"No," Nam-gyu interrupts. "I can't. Even if the chances of you dying go down, I can't guarantee that it's zero." He shakes his head and looks down at his shoes. "I'm sorry but I can't do it." Thanos falls silent and Nam-gyu can't bring himself to look at him. He doesn't even look when he feels Thanos' shoulder press against his own, signifying that he is now sitting directly beside him.

"So what, we just sit here until it ends?" Thanos' voice is quiet and he can hear the way Thanos pouts. Silently, Nam-gyu nods. There isn't anything else to do other than wait until the loop restarts.

He has at least an hour and a half before lights out to do absolutely nothing aside from waiting. "Can you think of anything to maybe pass the time?" Thanos asks hesitantly. Nam-gyu sighs and finally turns his head to face the other man. His face is closer than Nam-gyu expects it to be but he doesn't startle away from him. "They say time flies when you're having fun, you know." Thanos' fingers twitch toward his zipper and Nam-gyu is alerted to the sound of his sweater unzipping. He reaches for his cross and presents it to Nam-gyu.

The pills.

Dreadfully, the first thought that Nam-gyu has is how quickly those could kill him rather than how fun it could be to take one and feel an hour's worth of fun. He doesn't take his eyes off the cross as Thanos clicks it open and reveals the rainbow within. How many would Nam-gyu need to take to end this day? How long would they need to kick in? What would the overdose feel like? Would it be anything close to being stabbed in the throat with a fork or would it feel akin to being shot in the forehead?

It makes Nam-gyu uncomfortable when he looks inside the jewelry. His underlying temptation makes him feel sick to his stomach. He doesn't look this time when Thanos brings one to his lips and takes it with an easygoing smile. "Here," The cross is brought closer to him, and since it still hangs from around Thanos' neck, so is Thanos. He can feel the other man's breath hot on his cheek. "It'll make you feel better."

It's a way out. An easy gateway into the beginning of the next loop and thus, Nam-gyu's chance at fixing everything for good. He eyes the pills in Thanos' cross carefully. It should be painless, shouldn't it? It's easier than hanging himself or getting a guard to shoot him. It's easier than throwing himself at MG Coin and letting him win the fight. He licks his lips and then looks up into Thanos' eyes.

He raises his eyebrows at Nam-gyu questionably. In English, he utters an encouraging "Come on, my boy," before he pulls his cross closer to Nam-gyu and he swears he hears Thanos' breath hitch when that only brings them closer to each other. He doesn't say anything back. Neither of them do.

If he overdoses, he's doing what he already told Thanos that he wouldn't. It's not the same Thanos, no, but he knows how wrong it would be. He knows deep down how Thanos would never forgive himself if Nam-gyu were to reach over and dump everything within the cross into his mouth just to skip to the next loop. It makes Nam-gyu's gut churn and his blood feels cold inside of his veins. He licks his lips again and he doesn't notice when Thanos' gaze darts to his mouth.

Thanos gets the wrong idea. Or maybe he gets the right idea, depending on how Nam-gyu looks at it. Whatever the case, everything happens in a flash and Nam-gyu doesn't even try to stop it. he doesn't even know if he can. But Thanos sticks out his tongue, places one of the bright blue tablets on it, and closes his cross before he lets it fall against his chest. There is no time to speak before the other man's hand reaches over to cup the side of his face, his fingers brushing over Nam-gyu's jawline before curling around the side of his neck and hair. With a quick yet gentle tug, Thanos presses his mouth against Nam-gyu's and pushes his tongue between his lips, successfully pulling them apart from each other.

It doesn't take a lot of work to do so. Nam-gyu's shock is evident given the way his mouth falls open and his eyes widen significantly, making it easier for Thanos who pays this reaction no mind, kissing him like his life depends on it and working his tongue into Nam-gyu's mouth so he can leave the little blue tablet near the back of his throat. Nam-gyu lets out a muffled noise, something close enough to a moan, and Thanos practically devours it.

Inhaling deeply through his nose, Nam-gyu shuts his eyes tightly and uses both hands to grab each side of Thanos' face, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know why it's happening or what exactly had led up to this very moment, but Nam-gyu doesn't want to pull away. He doesn't want this to end. Thanos' tongue is wet against his own and the mixing of their saliva assists in Nam-gyu's ability to finally swallow the pill down.

Thanos groans against his lips and presses his body against Nam-gyu's side, his hand making its way to the back of Nam-gyu's head to grab his hair and keep him exactly where he is. Thanos is kissing him. Thanos kisses Nam-gyu so deeply and with an energy that Nam-gyu does anything he can to match, that it makes Nam-gyu feel drunk.

Thanos pulls away briefly and Nam-gyu's eyes flutter open in time to see the disgusting trail of spit that connects their lips. "You're not pushing me away," Thanos gasps out in a heavy breath and Nam-gyu responds by sliding his hand down Thanos's chest to take a fistful of his shirt and bring their mouths back together.

It is just as, if not messier, than the kiss before. Nam-gyu swallows one of Thanos' moans and lets the other man press him down against the steps. It isn't very comfortable and the hard surface is digging painfully into his spine but he can't move an inch when Thanos is over him like this. It doesn't matter to either of them that other people are around- nobody is coming over to stop them and it isn't like Nam-gyu has a lot to lose. He parts his lips and Thanos takes the chance to taste him again, running his tongue over Nam-gyu's teeth and inhaling sharply through his nose when Nam-gyu nibbles at him.

"The bathroom," Thanos' voice is muffled and all Nam-gyu hears is a soft murmur paired with the vibration of his words against his mouth. He hums in question and Thanos unfortunately pulls away to repeat himself. "The bathroom," He says, his voice husky and laced with something difficult for Nam-gyu to place. He's in the middle of trying to catch his breath when he looks up at Thanos, his eyes catching on his pink, wet lips before meeting his gaze.

Thanos looks hungry. His eyes, as captivating as they are, are fogged over by something dangerously suggestive. Nam-gyu's heartbeat quickens and he opens his mouth, only for nothing to come out. He wants to. He knows exactly what Thanos is implying and he wants it so, so badly. But he can't. It's hard enough now that they've kissed. Nam-gyu doesn't think that he can truly live with experiencing anything close to what Thanos wants right now without it being permanent to this very timeline.

Because if there isn't a tomorrow and Nam-gyu ends up at the beginning of that Mingle game, it means living through the past few hours all over again and forcing himself to pretend that none of this ever happened. "Tomorrow," Nam-gyu pecks him on the lips.

"You don't get a tomorrow," Thanos bumps his nose against Nam-gyu's. "You said so yourself."

"And that's why I can't," Nam-gyu lays his hands flat against Thanos' chest and smooths out any wrinkles in his shirt. "I can't do anything until I can guarantee a tomorrow."

Thanos looks at him with a glassy shine in his eyes. "Okay," He looks physically hurt when he leans away like it pains him to not kiss Nam-gyu again. It pains Nam-gyu, too. He returns to his sitting position next to Nam-gyu and he fidgets with his ring. "Then tomorrow."

Nam-gyu sits up and wordlessly takes Thanos' hand. He feels the other flinch at the touch but he doesn't miss the easy smile that finds its way onto Thanos' lips. He squeezes Nam-gyu's hand and Nam-gyu squeezes it back. "You can kiss me again in your next loop," Thanos says suddenly. He doesn't say anything after that and neither does Nam-gyu.

Five minutes from lights out, Nam-gyu lays flat on his back in bed and stares up at the bunk above him. He's hyperfocused on Thanos' breathing, counting every second it takes him to inhale, every second he holds the breath, and every second it takes to exhale. He waits for Thanos to say his name, to tell him whatever he was going to say in the last loop.

Time ticks.

Nam-gyu waits.

Nothing happens.

When the lights go out, his world is engulfed in darkness and Nam-gyu reluctantly prepares himself for the game of Mingle.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Nam-gyu opens his eyes and quickly notes how heavy his eyelids feel. Idly, Nam-gyu wishes he downed all of Thanos' pills just so he wouldn't have to feel like this. Nam-gyu needs a break.

He needs to be away from this. He doesn't wait for Thanos to check on him and see what's wrong. He turns away from his friend and walks through the crowds of people before the other can catch sight of him leaving. If Se-mi, Min-su, or Gyeong-su see Nam-gyu walking away, none of them say a word to the oblivious Thanos.

Nam-gyu stops in front of the first decent-looking person he can find- someone who voted for O and hasn't been wronged by Nam-gyu or Thanos to his knowledge- and he taps them on the shoulder. "Hey," He greets them tiredly. "Could I play with you?"

The platform clunks to a halt. "Ten!"

Nam-gyu doesn't know if the other player says anything or not, but when he takes Nam-gyu by the sleeve and drags him off of the platform with a group of people that Nam-gyu has no interest in learning the names of, he takes it as a yes.

Chapter End Notes

Okay, hi. I wanted to leave this at the end note because it's really depressing and very irrelevant to the story and my absence the past few days. I woke up today at my friend's house with a text from my dad informing me that my childhood cat has a week or two left to live. He has a tumor in his mouth that we cannot surgically remove because he is too old for surgery (he is seventeen years old).

This has completely broken me. I came home and continued writing because I use writing as a coping mechanism but I cannot promise that the next update will be in two days. I'm going to spend time with my kitty while I can. I'm not abandoning this, I will continue this story and I will update it when chapters are done. But I'm prioritizing my baby boy for a while. I only have a week left with him.

Thank you for understanding. I love you guys a lot! Thank you tons for 15k hits and nearly 2k kudos. It means a lot.

Heartsease

Chapter Notes

HEY! I told you guys I'd be back, heh.

This is a slightly longer chapter than usual! Partly to make up for the shorter chapter last time followed by my absence.

ALSO! Please mind the rating for this fic. It is Mature and has always been rated Mature. There is no explicit porn but there are some scenes in here that are typical for the fandom. Keep that in mind, please.

ANOTHER THING!!! I have a Twitter account now! You can find me @drunkrot on Twitter! I'll be retweeting Squid Game content, posting update notifs for my fanfic, and rambling about Thangyu over there. Feel free to follow me! I am NOT proship though, so if you're proship please do NOT try to mutual me. I can't control who reads or comments on my stuff but I would like control over my inner circle. Proship DNI from my socials please.

ANYWAY! please enjoy chapter 7 :)

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @kuukuu.127, @ray-hound, @CORPSlFlED, @natee_s_arts, @the_gothic_cat, @all0v3rtheplace

See the end of the chapter for more notes

His name is Jung-bae. Or, that's what Nam-gyu thinks one of the other eight players cramped inside the room together refers to him as when they ask him what Nam-gyu is doing outside of his own group. It doesn't take long for Nam-gyu to put together the fact that the O to X ratio in this room isn't in his favor and he shrinks back against the wall behind Jung-bae with defensive, narrowed eyes. "Aren't you with that purple-haired guy?" The same person, player 388, asks him directly. Nam-gyu merely glances over him to look at everyone else in the room.

MG Coin's girl, the pregnant one. He can confirm without a doubt that she's pregnant given the way she caresses her belly and constantly shifts around to find a comfortable position.

Crazy player 456, the one who claims to have been the previous winner of these games three years ago. He's watching Nam-gyu warily, his gaze flicking from him to player 001, who Nam-gyu realizes is the same old man who kicked him below the knee and choked out Thanos when he split up their fight with MG Coin. Player 001 undoubtedly recognizes him but his expression is impossible to read- Nam-gyu can't tell if he wants to throw him out of the room, beat him to a bloody pulp right here, or silently forgive him for something Nam-gyu hasn't even apologized for.

There's an old woman and her son, two people that Nam-gyu also recognizes. The old woman gives off a kind, welcoming aura while her son is much more hesitant. The last two in the room, a timid-looking girl and a taller, broader-shouldered girl, are staring at Nam-gyu expectantly. Not with the same unreadable emotion that player 001 has, but something close.

He doesn't get a lot of time to pick them all apart in his mind, because Jung-bae is stepping away from him, back still turned to him, with his hands slightly raised like he's trying to calm the masses. "He's a kid," Jung-bae explains. "He came up to me and he just- he asked if he could play with us." Nam-gyu bites his tongue and doesn't correct him. He wants to play with respectable O voters, not a group of cowards and crazies. He settles his gaze on player 456 who still seems conflicted by him being here. When he notices Nam-gyu staring, his eyes soften and the visual change from unsure to forgiving disgusts Nam-gyu. He offers player 456 a tight smile which is fortunately blocked out for the most part by Jung-bae.

"So you aren't with the-" Player 388 asks again and Nam-gyu clears his throat loudly.

