journey of self-discovery

Entwined in Time

The knock of love

Who knows when, where, and how love will knock on your door? We’ve all heard countless love stories, but who would have thought we would become characters in one ourselves? When it all began, I don’t know. But the way it unfolded so gradually, I didn’t even realize when and how it started.

The knock of love had been echoing for quite some time, but no one realized it yet. It was a chilly December evening, and Nitti was engrossed in a dilemma. She wanted to buy her first expensive purchase—a laptop. Excitement filled her heart, but confusion clouded her mind. Which model would be the best? Should she buy it from a dealer or online?

Lost in her thoughts, her father entered the room and noticed her worried expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Nitti explained her entire predicament. Her father smiled and said, “Is that all? All the laptops in my office are purchased from a trusted dealer. I can arrange one for you from him.”

Hearing this, it felt as if a huge weight was lifted off Nitti’s shoulders. However, another worry soon crept into her mind. While her father was dependable in most areas, he was not very experienced when it came to shopping. She couldn’t visit the dealer herself because it was too far, and she feared her father might select the wrong model.

While she was still caught in this tangle of thoughts, she learned that her father would be visiting the dealer with one of his office colleagues. Strangely, the mention of this colleague’s name instantly brought Nitti a sense of calm and comfort. For reasons she couldn’t understand, the mere thought of him seemed to dissolve all her worries.

Unbeknownst to her, this moment marked the beginning of something that would soon unfold—a story that Nitti never imagined she would be a part of.

After realizing this, Nitti decided to talk to her mother about the situation. She asked her to speak with Kartik, her father’s colleague, and tell him that she had decided on a particular model and wanted to confirm if it was the best choice according to her requirements. Nitti also wanted her mother to ask for his feedback about the model, as she trusted his opinion.

Since Nitti had no direct way to communicate with Kartik, she asked her mother to handle it. Nitti’s mother, who was not very tech-savvy, hesitated at first. She admitted that she didn’t quite understand these technical matters, but then, she took a step forward and gave Nitti Kartik’s phone number so she could talk to him directly.

Nitti had the number, but for some reason, she felt incredibly nervous. Despite her anxiety, she gathered all her courage and dialed Kartik’s number. However, her call went unanswered, and this made her feel strange, as if Kartik had ignored her. Just as she was about to feel disheartened, her phone buzzed with a message. It was from Kartik. The message read, “I’ll call you as soon as I’m free.”

Seeing this, Nitti couldn’t help but smile to herself. Her eyes were now glued to the phone, eagerly waiting for his call. Every time she heard Kartik’s name, a unique excitement filled her, an excitement she couldn’t quite explain, even to herself.

After a while, Nitti finally received a call from Kartik. She quickly explained that she had decided on the new laptop model but didn’t want her father to purchase a different one, so she asked him to keep that in mind. She also sought his suggestion on whether there was any other model that could meet her requirements. After discussing all the details, they wrapped up the conversation.

As the call ended, Nitti realized that the excitement she had felt within herself wasn’t reflected in Kartik’s tone. He had remained very formal throughout the conversation. Nitti thought to herself, perhaps it was because he was her father’s colleague, and that’s why he maintained such a professional approach.

The next day was Nitti’s birthday, and coincidentally, her laptop was also supposed to arrive that day. She was brimming with excitement. Unable to contain herself, she called her father to ask if he had purchased the laptop. Her father assured her that he had indeed bought it. In her excitement, Nitti casually joked, “Today is my laptop’s birthday and mine too!”

Her father’s phone was on speaker mode, and Kartik, who was with him, overheard their conversation. Unaware of this, Nitti hung up the call and eagerly waited for her father to come home with the laptop.

A little while later, her phone buzzed with a notification. It was a message. Surprised, she saw it was from Kartik. Curious, she quickly opened it. The message was simple yet thoughtful—it was a birthday wish from him.

Reading it, Nitti couldn’t help but smile. That one message made her already special day feel even more memorable. It was a small gesture, but it brightened her heart in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

What felt strange to Nitti was that she had been in a relationship for the past three years and was genuinely serious about it. Yet, she couldn’t deny the unusual feelings she experienced whenever she thought about Kartik. She felt a sense of energy and excitement at just hearing his name. Curious to understand why this was happening, she found herself questioning her emotions.

Despite her curiosity, Nitti chose to ignore these feelings, reminding herself of her commitment to her relationship. She was serious about her current partner and focused on preparing for the next step in her life.

The following day, her father was set to meet the boy she had chosen. Nitti felt a mix of nervousness and anticipation, wondering if her father would like him and whether both families would agree to their marriage.

Unbeknownst to Nitti, her life was on the verge of significant change. She had no idea how drastically things were about to shift in the days to come.

Nitti’s parents returned home, and she was eagerly waiting to hear what had happened. As soon as they arrived, she asked, “What happened?” Her parents, teasing her at first, kept her in suspense. Then, with a smile, they finally said, “It’s a yes from our side.”

Hearing this, Nitti was overjoyed. After waiting for so long, the thought that her marriage with Aman was finally going to happen filled her with happiness. But deep inside, there was still an unexplainable void—a slight incompleteness that she couldn’t quite understand.

