Die Free or Die a Failure

“He’s joining us earlier than we anticipated.”

“He’s a flight risk. This way there should be no more risk of him getting away from you. I’ve killed his mother. He belongs to you.”

“Six years old and already training in the Raven’s nest. He will be a player that won’t be rivaled.”

“Even if you find no use for him, your brother already enjoyed a piece of him last night. Who knew my useless son could have so many possible futures.”

“I am surprised Kengo didn’t keep him.”

“He’d already promised him to you.”

“Pleasure doing business with you Wesninski.”

“It was all mine Tetsuji.”

Nathaniel is passed, broken. Hurt. Bleeding. Still crying into the arms of Tetsuji Moriyama.

“My name is Riko.”

“Mine’s Nathaniel.”

His voice is quiet. He has to be quiet.

“I heard your father is the butcher. Does that mean you’ve killed people.”

“I’m nothing like him!”

Shut up. Don’t make people mad at you.

“Is he the one who gave you those scars?”

“Yes.”

“It’s okay, you’re safe here.”

He believed him. Nathaniel believed him.

“This is Kevin. 

“Hi, I’m Nathaniel.”

“Can I call you Nate.”

“Sure.”

Kevin was Neil’s friend. And Riko promised to protect Neil.

“You’re such a pretty boy.”

“Leave me alone, I’m underaged.”

“Seven is my lucky number kid, I don’t mind.”

“Screw off.”

“The mouth on you! Riko isn’t old enough to protect you from us yet. I’d watch your mouth.”

“No! Stop!”

Nathaniel is left, bloody. Ashamed. Dirty. And he is left the same way when it happens again… and again… and again…

“Riko, they won’t stop.”

“I’ll protect you when I become captain. I promise.”

“I need help now. It’s been too long. It hurts.”

“Stop complaining Nathaniel. I’m sure you’ve had worse. Just wait until I am captain.”

“It’s been three years! I can’t keep doing this!”

“Nathaniel!”

He was tired. He was hurt. He was breaking.

“Nate?”

“Kevin?”

“Jesus what did they do!?”

“It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Nate you’re bleeding.”

“That’s normal. Are you hurt?”

“Why would I be hurt? Jesus look at yourself- “

“They said they wanted to touch you. So I told them they weren’t going anywhere near you. They knocked me out before leaving.”

“What the fuck were you thinking!?”

“I won’t let them hurt you.”

“You need to look after- “

“No. I won’t let them hurt the only family who cares about me.”

He was a protector. A pillar of strength. A martyr. But inside he was just broken.

“This is Jean. He will be number four now. He is rooming with Nathaniel.”

“Do you really speak French?”

“Yes.”

“Kevin and I do too! Don’t speak it in front of Riko though.”

“How old are you?” 

“Thirteen.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Too long.”

He was trapped. No way out. Not even a home to run back to. The nest wasn’t home. But there was nowhere else.

“Don’t you lay a hand on him!”

“Protecting Kevin and Jean!? You can’t have them hiding behind you forever! How long are you going to get on your knees to protect them for?”

“As long as it takes.”

Riko promised to be the protector once he became captain. Just two more years. Just two more.

“This needs to stop.”

“No.”

“Nate please.”

“I hate that word.”

“Nate it’s killing you.”

“It would kill me more to watch them do this to you two. I’m fine. I have you two to patch me up after.”

Just one more year. One more year.

“Captain Riko!!! Come on. You know you’ve got to try him out. It’s team tradition.

Kevin and Jean watch horrified.

Nathaniel glares.

“Riko you made me a promise!”

A dark laugh.

“And you thought I would keep it!?”

Betrayed. Bloody. Pain. Rage. Hurt.

“Kevin get over here now!”

“No, he’s not going!”

“Excuse me? Number Three I own him. He comes when I call!”

“You won’t hurt him!”

“I will, and you can’t stop me!”

“Use me instead. Don’t hurt him.”

“Nate!”

“Jean take Kevin and go.”

“Abram…”

“Go, Jean!”

“I’m getting really sick of this shit Nathaniel!”

“Shut up! You always say I am prettier to hurt than Kevin anyways!”

“That you are.”

There is a cruel smile. Pain. A hard floor. More pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

“I’m going to get you guys out.”

“It’s not possible.”

“I’ll find a way.”

“Will this way involve you getting hurt.”

Silence.

“Nate!”

“It’s unimportant.”

“Not to us.”

“I’m getting you out and that’s final. And when I do, you will leave. Even if that means you leave without me. Do you understand?”

“No- “

“Kevin!”

“We won’t- “

“Jean!”

The two of them are his family. They are precious. Nathaniel is broken. Dirty. Used. Expendable. At least this way he was of some use to them.

“Neil!” 

“Jean! What’s wrong!?”

“Riko is going to hurt Kevin! He looked ready to kill him!”

“Fuck! That stupid ERC rumor!”

Running. Panic. Anger.

Then.

Sound of a scream, and the smell of blood.

“Nathaniel do not interfere.”

There was bone. Fuck he could see the bones in Kevin’s hand.

“Jean take him and go to our room!”

“He wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s me you should be worried about Riko.”

“I’m going to tear you apart Nathaniel.”

Blood. Pain. None of it mattered. He dragged himself back to Kevin. He had failed Kevin. He had failed Kevin so bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m getting you out of here. Tonight. I can’t take both of you- “

“Get Kevin out. You and I will be fine here.”

“I can’t leave you two!”

“Yes you can! I’m taking you to your father! You tell him who you are! And you get back into playing shape! You best Riko at his own fucking game!”

“I can’t- “

“You can! You are the best striker on the court, and you are my brother! You can and you will!”

Nathaniel has to pull Kevin out, his hand over the striker’s mouth.

“You’re stealing the master’s car!?”

Silence

“Nate! He’s going to kill you!!!”

“I don’t care. You’re getting out of here.”

The drive takes close to six hours. But it’s worth it when Neil drops Kevin at the front.

“Don’t come back.”

“What about you and Jean?”

“I’ll get Jean out and send him your way soon.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Nate- “

“Go Kevin! You need to check out your hand. I want you on the court again. Promise me. Promise me even if you have to play right-handed.”

“Nate- “

“Kevin! Promise me!”

“I promise.”

When Neil arrives back to Edgar Allan, he takes both his and Jean’s beatings. And an extra one for taking Jean’s. He can’t move after. The ravens have fun with him then.

“Jean I am so sorry!”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I let you get raped. It should have been me. I’ve failed Kevin and now you- “

“You have taken this shit for how many years for us!?”

“That’s not the point- “

“No! You don’t get to apologise to me! Not when this is the first and only time it’s happened to me here!!! Not when you spent so many years being raped and tortured in mine and Kevin’s stead!!! You owe yourself more than that!!!”

Silence

“Abram?”

“This will not happen again.”

Abram what are you going to do?”

“You’re getting out of here.”

“Abram stop.”

“No! I won’t allow them to hurt you!”

Nathaniel makes a call.

“Lord Kengo. Thank you for seeing me.”

“I understand you have a request for me.”

“An offer.”

“Speak.”

“Let Jean go. In return I’ll be yours from here on out.”

Silence. Then a small smile on the Lord’s face that sickens Nathaniel’s stomach.

“We have a deal.”

Nathaniel packs Jean’s bags that very same night. He grabs Jean and pulls him as fast as he can go.

“Abram! What’s going on!?”

“I freed you! You are free! Go to Kevin! Play Exy at Palmetto with Kevin.”

“Impossible- “

“Would I lie?”

“... Abram what did you do?”

“Don’t ask me that question.”

His skin crawls as he thinks about what he did for Jean’s freedom. But he regrets absolutely nothing.

“Abram what did you- “

“Nathaniel! Where do you think Jean is going?”

“Jean is leaving. Orders of Lord Kengo.”

Silence. Then a choked sob.

“Abram what did you do?!”

“Go, Jean!”

“Grab Moroau.”

“No! You will not touch him again. Jean get out and never come back. Don’t make what I had to do, have been in vain.”

There is silence. Then running footsteps. Then the slam of the front door.

“I will kill you.”