"We aren't talking right now," It's the first thing out of his mouth since he's gotten here. He deliberately makes eye contact with player 001 when he says it like he needs to prove anything to him. "I'm not playing this game with him." Maybe he could prove his faux loyalty to these freaks by insulting Thanos behind his back but he can't even bring himself to do that. He averts his gaze to the floor and tries to make up for the thought alone of insulting Thanos by thinking about everything he likes about his friend. It's just a break. He'll come crawling back to Thanos in no time.

MG Coin's girl steps closer, cautiously, and tilts her body to the side so she'll come into Nam-gyu's line of sight. "What happened?" She asks and Nam-gyu needs to stop himself from jerking away from her too harshly.

"It doesn't matter," Nam-gyu's entire body stiffens when she places a comforting hand on his arm. "I don't want to see him." Which is the furthest thing from the truth, but there's only so much that Nam-gyu can handle right now. Even a glimpse of Thanos is going to send Nam-gyu back into the loop before. To the kiss that shouldn't have happened with a version of Thanos that no longer exists. It would have been easier just killing himself. Honestly, a part of Nam-gyu wants to end it right now and continue to do so until he's in too much phantom pain from being shot by the guards to remember how Thanos tastes.

He can still feel the hand on his shoulder and he hates it. He knows he can't exactly act out in a room full of people who don't trust him, so he allows it reluctantly. "Oh," Player 388 says. "I'm sorry. What's your name?"

"Nam-gyu."

"I am Kang Dae-ho," He respectfully nods his head at Nam-gyu who pointedly doesn't look at him. "This is Park Jung-bae, we are both ex-Marines and-"

Player 001 finally takes a step away from player 456 to address Nam-gyu and cut off anything Dae-ho is about to say. "So, are you done picking on people?" Nam-gyu sets his jaw and shrugs away the pregnant girl's touch. Before he can respond, player 456 is grabbing player 001 by his arm and forcing a reassuring smile on his face.

"It's alright!" He gestures around the room vaguely. "We... It's alright," It doesn't seem like he trusts Nam-gyu that much either, but he's a forgiving enough person if he's holding back someone rightfully suspicious of Nam-gyu's intent. Not that Nam-gyu has any malicious intent surrounding his forced entry into this new group. It's a break from Thanos, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less. He's not in the mood for any intricate plans or sabotage. The awkward air in the room gradually clears and Dae-ho continues introducing everyone in the room. Nam-gyu tunes him out.

When round one ends, Nam-gyu decides not to involve himself in 456's group. He's the last one out of the room so no one notices when he slips away and tries scanning the room for a different group. The next number is going to be four, so he's trying to pick out any obvious groups of three that need another player with them. Thanos should be picking a room with Min-su, Gyeong-su, and Se-mi, so his survival is guaranteed, at least. Nam-gyu would be the first to know if Thanos died anyway, given their connection in all of this.

'Gyeong-su is going to live', Nam-gyu doesn't know for sure if this is true, but if it is, it might change everything. That's one more vote for O, isn't it? Maybe avoiding Thanos was what needed to be done all along, even if it was killing Nam-gyu inside. He scrubs his palms against his face and steps back onto the platform. This is it, this is the loop where Nam-gyu finally wins.

Why doesn't he feel excited?

The platform begins to spin and the music starts playing.

Why doesn't Nam-gyu not believe it for a second?

He sighs and lifts his head. A man and a woman are holding hands nearby, their backs turned to Nam-gyu so he can't see what they voted for. By the looks of it, they're the same couple of players that Gyeong-su found during the loop where Thanos chose him over Min-su. Nam-gyu assumes as much, at least. The woman's build is about the same and she looks terrified at the idea of leaving the man's side.

"Hey," he leans over them. "If the number's three, I'll go with you both." He knows it isn't three, but he doesn't want to give a couple of losers like these any knowledge of the game. The woman looks up at him and shuffles closer to the man.

"We have another person with us," The man says. "We'll be okay." Nam-gyu's lips twitch into a smirk. That works out wonderfully for him, doesn't it?

The platform clunks to a halt and Nam-gyu doesn't stumble at all. "Four."

"Look at that," He shouts over the chaos that erupts in the room. He doesn't get to finish his snarky quip, as the couple scurries off the platform and Nam-gyu has no choice but to follow behind, running in step with who he assumes is their third member.

"You- you're that rapper's friend," One of them says when the doors lock and they're all standing safely in their chosen room. The three strangers eye Nam-gyu like he's an uncontrollable wild animal- which is fitting because the judgmental stares have Nam-gyu's metaphorical hackles rising. At least the man who is practically shielding the woman from him is wearing an O badge instead of an X badge.

He fidgets with the cuffs of his sleeves and ignores any further comments directed toward him or any mention of Thanos. If there's another loop after this, Nam-gyu will have to find some respectable O's to team up with. Maybe player 100. He's pretty vocal about how he wants to keep playing the games, so Nam-gyu could always tag along with him. Even if he's kind of annoying and his little group isn't nearly as fun to be around as much as Thanos.

Replaying Mingle every loop was boring in itself but choosing other people to play it with? Nam-gyu didn't think he could make it more tedious than it already was. The doors unlock and he's the first one out this time. He still manages to keep his head held low so that Thanos, if he's even looking for Nam-gyu at this point, doesn't see him. The three players that he was with previously do not reach out for him or call him back over, which is fine. Nam-gyu didn't want to be a part of their group, anyway.

The next number is three.

Three, six, two.

He should probably pick someone to stick with until the end of the game just to ensure his own survival. He isn't really worried about Thanos making it through the game; he's more concerned about his own well-being. Thanos has people to spare- useless lumps of flesh and blood to toss aside when he needs to. Since Nam-gyu is on his own in this loop, he'll have to pick out who he can and put up with being in a room with them.

Two more players is all he needs.

He steps around the platform and stops in front of a woman. She's older than Nam-gyu but younger than that player 456. He glances at her badge and then meets her eyes when he confirms she's voted for O. "Hey," He doesn't get any further than that. She brushes past Nam-gyu and stops next to a group of three other women, leaving Nam-gyu in the dust. The platform begins spinning again. "Bitch," He sneers over the music. At least her group is going to be split up and one of them will end up dead. Nam-gyu could just take whoever's left by the time the music stops but he kind of likes the idea of tearing them apart. It's what they get for ignoring him.

Call him petty, he doesn't care.

He whirls around to face the other way, eyes darting through the chaos for anyone worth grabbing onto. It's hard to see when everyone's badges are a mere blur, but he pushes through everyone who gets in his way and still tries reaching for anyone he thinks might be worth it. He ends up flailing his arms around uselessly while trying to get ahold of anyone.

People push, people yell out each other's names in desperation, and Nam-gyu can't find anyone who wants to take him. It's just two other people, all he needs is two people.

He practically tackles a male player into a wall and forces him to turn around and face Nam-gyu. "Fuck," Nam-gyu curses. The guy voted for X. He wastes no time shoving the man to the ground before staggering away from him and sprinting alongside the doors for anyone he can grab lingering around outside of them.

Two people, ten seconds left on the clock.

Two people, nine seconds left on the clock.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Nam-gyu chants to himself. He isn't afraid of dying. He doesn't think he can be afraid of dying anymore when it isn't even permanent. Adrenaline kicks in when it kicks in, however, and he doesn't like the idea of getting shot in the face again. It's quick, sure, but it leaves behind a killer headache.

Two more people, it's all Nam-gyu needs. Why is it so hard when Thanos isn't around? Why is he struggling to find two fucking people?

He yells out in surprise when he runs right into another player, sending them both to the floor right outside one of the colorful doors. The other player slides away a few feet and before Nam-gyu can curse him out for getting them both killed, the door is opening behind him and a pair of arms are looping underneath his armpits. He doesn't even fight it when he's dragged into the room with a series of grunts.

He's unceremoniously dropped to the ground in the room and Nam-gyu gets to his feet, albeit ungracefully, before he turns to address his savior.

The third person in the room, whoever it is, gasps and shuts the door, which clicks locked right as Nam-gyu makes eye contact with Se-mi. Her chest rises and falls rapidly, and her shoulders are hunched forward slightly. A set of dangerous eyes watches Nam-gyu from behind narrowed eyelids. Nam-gyu straightens his posture a little and waits until they've both caught their breath before he finally speaks up.

"What the fuck was that?"

Se-mi's lips quirk into a faint smirk. "Me saving your sorry ass," She states proudly before the smirk fades and she's staring at the door blankly. Right. This is the round where Min-su leaves her for Thanos and Nam-gyu- only, it's Thanos and Gyeong-su this time. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she's hurt over this betrayal. Nam-gyu sniffs in amusement, crossing his arms and leaning up against the wall. It's like their third player isn't here.

Nam-gyu is ignoring him, at least. He's irrelevant.

"Where's Min-su?" Nam-gyu asks knowingly. He revels in the way Se-mi tenses.

"Where were you?" She bites back, finally tearing her gaze away from the wall to glare at him. "Your disappearing act freaked out that purple-haired fuck-head. He spent too much time looking for you and it almost got us all killed." Nam-gyu knows he should feel guilty first and flattered later, but he can't help himself. The idea of Thanos desperately looking for Nam-gyu does something to him. He clenches his fists and digs his fingernails into his palms to distract his wandering mind from the thought.

"His name is Thanos," Nam-gyu corrects her bitterly.

Se-mi scoffs and bows her head to hide her amused expression from him. "Where did you go, Nam-gyu, huh?" It's funny how she remembers his name while Thanos never can. Someone who doesn't matter in the slightest knows who he is? It's unfair. "Did you just feel like leaving us all?" She shakes her head and scoffs again. "It doesn't matter in the end, I guess. Maybe you had the right idea all along."

"Oh yeah?" Nam-gyu won't tell her his reasonings. He doesn't even know if he could tell Thanos, and he feels like he can tell that guy anything. "Why's that?" He'll still entertain a conversation with her.

"Those assholes showed their true colors," Her gaze flicks up to meet Nam-gyu's. "Especially Min-su."

"Is that why you're here and not there?" Nam-gyu wants to insult her. He wants to get her riled up and angry with him. But instead, something sad flashes in her eyes and she looks back at the floor, almost defeated. "What?" He asks after a beat when she doesn't answer him. Nam-gyu is many things. Stupid isn't one of them. Or, he doesn't think he's all that idiotic. If he is, then it must not take a dumbass to realize that Se-mi isn't angry. She's hurt. "You can't tell me that you seriously cared about him."

"You wouldn't understand," Se-mi responds defensively, the corners of her eyes pricking with tears. Her eyebrows are furrowed together and her jaw is tight. "You don't give a shit about anybody." Nam-gyu huffs and takes a step forward, fully prepared to hit her anywhere that hurts. The third player in the room doesn't allow this, stepping in between the two and placing a hand directly against Nam-gyu's chest in warning.

Nam-gyu growls in the man's face but steps away, keeping his glare steady on Se-mi's face. "You don't know a goddamn thing."

Whatever she felt for Min-su would never amount to what Nam-gyu felt for Thanos. When the doors unlock, he's the second one out right after the third player whose name he still has yet to learn. Surprisingly, Se-mi walks behind him, keeping up with his pace intentionally but giving him enough space to where it isn't obvious that she wants to stick with him.

It's weird. Nam-gyu never said she could do that. He wasn't expecting her to, but he supposes he gets it to an extent. Nam-gyu is a familiar person in a crowd full of danger and Se-mi is only trying to survive. Although he finds her behavior weird, he doesn't tell her off. He fucking hates her, she's a pretentious little snob who thinks she's better than him and likes to act all cool when she's not, but she could be useful to Nam-gyu for the next round.

They stand awkwardly together on the platform, and neither of them can look at the other directly. "I saw him," Se-mi mumbles. Maybe she says it to herself and has no intention of Nam-gyu hearing her. He still does. "Min-su. He looked so guilty."

He tucks his hair behind his ears and tugs gently at the dead ends. "You'll forgive him," He doesn't mean it as comfort, it's only Nam-gyu stating a fact. Min-su votes X and Se-mi admires him and his annoyingly pathetic switch-up. So it's not comforting, he doesn't want to comfort this bitch. He still feels weird after saying it. Maybe he should kill her instead of Min-su this loop, just to make Min-su suffer more and just so this timeline's Se-mi doesn't get to live with the fact that Nam-gyu almost sounded like he cared.

Maybe she doesn't hear him, because it's not addressed once after he says it.

The music plays, and Nam-gyu doesn't hide his smirk when he sees Se-mi jolt forward. She quickly tries to catch herself before she falls over when the platform begins to spin. She shoots him a glare and then stands silently nearby. Nam-gyu doesn't like how quiet she is compared to Thanos. Thanos would be dancing around right now and swaying in and out of Nam-gyu's peripherals. Se-mi's gloomy presence reminds Nam-gyu of what's at stake and he hates it.