She reasoned with herself, thinking it might be because of the recent arguments she and Aman had been having. Their fights had been unsettling her for a while, and she felt those unresolved issues might be the cause of her mixed feelings.

Aman was the same boy with whom Nitti had been in a relationship for three years, yet something felt different lately, leaving her in a whirlwind of emotions she couldn’t fully grasp.

The time had come for Aman and Nitti’s official roka ceremony. However, the night before, another argument broke out between them, leaving Nitti emotionally drained. She was tired of the constant conflicts and, for the first time, found herself not feeling happy about the roka.

That night, Nitti cried herself to sleep. The next morning, her mother noticed her swollen eyes and asked her what was wrong. Reluctantly, Nitti shared everything. But despite her feelings, she couldn’t back out of the roka. It was no longer just about her and Aman—it was about her family’s honor.

Nitti felt trapped. How could she tell everyone that the boy she had fought so hard to convince them about was no longer someone she wanted to commit to? With a heavy heart, she decided to leave everything in God’s hands and went ahead with the ceremony.

At the venue, everyone had arrived, but Aman showed up late. Seeing this, Nitti’s frustration grew even more. She was angry, but more than that, she felt she wasn’t able to fully live the special moment she had once dreamed of. Her heart was burdened, and the happiness that should have defined the day seemed like a distant memory.

Nitti was experiencing some strange and unexplainable things that she wasn’t sharing with anyone. Despite all the stress and difficult situations in her life, Kartik kept appearing in her dreams. In every dream, she saw him emotional and crying. Initially, she thought it might just be a random occurrence, but when it kept happening repeatedly, it started troubling her deeply. These dreams became a mystery for her, robbing her of her sleep and peace.

Summoning courage, Nitti sent Kartik a reel on Instagram, hoping he would take it casually. However, Kartik didn’t see the reel for a long time, so she deleted it, fearing he might misunderstand her intentions. Nitti wasn’t trying to form any connection with him; she simply wanted to understand the reason behind her dreams. But a few days later, the same dream occurred again, and this time, Nitti decided she would directly ask Kartik if everything was okay.

She messaged Kartik and asked him if he was fine. Kartik replied, surprised by the sudden question, and asked why she was asking this. Nitti was hesitant and afraid that Kartik might misinterpret her or that this conversation might spread in the office. Her mind was clouded with thoughts of a girl in Kartik’s office who seemed to like him. Despite her fears, Nitti gathered her courage and shared her dreams with Kartik.

When Kartik responded, he revealed that his relationship had ended and that he was struggling to make things right. He mentioned visiting many astrologers and priests to find solutions, as he wanted to fix everything and marry the girl . This revelation left Nitti in a whirlwind of emotions.

Nitti realized that the feelings she had started developing for Kartik were one-sided. Kartik was deeply invested in someone else, someone he cared about so much that he was doing everything possible to repair the situation. This understanding brought clarity to Nitti but also left her confused about the recurring dreams.

She thought that maybe it was Krishna’s will, or perhaps there was some divine connection behind these dreams. However, she also came to terms with the fact that her feelings for Kartik couldn’t go anywhere. She decided to bury those unknown emotions within herself and prayed that Kartik’s problems would be resolved.

Nitti had always had respect and a soft corner for Kartik, and she didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. She left everything to God, trying to console herself that perhaps this was just a part of her life meant to teach her something.

The wedding preparations had begun, but every day seemed to bring new conflicts—sometimes from Aman’s side, and other times from his family. These constant issues left Nitti feeling frustrated and emotionally drained. Her mother, observing her state, was deeply worried. The wedding was supposed to bring Nitti happiness, but instead, it seemed to be robbing her of her peace. However, she felt helpless and unable to intervene.

One day, out of the blue, her mother received a call. It was from Kartik, who asked if she would like to join a bus trip to Govardhan Parikrima as they had an extra seat available. Without much thought, her mother replied, “I won’t be able to go, but Nitti can join you. Please take care of her as she has never traveled alone like this before.”

Nitti’s mother knew how much Nitti revered Lord Krishna and hoped this spiritual journey would help her find some peace and clarity. When she shared the news with Nitti, she explained that Kartik and his mother were also going on the parikrima and that Nitti would be safe in their company.

Hearing this, Nitti was shocked. Her mother, who had never let her travel far alone, was suddenly sending her on this trip. But deep down, Nitti felt a sense of relief and happiness—as though someone had lifted the weight off her chest. She saw this as an opportunity to escape the chaos in her life, if only for a while.

The thought of parikrima brought an unexplainable joy to her heart, and for the first time in days, her tears felt like they might stop. She couldn’t help but smile, leaving behind her worries and focusing on the excitement of the spiritual journey ahead.

Nitti’s mother was hesitant to let her go alone in such a state of mind, so she called Kartik and asked if there could be an extra seat arranged for her as well. Although the bus was fully booked, Kartik assured her that he would make it work. The day for their pilgrimage finally arrived. Nitti was excited, as she had managed to suppress all the mixed emotions swirling in her mind.