“Your father won’t like you much after that.”

“What?” 

“Daddy likes me more than you now Riko. He won’t be happy if you mark me up.”

Riko doesn’t. Apparently water torture can be done with minimal marks.

“Whore.”

“Slut.”

“Disgusting.”

Neil tries to ignore how much he hates the words. The Ravens can’t touch him anymore, not with him being Kengo’s.

“My father is dying. He will be dead soon. When he goes, I will be getting rid of the whorish deal you have with him.”

“Please my Lord! Kevin and Jean deserve better than the nest.”

“You are nothing but a whore who jumped into my father’s bed. My mother had to listen as you two had your fun.”

“My Lord, I only did what I had to to have my family survive. Please give me the chance to show my skills.”

He had to keep Kevin and Jean safe.

“I have no need for a whore.”

“I can play Exy.”

“You are untested.”

“Then test me. One season!”

“Give me time to think about it.”

Ichirou leaves without a second glance.

“Nate, did you hear? My father is dead!!!”

Fear. No protection.

“I’ve been waiting for this day a long time Nate.”

“Riko stop.”

“No. You can’t deny me anymore! Tie him down! I am going to break him once and for all.”

Neil screams for the first time in years that night. Screams for help and mercy. But none comes, and none is shown.

“I’ve thought about your deal. I’ve decided that you have one year. Move to Palmetto. If you win championships, then I will allow you to live your own life. You will of course play professional Exy and give us some of your profits.”

“What about Kevin and Jean?”

“They are free still, no lines attached. However I’m not offering them or you any protection, if they get dragged back then so be it. And if you get dragged back so be it. I am giving you a chance.”

Ichirou turns to leave.

“And if I lose?”

“Then you have choices…” 

Neil packs his bag quickly. He’s almost out the door when Riko catches him.

“You aren’t leaving Nathaniel.”

“You can’t stop me!”

“I can break you.”

Neil lost his voice from screaming, but still he got his broken body out the door and onto a greyhound bus. He’d left his bag. But it didn’t matter. The words Ichirou had said still echoed in his ears.

“If you can’t win championships you will have three options. One, Return to your father. Two, Return to Riko, or Three, I will sell you to a trafficking ring I am trying to get to back off quietly.”

Neil’s head rang and he knew he wanted none of the above.

If Neil didn’t bring the foxes to championships. If they lost. Neil would put a bullet through his own head.

He would get away and stay away. He wasn’t going back.

Neil awoke in a soft bed, not a cold locker room floor. He awoke to sunlight, not to a raven holding him down.

It was the first time in years that he was waking up to a decent looking day.

It took him a minute to remember where he was. He remembered a beating. He remembered the ravens holding him down. He remembered crawling up the stairs out of the nest. He remembered buying a ticket and riding a greyhound bus to Palmetto. But he didn't remember making it there.

Neil groaned and covered his head in pain.

"Good," a gruff voice spoke, startling Neil before he could do a bodily assessment." You're finally up."

Neil's startle pulled at what felt like stitches on his stomach. He winced and touched his abdomen. But still he scanned the room until his eyes laid upon Coach Wymack. The fox coach.

"Did you pull any stitches? Abby will have my head if you already pulled some." Coach Wymack spoke again.

Neil opened his mouth to speak, but all that he could manage from his abused throat was a hoarse wheeze.

He made a motion of writing on paper, and thankfully Wymack seemed to understand.

Soon a paper and pen was placed in front of Neil. Neil wrote.

No, no stitches are pulled.

"Good," Wymack gruffly said," Then we can talk. Who are you?"

Nathaniel Wesninski. But call me Neil.

"You want to explain why you're at my school? You're obviously a raven even though I've never seen you on the court."

Neil twirled the pen with his fingers, wondering how much he should tell Wymack.

I heard you needed a new striker.

"And so you decided to come from the best school in the nation to the worst school?" Wymack inquired," Somehow I'm not buying it."

It's true. Though I will admit Kevin and Jean being here is a big reason why I came.

Wymack stared at the paper a moment.

"And Riko is just gonna let you go? No questions? We are already fighting Riko to keep Kevin and Jean. And I'm not sure I want to subject my players to more of that just to have you as a striker."

Neil clenched his eyes shut, and his hands shook fearfully. If he got sent back-

Well he guessed he could just kill himself before it came to that.

The thought made him let out a hysterical laugh, one that burned his abused and raw throat.

Riko won't bother with Jean and Kevin as long as I'm around. I tend to keep him focused.

"That's not comforting," Wymack said shortly. But Neil could see his shoulders starting to relax.

Trust me, I know.

"What are you going to do? Do you have anywhere else to go?" Wymack asked. 

Neil chuckled.

The morgue?

"Someone's trying to kill you?"

Me.

Wymack gave a short laugh but then-

" Can I see Kevin and Jean before you send me away? To say goodbye."

Wymack stops laughing, his eyes set upon Neil’s face. And Neil hears the sharp intake of breath the man takes.

"You aren't kidding," Wymack breathes.

I'd rather die than go back.

Neil sets his jaw. And goes to write again, but the paper is full. His writing was too large and unstructured with how injured his arms were.

Neil makes an attempt to clear his throat.

"Can I see them?" He asks. His voice sounds so destroyed that even he flinches away from the sound. Speaking makes him wince.

Wymack opens his mouth to answer, there is a strange look in his eye. But suddenly a door slams open, and Neil jumps off the side of the bed and lands hard on his side.

Neil groans in pain, and he feels something wet on his side.

"I heard we have a birdie who flew too far from the nest,'' a voice said maniacally. 

Neil knows the voice. He had kept tabs on it ever since the day that Riko had come into his room swinging, all because Kevin was still being watched out for. It had happened again when Jean was taken under the midgets wing. 

And despite Neil being wary of the short man. He was grateful. Andrew was protecting Neil’s family.

Neil propped himself against the wall and stared at Andrew.

Andrew’s face held a smile that was far too similar to Riko's for Neil's liking.

Neil barely held back a flinch.

"I'll be gone soon," Neil rasped. Pain shot through his throat and he grimaced. Neil gripped at his throat, like gripping it from the outside could take away any of the pain inside. 

"Little birdie has lost his ability to go chirp chirp," Andrew said stepping forward," I bet I could take him out now with minimal screaming."

"Minyard step back!" Wymack ordered.

Andrew didn't listen, but he also didn't step any closer to Neil.

"Let me see them," Neil rasped again, turning his head to Wymack. "Let me see them and then I'll be gone."

"Now hold on just a damned- "

"Little bird wants to fly away so soon," Andrew says crouching down, inspecting Neil," We were just starting the party!"

"Pity I can't stay," Neil's voice sounds worse the more he speaks. It feels worse too. "I just need to see them and then you'll never see me again." 

"Absolutely not," Wymack said. His voice left no room for argument.

Neil let his head fall. Maybe it was better this way. Jean and Kevin could just think that Nathaniel got away and was in hiding somewhere. He'd go somewhere where his body wouldn't be found. And then he would do it.

"I understand," Neil said. Because even if he knew he wasn't a threat. The fact that Wymack and Andrew were going to such lengths meant Kevin and Jean would be safe. Neil had succeeded in his mission of getting them out, his own safety had been nothing but an afterthought. An unattainable dream. "I'll be going now then. Do you have my knives?"

His knives were the only thing he had been able to snatch from the nest.

"The baby bird likes to play with knives! Don't you know that knives can hurt you?" Andrew laughs.

"That's the point. Do you have them?" Neil asked Wymack again.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP FOR TWO GODDAMN SECONDS!!!" Wymack shouted. Neil felt his heart drop. His eyes went wide. Panic clawed at his chest and he flinched hard.

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm not gonna hurt you kid," Wymack spoke gently.

"I might," Andrew smiled.

"Miyard get the fuck out," Wymack pointed towards the door.

Andrew once again didn't listen. But his mouth closed and he didn't say anything else.

"I'm not going to let you leave after you basically announced a plan to kill yourself!" Wymack said incredulously. "I'm certainly not about to let you see Jean and Kevin just so you can give them a goodbye that will make them shit themselves more than they already have!"