This is a death game.

Dying hurts.

It isn't permanent, but it hurts, and Nam-gyu isn't familiar with what could happen next in this loop. He can die at any given moment if he isn't careful enough. It's like playing the game for the first time again. When the platform stops, Nam-gyu knows what happens next but he's filled with a newfound sense of urgency when the announcer calls out "six." He can handle dying just fine, he just doesn't want to. Is that so wrong of him?

He's not thinking about it too much when he grabs onto Se-mi's elbow and sprints with her off of the platform. The man who was with them before, who Nam-gyu still doesn't know the name of, follows after them. Maybe Nam-gyu should have seen this next part coming.

Just maybe.

He knows he can't blame himself too much and it's hard to blame Se-mi since he knows she would've wanted things to go any other way, but she visibly startles when she sees Thanos and the others running up to them, Min-su trying his best to hide behind Gyeong-su. Nam-gyu thinks he jumps a little, too when Thanos' eyes widen at the sight of him.

There isn't a lot of time to stand around gaping at each other, which the unnamed player seems to recognize because he claps his hands together to urge them toward a room. They file in hurriedly as the countdown ends, Gyeong-su rushing inside last and throwing the door closed behind him. He presses his back against it, panting hard and keeping his hand near the door handle even though it is already locked.

Nam-gyu has nowhere to hide.

He should've seen this coming, though. When they call out six, Se-mi temporarily rejoins the group and it's awkward and nobody addresses the elephant in the room. Nam-gyu wants to think that he knows what's going on in her head. 'You left me. You left me and it hurts.' Over and over again on repeat as she refuses to look back at Min-su. Nam-gyu doesn't know where to begin with Thanos, however. Leaving Thanos is a first and it's hard enough to figure out what goes on in his head when they aren't high.

He eventually braves a glance at the other man and his blood runs cold when he sees Thanos already looking back. His left eye is twitching as he stares Nam-gyu down. The smile on his lips is tight like he's forcing his muscles to stretch as wide as they are. Nam-gyu thinks it might be worse that Thanos hasn't said anything yet.

"Hey, so Nam-gyu is alive!" Gyeong-su throws an arm around Nam-gyu's shoulders and playfully beats at his chest with a closed fist. "We thought that something might've happened to you." Nam-gyu can't take his eyes off Thanos. Gyeong-su nudges him like he's waiting for Nam-gyu to explain himself. They all look like they're itching to hear some sort of explanation, save for the nameless player who couldn't give less of a shit when it comes to Nam-gyu's whereabouts. Unfortunately, Nam-gyu's mouth is dry and he shrugs- there's nothing to say.

He left and as far as these guys should be concerned, that's really all there is to it.

"So... what happened to you?" Gyeong-su presses and Nam-gyu finally swats him away as he would with an annoying fly. He doesn't hate Gyeong-su. Not any more than he does Min-su, Se-mi, or Myung-gi at least. He's... okay. Nam-gyu tolerates him. His loyalty toward Thanos and the fact that he's another vote for the O's helps his case. But he's still being a nosy little shit and Nam-gyu doesn't owe him anything. Gyeong-su, dejected, returns to Thanos' side with a worried pout.

"Nothing happened," Nam-gyu says. Maybe he's being too harsh on Gyeong-su. It's a good thing that he's alive. As long as he lives, the O side wins. He finally stops looking at Thanos, deciding to keep his gaze on someone less judgemental. Gyeong-su raises his eyebrows, waiting for Nam-gyu to say more. He doesn't.

The doors unlock and Nam-gyu pushes past the unnamed player to be the first one out. Maybe he should've thought this through. Of course, he would end up in a room with Thanos eventually- it was probably inevitable. Still, it has Nam-gyu reeling and unable to get the image of Thanos kissing him out of his head. He was staring Nam-gyu down so intently in the room mere moments ago and it has Nam-gyu's entire body heating up with want and desire.

It grosses him out.

He doesn't think he finds the act itself gross. His feelings surrounding it are grossly affectionate and he hates how carnally he wants Thanos. He can feel Thanos' breath hot on the back of his neck as the other man follows him closely behind. He tries his best to hide his flinch when Thanos wraps his fingers around Nam-gyu's wrist. It's so rough, it's sure to bruise. It hurts but he doesn't even try to pull away.

"If you leave again," Thanos' voice is dangerously low, it sends shivers down Nam-gyu's spine. Thanos keeps his grip on Nam-gyu's wrist when he takes a few steps ahead of him, turns, and faces him while keeping the same pace walking backward. "I will kill you my fucking self." He doesn't know if he believes that or not. Thanos had made a similar threat before in a previous loop. Something about his tone makes it sound... different. Nam-gyu's hand falls limply at his side when Thanos lets go of him and continues making his way toward the platform like nothing happened.

Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.

By the time Nam-gyu gets back to the platform, Se-mi is nowhere to be seen, which he can't say he's surprised by. She wants nothing to do with Min-su or anyone who associates themselves with him, which happens to describe Nam-gyu. Gyeong-su is hanging around at his side, continuously checking over him to make sure he's still there. Nam-gyu knows that Thanos was looking around worrying about him earlier. He wasn't even thinking about what Gyeong-su or Min-su could've been thinking. Speaking of Min-su, the older man is staring at him, too, pale-faced like he's seen a ghost.

"I'm fine," Nam-gyu snaps at Min-su, but both men quickly look away.

It's the final round and the next number is going to be two. Nam-gyu doesn't know how great of an idea it is to be alone in a room with Thanos. The platform spins and the joyous music blasts in Nam-gyu's ears but all he can hear is his heartbeat thudding against his ribcage. He knows he's in trouble. He knows that Thanos is going to back him in a corner and make him talk- make Nam-gyu explain to him why he'd leave without saying a word.

Nam-gyu isn't ready for that.

He could try grabbing Gyeong-su and getting into a room with him. The idea is tossed away to the side the second it enters Nam-gyu's brain because that leaves Thanos with Min-su and Nam-gyu hates the sound of that. He thinks if he ends up in a room with Min-su, he'll probably end up strangling the boy and that'll just get them both killed. Nam-gyu has no choice in the matter. He hesitantly lifts his gaze and peers over his shoulder at Thanos, who has been glaring at him for God only knows how long.

"Two."

Thanos lunges for Nam-gyu like a predator leaps for its prey, both hands grasping at his sleeves with such force that it almost sends Nam-gyu flying. He stables himself in time and straightens his spine, eyes flying up Thanos' body to look him in the eye. He has a wild grin on his lips, the skin stretching back to reveal his teeth. Nam-gyu zeros in on his canines, an unfocused blur of white that flashes before him as he's practically dragged off the platform like a ragdoll.

Thanos only lets go of him to kick down the same male player he always kicks down during the final round. When Nam-gyu yanks the poor girl to the floor by her hair and slips into the room after Thanos, the other man doesn't even wait for the doors to click locked before he grabs Nam-gyu by the front of the shirt, spins them both around, and slams his back up against the door as roughly as he can.

Nam-gyu was expecting this to happen last round, but maybe Thanos was holding off from this in case someone tried to pull him off. Nam-gyu can't think of anyone in their right mind who would, however. He gasps when Thanos tries to lift him by the front of his sweater while still holding him against the door. It doesn't really work in Thanos' favor. Sure, Nam-gyu is shorter than he is, but they're both grown men in their late twenties. The results are about as one would expect, as all it does is tug Nam-gyu's shirt and sweater up his stomach slightly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Thanos asks because he didn't get a chance to before. Nam-gyu doesn't understand him but he still hangs on to every word. He should learn English when this is all over, maybe watch a few movies once they win the games and get out of here together. He twists the fabric in his fist and tilts his head closer to Nam-gyu. "You think it's funny to run away like that or something?" He says, this time in Korean. Nam-gyu's already connected the dots to figure out what Thanos is asking but he still doesn't have a response. "When you're a part of someone's team, you don't just fucking disappear!"

That was the entire point of this loop. Disappearing, leaving the team, going away. All to get away from Thanos and thus get away from the lingering thoughts of kissing him. He knows what Thanos tastes like. He knows what he sounds like. He knows what Thanos feels like. The only thing that Nam-gyu can think of when Thanos has him up against the door like this, scolding him and interrogating him over the sound of gunshots firing in the background, is a small, simple; "You're beautiful."

Thanos freezes. Or maybe time stops altogether. He didn't think that he'd actually say it aloud. Maybe he doesn't, maybe Thanos is just... thinking of something unrelated to what's going on between them right now. With the way Thanos' eyebrows knit together and his lip curls into a confused scowl, Nam-gyu doubts this.

'You can kiss me again in your next loop.'

The memory is far from fuzzy. He can still hear Thanos' voice when he says it. He could hear the entire conversation playing in his mind before he uttered those words.

Thanos' eyes are searching his face, like he's trying to find any indication that it's just some weirdly timed joke. Nam-gyu wishes that it was. When Thanos opens his mouth, likely to ask what the fuck is going on in Nam-gyu's head, Nam-gyu figures that he has absolutely nothing of value to lose.

He surges forward, capturing Thanos' lips with his own. The kiss is firm and awkward and it's not much of a kiss as much as it is Nam-gyu mouthing Thanos' lips in the worst angle imaginable. Thanos inhales sharply through his nose and physically shudders at the contact. Nam-gyu can't see the look on his face, his own eyes shut tight as he prays to whatever 'gods of Heaven and Earth' are out there that Thanos doesn't hate him after this.

Everything about this loop has gone wrong. Please don't let this be one of Nam-gyu's many mistakes.

Thanos doesn't loosen his grip around Nam-gyu's sweater. Before Nam-gyu can properly register it, Thanos is pulling him in and deepening the kiss. It isn't as messy or as wet as the last loop, but it has Nam-gyu's heart fluttering. He lets out a satisfied, choked noise when Thanos bites his bottom lip and it occurs to Nam-gyu that Thanos is still angry with him for leaving.

Thanos only pulls himself away from the kiss and lets go of Nam-gyu when he decides that the next best course of action is to reach forward and unzip the front of Nam-gyu's tracksuit. "Thanos," Nam-gyu gasps, fumbling a pair of shaky hands toward his friend in an attempt to stop him. But it's too late and there's a blurry flash of purple before Thanos is sinking his teeth into Nam-gyu's throat.

The bite is harsh but not enough to puncture his skin. He curls his fingers through Thanos' hair and focuses on steadying his breathing while Thanos, without a care in the world, sucks and licks at the fresh mark he's in the process of leaving on Nam-gyu's neck. "Fuck, Thanos- Thanos, wait," He pleads but Thanos only continues to attack the sensitive flesh, scraping his teeth along his skin and leaving behind a slick stripe of drool. Nam-gyu feels his eyes rolling into the back of his head and he scratches his blunt nails into Thanos' scalp. "Please," He moans weakly, only for Thanos to growl against his throat in response.

The other male sticks his tongue out in full and drags it upward from the dark purple splotch of hickey to Nam-gyu's ear. He shivers violently when Thanos brings his earlobe into his mouth briefly to nibble on it before leaving a series of firm kisses along his jawline. "Thanos..." He doesn't know if he can form words- he can barely form a single thought.

"You started this," Thanos purrs against him, snaking one of his hands up Nam-gyu's chest before settling around his neck, pressing his thumb against his pulse. His eyes, wide and pupils shaky, dart around Nam-gyu's face to garner his approval. "Do you want me to stop?"

No.

"No."

Thanos, his hand still resting on Nam-gyu's neck, pulls him back in for another kiss. Nam-gyu doesn't silence himself at all, moaning against the other's lips and gasping when Thanos decides to nip at his bottom lip again. It shoots a sudden, stinging pain throughout his mouth which Thanos swallows. His tongue darts out to collect the pooling blood from Nam-gyu's bottom lip, emitting a whine from the man. Nam-gyu feels fucking pathetic. He doesn't think he cares that much.

"You taste so fucking good," Thanos is muffled against him but Nam-gyu understands exactly what he says. As if to prove it to Nam-gyu, he shoves his tongue between Nam-gyu's lips to let him get a taste of his own blood. Nam-gyu's shaky hands fumble against Thanos, unsure where they should be going. His hair? His chest? His face?

It's too overwhelming to figure out.

Thanos decides for him. Keeping their lips connected and their blood-coated tongues exploring one another's mouths, he moves the hand that isn't currently pressing into Nam-gyu's pulse to take him by the wrist and guide him down below to Thanos' groin. He feels the way Thanos' breath hitches when his palm presses into the growing tent in his pants.

Nam-gyu wants it. He wants everything that Thanos wants to give him. Maybe he can let himself go, maybe he can see where this takes him without worrying about the loop resetting. Besides, it's early enough in the loop that Nam-gyu can enjoy every bit of Thanos for a few more hours before it all resets. "Fuck..." He hears Thanos groan into his mouth, and Nam-gyu might be addicted to whatever noise Thanos just made.