At the bus stop, Nitti and her mother waited patiently. During the wait, her mother repeatedly urged her to call or message Kartik to check where he had reached. When the bus finally arrived, they boarded and took their seats. To Nitti’s surprise, Kartik offered his own seat to her mother and chose to sit on the bus’s bonnet instead. This thoughtful gesture deeply increased Nitti’s respect for Kartik. Sitting on the bonnet for such a long and uncomfortable journey was something not everyone would be willing to do.

During the journey, Nitti tried to avoid looking in Kartik’s direction, but somehow, her eyes kept drifting toward him. She attempted to sleep, but her thoughts wouldn’t let her. Whenever their eyes accidentally met, Nitti felt an inexplicable surge of energy throughout her body—perhaps it was those familiar butterflies signaling a positive feeling.

Despite her efforts to focus elsewhere, Nitti couldn’t shake the emotions Kartik evoked in her. It was as if her feelings were trying to surface, despite her attempts to push them away. This journey, though long and tiring, was becoming a whirlwind of emotions for her, marked by respect, admiration, and a newfound energy she didn’t completely understand.

Nitti didn’t want to think about Aman or his family during this journey because she had joined the parikrama solely to get away from all her frustration and problems for a while and to calm her mind. The strange thing was that, despite not being able to go a day without talking to Aman earlier, she didn’t feel his absence at all this time. She even switched off her phone, although she sent Aman a few messages in between to ensure he wouldn’t worry about her.

Now the journey was continuing with some beautiful devotional songs, and Nitti’s restless mind had finally calmed down. At that moment, a bhajan was playing: “Aisa kya kiya maine tera jo mera haath tune tham liya” (What did I do to deserve You holding my hand?). Nitti felt as if this wasn’t just a bhajan but a reflection of reality — as if the divine had truly come forward and held her hand, promising to take care of all her problems. Lost in this thought, the group eventually reached the place where the parikrama was to begin.

All the passengers of the bus began the parikrama together. Initially, everyone walked in a group, but slowly, they spread out at different paces. Soon, only Kartik, Nitti, and their mothers were walking together. Both Nitti and Kartik started their parikrama by silently chanting the name of God in their hearts. Nitti hummed devotional songs for a while, but gradually her attention shifted to the bhajan Kartik was singing. Now, they were both singing the same bhajan as they continued their journey, and this made Nitti feel as if they were no longer two individuals but one.

After walking some distance, Kartik’s mother began to feel tired and decided to continue the parikrama by rickshaw. This left the three of them — Kartik, Nitti, and Nitti’s mother — to walk together. Kartik was focused entirely on his chanting, speaking nothing else but the name of God as he continued along the path. Nitti, too, gave him her full support, although she occasionally responded to necessary conversations.

A little while later, Nitti’s mother also decided to take a rickshaw and asked Nitti to accompany her. However, Nitti had made up her mind — she was determined to complete the parikrama on foot, no matter what. This wasn’t just a physical challenge for her; it was her way of seeking answers to the questions that had been troubling her heart. Her resolve was so strong that she was ready to endure any pain in her feet but not give up.

Understanding her determination, Nitti’s mother entrusted her to Kartik, asking him to take care of her during the rest of the parikrama. And so, Nitti and Kartik continued their journey together, bound by the shared purpose of their spiritual quest.

In moments of weakness, she wished she could hold Kartik’s hand for support. Yet, she restrained herself, knowing how it might be misunderstood by others. Moreover, she wasn’t even sure what Kartik thought of her. From her perspective, Kartik was pouring his heart and soul into the parikrama because of the pain of his broken marriage. Witnessing his determination, Nitti stopped asking for answers to her own questions. Instead, she silently prayed for Kartik to find the happiness he deserved and for him to be reunited with someone he truly loved.

But Nitti chose to ignore all these gestures, convincing herself that they were simply a reflection of Kartik’s kind nature. She believed he was being helpful to everyone, not just her. She didn’t want to entertain the thought that Kartik’s actions were specifically meant for her.

Dismissing these thoughts, she focused solely on completing her parikrama. Despite the emotional whirlwind and physical exhaustion, she successfully finished one round of the sacred journey, her mind set on staying strong and steadfast.

Nitti felt deeply relaxed after completing her first parikrama. It was a significant achievement for her, and she was proud of herself. Following the ritual, devotees were to pour water from the holy kund as an offering to the sun. Nitti began descending the steps to perform the offering, but her legs ached from the strain, and the slippery, wet stairs made the descent challenging.

As she carefully made her way down, she suddenly noticed a hand extended toward her. It was Kartik’s. He was offering to help her descend safely. This was the first time Kartik had physically touched her, and the brief moment of contact sent a wave of inexplicable energy through her, like butterflies fluttering within her.

But before Nitti could let her thoughts wander, she noticed that Kartik was extending the same help to others, assisting everyone equally. With a soft smile, Nitti dismissed her fleeting feelings once again. She silently told herself to keep such thoughts locked away, knowing it was better not to overthink the moment.