Neil stared at Wymack.

"I, for one, think that we should let the bird try and free fall. I want to see if his wings are broken too," Andrew speaks again.

"Give me a gun and I'll be gone faster."

"Tempting."

"Jesus Christ!" Wymack threw his hands up in the air," I haven't even talked to Dan about recruiting you yet. Hell, I've barely known you for an hour, and I am already ready to book you an appointment with Betsy." 

Neil shrinks back against the wall.

"You'll let me stay?" 

"I'm certainly not going to cast you out when you're like this!" Wymack responds. He glares at Andrew, silencing the goalie's response before it came," And we do need a new striker sub. But I would need to see you play, I can't just accept you because you say you're good."

"I don't like this one," Andrew says flippantly," Throw him back."

"Am I a fish now?" Neil asks annoyed.

"You're whatever I want you to be." Andrew responds, smile still in place.

Neil flinches back at the comment.

"You're whatever I want to call you princess. Get on the bed."

Andrew notices the flinch and his smile grows wider.

"Stop tormenting him you crazy fuck," Wymack says annoyed.

The door opens and a woman steps in. She's carrying a large medical kit and she gives Wymack an exasperated look.

"Can Jean and Kevin come in now, they are pacing holes into my living room floor," The woman says. Her eyes fall to Neil, and she seems to be the first one other than Neil to realize the torn stitches, blood seeping through bandages.

"I told you not to stress him out!" Abby whirled on Wymack. Wymack pointed at Andrew.

"Blame our resident Psychopath who came bursting into the room!" 

Abby turned, "Andrew out! And send Kevin and Jean up."

"If you think I'm leaving them with him you are sorely mistaken," Andrew says dangerously. "In fact, I am inclined to never let you within their line of sight. How'd you get out little birdie? I highly doubt that Riko opened the cage for you to get out, out of the goodness of his heart."

"He has no goodness in his heart," Neil glared.

"Precisely my point," Andrew spread his arms wide in a condescending way. "Jean and Kevin have played in enough of Riko's games. There will be no more. How'd you get out?!"

There was an edge to Andrew's voice, and instantly Neil’s guard rose.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me," Andrew says smiling," See, I made a deal and I intend to keep it."

"How I got out will not interfere with your deal to protect Kevin and Jean," Neil says looking Andrew in the eye. Neil's temper was spiking.

Andrew's smile darkens, "You see, I don't make it a habit to take people's words at face value, so I'm going to ask again. How did you get out?"

Neil scowled.

"Enough Minyard!" Wymack shouted," The kid is still bleeding on the floor."

"I hope he bleeds out," Andrew says flippantly. "Less problems for me."

"I don't know," Neil says shrugging," I may just have to annoy your ass from the grave."

Wymack steps between them before the bickering can continue.

"Get your wards up here and then get the fuck out!"

"If you think I'm leaving them alone with him- "

"Then don't," Wymack states pointedly," But you'll sit in the corner and watch silently like a guardian fucking angel."

"Are you calling me an angel now coach?"

"OUT!" 

Andrew let's out a loud laugh and bounds out the door.

Not even moments later there is pounding feet on the floor. Moments later, two faces Neil never thought he would see again appeared.

Jean's eyes were wide as he looked at Nathaniel. His face betraying every emotion he was feeling inside. Kevin stood beside him, equally expressive.

Neil looked at them both, they were safe. Unharmed. The sight made him want to cry tears of happiness, but he settled for his usual cocky smirk.

"Did you miss me?" Neil asks in French.

Kevin was the first one to move. He was across the room in only a few strides, dodging the arm Andrew sent out to grab him, and then dodging the arm Wymack held out to slow him. He grabbed Neil’s chin, and Neil forced himself not to flinch away. 

This was Kevin. Kevin would never hurt him.

Kevin looked over Neil’s battered and bruised face, and Neil could feel Kevin’s hand begin to shake.

“We thought you died,” Kevin croaked out in french. Neil finally forces himself to meet Kevin’s eyes. And when he finally does he freezes.

Tears stream down Kevin’s face.

“We texted you when Kengo died,” Jean spoke, his voice also wobbling. Neil watched as Jean sank to his knees, “We called and texted. We even called the master- “

Neil’s eyes widened at that.

“You called the master!?” Neil shouted in angry French, the shout caused his throat to burn, “Why would you do something so stupid!?”

“We needed to know you were okay!” Kevin shouted back. Kevin’s head fell onto Neil’s shoulder. “But the master hung up on us. And your phone had been disconnected. That was two months ago!!! We thought you died!!!”

Neil didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He allowed himself to tip forward into Kevin’s chest while the other hugged him lightly. It was a hug that Neil could easily escape from, but yet he found he didn’t want to.

“Sorry to ruin the moment boys. Hi Neil, I’m Abby,” Abby stuck out her hand for Neil to shake, and Neil awkwardly took it. “Do you mind if I take a look at those stitches?”

Neil looked at his side, suddenly remembering the fact that he was steadily bleeding. His entire torso and arms were covered and wrapped in bandages. Not a single bit of skin was showing. It was then that Neil noticed that his pants were still on. And it didn’t feel like any of his lower body had been taken care of. He felt a breath of relief wash over him, but then he froze when Abby started to remove the bandages.

“Have him turn around,” Neil said pointing at Andrew. His voice sounded annoyingly weak.

“No,” Andrew said, a smile still in place on his face, “I don’t trust you.”

“I don’t care,” Neil said back, “My body means I get to consent to who gets to see it or not. I don’t consent to you seeing it so turn around.” 

Andrew’s smile didn’t falter. But Neil noticed that his hands had stilled from where they had been fiddling with his armbands. Neil hadn’t even noticed the motion until it stopped.

For a moment, Neil tensed, ready for Andrew to ignore Neil’s wishes. Waiting for Andrew to be just like everyone else. But Andrew clicked his tongue and turned towards the wall.

“Coach Wymack- “

Wymack waved Neil off, not needing to even be asked. He turned to face the wall, neither man tried to peek. Still, Jean and Kevin positioned themselves in front of Neil, a protective barrier in case one of the men decided to peek. Neil thought it was probably more for his piece of mind then anything else.

The bandages fell off piece by piece, and Neil averted his eyes away from Jean and Kevin’s. He didn’t want to see their horror. They had seen him in situations that were bad, but never this bad. And internally he debated whether or not he should have had them turn too. But it was too late to change it. The last bandage fell off, and Kevin made a horrified choking sound. He got up and walked to the door.

For a moment Neil thought he was going to leave, but he stopped in the doorway. Kevin leaned against it, taking deep breaths.

Neil hadn’t seen the damage yet, but he knew it had been bad. Had felt how bad it was.

“We shouldn’t have left you,” Jean says with a shaky voice. 

“You didn’t have a choice.”

“Nate- “

Neil stiffened.

“Don’t call me Nate anymore,” He meant for his voice to come out strong, but it sounded broken. The french barely audible. The pain didn’t help any either., “ They made that name mean something different.”

A broken sound exits Kevin’s throat. 

Neil took a moment to look down at his abdomen as Abby professionally re-did the stitches on his side. 

His body had always been a mass of scars for as long as he could remember, but future ones lay stark red along a mass of older scar tissue. Every single one of them was words.

‘Whore’

‘Slut’

‘Worthless’

‘Disgusting’

‘Used’

‘Nothing’

There were others. All of them progressively worse and worse. Neil’s entire body was a mass of red words carved into his skin.

“I’m guessing they’ll scar?” Neil asked Abby bitterly. He didn’t need the answer. But he needed to think of something other than the heartbroken look on Jean’s face.

“I’m sure we can look into scar removal- “

“Don’t worry about it,” Neil smiled bitterly, “There’s no point.”

The room goes silent, and Neil tries his best to lighten the mood.

“At least he didn’t carve anything that wasn’t true, right?” Neil lets out a fake laugh for a moment, but the room is tense.

Kevin’s jaw sets for a moment. He opens his mouth to say something, but then he turns and walks out. Jean looks between the doorway and Neil, and Neil nods for Jean to go ahead after Kevin. The backliner leaves quickly.