Like any drug that Nam-gyu's had in life, the high wears off and he's left with an empty feeling in the bottom of his gut. Or, that's the best way he can describe the feeling he gets when the door he's pressed against swings open and he has to rely fully on Thanos to catch him from falling backward. He whirls his head around so quickly he thinks he gets whiplash when he sees the pink-dressed guard standing in front of them, gun trained on the two.

"The game is over," They say behind the mask. "Please follow the rest of the players back to the dorm."

"Oh, Nam-gyu," Min-su is the first to greet him when he and Thanos make it back to the dorms and if it weren't for Thanos smiling at Min-su like he means the world to him, Nam-gyu would've shoved him to the ground with all of his strength. "We thought something happened..." Gyeong-su is behind him, a hand resting over the shorter man's shoulder and his head tilted toward Nam-gyu curiously.

"Why's your lip bloody?" Gyeong-su asks.

Fortunately, Nam-gyu doesn't need to answer this, because Thanos makes a show of waving his arms ahead of them to guide them toward the steps. He's immensely grateful for Thanos zipping his tracksuit back up for him before they got here. It wouldn't have been as easy avoiding their questions had he left that unzipped.

He can still feel the hickey tingling where Thanos left it. He can't believe he almost let it get further than that. If it hadn't been for the guard, then they...

This was exactly what Nam-gyu was trying to avoid. What was wrong with him?

Why did he let it get there to begin with? He's tempted to turn around and walk away again. Maybe find anyone else to sit with until voting time. Anywhere, literally anywhere. But then his and Thanos' eyes lock and Nam-gyu feels like he's put under a spell because he gravitates toward the other and sits beside him. He feels his heart skip a beat when Thanos presses into Nam-gyu's side, dangerously close to him after what happened roughly ten or so minutes ago.

"So, are we playing another game?" Gyeong-su asks, and Nam-gyu sees Min-su tense in the corner of his eye.

"Of course, we are," Thanos answers easily. "Just one more game." Nam-gyu keeps his eyes trained on Min-su, who nervously shifts in place on the steps. Now is a bad time to kill him. Honestly, any time now is a bad time to kill Min-su.

He missed whatever shot he had at that the second he kissed Thanos during Mingle. Because now Thanos is latched onto him and getting away with Min-su simply seems impossible. He can't say he minds the attention, even if it gets in the way of him murdering Min-su. His gaze turns toward Gyeong-su and he hunches forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Gyeong-su is alive, so the O's win regardless. He just likes the thought of Min-su six feet under. Maybe even twelve feet under so that any graverobbers who try to dig him up call it a day halfway in. Not that Min-su would even be worth that much.

"Nam-gyu!" A voice chirps nearby and the fact that it doesn't come from Thanos or the others is what grabs Nam-gyu's attention the most. He perks up and focuses in on the player standing at the bottom of the steps with a friendly smile. "Hey! It's me, Kang Dae-ho." He points at himself proudly and then gestures between Nam-gyu and Thanos. "You made up with your friend?"

He sees Gyeong-su and Min-su turning heads to look at Nam-gyu, but he can't see Thanos. He can only feel the pair of eyes locked onto the side of his head and the uncertain shifting next to him. "Who is this?" Thanos asks, too quiet for Dae-ho to hear but loud enough to make Nam-gyu shudder.

"I'm glad that you got out of Mingle alive, Nam-gyu," Dae-ho says and Nam-gyu doesn't understand why this guy is even talking to him. Especially when he's surrounded by his own, real team. "You know, we were really worried about you when you snuck away from us. I started looking around, and I went, oh hey, where did Nam-gyu go? When we realized you were gone, it was too late to try and go looking for you." He bows his head apologetically and then he smiles at Nam-gyu. "You should come over and let the others know that you're okay. You can bring your friends, too."

Nam-gyu doesn't move to get up, but Thanos still puts a hand over his forearm as if to keep him in place. "We're fine," Thanos states, almost darkly. Nam-gyu smirks and tilts his head to the side.

"Just because I played a round with you doesn't mean we're suddenly friends, Jae-ho," Nam-gyu says and he loves seeing the way Dae-ho deflates.

"It's... it's Dae-ho," He corrects.

"That's what I said," Nam-gyu struggles to sound innocent, huffing a laugh that's sure to blow his cover. Dae-ho only looks more disappointed, the puppy-dog frown permanent on his lips.

Gyeong-su shoos him away with a huge, amused grin, "Go on and get out of here," He sounds way too giddy over this. Thanos snorts out a laugh that Gyeong-su and Nam-gyu join in on. Min-su is the only one who stays quiet, apologetically looking on as Dae-ho defeatedly trudges away.

It's a good feeling to laugh like this. It makes Nam-gyu feel free.

But it doesn't compare to the swelling in his heart when Thanos' hand travels up his back, his fingers dancing along the fabric of his sweater before idling over the spot on his neck. It's covered up but Thanos finds it with ease, digging his fingers into the hidden mark and staring at Nam-gyu hungrily as if to say 'Mine'.

Chapter End Notes

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ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE: I will not upload any fanart to this fic that hasn't been submitted to me. And I also cannot fit every piece of art into the story itself to avoid clutter. HOWEVER! All pieces submitted to me WILL be posted in their own chapter at the end of the fic! You can submit any art to me via the socials I provided above!

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Chapter Notes

You may notice that the chapter number has changed. I felt like it was a good time to reveal the number of parts left in the story because I've mentioned a few times that I do have everything planned out (roughly). Keep in mind that the final part of this story WILL be every single fanart submitted to me (including ones I couldn't fit in chapters themselves) so that makes it four chapters left after this one, not five.

Now, I do have another update. I will no longer be updating every 2-3 days or even every 4 days as some chapters have been released around that time. The next four chapters need a LOT of time for me to write them. I know this may be disappointing but I want the story to flow a certain way and I also want more time to myself outside of writing this. Thank you for understanding.

ART CREDITS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE: @https.a.sim, @zhyddratee

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"One more game, Min-suuuu!"

"Come on, man, we'll just play the one and then we can all go home winners!"

"Yeah, Min-su. Imagine the next game is something easy, too," Thanos nudges him. "Like marbles or jegichagi."

"We'll have your back the entire time," Gyeong-su adds in reassurance and Nam-gyu's smile falters slightly. He won't vocally disagree with it but he slaps Min-su on the back a little harder than the others do just to show his disapproval somehow. He isn't worried at all about changing Min-su's vote considering Gyeong-su is alive and well Nam-gyu just enjoys tormenting the other man and watching him squirm uncomfortably under the gaze of his teammates.

Everyone is gathering around for voting time now, some groups still approaching the clearing behind the X and O sections painted on the floor in front of them. The guards are calmly setting up the console and making sure that the extra badges they have provided are ready for this session of voting. Nam-gyu is waiting for the part where he's supposed to feel excited. He's waiting for the weight of everything timeloop related to be lifted off of his shoulders and officially set him free from this curse. This is supposed to be it. This is supposed to be when Nam-gyu wins.

Can nothing satisfy him?

Voting begins, and Nam-gyu watches silently as Crazy 456, the first player up, submits his vote and walks over to his side of the room. "Oooh, I always get so nervous watching this," Gyeong-su whines nearby. "It's always so boring, too." Nam-gyu agrees with the latter part, at least. It isn't as nerve-wracking when it usually ends with a tie, and now he's confident that it'll end in an O-sided win. It is certainly time-consuming, though.

"That's what these are for," Thanos rattles his cross and Nam-gyu raises an eyebrow at him.

Gyeong-su pouts. "Oh, I haven't... I've never really..."

"Relax," Thanos rolls his eyes and lets the jewelry fall back against his chest. "This isn't for you. It's for me and Nam-su."

"Nam-gyu." He's getting tired of having to do that.

Thanos says nothing.

Gyeong-su's number is called upon before any of theirs, and he walks up and proudly presses 'O'. He turns around and flashes a smile at the rest of the group and gives them a thumbs up. Nam-gyu only returns this gesture when Thanos does. Thanos' number is later called, and he exaggeratingly skips down the aisle and kisses the O button with a loud "MWWWWAH".

Min-su is shivering next to him as he stares up at the results thus far. The little twerp is terrified and he jumps in place when Nam-gyu wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Min-su," He coos in the older man's ear. Min-su doesn't move, but he makes a soft noise in the back of his throat that tells Nam-gyu to continue. "If you go up there and you vote for X," He drums his fingers against the boy's shoulder. "I am going to kill Se-mi in front of you. I am going to make you watch and there will be nothing you can do about it."

It is a much different approach compared to the other times that Nam-gyu has tried to convince him to change votes. He feels Min-su stiffen under his touch and Nam-gyu's lips twist into a cruel grin. "I won't even kill you after," He continues. "I'll let you live with the fact that Se-mi is dead and she will never, ever forgive you."

Thanos, right on time, but this time with Gyeong-su in tow, creeps toward the edge of the O's section to meet with the pair. "Min-su, just one more game." Behind him, Gyeong-su is holding up a finger and he's smiling at Min-su.

"He knows," Nam-gyu squeezes Min-su's shoulder as hard as he can and the boy starts shaking again. "I just talked to him." Thanos raises his arms into an O gesture and Gyeong-su mimics him from behind. When it's Min-su's turn to vote, he still chooses X. He must have some underlying faith in this vote. He's absolutely certain that the X's are going to win and they'll all get to go home. What an idiot.

Nam-gyu stalks up the aisle of players and places his vote with a closed fist. The blue illuminates his face and he looks over his shoulder to scowl at Min-su, who is now hiding behind a group of other players so he doesn't have to look back. When he makes it to the other O's, Thanos puts an arm around Nam-gyu's shoulders and pulls him closer so that they stand hip-to-hip. "I thought you said you talked to him?"

"I did," As it turns out, Min-su is very persistent in his vote. Nam-gyu says nothing more, averting his attention to Thanos's fingers pinching around the fabric of his sweater and rubbing it gently between them.

"I tried talking to him, too..." Gyeong-su confesses. "Back in Mingle, when we were in a room together." He looks up at Thanos directly and Nam-gyu realizes that he looks saddened by this. Probably more upset than Thanos currently is... or ever was. "He was really upset over the Se-mi thing, you know. I tried to make him feel a little better and I think it was working. He seemed ready for another game..." Gyeong-su looks up at the gradually changing numbers on the board overhead and then at Nam-gyu. "What about you? What did you say to him?"

"Just tried to hype him up a little," Nam-gyu shrugs. "Maybe your words didn't have much of an effect on him after all, huh Gyeong-su?" Gyeong-su looks away to pout at the floor. Thanos has fallen eerily quiet and he stares off toward the O's spot with an unreadable look on his face.

The O's do not win.

The X's don't win either, which is equal parts relieving and frustrating. On one hand, they don't have to go home. On the other, the loop continues because these great gods of Heaven and Earth enjoy watching Nam-gyu suffer. As the players begin to leave the clearing and sit on their respective sides as they wait for mealtime, Nam-gyu searches the highest bunks for the creepy shaman lady. He doesn't know what he'd even say to her if he were to approach her. He knows what he has to do, he just failed to do so this loop. The woman is nowhere to be found up above and after he takes a moment to look through the sea of people below, he still finds nothing. It's odd. She was fine all of the other times, wasn't she?

Now that Nam-gyu thinks about it, he can't recall her number ever being announced. He can't remember seeing her walk up to place her vote before slipping through the crowd of O's to watch the rest of the voting session from above. Nam-gyu sets his jaw and he shoves his hands into his pockets. Did she somehow get herself killed?

"Hey. Hey, Nam-gyu," It's Gyeong-su. Thanos is up ahead, making his way back to their spot on the steps. He hasn't said anything since the vote ended and since he's not worrying about Nam-gyu being suicidal and not aware of the timeloop, it's only a matter of time before he whirls back around and stomps toward the men's room to chase after Min-su. Maybe Gyeong-su suspects this, too, because he nervously looks away from Nam-gyu's emotionless gaze and, of course, brings up Min-su. "We don't have to kill him, do we? Min-su, I mean. They're letting us vote again tomorrow, and... well, if we eliminate an X, we automatically win." He looks at the back of Thanos' head as they walk and Nam-gyu follows his gaze. "Thanos is really angry. Do you think he'll want to kill Min-su?"