Andrew lets out a laugh, “Are your booboos too much for Day to handle? I bet he’s headed to the kitchen for his first drink of many today.”

“Don’t turn around,” Neil glares at Andrew’s back. 

Andrew throws his hands up,” Relax tweety-bird,” he says, Neil can hear his smirk, “I was just making a comment.”

“Glad you like the sound of your own voice so much,” Neil stated dryly, “Unfortunately I’m finding it to be a giant pain in the ass. So shut the fuck up.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you manners?” Andrew drawled.

“Take your manners and shove them up your ass,” Neil says annoyed, “Maybe someone who cares will find them later.”

“You have a lot of attitude when my back is turned,” Andrew stated, “I wonder if you’ll be that brave when I turn back around.”

“Wait a couple minutes and you can find out for yourself, you dick.”

There is an exasperated sigh from Wymack in the corner. And Abby laughs.

“I think he’ll fit right in,” Abby says with a smile. She secures the rest of the bandages, and then gives Neil a friendly pat on the shoulder, before leaving.

Andrew turns, he has his hands covering his eyes in a mocking fashion.

“Do you consent to letting me use my eyes now, tweety bird?” Andrew asked. 

Neil could still see the manic smile from in between Andrew’s hands.

“I don’t know,” Neil says,” You seem less annoying now.”

Andrew lets his hands fall.

“Leave,” Andrew directs the order at Wymack. 

Wymack turns and glares at Andrew, “Absolutely not.”

“I have questions for the roadrunner,” Andrew says.

“And you can ask them when he doesn’t have any stitches that can be torn open,” Wymack snaps.

Andrew remains silent. His eyes scan up and down Neil’s covered form.

Then eventually Andrew strides through the door.

Wymack was insistent on Neil not leaving the house. This would have been okay, but in addition to not leaving the house Wymack also had Neil locked down on suicide watch. Something that Neil found ironic.

Two years prior Neil had attempted suicide in the nest. They had strapped Neil into some pads after some stitches, and told him to walk it off. Now he had only mentioned suicide in passing as another option, not intending to use it since he wasn't going back. But it didn't matter. Wymack had Neil locked down and practically under 24 hour supervision.

And since Andrew’s group were the only ones who were still in Palmetto over the summer, this meant his babysitter (when it couldn't be Wymack or Abby) ended up being one of them.

Neil didn't mind Aaron. The guy was quiet and would sit and read medical textbooks from the corner. Andrew was never left completely alone with him, usually Kevin and Jean sat with him. 

Nicky however seemed to lack all ability to follow a person's boundaries. He wasn't mean, and it was obvious he wasn't trying to cross boundaries and make Neil uncomfortable.

Honestly the guy was just trying to be nice and make Neil feel better.

But Neil found himself dreading the days Nicky watched over him.

"Coach didn't really explain why we were watching you," Nicky says shrugging, the older male sat on the bed and Neil’s heart rate picked up in speed. "Are you a flight risk or something?" 

Neil couldn't answer, Nicky's weight on the bed was distracting. Neil’s entire mind was hyper focused on the way the bed was dipping in front of him.

"God you are so quiet," Nicky said," That's okay though, you don't have to be a talker to have a good time!" 

Nicky's wink caused Neil’s stomach to twist uncomfortably.

Nicky finally huffed and stood up, "Well," Nicky said with a smile, "You've been a good boy the past few days, so I'm sure you can handle yourself while I go get some water!"

The words were caught in Neil’s mind though.

"You've been such a good boy Nate, I think you deserve a reward."

"Please no."

"Shhh… I'll take good care of you."

Nicky left the room, and Neil stumbled off the bed as soon as the man had closed the door. He power walked to the window, healed enough after a week to do so without limping.

Neil was on the second floor, but that was fine. He just had to get out. He had to get away. He pushed open the window carefully before climbing out and jumping down.

Pain shot through him and he stumbled, but not a single stitch was torn.

Neil jumped the back fence and weaved through some of the backyards at a light jog. He didn't know where he was or where he was going.

But it didn't matter. He had to get away. So he ran, as fast as his legs would carry him, he ran. Thoughts of Evermore and the nest filtered through his brain.

He wanted his brain to just shut off.

He wanted the words floating through his head to stop.

But they didn't, so Neil continued to run. And run. And run. 

He didn't even realize how erratic his breathing was until he found himself staring at the unforgiving orange of the foxhole court.

Neil looked around for a way to get in, the door was locked so that wasn't an option, but Neil found a tree that he could climb, that led right into a small window.

Perfect.

Neil climbed it with only minor difficulty and pushed the window open before slipping inside.

He stood there for a moment, breathing heavily. Then he turned around.

Wymack was staring at him. A phone was to his ear, but it looked like Wymack had stopped listening to whoever was on the other side.

Neil blinked.

Wymack blinked.

The sight of Wymack unexpectedly standing there was enough to pull Neil from his panic.

They both stared at each other for a solid 10 seconds with looks of surprise on their features.

Slowly Wymack hung up the phone without saying goodbye to the person on the other end, and he opened the door. The room they were in looked like an office. And Wymack stepped out, crooking a finger for Neil to follow.

Neil followed even though every instinct inside himself told him to bolt.

He heard the shouting before he saw the people.

"It's only been 20 minutes!"  Neil heard Kevin shout, "He's injured, he couldn't have gotten that far."

There was a moment of silence, and then Kevin responded.

"You shouldn't have left the room!"

Wymack steps into a room and Neil follows.

Andrew, Aaron, Kevin, and Jean all are hunched over a phone. It was set on the table and set to speaker phone. Now that Neil was closer he could hear Nicky's panicked voice on the other end.

"I don't know!" Nicky shouted," I just told him he was being good and left the room!!! He hasn't been acting up this entire time, I just thought- "

Neil had heard enough.

"I don't have to follow your rules!" Neil snarled," I'm not good. I'm not bad. Act like I'm a dog following your orders again and we'll have a problem."

There is a stunned silence. And Neil hears Wymack groan.

"Kid," Wymack says with a hand over his face, "You are going to make me have a heart attack!"

The rest of the room stands in stunned silence. Andrew still looks as drugged up as ever.

"What?" Neil asked the rest of the room.

Andrew laughs, "So the roadrunner really can run!"

Neil flushes.

"Dude," Aaron says staring at him," You just ran 5 miles in at the most, 20 minutes."

"And you have more stitches than a goddamn clothing store!" Wymack shouted, "What the fuck were you thinking."

"I was thinking that Nicky doesn't know the meaning of personal space!" Neil snaps.

"So you put 5 miles between the two of you!? Jesus kid! Just say you're uncomfortable and the guy will back off! It's something called communication!"

"I've said stop before and been ignored. I saw no point in trying again," Neil mutters in quiet French.

Jean makes a distressed noise and stares at Kevin in a plea to help.

"It's not like that here!" Kevin says pleadingly, "If you say no they'll stop. Hell, I doubt any of them would try to start unless it's obvious you wanted something!"

Neil doesn't look up. He had been in the nest since he was six years old. Having his pleas and no's ignored was a normal part of life. This idea of someone listening to what he wanted, was foreign.

"Sorry," Neil finally says after a moment of silence. "It won't happen again."

Wymack sighed, running a hand through his hair. The tattoos on his arms were shown off with his lack of sleeves.

"If you're already here, then you can just stay and watch them practice," Wymack said, sighing. "You can ride back with me afterwards, I don't want you running home. Do you hear me?"

"Yes Master," Neil said it without thinking, and suddenly the room felt far too cold. Everyone had gone silent. Neil hunched his shoulders ready for Wymack to take a swing.

After a moment Wymack spoke," It's just "coach" kid. I'm not the ruler of your world, and I don't delude myself with thinking I ever will be.

"Yes Coach," Neil stated.

He stared at the floor, not meeting anyone's eyes.

Kevin and Jean played as they normally do. At the best they possibly could. Kevin was shaky, using his right hand instead of his left. His aim was no longer as precise.

"Kevin, do you use your right hand outside of practice?" Neil inquired in French once they took a water break. The room paused when Kevin frowned.