"Well, It's not like we can change Min-su's mind," Nam-gyu points out. "You tried to, I tried to. It's pointless to just talk to him." Killing Min-su won't matter right now. Killing anyone isn't going to matter. Nam-gyu has failed once again and all that's left to do is wait until the loop is over so he can try again. Still, he can't help himself. He seriously fucking hates Min-su. "Why do you like him so much anyways?" Nam-gyu eventually asks because it feels more likely he'll get a proper response from Gyeong-su instead of Thanos. Gyeong-su is about to answer, he's opening his mouth and trying to find the right words- the kind of words that won't get him in any trouble for still emphasizing with Min-su, but Thanos is back in front of them and he's grabbing the two men by their sleeves.

"Come on, let's go," He instructs in English. "We need to have a little chat with Min-su."

"Min-su?" Gyeong-su calls out when the three of them enter the men's room. "Are you in here?" Obviously, he is, and Thanos picks out the stall he's hiding in without a problem. Gyeong-su doesn't hang back at all, even though it's clear to Nam-gyu that he's worried this is going to get violent. Nam-gyu would find that pathetic if he wasn't in the exact same boat. Only, Nam-gyu knows what happens next. It will get violent and they're at the point in the timeline where there is little that Nam-gyu can do to change it. The only thing that brings Nam-gyu any sense of comfort in this situation, is that maybe Gyeong-su being here will keep Thanos from dying.

The loop resets regardless, but maybe Thanos gets to live this time.

"Min-su! I know you're upset with me," Thanos presses his hands against the doorframe of the bathroom stall, pressing his body into it as he drawls out the man's name. Nam-gyu doesn't want to climb up the neighboring stall this time, signaling for Gyeong-su to do it instead. Gyeong-su looks a little confused at first but nods along before entering the stall next to Min-su's and quickly climbing to stand on top of the toilet. "I'm sorry, boy!" Thanos cries out in English. "But still, you shouldn't have betrayed me. That really hurt. I've honestly had it up to here with everyone trying to leave me lately," With that, Thanos bangs his palm flat into the stall door, raising his arm high enough to illustrate his point. He glances pointedly Nam-gyu's way with a hint of a smirk before turning back to hit his forehead against the door over and over again, pleading with Min-su to get out.

Gyeong-su, by now, is hoisting himself up over the wall separating his stall and Min-su's, trying to reach for the other boy. "Min-su, come on! I told you we'd keep you safe, okay?" Like a frightened rabbit, Min-su launches himself off the toilet and pushes the stall door open to get away from Gyeong-su.

"Woah, boy. Sit the fuck down." Thanos grabs his shoulders and backs him up into the toilet where Min-su lands with a small grunt. Nam-gyu steps forward to hover right behind Thanos, flashing Min-su a forced grin. Min-su looks up at Nam-gyu and shrinks back further against the toilet, terrified at the mere sight of the younger man. "Look, Min-su," And Nam-gyu's smile twitches uncomfortably. He had forgotten that this was the part where...

He glances up at Gyeong-su, who is still hanging off the stalls and curiously watching this play out. This will be news to him.

"Before I came here, I went to a bridge to kill myself. But on that bridge, a man in a suit came and gave me that card. You got one too, didn't you?" Thanos cocks his head to the side. Min-su is still staring up at Nam-gyu, though, his body trembling and his bottom lip sticking out. He looks like a sad puppy on the streets, not a man who's supposed to be the oldest among Thanos' group... save for Se-mi, at least, if she isn't lying about being thirty. He doesn't answer Thanos' question. "I don't have a religion, but it felt like..." Thanos breaks into a gleeful smile. "Like divine intervention. It felt like I was being given a chance at a whole new life. So I decided to give it my best shot and make my mom proud." Thanos grabs Min-su, pinching his fingers between the X patch on the front of his sweater. Finally, Min-su makes eye contact with Thanos. "But you're stopping me from doing that. It makes me fucking furious!" He shouts suddenly, his face twisting from his faux kindness to pure rage. It reminds Nam-gyu of his anger during Mingle after Nam-gyu had briefly left the group. "I'm so fucking angry, man!" He shouts the string of English in Min-su's face and the other man yelps.

"Knock it off."

Nam-gyu turns around to face Myung-gi first, Thanos right behind him. Gyeong-su hops down from the toilet and joins them in no time. "Mind your own damn business and fuck off," There's something darker in Thanos' tone this time.

Myung-gi isn't phased. "You're interfering with the vote."

"We're just talking to a friend of ours," Gyeong-su replies innocently, but his smile is mocking.

"MG Coin." Thanos drawls out. "You're next, so just take a piss and get out." He presses his finger into his forehead and shoves him back. There's a brief moment that passes consisting of the two staring each other down before Myung-gi turns away, facing the small crowd of X's forming behind them. A fight is inevitable at this point, Nam-gyu knows. He's not sure if he can step in between the two men right now and de-escalate this... he's not sure if that would make any sense to do given what Thanos and Gyeong-su know about him. It is unlike Nam-gyu to back down from a fight and he doesn't exactly have enough time to stop everyone and explain to them that he's been living in a timeloop. The only person who could back him up on that is a crazy woman with a connection to 'the gods of Heaven and Earth' who had gotten herself killed in the game of Mingle at some point.

"Everyone on Team X! These guys are threatening one of us! They're forcing him to vote O next time!"

"Is that true? Hey, that's cheating!"

"You kids are still so young. Who taught you to do something so nasty?"

Thanos whips his body around and throws his arms up into a wide 'O' gesture. "Hey! Team O! These X's are about to attack us!"

"Come on, come on!" Gyeong-su waves his arms about and Nam-gyu watches them both with his hands in his pockets. The O's begin to gather around, glaring dangerously at the other side. Nam-gyu won't be able to stop this and there's no guarantee that Thanos will survive the fight, so maybe he can figure something else out. He's running out of time to but there has to be something. He doesn't want to watch Thanos die again.

"What the fuck? Why would they attack us?" One of the O's gathering around complains. Nam-gyu keeps his attention on Myung-gi.

"Shut your trap!"

"You damn wimps. Just shut up and take a piss!"

"I already did, asshole!"

When the stall door that Min-su is hiding in bursts open and he takes his chance to make a break for it, it's actually Gyeong-su who reaches out for him. Successfully, he yanks Min-su back by the collar of his tracksuit and all but drags him to Thanos' feet. The fucking twerp lets out a whine and he practically goes limp against Gyeong-su. Nam-gyu raises an eyebrow. This is different. Myung-gi takes a step forward, his fists clenched and his stance protective but Thanos quickly blocks his way with a sneer. "MG Coin," He begins coldly, "Are you high? Have you lost your mind?"

Myung-gi isn't paying much attention to Thanos, too worried about how terrified Min-su is. Gyeong-su is pinching the fabric against Min-su's sweater in an attempt to comfort him but it clearly isn't working that well. He's trembling and whimpering like a wet dog. "You need to let him go," Myung-gi growls but he's directing it toward Thanos rather than Gyeong-su. "He isn't one of you. He's made his choice."

Thanos' sneer transforms into a crooked grin. "When did you get so heroic, MG Coin, huh?" He clasps his hands together and flutters his eyelashes at Myung-gi mockingly. "Oh, how great it should feel to be my boy Min-su right now. To have a knight in shining armor threatening someone who could take him out in one swing!" Thanos laughs, high-pitched, and glances at Nam-gyu to make sure he's laughing too. Nam-gyu shifts in place and takes his hands out of his pockets to tuck his hair behind his ears. He cracks a smile. It's the most he can do. "Do you think that this good guy act is gonna make up for all the lives you ruined?" Thanos faces Myung-gi again. "Do you think that protecting someone like him is going to make everyone like you again?"

"Maybe he's trying to impress someone," Gyeong-su supplies.

"Oh yeah?" Thanos straightens his posture. "Who? Min-su?"

"There's a girl I saw him hanging around earlier, before the vote," Gyeong-su tells him and Nam-gyu has to stop himself from groaning in frustration. He supposes that he saw it coming but it's still annoying how no matter what, someone ends up seeing it. Someone points it out. "They seem pretty close."

"Ohhh? So you like her," Thanos hums in consideration. "You wanna make everything right again? Do a few good deeds so you can get lucky in a place like this?" He barks out a laugh, eyeing Myung-gi in dark amusement. "Are you serious? Do you seriously think that she'll ever love you?"

Myung-gi launches himself forward, baring his teeth at Thanos like a wild animal. "Don't talk about her, you bastards!" Thanos pouts.

"Someone's getting a little worked up now," He coos at the other man. "Maybe you believe me, deep down. Maybe you know I'm simply telling the truth." When Myung-gi doesn't say anything, Thanos takes a step back. "MG Coin, if you press X again tomorrow I'm going to cut off your finger, give it to her," He leans in and whispers something into Myung-gi's ear that Nam-gyu still can't decipher, even now. When he tries getting closer to hear at least the end of it, Thanos is already leaning away. "She will love it," He says in English, and here's where it gets nasty.

Myung-gi attempts a right hook on Thanos who dodges the attack easily. "You asshole!" Myung-gi screeches. Thanos, unbothered, lands a hit right on Myung-gi's jaw, and the other staggers back with a pained groan. Gyeong-su lets out a shocked cry of his own, like he wasn't expecting this to get as far as it has and he quickly walks backward from the fight breaking out with his arms still around Min-su.

"What the fuck are you-" Nam-gyu is about to question why Gyeong-su drags Min-su to safety in a nearby stall but he's too busy getting punched in the chest to finish his sentence. He gasps, eyes blown wide as he blinks up at his attacker. "Fucking loser!" He spits in the X's face before tackling him into one of the urinals. The X desperately claws at the front of Nam-gyu's sweater for support in lifting himself back up but Nam-gyu takes him by the side of his head and begins bashing it into the wall behind him. He doesn't stop until he hears a sickening gross crack and the wall stains with the dead X's blood.

He lets go of the X and watches him go limp while sitting in the urinal, unseeing eyes staring ahead of him. Nam-gyu lets out a cough, shakes off the ache in his chest, and turns back to face wherever Thanos is in this flurry of X's and O's. He's yelling over all the noise, his hands around Myung-gi's throat while the latter writhes on the floor. He doesn't have time to deal with anyone else right now. He needs to keep Thanos from dying, it's all that matters. He can't see this happen again.

He is careful this time, stepping over an X on the ground who is in the middle of getting up and keeping his footing steady. Nam-gyu can see the way Myung-gi's face starts turning purple and Thanos' arms start shaking from the pressure he's adding to his attack. Every little individual strand of purple hair and the wrinkles in his tracksuit- Nam-gyu can see it all. He whirls around in time to lift up his leg and kick the oncoming X in the stomach. It's the same X who got in his way however many loops ago by yanking him back by his hair and scuffling with him long enough for Thanos to get himself killed. "Stupid! Fucking! Mother fucker!" Nam-gyu screams at him when he's on the ground, supplying each hate-filled word with a violent stomp in the gut. The X grunts and groans in pain and as much as Nam-gyu wants to sit here savoring it all, he has a best friend to save.

There's no time for Nam-gyu to explain to Thanos why he does it, sliding across the bathroom floor on his knees and shoving the other man off of Myung-gi. He hears Thanos make a surprised, choked-off sound when Nam-gyu ultimately takes his place on top of Myung-gi instead because this is apparently the best plan that Nam-gyu has for preventing Thanos' death in this loop. "What do you think you're doing?!" Thanos yells over the fighting around them, his voice cracking. Nam-gyu whips his head to the side to look at Thanos who is awkwardly positioned on his side nearby.

He gets up, likely to push Nam-gyu off of Myung-gi and continue choking him out, but a pair of players that Nam-gyu can't see the badges of stumble out of the mix of people and fall over Thanos who is sprawled out in the middle of it all. "Son of a bitch!" Thanos cries out and Nam-gyu quickly repositions himself to straddle Myung-gi fully. He presses his thumbs against the other man's throat, digging his nails into the soft flesh of his neck as hard as he can until his arms begin to shake.

He feels Myung-gi's arms shifting at his sides and Nam-gyu realizes that it's right now when Myung-gi fishes the fork out from his pocket and stabs his attacker. Maybe, in retrospect, Nam-gyu could have prepared for this and overpowered Myung-gi. He's certainly been through enough loops to plan everything out, right? He should know better.

He feels himself visibly deflate at this.

Fuck.

He's going to die again.

At least it's not Thanos this time, right? There's that. That brings him a little comfort. His grip around Myung-gi's throat loosens, maybe out of defeat. He could say something cool to make up for it. He could utter one final quip to give himself a little power and praise during his final moments. When he opens his mouth to say something but Myung-gi rudely cuts him off.

He gets the fork deeper into Nam-gyu's throat this time, stabbing it into the front of it with a gross, wet sound that makes Nam-gyu's ears start ringing immediately. Instead of opening his mouth to say something cool, he croaks out a weak, drawn-out; "fffu-u-ck..." When Myung-gi rips the fork out, blood sprays onto the man's face, and Nam-gyu lets go of Myung-gi instinctively in a futile attempt to nurse the throbbing wound. He wishes he could curse this fucker out. Let him know how fucking annoying he is and how badly Nam-gyu wishes he could kill him. Why did he always get to live? Why was it, no matter the loop, did Myung-gi- stupid fucking MG Coin- why was it that he got out without a scratch each time? Myung-gi cries out and stabs Nam-gyu again in the side of his throat before scurrying away, retreating backward into the stall behind them.

So that's where he'd disappear to after murdering Thanos. Nam-gyu drops to the bathroom floor and watches Myung-gi shut the stall door, panting heavily from the other side. If Nam-gyu had the energy to, he would crawl after him and... and do something.

He's having a hard time coming up with any threats, now.

"NO!" Thanos voices from behind. Nam-gyu's vision is starting to blur but when he peers out in the corner of his eye, he sees Thanos landing a punch across an X's face before hurriedly kneeling next to Nam-gyu on the floor. "NO, NO, NO!" Thanos reaches forward and tries to lift Nam-gyu's head by his chin to gain access to the wound. Nam-gyu, instead, lolls his head to the side and lets out a pained, pathetic whine.

He's died before. But it still really fucking hurts.

"STOP! STOP FIGHTING! HE'S DOWN! MY BOY! HE'S DYING!" Thanos pleads with the unreceptive crowd. If anything, the fighting gets louder. Or maybe Nam-gyu is just imagining that. Thanos caresses the side of his face and Nam-gyu quickly tries to find his eyes. "Did he do this to you?" Thanos asks and Nam-gyu doesn't know how to tell him that his suspicions are correct. In the same way he doesn't know how to tell Thanos that Myung-gi is closer than he thinks. "No, it- it shouldn't have been you, it-" Thanos' arms loop underneath his own, and the other man lifts him up with a low grunt. "Don't you fucking leave me, you dick." It's a different reaction compared to the last time Nam-gyu died in his arms. "Don't you fucking leave me, Nam-gyu."

He wants to kiss him again.

What would he need to do for Thanos to kiss him right now?

Even with the fighting still continuing around them, what would Nam-gyu need to do to have this one thing? Because fuck, after hearing his name from Thanos' mouth like that, he thinks it's all he wants.

Instead of a kiss, Thanos' hand takes his own and he squeezes Nam-gyu's fingers tightly. "Nam-gyu," Thanos says his name again. If he won't kiss Nam-gyu, could he say his name a few more times? The gods of Heaven and Earth do not respond to Nam-gyu's silent prayers. They do, however, allow Nam-gyu enough time left to live so he can squeeze Thanos' hand in return. "You can't leave." Thanos sounds angry. He didn't mean to make Thanos angry.

'I'm not leaving,' Nam-gyu doesn't say. He can't say.

He closes his eyes instead.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Chapter End Notes

Ummmm Gyeong-su and Min-su crumbs??? I might write a side onshot of them during this particular loop because I didn't mean to make Gyeong-su care about Min-su this much but it happened and I don't know what to do with that. Would you guys be interested in a oneshot for them in this universe? Particularly what they were up to together during Mingle and maybe Gyeong-su trying to calm him down during the fight while they hid in the stall.... idk ... lemme know.

ANYWAY. thanks so much for reading guys. The amount of kudos and hits that this has STILL blows me tf away... you guys seriously have made my year already. Thangyu for the win

Heartfelt

Chapter Notes

There were so many setbacks while writing this, you guys.

SO many. I originally wanted this chapter to be super duper long. I had been thinking to myself, like: Hey. some chapters are kinda short. Here's a treat.

Your treat today is nearly 7k words, so eat up heheh.

ALSO GUYS WTF. TODAY (for me and my timezone at least) IS GROUNDHOG DAY. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE THIS UNTIL MY PHONE'S CALANDER RANDOMLY TOLD ME.

Maybe it was fate that the update took so long to get out, huh? This update has fallen on Groundhog Day!!

That's crazy. Anyway, enjoy :P

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Nam-gyu doesn't think he'll ever get used to dying.

And he doesn't mean the physical remnants of death alone. The emotional, and psychological damage brought with each death is something that no one should get used to. When he flutters his eyes open and grasps his surroundings, Nam-gyu thinks he needs a minute to register the throbbing ache in his throat.

'Fucking idiot,' Nam-gyu silently curses himself. 'I could've grabbed the fucking fork'.

At least he's dead instead of Thanos. He can't bear to watch Thanos die again, even if he'll just come back when Nam-gyu opens his eyes and he's back on the spinning platform. He rubs gingerly at the spot where he was stabbed, massaging the area until the stinging fades away. Not a single person here is worth keeping around other than Thanos.

Gyeong-su is practically smitten with Min-su. Now that he's paying closer attention to the two, Gyeong-su is hovering around the older boy and looking at him every now and then with a small, reassuring smile that Min-su either doesn't see or is blatantly ignoring. He never touches Min-su, never leans too far into his space, or finds any reason to brush a hand down Min-su's arm lightly- but Nam-gyu can see it better now. He can see how Gyeong-su cares and that as long as he's alive, he'll try to protect Min-su.

And then there's Min-su, the pathetic excuse of a Thanos Team member who thinks that changing his vote is supposed to make everything okay again with Se-mi. He doesn't give a shit about Thanos or what he wants. He's an ungrateful little twerp who takes Thanos' unwarranted affections and stomps them into the ground like it means nothing. All because of Se-mi.

That bitch.

'If you go up there and you vote for X, I am going to kill Se-mi in front of you. I am going to make you watch and there will be nothing you can do about it.' His own voice echoes in his mind and he clenches his jaw in frustration. Se-mi, that bitch. She's standing nearby Min-su, too, with her arms crossed and an uneasy look on her face. He can tell that it's what she tries to cover up, what she's trying to mask from the people in their group. It angers Nam-gyu how cool she tries to act. Does she think she's better than he is or something?

She is the first to change her vote in the group. The first one to betray them. It's what leads to Min-su changing his vote, too. He was always a weak little follower, wasn't he? Only, he chooses to follow the worst kinds of leaders. What kind of power did Se-mi hold over him that Thanos didn't?

Nam-gyu needs to kill her.

She's the reason that they always tie. She's the reason that the O's never win the vote. Se-mi has been an issue since the very beginning. Nam-gyu swiftly turns from the group and trots away, pushing through numerous players and ducking behind any of the taller ones so Thanos doesn't see him leave. It's much like the last loop- if anyone outside of Thanos notices Nam-gyu leaving them, they don't say anything.

Nam-gyu didn't initially plan on doing this again. But it's the only way he can think of getting in a room with Se-mi without Thanos or Gyeong-su dying. Gyeong-su's existence is irritating, but he still always votes O, and he votes before Min-su this next voting session, so even if he wanted to change his vote for Min-su, there's no possible way that he could.

Nam-gyu taps Jung-bae on the shoulder. "Hey," He greets with the same lack of enthusiasm as before. "Could I play with you?"

The platform clunks to a halt. "Ten!"

Just like before, Jung-bae doesn't answer him. He simply takes Nam-gyu by his sleeve and leads him along with the rest of his group. It isn't ideal being in a room full of people who don't trust Nam-gyu in the slightest, but it's better than taking too long trying to find anyone else and potentially getting himself killed.

"Jung-bae? Who is that?" Nam-gyu hears it clearly this time. Jung-bae is still standing in front of him, so he peers over the man's shoulder to look up at Dae-ho. "Aren't you with that purple-haired guy?"

This part shouldn't matter. It isn't like any of the people in here can kill him anyway, they need him in order to pass this round. So he doesn't bother answering Dae-ho. He doesn't bother analyzing the other players, either. They don't matter enough to him. He keeps his head held low, averting his gaze to the floor and waiting for Jung-bae to chime in with his reasoning.

"He's a kid," Jung-bae says as if on cue. "He came up to me and he just- he asked if he could play with us." He looks up from the floor right as Dae-ho approaches him.

"So you aren't with the rapper guy with all the tattoos?" Dae-ho tilts his head to the side and Nam-gyu supposes that it wasn't that bad of a question after all. He had different expectations from Dae-ho in the last loop. Nam-gyu still grits his teeth together.

"I have tattoos, too," He doesn't lift his sleeves to show Dae-ho. He doesn't need to. It would probably just scare him off, anyway. It would probably make everyone in the room even more uneasy at the reminder alone that Nam-gyu is a certified junkie with the track marks to prove it. He doesn't need to prove anything, it seems, because Dae-ho's expression brightens at this piece of information.

"Oh, same here!" He quickly rolls up his sleeve and reveals his shoulder, proudly showing off the ink on his skin. Nam-gyu's attention admittedly fixates on Dae-ho's tattoo before flicking his gaze back to the other man's face. "My name is Kang Dae-ho. I'm an ex-marine!" He pats his bare skin with his hand before quickly shrugging his clothes back into place. When he steps closer to Nam-gyu, the latter shifts further behind Jung-bae and against the wall. "Well, what's your name?"

"It's Nam-gyu," This isn't how the interaction had gone before. God, this is so uncomfortable. "And... yeah, I'm not talking to him right now. The rapper." It's only temporary. Once he can confirm that Se-mi is out of the picture, he'll go back to Thanos and do exactly what he had in the last loop. The O's win, he gets to be with Thanos, and nobody important dies.

Dae-ho perks up at this and it makes Nam-gyu even more uncomfortable. "I'm also..." His gaze darts toward player 001 and 456, suddenly hyperaware of their glaring. Especially the look that player 001 is giving him right now. Any second now and he'll be stepping up and scolding Nam-gyu for his past behavior. He might as well make up for it now to avoid that confrontation. "I'm sorry," Nam-gyu bites out like the words are foreign to him- and they kind of are, he usually doesn't apologize to people he doesn't give a damn about. "For... for my disrespect."

"So, are you done picking on people?" Player 001 still asks. Nam-gyu suppresses the urge to roll his eyes. At least it sounds like a genuine question instead of an aggressive one. Player 456 does not hold him back if that says anything. There's still an awkwardly tense air among them but it's not as bad as it was in the previous loop. Nobody in this room trusts Nam-gyu other than Dae-ho or Jung-bae, and maybe even player 456 if the softening gaze and warm, welcoming smile tell Nam-gyu anything, but that's a mistake on their part. It makes Nam-gyu hate them a little bit for how easily they hand out their trust.

Nam-gyu flinches when Dae-ho pats him on the forearm with that same bright smile. "Of course he is!" He answers for him and all Nam-gyu can do is nod quietly in agreement. Nearly everyone in the room seems relieved by this, save for a few who don't really care about this interaction.

Fortunately, this doesn't need to last any longer than that because the round ends, and the players are urged to return to the platform. It's just as easy as it was the last time to slip quietly out of their sight.

He tries to keep things as close as he can to the last loop's events. And sure, it isn't exact. Nam-gyu can't remember word for word what he told the group of three he joins. They point out his connection to Thanos and act like Nam-gyu is the plague personified while Nam-gyu sticks his tongue out at them and tells them to watch their mouths if they feel like talking shit. He's too tired to do anything about it, though.

All bark and no bite.

He's saving the bite for Se-mi.

He retraces his steps and tries to follow the timeline of events in his head since every second here matters. He doesn't yell out in surprise this time when he runs straight into another player outside of the room that Se-mi is staying in. If anything, Nam-gyu adds a little more force than necessary when he shoulder-checks the panicked man to the ground, sending him flying further than he did in the last loop.

Smiling victoriously, Nam-gyu scrambles to his feet so he doesn't need to be dragged inside and shoves Se-mi away when she opens the door. "Asshole!" She slumps sideways against the wall while the third player rushes to keep the door shut. Nam-gyu wishes he had a fork right now. Or even one of the glass bottles with that shitty soda. If he could smash the glass against her head and stab her to death with the remaining shards, Nam-gyu would be a happy man.

Instead, all he can do is crowd her against the wall and yank her away from it by the collar of her tracksuit. "Wha- what the fuck? I just fucking saved you!" Nam-gyu snorts in amusement before pushing Se-mi onto the floor. He quickly pins her down with an elbow, keeping his knees firmly at her sides as he gets into position to straddle her. He can't stab her but he can certainly beat her into a bloody, ugly pulp. He's curling his right hand into a fist and drawing it back when the third player roughly grabs his arm and pulls him off of Se-mi. "Are you fucking crazy?!" Se-mi gasps, sitting up and sliding herself away from Nam-gyu.