"It's not polite to chirp when others can't understand," Andrew said. His hands fiddled with the edge of his armband.

Neil glanced at him, "I just asked if he uses his left hand outside of practice," Neil stated.

"No," Kevin states," I don't. I still write using my left."

"Switch it," Neil says, glancing back at Kevin," You treat using your right hand as a foreign affair. It may not be comfortable to use your right hand to do things like writing and pouring yourself a drink, but you need to build up your coordination in that arm. You should start trying to strengthen your right hand too. You should use grips, even a stress ball would work. Your aim is off, and your strength is lower on your right side. If you're switching hands you can't half ass it. Switch hands. Don't lose your left side completely of course, but train your right."

The room is mostly silent, but Jean is moving about like it was the most normal thing in the world. And for Kevin, Neil, and Jean it was.

"Jean," Neil turns towards the Frenchman, who in turn gives Neil his full attention," You still occasionally check too hard. Checking is great but maintain your own balance at the same time. If you're the closest to the ball you still may need to stand back up and get to it. I'm not back line anymore, I can't sprint in and send it for you like we used to."

Both Kevin and Jean consider his words, before nodding in thanks. And Kevin even switches his water bottle to his left hand to screw the top on with his right.

Wymack had watched silently, "What about Aaron?" Wymack gruffed. 

Kevin huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Not good enough for Kevin," Aaron says," And I'm not good enough for Jean, so I doubt any Raven is going to find me worth their- "

Neil cuts him off, "You're good." Silence follows his words. And Neil takes to inspecting his nails," You have potential for being a great backliner. Your balance and precision is off but those are both things you can work on. Try balance exercises as you read or study. Things like standing on one leg and then on only the other for longer and longer periods of time. Kevin has plenty of raven drills that help with precision of throws and passes. I would show you but- "

"But you're not stepping on the court until Abby says you won't turn into a blood stain on the floor," Wymack gruffs.

Neil rolls his eyes," Yeah that. The only other thing would be getting your speed up and learning a more effective tackle."

Aaron stares at Neil with an eyebrow raised.

Neil continues," You're small," Aaron glares as the words leave Neil’s mouth," I am too. And the tackle you're doing work well enough, but when you're going against someone bigger than you you need to count on more than brute strength. Aim for throwing off their center of gravity. And do so with enough speed."

You could probably hear a pin drop from how silent it was.

Neil finally looks up. Everyone, minus Andrew, we're staring at him in shock.

"Is that really all he needs to improve?" Kevin asked, more to himself than anyone else.

"You've always been bad at training people. You're too," Neil Searches for the words and finally settles on," Kevin."

Kevin glares at Neil like a petulant child, and Jean snorts out in laughter. Quickly covering his mouth to hide it.

"You're no better Jean," Neil flicks his fingers. 

Wymack finally turns to Kevin, "Neil has offered to be our striker sub this year. Thoughts?"

Kevin stops glaring and looks at Wymack, the smallest grin on his face, "You're thinking about it?"

"It's been the only thing I've thought about the past few days. He won't be healed enough for me to see him play before I need the contract signed, and I'm trying to figure out if I should take a chance on him. The rest of the team says they trust my judgment but I'm unsure." Wymack stated.

Neil’s leg bounced nervously.

"Don't I get a say, Coach?" Andrew asks grinning.

Wymack just says," No."

Kevin doesn't say anything, but pulls his phone out of his bag. Flipping through various things on it. "I saved these as practice material a long time ago," Kevin says, handing Wymack his phone. On it a video was queued up. "Neil was there from the age of six. And the Master often had him train the freshmen who had less experience. Neil’s main position was backliner, but he's been moved around to every position on the court."

"Riko put him on the back line because Neil was a faster striker than him," Jean says.

Jean doesn't mention how when Neil was out performing Riko, Riko had beat Neil until Neil had to be taken to the hospital. They told the doctors he'd been hit by a truck. 

Wymack’s eyebrows raise, and the man clicks play on the video.

Neil flinches slightly when he hears Riko's voice shouting at him from the video. He remembered the day the video had been taken.

"Stop messing around Nathaniel and actually try," Riko's voice shouted.

"Are you going to be pissy when I shut you down every five seconds," Neil's voice was loud and clear through the speaker of the phone.

Some more argument. Then a whistle. 

Neil counted a bit internally. 

The Neil in the video began to get into the practice fully. There was the sound of him stick checking, body checking. And there was the sound of Riko getting increasingly incensed every time Neil cleared it. The video was cut off. But Neil knew what had happened after the cameras stopped rolling.

Riko had dragged him into the locker room and handcuffed him to the bench, stripping him naked before leaving. 

It hadn't been a fun night.

Neil's right hand absently rubbed over the scars that lay on his wrists from fighting against those handcuffs. That time and every other.

The next video was of Neil playing as a dealer. It wasn't as impressive, but Neil knew it was good enough to earn approval. 

There was one of Neil playing Goalie, but Kevin had reached out and skipped the video.

Wymack didn't comment and watched the striker video. Neil was younger, his voice higher. But Neil could still hear his taunts at Riko.

"I thought you said you could keep up!" Neil shouted on the phone.

That hadn't been a good night either.

"Sign him Coach," Kevin said, staring at Wymack. "I promise you it will be the best investment you've ever made for this team."

Wymack stared right back, "Better than you?" 

Neil was about to say that nobody was a better investment than Kevin, but Kevin spoke before him. His words stunning him into silence.

"A hundred times better."

Two days after Kevin's approval of Neil, Wymack threw a stack of papers down in front of him. Neil had startled out of the daze he had been in and stared at the papers in front of them in wonder. It was a contract.

Neil’s fingers brushed the top page lightly, his breath caught in his throat.

He had figured that Wymack wouldn't be sending Neil back to Evermore. Two days after meeting the man that had become clear. But he hadn't been sure if Wymack would sign him

And if Wymack hadn't, well Neil really had nowhere else to go.

"It's just a contract kid," Wymack said. But his eyes were studying Neil’s reaction.

Neil smiled, but it was a smile full of pain. He could feel years of abuse and pain all in that smile. But he also felt the smallest amount of relief in his heart.

"It's more than that," Neil said, picking up a pen," It's a chance, it's my life, it's the future. It's more than I've ever been given."

Wymack doesn't respond, but watches as Neil signs his name on the contract.

Neil slowly started getting his stitches taken out, and by extension, was slowly allowed to start exercising more.

As he healed, he couldn't help but notice the Andrew kept Jean and Kevin away from him more and more. It hurt not having the two of them around. And he felt his irritation rise every time they were pulled or guided away from him. He felt lonely. It was a feeling he was familiar with, but that didn't make it any easier.

Nicky didn't speak to Neil much after the day Neil ran off. Every time he did, Nicky would send hurried and fearful looks towards Andrew.

"Andrew threatened him off you," Aaron said one day as Neil was coaching Aaron on his stance. Nicky had been speaking to Neil about some random thing, but had suddenly stopped and stared at Andrew, before slinking off and staying away from Neil completely.

Neil glanced up, his brows furrowed. "Why?"

"You ask me like you think I understand a damn thing he does," Aaron mutters back," He's a psychotic asshole. He probably just gets off on the control or something."

Neil shook his head, not commenting. He didn't know Andrew well enough to be able to pick apart his motives. 

Neil would show up to the small impromptu practices with Wymack, and he would help and occasionally shove in pointers. In between he'd jog the court, gradually picking up speed as he healed more and more.

Finally Abby removed the last of his stitches. He didn't even wait for her to finish talking to him about getting back into exercise slowly, he was already out the door and sprinting down the street to the court.

He didn't have a key or the code into the court yet, so he climbed through the window again.

"Is this going to become a regular thing?" Wymack being there didn't startle Neil as much this time. He knew it was Wymack’s office and so he figured there was a chance the man would be there. But he still tensed, ready for the moment the man decided to beat him.

"Maybe?" Neil said questioningly.

Wymack gave him an unimpressed stare. "Abby already called to tell me you were probably on your way," Wymack said tiredly, "They're out on the court."