"What is this guy's problem??" The third player tightens his grip on Nam-gyu, forcing his arm behind his back. Nam-gyu tries to reach for Se-mi with his free hand, but the stranger grabs it too, roughly keeping the man's hands behind his back. He's grabbing Nam-gyu so hard that it might leave bruises whenever he decides to let go. Nam-gyu growls loudly in frustration and tries wrestling his hands free but this guy must be a gym bro or something because he's holding Nam-gyu in place like he weighs absolutely nothing. Goddamned bodybuilders.

"Let go!" He jerks his body forward and snaps his jaws in Se-mi's direction like he plans on biting her. She shuffles further away from him. "You fucking bitch! I'm going to kill you!"

"You'll just get us all killed!" The third player points out. "If you kill her then all three of us die!" Nam-gyu, for a brief moment, doesn't give a shit about that. Fuck the rules of this game, she needs to die now. But then, the rational part of Nam-gyu's brain kicks in and overtakes the feral part and he remembers that the whole point of killing Se-mi is to change the vote. If he gets himself killed, it'll be an entire loop wasted. He stops fighting against the stranger and scowls at the frightened woman.

"Why did you do it?" Nam-gyu demands.

"What? Save you?" Se-mi gapes at him. "Did you want to get yourself killed or something?"

Nam-gyu lets out a humorless laugh and wildly shakes his head. "Not that. I would hardly call that saving my ass anyways," Maybe in the loop before this. All she did this time was open the door for him. Nam-gyu handled the rest. He isn't actively trying to get his arms free but the stranger doesn't once loosen his grip on Nam-gyu. "Why the fuck did you vote X?"

The room falls quiet.

"I..." Se-mi looks down at the blue patch on her chest just to double-check that it still displays an O before looking at Nam-gyu with a quirked brow. "What?"

"I don't mean right now," Nam-gyu shakes his head again. "After Mingle. I fucking- I know what you vote for after Mingle. I know what everyone votes for." Confusion etches her face still and that irritates Nam-gyu to no end. "I know why you're here, too. I know what Min-su did to you. That little game of rock, paper, scissors, right?" He loves seeing the recognition in her face just as much as he loves the sadness that follows.

"Did you hit your head out there or something, buddy?" The third player scoffs in disbelief.

Maybe Nam-gyu should have tried to kill this guy first. "I've lived through this already!" He insists. "The next numbers that they call out. It'll be six and two. And after the game ends, the vote ends in a fucking tie. I know everything that happens. I don't care if you two idiots don't believe me but it's fucking true." It's not like anyone believing Nam-gyu made any difference before.

Se-mi is still quiet but Nam-gyu can see the gears turning in her head. She purses her lips together in concentration. Eventually, she rises to her feet and stares Nam-gyu down. "You think you're in some kind of timeloop?" Nam-gyu doesn't answer her, he only growls again. "And what, killing me is going to get you out of it?"

"I don't know," It's not easy admitting that. It feels like admitting defeat. "If the vote ends in a tie, Thanos gets killed and the loop resets, sending me back to Mingle. If I can get rid of a few X voters before the vote, he might get a tomorrow." At least his tone doesn't match the vulnerability of his words. Se-mi huffs out something close to a laugh but she might still be catching her breath from the scuffle.

"You are insane," She tells him bluntly. "You are a junkie who isn't right in the head."

"You don't know shit about me!" Nam-gyu shouts suddenly. Se-mi startles at how he raises his voice and the stranger tugs Nam-gyu back again like he's attempting to lunge at her. It isn't fair how rough this guy is being with him, Nam-gyu hasn't tried to do anything in over a minute now.

"Nam-gyu," Se-mi places her hands over her knees and leans down so she can be at eye level with him. He wants to spit in her face or try to jump up and bite her but he holds himself back. Tries to collect himself. "If what you're saying is true, why haven't you changed your vote?" He doesn't hear her clearly at first- or maybe he does and he just doesn't register it. Blinking up at her as she straightens her posture, he can't figure out if she's joking or not.

"What." It doesn't come off like a question.

Se-mi shrugs nonchalantly. "The vote. You say that it ends a tie. Have you ever tried voting for X instead?" He opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. "Oh, you look like a fish gasping for air," Se-mi muses. "Seriously. Tired of seeing your little plaything die, you psychopath? Maybe vote X." She takes a step back from Nam-gyu and then looks up at the man who is still holding him back. "It's okay," She says and the man immediately lets him go.

Nam-gyu falls forward but quickly catches himself with his hands splayed out on the floor. "Fuck," He hisses, because his arms hurt from being twisted into that uncomfortable angle. "You don't even believe me, do you?" He brushes his hair out of his face so he can see Se-mi properly from his spot on the floor. Her suggestion catches Nam-gyu off guard and he doesn't know how to even react to something as ridiculous as that. Does she have any idea who Nam-gyu is? Does she have the slightest clue what she just told him?

She must think he's fucking with her.

To be fair, it's not uncharacteristic of him.

She pauses, considering everything that Nam-gyu has revealed. "No," She finally says. "I don't. But I can tell that you believe yourself." She crosses her arms over her chest cooly. "You aren't joking around or trying to fool anyone with this crap. So I believe that you're insane, sure." Nam-gyu gets to his feet and flexes his sore arms. "What happens to Min-su?" His lips curl into a snarl at the mention of his name. She just admitted to not believing him and she has the gall to ask him this?

"Why do you care? Didn't he betray you?" Nam-gyu doesn't understand how anyone can feel any sort of affection toward someone who takes their adoration for granted. Thanos treats Min-su like he's the best person in the room while Min-su would scurry away with his tail between his legs in a heartbeat when given the chance. He's the most selfish player among all of them. Se-mi is a lot like Thanos in this sense. Two people who care deeply for someone who doesn't give a damn. Maybe Gyeong-su is like that, too. Maybe Nam-gyu is the only person with a working brain in the group.

Se-mi looks unsure. She doesn't know if she should press the issue further or let it go. She takes a breath and then averts her gaze toward the door. The gunfire has died down for a while now, meaning the guards are now on body removal duty. Nam-gyu doesn't remember it taking this long. "He was my friend," Se-mi confesses suddenly. "He was my only friend here." She whirls back around to face Nam-gyu. "I think your timeloop story is bullshit. But if you could just tell me what happens to him, I might start taking you seriously." There's a hint of desperation in her voice. She's just as pathetic as the rest of them.

He smirks. "I don't care if you don't believe me," Nam-gyu replies and a few seconds later the doors click unlocked, signifying the end of the round. "I don't owe you anything," He shoulder-checks her on his way out. "Bitch."

"I should've left you out there," Se-mi says behind him.

"Wouldn't have mattered," Nam-gyu sings before speedwalking ahead to the platform.

They still end up in the next round together. Maybe Se-mi sticks close to Nam-gyu despite not believing him about the timeloop, or maybe it's purely coincidental that she and the stranger from before specifically choose to follow Nam-gyu off the platform. Either way, the three of them come face to face with Thanos' group when the other three run up to them, and this time Nam-gyu is sort of expecting it a little bit.

He still jumps when Thanos' eyes widen at the sight of him. They all freeze up again and the unnamed player recognizes it because he claps his hands together to urge them toward a room. They all file in as the countdown ends, Gyeong-su rushing inside last and throwing the door closed behind him. He presses his back against it, panting hard and keeping his hand near the door handle even though it's already locked.

Nam-gyu doesn't look at Thanos this time.

"Hey, so Nam-gyu is alive!" Gyeong-su throws an arm around Nam-gyu's shoulders and playfully beats at his chest with a closed fist. "We thought that something might've happened to you."

"Nope," Nam-gyu breathes out. "I'm okay. Nothing happened." Gyeong-su nudges him like he wants to hear more about it- like he's itching for an explanation for his disappearance. They all look like they want to hear at least something about it. Especially Thanos, who Nam-gyu can sense is staring at him with that tight smile and twitchy eye. He still won't look.

Se-mi mutters something under her breath but before Nam-gyu can tell her to speak up, the doors unlock and the final round of Mingle begins. He feels Thanos' breath hot on the back of his neck as they all leave the room and he knows what's coming next. At least he's prepared when Thanos grabs his wrist this time, but he still flinches at the contact. It hurts more after that one player held Nam-gyu down to prevent him from attacking Se-mi. "If you leave again, I will kill you my fucking self."

Thanos lets go and makes his way to the platform like nothing happened. Nam-gyu quietly rubs gentle circles into his wrist. He steps onto the platform and keeps his head held low, not turning to snap at Gyeong-su or Min-su this time.

"Two."

Nam-gyu sighs and allows himself to be all but thrown off the platform by an eager Thanos.

Thanos again doesn't even wait for the doors to click locked before he grabs Nam-gyu by the front of the shirt, spins them both around, and slams his back up against the door as roughly as he can. Nam-gyu grunts and both hands fly up to grab Thanos' wrists. He tries to lift Nam-gyu up and this time Nam-gyu tries to help him out a little. It still only results in Nam-gyu's shirt rising up his abdomen but at least he's a few inches higher.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Thanos twists the fabric in his fist and tilts his head closer to Nam-gyu as he snarls whatever he says in English. "You think it's funny to run away like that or something?" He says, this time in Korean. "When you're a part of someone's team, you don't just fucking disappear!" Venom drips from Thanos' tone and all Nam-gyu can do is squirm in place.

He should say something. Something close to what he said last time.

He doesn't.

"Do you just not care, bro?" Thanos lifts him off the door only to slam him back against it. Nam-gyu grunts in surprise. Thanos' breath hitches like he caught himself saying something he shouldn't and he immediately backtracks. "Don't care about the drugs anymore? Did you come down from your high and have some realization out there? My team isn't good enough for you? I'm not good enough for you?"

"Thanos," Nam-gyu squeezes his wrists.

"No!" Thanos' hands are trembling but his expression remains cold. Furious. He's masking all of his hurt and trying to seem stronger than he is. He's a little like Se-mi, isn't he? They have more in common than Nam-gyu will ever admit aloud. "We risked our lives trying to find you, Nam-su. Did you just walk away thinking that nobody would notice? Gyeong-su pulled me into a room last second because I was still trying to find you."

He remembers what Se-mi said in the last loop, about Thanos almost killing them all while trying to find him. It had satisfied him way too much hearing it from her but hearing it from Thanos feels different. "Fuck," Is all he can get out. He doesn't even correct Thanos for getting his name wrong.

Is it too late to call Thanos beautiful again and to kiss him like nothing in the world fucking matters?

Thanos scoffs and lets go of his tracksuit. "Yeah. Fuck." He repeats dryly, and oh, it is definitely too late for that. There's something in Thanos' tone that Nam-gyu normally wouldn't have been able to pick up on. But he's seen enough emotion out of Thanos to pinpoint the exact moment he really feels betrayed. "You don't have anything to say for yourself? Anything at all?" He's good at masking- maybe better at it than Se-mi is. Nam-gyu wouldn't have caught the way his voice breaks if he hadn't been paying this close attention. If he hadn't made Thanos his entire world.

"There's a lot going on with me right now," Nam-gyu says after a beat.

"So talk to me."

He's tried to. What difference did that ever make?

Nam-gyu takes a deep breath. "I can't." The thing is, he absolutely could. But he knows that it would only do more harm than good. He regretted telling Thanos about the loop the first time that he brought it up and it wasn't even the underlying fears that Thanos didn't believe him or thought that he was crazy.

At the end of the day, it was that goddamned look on his face. The uneasiness and the paranoia that follows. That was the loop that changed everything anyway, wasn't it? All it took was one kiss to have Thanos' taste occupying Nam-gyu's mind at all times. And it all ends the same way.

Thanos dies. Nam-gyu dies. They both die. Or everything turns out fine and Nam-gyu is sent back to Mingle regardless.

It's all an unfair game.

Thanos' eyebrows furrow together and his lips turn into a thin line, disappointment evident. "Of course, you can't." The mask falls. He wants Nam-gyu to know how much he hurts. Nam-gyu lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Can you at least tell me why you left?" Nam-gyu had pointedly avoiding answering this question before. Kissing Thanos made things work somehow. That's not something he can do now.

Maybe he owes Thanos this much.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to say something.

"I... I couldn't be near you."

It's not his true reasoning for disappearing this loop. It's the answer he should've given Thanos the last time that he did. Something flickers in Thanos' eyes. "You... what?"

"I couldn't be near you," Nam-gyu says with less hesitation. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't know how else to explain this to you." Thanos doesn't look like he's listening at this point. Anything Nam-gyu says falls on deaf ears now and it hurts how blatantly Thanos ignores him. So he shuts his mouth before he makes a fool of himself and watches Thanos' lips.

Maybe he's imagining the way they tremble. "What happened to you? What changed?" He wants to say nothing's changed, but that would be a lie. It feels like nothing has changed, especially since he's lived through this game countless times, but everything has changed—with Nam-gyu, with his mind, with every thought and feeling. Thanos is searching his face for answers that Nam-gyu cannot provide.

"I'm sorry," And that really is the best that he can do.

"Sorry," Thanos repeats bitterly. "You're sorry." He sounds like he wants to laugh a long, humorless laugh with the way his pitch changes and the corners of his lips pull back into a toothy grin. There's nothing about this that screams 'happy' to Nam-gyu. "Okay." Thanos nods slowly but it isn't forgiveness. Nam-gyu would be foolish to think that. "Nam-su. You're out."

He blinks in surprise, meeting Thanos' gaze with confusion. It sounds eerily close to what Thanos says before he kicks Gyeong-su to the ground in some of the previous loops. Maybe with less enthusiasm, but the message is still there. "What?"

"You're out," Thanos tells him again with the same bitterness as before. "Find another group to protect you, or be alone, it doesn't matter to me. You're being sent out of the Thanos World on a rocket ship headed to Traitor Town. Three, two, one," He wags his fingers in front of Nam-gyu's face and makes a 'psshkoww' sound, "Blast off."

It would be funny if he said this to someone else. Nam-gyu would probably burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter if he said it to Min-su or Se-mi. He tries to keep his face as expressionless as possible, but the hurt in his eyes is evident, and Thanos can tell. He matches this look well. The door unlocks behind them and Thanos pushes wordlessly past Nam-gyu, leaving him in the room by himself. Instinctively, Nam-gyu tries to follow him but Thanos is walking deliberately faster and is trying to pick out Gyeong-su and Min-su from the crowd of players.

Thanos is serious.

He's ditching him.

He's actually leaving Nam-gyu.

Avoiding everyone, the large number of players and all, is easy. It helps that Nam-gyu is a notoriously shitty person, so it comes as no surprise that when he steps foot into the dorms, no one comes over to greet him. Everyone is busy grouping up with their allies and performing quick head counts to ensure everyone they care about is still alive. It's like Nam-gyu isn't even here. Not actually.

He's spectating from afar as relief floods the expressions of some and horrified realization upon others. He sees Thanos already in the back with the rest of his team. The remaining of his team. Gyeong-su and Min-su are sitting shoulder to shoulder together, looking up at Thanos as he explains something while waving his arms around, probably relaying Nam-gyu's betrayal to them.

Although he can't hear what Thanos is saying or see the looks on the other men's faces, he can tell that the air is uncomfortable.

He wants to approach them—he really does—but he doesn't know what he would say if a sorry didn't cut it. When Thanos suddenly turns away from the two and points up at the piggy bank hanging over them, his eyes trail downward and he spots Nam-gyu. He wishes he could see Thanos' eyes so that he could read what he feels right now. He doesn't get much from the blurry mesh of disgust as Thanos whirls back toward Gyeong-su and Min-su.

There's no telling if Thanos hates him. He's never hated Nam-gyu before, but this loop is different. They are no longer on the same team.

Nam-gyu huffs, pockets his hands, and maneuvers through the departing crowd to find a bed to sit on. Someone else is occupying his own bed- or what he thinks is his bed. He's gotten tired of trying to keep track of where it is by now since he hasn't been able to sleep in... when was the last time Nam-gyu got to sleep?

He can't even remember that.

Maybe he can use this time to take a nap. There's a little time left before the vote, so he could probably shut his eyes and clear his mind for at least fifteen minutes. Twenty, if he could fall asleep the second his head hit the pillow. And then after the vote ends in a tie, he could sleep through mealtime and wake up to the loop resetting.

He'd get it right this next loop, too. He doesn't know how exactly, but the thought keeps him going.

"Nam-gyu!" A voice chirps as soon as he plops down onto a mattress. He grips the sheets, ungrips them, and then looks up at Dae-ho as he approaches him with a brightly relieved smile. "Hey! It's me, Kang Dae-ho." He points at himself proudly and Nam-gyu sighs.

"Yeah. I remember."

"I'm glad that you got out of Mingle alive, Nam-gyu," Dae-ho says just as he had the last time. Apparently teaming up with this guy and his group for one short round of Mingle makes this guy feel like talking to him. Nam-gyu is unapproachable to everyone else in this room. Dae-ho must be an idiot. "You know, we were really worried about you when you snuck away from us. I started looking around, and I went, oh hey, where did Nam-gyu go? When we realized you were gone, it was too late to try and go looking for you." He bows his head apologetically and then he smiles at Nam-gyu. "You should come over and let the others know that you're okay."

There is no Thanos to grab his arm to keep him in place, but he still doesn't get up. "I'm not changing my vote."

"Huh?"

Nam-gyu taps the blue patch over his breast. "I'm not changing. Do you think that being the only person that's nice to me now that I'm alone is gonna sway my decision? Like I'm some outcast that needs saving? like I need to turn to the good side?" Despite his words, Nam-gyu's tone lacks any malice. He shifts on the bed and brings his feet up to the mattress. He isn't looking at Dae-ho but he can see him in the corner of his eyes as he carefully removes his shoes and places them side by side at the end of the bed. "I think voting X makes you a coward."

"I'm not a coward," Dae-ho states defensively, tone clipped. Nam-gyu lifts his gaze and raises his eyebrows.

"Did I hit a nerve?"

The other man swallows thickly and Nam-gyu can see his Adam's apple bob. Dae-ho takes a long, comforting breath to calm himself down. "I'm not a coward," he shuffles around in his clothes, fighting the tracksuit away and yanking his sleeve up to present his tattoo to Nam-gyu. "This proves it, see?" Nam-gyu narrows his eyes. That's right, he's an ex-marine. He should be the last kind of person to run from something like this if he values bravery.

Nam-gyu crosses his legs and rests his elbows on his thighs. Dae-ho smooths his sleeve back but doesn't put his tracksuit back in place. His shoulder, although clothed, remains exposed. "Sure," Nam-gyu says slowly. He lets go of the cuff of his sweater and drags the sleeve up his arm with his other hand. The sleeve bunches up over his elbow ridiculously but the deep purple-pink track marks are visible alongside his own tattoos. He isn't trying to show off his own ink. He smirks cruelly when Dae-ho's eyes widen. "I'm not a coward, either."

"What happened to you?" Dae-ho asks before doing the unexpected. Nam-gyu has little time to react when the other man crowds his space and takes Nam-gyu's arm in both hands. His thumbs brush against the skin around the nasty marks and that puppy-dog frown from the last loop is back. Nam-gyu doesn't mean to stare at his face but he doesn't know what else to look at. When he opens his mouth to tell Dae-ho to fuck off, the man's gentle hands start trembling. "What happened?"

Nam-gyu grits his teeth together. "What? Scared of me, now?" This is ridiculous. He hadn't expected Dae-ho to care. Why wasn't this guy backing away with fearful eyes and derogatory comments? Dae-ho wasn't calling him a freak or a junkie. He was caressing Nam-gyu's arm like he wanted to drag Nam-gyu off to find bandages for him, even though these marks were not at all fresh. It disgusted Nam-gyu- the oddity that was Kang Dae-ho. He yanks his arm away from Dae-ho and struggles to tug his sleeve down. "I don't need your help and I don't need your team."

It would all be a waste of time, anyway. He lets Dae-ho get a little close, and then what? Nam-gyu has another person to worry about every loop? Nam-gyu isn't here to make friends. He's here to break this goddamn curse and ensure Thanos' survival.

"No, Nam-gyu. No, I'm not scared of you," He sits on the bed next to Nam-gyu even though Nam-gyu never gave him the go-ahead. He has to scoot back from Dae-ho to give him room, or, more accurately to give himself space since the other man is adamant about being near him. "I just... was that what I think it was?"

"You realize how weird it is that you care so much, right?" He should kick Dae-ho off the bed. Literally. He's in perfect kicking distance. The other man's eyes widen and he quickly bows his head apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," He swallows hard again. "I won't, uh..." He crosses his arms awkwardly over his shoulders and Nam-gyu can't figure out what he's still doing here. He had run off the last time that Nam-gyu showed zero interest in entertaining a conversation with him. Must be different when Gyeong-su and Thanos aren't backing him up. "Your tattoos. What... what tattoos do you have?"

Nam-gyu cocks his head to the side. "I'm sorry?"

"I saw your tattoos when you showed me your arm," There's a hint of a smile on his face and his tone lightens. "How many do you have?" What would it take to scare this guy away? Nam-gyu scratches the back of his head and studies Dae-ho with narrowed eyes. He is naive. All that Nam-gyu had to do to... what, form a bond? A sense of trust with Dae-ho... was to play a game with him? Nam-gyu abruptly presses himself forward in hopes of catching Dae-ho off guard but the other doesn't flinch away.

Nam-gyu glowers. "Seventeen."

Dae-ho's eyebrows lift in amusement. "Woah... that had to have hurt," He chuckles at the end and then adds, "Well, of course it had to hurt. It's a needle! There's no way it didn't hurt. I only have the one tattoo, though, and that one hurt like crazy. I ended up feeling numb halfway through but every once in a while, it would sting and I had to stop my entire body from jolting." He pats his arm proudly. "All worth it in the end... but seventeen, wow! You're right, there's no way you're a coward."

"You talk a lot."

Dae-ho audibly shuts his mouth, his teeth clacking together. Pathetic. He's just like everyone else here. "No one should have to be completely alone, Nam-gyu..." Dae-ho says hesitantly after a moment of silence. It has nothing to do with the previous conversation about tattoos and everything to do with Nam-gyu's resistance. "I know that you and... your old friend, you- you might've done things here that you shouldn't have. But it's okay." Dae-ho stands and offers Nam-gyu a hand. "I won't tell you to change your vote. It's up to you in the end... but you could still come with me to let the others know that you're okay."

There's something about Dae-ho's words that irks Nam-gyu. He can tell that he's lying, or that he at least wants to be saying something else. He won't tell Nam-gyu to change his vote, he fucking expects him to. The power of kindness, friendship, and acceptance from Dae-ho's team is supposed to allow Nam-gyu to see everything in a new light. Nam-gyu is supposed to walk over there with Kang Dae-ho as a proud O voter and leave this place with a changed perspective. Pathetic.

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

And stupidly naive, too. Is everyone who votes for X like this? Do they all forgive and forget so easily? He glares at Dae-ho's hand and then flicks his gaze up to the other man's face. Hope. Dripping with hopefulness and care. "I know what you're doing." Nam-gyu spits out hatefully.

Dae-ho flinches but doesn't say anything. He's waiting for Nam-gyu to explain.

Heaving a sigh, Nam-gyu does. "I don't need your pity, you know. It was my decision to ditch Thanos, not his." Partially untrue. He continues. "I didn't leave him because I felt remorseful about what I've done to anyone here. Any heartfelt apology I said during the game was a lie. How could you not know it was a lie?" Dae-ho lowers his offered hand in defeat and Nam-gyu watches as it falls to his side. "Even if you don't try convincing me to change my vote, your perfect little innocent-good-guy act is gonna drop the second I place my vote and it's something that you don't like." Nam-gyu pushes the blanket that's tucked into the bed back with one foot, his steely gaze remaining locked on Dae-ho. "I'm going to sleep, now. Leave me alone, Jae-ho."

"It's-" Dae-ho cuts himself off when Nam-gyu slides his body under the covers, his back turned to the defeated young man. There is no point in trying to correct Nam-gyu or speak to him anymore on the matter. "Okay..." Dae-ho mutters and Nam-gyu tunes it out so that he can sleep. He can't be sure when exactly he finally drifts off, he only hears the distant chattering of other players, some arguing, the game results, and Dae-ho's footsteps as he departs.

Nam-gyu sleeps.

He votes O when his number is called and trudges through the crowd back to bed. No one stops him, not that he expects them to. The shaman is allowed to do as she pleases after her vote whenever she is alive, so why wouldn't he be able to?

The vote ends in a tie.

Nam-gyu sleeps again and convinces himself that no, Thanos doesn't die this loop. Even during his hypnagogic state when he distantly hears Thanos and Gyeong-su stomping past his bunk after Min-su, he tells himself that Thanos doesn't die.

He imagines instead that Thanos is resting in the bunk above his as lights out approaches and he's about to tell Nam-gyu something sweet.

Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.

Round and round

Let's go around in circles and dance

We will clap our hands and sing

La-la-la-la, let's have fun dancing

Chapter End Notes

I'm about to start volunteering soon and that's gonna be like, 6 hour shifts. Updating might take longer but I seriously need a job and I know that volunteer work looks good on resumes. I turn 20 in seven months I NEED to lock in.

But as I always promise you guys, this story will have an ending. We're getting there!

Happy Groundhog Day and I hope that this chapter was satisfying, even if it didn't have a lot of Thangyu interactions. Namgyu needs his rest guys 3

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!

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