Neil nodded his thanks and walked through the door. 

Kevin often complained about how orange the court was, and Neil supposed it was a bit of an eyesore. But he himself couldn't help but love the bright vibrant color that covered every wall. It meant he wasn't in the nest again.

Kevin was the first to spot Neil. The taller man looked at Neil expectantly, and when Neil flashed a thumbs up in response Kevin grinned and made his way over to him.

"All the stitches are out then?" Kevin asked.

Neil nodded.

"Good it's about time that I got some more talent on this court," Kevin said gruffly.

Neil rolled his eyes," You're too hard on your team Kevin. Some people need more guidance than 'you suck, be better'."

Kevin huffed," Well when they start getting better, I'll stop saying they suck."

"Spoken like a true child."

"I'm older than you!"

Neil waved him off flippantly," Where's my gear?" Neil asked changing the subject," Unless of course we are playing Riko's favorite game today."

It was a joke, but Neil has always had a twisted sense of humor. Maybe it was the trauma. Neil smiled as he said the words, but Kevin flinched.

"And what would Riko's favorite game be?" Andrew’s voice cut through the air, and Neil looked over to see him lounging lazily on the bench, manic smile in place. Beside him, Aaron, Nicky, and Jean stood.

"It actually wasn't too bad," Neil said when Kevin winced, "Sometimes I'd outperform Riko a bit too much, or I'd mouth off and so Riko would throw me in as a goalkeeper."

"What do you hate being Goalie that bad?" Aaron asked, "Doesn't seem like much of a punishment."

"He'd make Neil go in with no armour, only shorts on. And take away Neil’s racket. Then he'd line the entire front line up to take full power shots on goal." Kevin said.

"He made me stop at least 50 or I wouldn't get dinner that night," Neil shrugged. "Like I said, it honestly wasn't too bad. I learned how to block the shots, it hurt like a bitch but it pissed off Riko too. And in the end it was worth it."

The room was silent, even Andrew didn't have anything to say to that. Neil wondered if the guy was imaging what'd be like to block shots with only your unprotected body.

Nicky looked like he was going to be sick, "That's awful," Nicky said, his voice shaking.

Neil shrugged, "It was better than some of the other shit he'd do."

"What could be worse than that?" Aaron asked, "That sounds like hell."

Neil stares for a moment, "I personally disliked when he waterboarded me far more."

Aaron’s eyes went wide.  "You're joking."

Neil didn't respond, the conversation was getting far too close for comfort.

"So am I changing out?" Neil asked.

Kevin handed Neil a single slip of paper with a locker number and a combination.

Neil took it and changed into his gear.

A few days later Neil was in the middle of his morning run when Wymack pulled up beside him in the road. 

"Get in," Wymack said, "I'm taking you to my apartment. I need to talk to you Kevin and Jean without Andrew getting in the way."

Neil nodded and stepped into the car. 

"What's going on?" Neil asked as they pulled away from the curb.

"I'll tell you when we get there," Wymack responded.

Neil nodded and made the choice to look out the window. He could still see Wymack in the reflection this way.

The drive didn't take long, and when they stepped through the door of Wymack’s apartment, Jean and Kevin were already there.

Wymack shut the door behind him and turned around.

A deep sigh exited the coach's lips.

"The board called me in to discuss some changes that are happening this season. And there is nothing I can do to fight this either. Edgar Allan is moving to our district." 

A pained noise exited Kevin's lips, and Jean's eyes went wide in horror.

"He's going to take all three of us back," Kevin said shaking," I knew it, I knew it was going to happen."

Neil turned and slapped Kevin across the face.

There was a moment of silence.

"What the- "

Neil cut coach off, "Don't insult me like that," Neil hissed," I have never let him have you. I would never let him take you back. I got you out, I will keep you out!"

"Neil he will- "

This time it was Jean who spoke, but Neil cut him off too," He won't. If you think I'll let him have you, then you got stupid in your time here. Plus now it's not just me, It's Wymack and Andrew too! And I bet all the foxes will be ready to back you up as well. He's not getting you, and honestly I'd like to see him try to."

"I need you three to keep this from Andrew for the time being," Wymack says, but he is giving Neil a searching look," The ERC is looking for every reason to get him removed, and I'm afraid he'll give them one if we tell him now."

"We can't just-" 

Neil cut Kevin off again, "You can. If he tries to say something, blame the coach and myself. If you tell him now and he gets kicked off then you lose his protection."

"I'm an awful liar."

"Then get better."

The room was silent. Then, "What about you?" Kevin spoke quietly, " I don't want to see things end up like at the nest again."

Neil waved his hand, as if to show Kevin how unimportant that train of thought was.

"If you're safe it doesn't matter," Neil said.

"It does to us," Jean said.

Jean wasn't meeting Neil’s eyes, instead his eyes were pointed at the floor.

"We care about you," Jean said," And we had to watch you get ripped apart every single day so that you could protect us."

"It was worth it," Neil shrugged," I don't regret a second of it. I'll do it again if I need to. You guys are all I have, and I won't let him get you."

Wymack made it as if he wanted to speak, but Neil shoved past him and out the door.

Neil started at a light jog towards the court, but it ended with a full out sprint.

Edgar Allan was coming. Riko was coming.

Neil tried to ignore the tremor that it sent through his hands. Tried to ignore the fact that he couldn't breathe. 

As long as Jean and Kevin were kept safe, nothing else mattered.

He could handle the abuse.

He could handle it.

Neil eventually made it to the court. He still didn't have a key, so he crawled through the office window yet again.

He geared up and began to run drill after drill. He didn't stop when the others showed up. He didn't stop when someone tried to speak with him.

Whatever he did he didn't stop moving.

Somehow he had figured that Riko wouldn't just lay down and wait for the end of the year. But still, the knowledge that he was coming, was almost too much to bear.

Neil shot another ball into the goal, and he watched as the light lit up red.

Neil felt his nerves grow every moment that he got closer to meeting the rest of the foxes. The anxiety he felt even chased him to his dreams. 

He knew this wasn't Edgar Allan, but what if it was no different here. 

Kevin and Jean claimed it wasn't but that didn't stop the wave of anxiety that passed over Neil as the days began to tick down.

The night before meeting the rest of the foxes, Neil shot up in bed drenched in sweat. His mind still echoing remnants of the dream he had had.

"You think they'll allow a whore like you to stay, you'll be back with me in no time Nate."

"Disgusting."

"Ruined."

"Unlovable."

"Nothing."

Neil scrambled out of the bed with a hard thunk, landing on his knees and wincing in pain. No one else in the house moved, so it was likely that none of the others had woken up.

Neil breathed.

"Pretty boy"

Neil breathed.

"Princess."

Neil breathed.

"Slut."

No matter what Neil tried to tell himself internally, the short erratic breaths exiting his lips weren't him breathing at all. 

He tried counting.

1

"Bend over."

2

"Behave or I'll move on to Jean."

3

"Whores don't get to say no."

Neil clenched his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against the floor.

He needed quiet. He needed peace. He needed to run.

He was climbing out the window in moments, starting at a light jog, and then escalating until he ran so hard that he thought his legs might fall right off.

He wasn't sure what time it was when he got to the court. But yet again he crawled through the window of Wymack’s office and then exited the office to get to the court. 

No one was there, so he geared up and set out some cones. He ran precision drills until the racket flew out of his hands.

"You'll pay for that Nate."

He shot on goal until his arms felt like they might fall right off.

"Handcuff him… Do his legs too."

He ran laps until his chest burned.

"So many scars. You're so ugly Princess."

He put the gear away and ran the steps in the stands until his knees slammed into the ground. He let out a short pained sound. His breathing was still a chore. The panic in his chest did not disappear.

He looked at his arms. There were four long vertical scars on each forearm, remains of his suicide attempt two years prior. There were newer scars on his hips, and Neil’s mind briefly floated to his knives that he had brought with him.

He wasn't very good at using knives on others, he'd left before his father's lessons really did much good. But he could use them on himself expertly.

He hadn't done it since coming to Palmetto though, and doing it now seemed like a betrayal to Kevin and Jean.

Even though he had never promised anyone to stop. It still felt like a betrayal to his brothers.

Finally, as Neil thought about Kevin and Jean, his breath began to slow and even out. 

He stumbled to his feet and fell into one of the stadium chairs heavily. Allowing himself to stare at the orange of the court.

His eyes began to droop, and he felt himself starting to nod off.

A hand in his hair woke him. And Neil’s mind went haywire, his elbow flew back connecting with flesh and he dove out of his seat on top of his attacker, pinning them to the ground.

Hardened hazel eyes met Neil’s blue panicked ones, and Neil schooled his expression in time to get shoved hard off of Andrew.

Andrew wasn't smiling his usual smile, his eyes were emotionless.

Neil realized that Andrew was off his meds.

"Don't wake me up," Neil snarled at Andrew. His heart was racing in his chest.

Neil saw a glint of silver I'm Andrew’s hands only for a second, then it was gone.

Andrew didn't say anything, he just gave Neil a searching look before settling down in a seat further up and watching the court.

Jean and Kevin were setting up cones and were geared up to practice. Neil briefly thought about joining them, but instead he walked up a few rows so that he could sit while still having Andrew in his peripheral vision.

They sat in silence for a while, both watching the two ex-ravens on the court with a sort of half focus.

"Do you always wake up with intent to kill?" Andrew’s question caught Neil off guard. "Seems like overkill for someone who just hates being woken up."

Neil sat not answering.

Andrew stood up and made his way over to Neil, plopping down in the seat next to him. 

"I asked you a question," Andrew said dangerously.

"I chose not to answer," Neil snarled back.

More silence followed. Then Andrew kicked his legs up on the chair in front of him.

"You'll be coming to Columbia with us this weekend," Andrew says. His tone allowed no room for an argument. But yet Neil still bared his teeth. 

"I see no reason why I should," Neil responded.

"It will make me want to kill you less," Andrew said.

"You don't scare me," Neil responded, "So I don't really care if you want to kill me or not."

Neil pulled at the ends of his sleeves, making sure they fully covered his arms. Andrew had a strange ability to make Neil feel exposed and watched.

"You're awfully suicidal for a person who made a prison break from the nest," Andrew said. "How about this, you go on Friday and if all goes well,  I stop keeping you away from them."

Neil’s breath caught, he missed his brothers. He wanted nothing more than to be able to talk to Kevin and Jean like old times, but Andrew had been keeping the two ex-ravens as far from Neil as possible.

One night with Andrew and his group, and in exchange he got to speak with Kevin and Jean again.

"One night," Neil agreed. Before sinking into his seat. His eyes didn't close. There was no way that he could fall asleep in Andrew’s presence. But he allowed himself to drift, and he stayed in the seat until early the next morning, long after Kevin, Jean, and Andrew left.

Once the early morning light began to float through the windows at the top of the stadium, Neil got back into running drills. 

He ran and he ran. He fired and he fired. He threw and he threw. 

A sharp whistle interrupted him, and Neil’s head snapped up. Eyes meeting with a man who was much taller than himself.

"You must be the new guy!" The male said when Neil approached, "I'm Matt."

Matt stuck out his hand for Neil to shake and Neil did so. 

The guy was like an oversized puppy, and Neil felt his shoulders relax just a bit in his presence. 

"It sounds like you're going to be rooming with Seth and I this year," Matt said smiling," Seth is a bit of an ass but I'll do my best to keep him in line."

Neil nodded, really unsure how to handle genuine kindness.

Luckily he was saved by Wymack coming out of his office. 

"Hello to you too!" Wymack said sarcastically. "Did the summer air make you forget how to wave and say hello?"

"You looked busy," Matt defended himself," I didn't want to interrupt you." 

Wymack was about to respond, but his eyes fell on Neil.

"When the fuck did you get here?" Wymack asked.

Neil shrugged, "Last night."

Wymack sighed before digging into his pocket and pulling out a set of keys. "I finally got these made so that you aren't crawling through windows anymore."

Neil caught the keys when they were thrown to him and he stared at them for a moment. Wymack didn't wait for a thank you or a response, but instead flicked a credit card to Matt.

"Since you're both here, take this little asshole shopping before you go back to the dorm, he's been borrowing clothes and shit, but he needs stuff of his own. Today." Wymack states.

"I can go by myself," Neil protests.

"You spent the night on the court and you have a habit of running off, you get a babysitter."

Neil opened his mouth  to protest again, but Wymack pointed at the door, "Go."

Neil shuts his mouth and follows Matt out to a truck that was parked in front of the stadium. Neil climbed into the passenger seat and Matt got into the driver's seat before driving off.

"So… A raven?" Matt asked, trying to start a conversation.

Neil nodded. He wasn't very good at small talk.

"How come we've never heard of you?"  Matt asks.

Neil shrugged, "You wouldn't have unless you went to Evermore's Exy page online. There's a whole area for up and comers. We don't tend to get a lot of media attention, but hardcore Evermore fans would know me on the street. I was marked for perfect court so a lot of fans watched my high school matches. Evermore was probably careful to keep me off the radar of other colleges though."

"You must be pretty good if they were trying that hard to keep you," Matt said," Not that that turned out wonderful for them."

Neil grinned, almost satisfied in a way, "Yeah I am pretty sure they were sitting bricks when another member of their perfect court walked out the door. Especially when I was number Three of all people."

Matt let out a laugh.

The rest of the drive Matt prattled on about various things. And Neil did his best to keep up. But eventually Neil let Matt's words soothe him into a feeling of ease.

They moved quickly at the store, as Matt said he had to pick up Dan and Renee from the airport after they got into the dorm. Matt grabbed a few outfits in Neil's size. Neil tried them on. Neil picked out a few more, along with a pair of boots that he could hide his knives inside easier. After that, they moved on and grabbed Neil a set of sheets. Then they began throwing various groceries into the cart. Neil added an assortment of fruits whilst skipping over the vegetables. And when they finally went to check out, Matt swiped the credit card Wymack had given them before bagging up their stuff. 

Getting settled into the dorm took longer than shopping. Neil and Matt struggled quite a bit with moving Matt's stuff in. The stairs alone had the two of them panting and cursing as they tried to carry heavy furniture around the bends.

Eventually they got settled though, and Neil set out on making his bed as Matt picked up his keys and headed for the airport.

Neil had about 4 more hours before he had to be at the court to meet all the foxes, so he took advantage of the empty room and slept.

Neil’s eyes opened to the sound of whispers, and when he opened his eyes to a face right in front of his own, he struck out. Smashing his fist into the face of the person who had been standing over him.

"Fuck!" Nicky's voice echoed through the room and Neil had his knife in his hand in 2 seconds. He pointed it at Nicky and waited for the other man to move.

A hand wrapped around his wrist and squeezed causing Neil to drop the weapon.

"Children shouldn't play with knives," Andrew’s voice was next to his ear and Neil smashed his head in that direction. He leapt off the bed and pressed his back to the wall, so no more people could surprise him.

Aaron, Nicky, and Andrew all stood in his room. Nicky was stumbling to his feet. And Andrew was holding onto his nose, a grin still plastered on his face.

"Fuck you," Neil growled to hide his panic.

He snatched his knife up from the ground and flipped it closed. 

"We were trying to wake you up," Aaron said gruffly.

Nicky groaned, "Why didn't you tell me he wakes up like you?" Nicky asked the words in German, and Neil flinched at the familiar language.

Andrew didn't respond, but he allowed his hand to finally drop to his side. His face was already starting to bruise. 

"You're riding with us to the court," Andrew finally said," Jean and Kevin already left in Jean’s car, and I decided to be friendly and have you ride with us."

"Nothing about you is friendly," Neil spat out. He glared at Andrew.

Andrew flicked his fingers," I have a time limit on getting you there before Dan decides to turn around and come check on you, so hurry up." 

Neil stands and grabs a pair of shorts and a long sleeved shirt, he makes his way to the bathroom to change and when he's done he meets the cousins outside the door of his dorm.

The drive is silent, and Neil half expects the gesture was made just to put Neil on edge. It wouldn't be at all surprising.

The locker room is a swell of noise and energy when they arrive. And Andrew points at Neil whilst looking at one of the girls.

"See Dan," Andrew points at Neil," One piece as promised."

The aforementioned Dan gives Neil a once over, which Neil ignored in favor of finding himself a seat. 

He finally settled on one that was slightly outside the circle of foxes. It put his back to a wall, and it allowed for full vision of the entire room.

Neil looked out at the foxes who were in the room. Most of them seemed to take his quiet demeanor as he wanted them to, and left him well enough alone. 

Jean seemed to be having a conversation with Renee Walker. Nicky had given Neil a run down of all the players on the team at some point. But Neil really hadn't listened. Riko had researched the foxes liberally after Kevin had left the nest. Riko knew more about the foxes then the general populace probably did, and by association, Neil did as well.

Dan was talking with Matt animatedly but she was sending glances over to Neil constantly. Andrew sat next to Kevin, who was nervously playing with the fingers of his left hand.

Neil remembered that today was the day Andrew would find out about the district change and he set that note aside in his mind, prepared for any fallout that might bring.

Another twenty minutes passed, Wymack checking his watch every two minutes with an annoyed expression. And finally the last two foxes walked in the door.

Alison Reynolds was dressed up far too well for something as small as this team meeting, and she carried herself with an air of confidence that was almost suffocating. Behind her was Seth Gordon. Seth was tall and had plenty of attitude to go along with that height.

The first thing he did upon entering was scoff at Jean and Nicky. The action had Neil sitting poised on the edge of his seat, but he didn't move.

Seconds later he did, because an arm had wrapped around his shoulder and there was a warm breath on his neck.

Neil leapt out of the chair like it was on fire and he pressed his back against the lockers.

Allison fell into the chair with as much grace as Neil got up and she yelped in surprise.

"Don't touch me," Neil stated coldly. He gritted his teeth and tried to get rid of the feeling on his skin. There wasn't much he could do with everyone watching him.

"Jesus Christ!" Allison muttered irritated, "Just what we need. Another weirdo on the team."

"I'm not weird for having boundaries," Neil spits.

"Boundaries against women? What? Are you a faggot too?" Seth spits the words like they are a disease. And from the corner of Neil’s eye he sees Jean flinch.

The knife leaves Neil’s hand and embeds itself in the wall next to Seth's head before Neil realizes he drew it.

He let's a moment of surprise wash over him that he'd actually hit the target, but he recovers quickly.

"I don't like that word," Neil snarls," You will not use that word when referring to Jean. In fact I'd drop it from your vocabulary entirely. You don’t need it."

The room is silent, and Seth stares at Neil with wide eyes.

Neil takes a brief moment to be thankful he actually hit where he'd wanted to with the knife, it meant his words carried more weight.

The entire room, minus Wymack stared at Neil.

"Kid," Wymack says tiredly," Could you, for one day, not make me lose anymore hair!"

Neil walks to get his knife, but Wymack takes it first. 

"You'll get it back when there isn't anyone you can throw it at," Wymqck says.

Neil just stares at him, "You know I have more."

Wymack runs a hand over his face muttering, "This team is going to take me to an early grave." Before turning to Neil and snapping out, "Sit down." 

Neil leans back up against the locker and slides down to sit on the floor.

"First order of business," Wymack says pointing at Neil," Our new striker sub. Neil Wesninski. Do you want to say anything?"

Neil opens his mouth.

"If it's going to be a smartass comment, shove it back up your ass."

Neil closes his mouth.

"Anyone else? Concerns? Questions?" Wymack asks.

"He just threw a knife at me!!!" Seth shouts.

"I threw it at the wall next to you," Neil says dryly. "I wasn't aiming at you. If I had hit you it would have been because I have terrible aim."

Wymack just sighs and puts his head in his hands.

"Not to mention the fact that he's a raven," Allison mutters, "Anyone else wondering why we are getting so many refugees lately? I'm smelling something fishy."

"I think that's just your perfume," Neil snarks back.

Wymack points," Did you by any chance come with a fucking muzzle.

Neil stares, "No."

"Then shut the fuck up so I don't have to buy one." Wymack says annoyed.

"How did you get out?" Dan asked. "Jean and Kevin say it's near impossible to do. They got help from someone else. So how'd you get out."

Neil stared at her, "Don't worry about it. It's nothing that will affect anyone here." 

Allison speaks up," All the same we'd like to decide that for our- "

"No," Neil snaps," Some things people just don't share even once in their lifetime, and this is one of those things. It's my business, and it won't affect any of you."

Allison's mouth opens and Neil speaks again before she has a chance.

"Unless you want to share all the dark parts of your past, stay out of mine," Neil spits.

Allison shuts her mouth. Her jaw set angrily.

Neil fidgets uncomfortably. He had never been good at first impressions.

Wymack sighs, "If that's done there's just one more thing."

The room turns to him in attention.

"Edgar Allan is moving to our district," Wymack says tiredly.

There is a sudden and loud influx of noise as the foxes all voice their opposition.

Wymack holds up his hand, "There is nothing I can do to stop it."

Jean and Kevin sat silent on either side of Andrew. And Andrew looked between them, realization dawning on his face.

"You two knew and didn't tell me?" The manic smile was on Andrew’s face.

"I told them not to," Wymack said," If you're going to blame someone for that, blame me."

Kevin began muttering something quietly to Andrew, and Andrew responded.

"Kevin I don't like liars."

Jean sat stock still, his hands shaking.

"He's going to get us," Kevin said finally," He's going to take us back."

Andrew went to speak, but Neil was faster.

"I already told you he won't," Neil said. Neil sets his head against the locker tiredly.

It was real now. The game was starting.

"None of the people in this room are gonna let him have you," Neil spoke. 

The rest of the foxes nodded in assent, and Neil watched as the tension in Kevin's shoulders drained away.

Andrew however was staring at Neil, calculatingly. 

"If that's all," Wymack said," Then you can go. Make sure you fill out these forms and turn them in, and get your physical done before you leave. If you haven't done both you can't play. Now get the fuck out of my locker room, and for the love of God, No more fighting."

"Come get your physicals guys, I'll try to move as quickly as possible so you all can head back to the dorms and sleep. Neil I already did yours a few weeks ago so you are good to go." Abby spoke kindly, in stark contrast to the feeling of the room.

Neil felt everyone's eyes on him as he got up and left. No one tried to stop him. And a feeling of loneliness settled in his soul.

I keep forgetting but, come join the Fanfiction Corner Discord. 

It became obvious by day three of practices that none of the foxes trusted him. Matt still tried to be nice, but there was a hesitancy to how he spoke with Neil that Matt was terrible at hiding. Seth didn't even try to speak with Neil after the first meeting, and the relationship with his roommates was making sleep an impossible battle to win.

Allison was constantly making snide comments. Dan tried to kind as well, but she made a point to never have her back to Neil. Renee also tried to be kind, but ultimately she made a point to never let a fox be with Neil by themselves.

Nicky still stayed pretty far from Neil, Aaron didn't even bother speaking with him outside of practices. And of course Andrew kept Kevin and Jean as far away as possible.

Neil could hear the way conversations would drop off when he entered a room. And he could see the way the foxes eyed him warily.

The whole thing made him feel vulnerable, and cornered. Like around the next bend the foxes would finally snap and hold him down and-

Neil rubbed at his temples trying to calm his raging headache. The court was still dark, he'd been arriving to practices early so that he could change without being questioned about his scars, and so he wouldn't have to corner himself in the showers when everyone else was there. No one seemed to mind that he would spend an extra three hours after practice, before packing up and running back.

Well, he's sure Kevin and Jean were concerned. But Andrew wouldn't let them near enough for them to say anything.

All together the foxes seemed to leave Neil alone off the court. However on the court was a different story.

The foxes' dynamic made Neil question whether Ichirou would even allow him to survive the year. The entire group was a volatile and split mess. The first week of summer training was nothing but a constant slew of fights. 

Seth was the main contender for who could start the most, though Kevin was right behind him in a close second.

Dan tried to lead the team and keep the mighty to a bare minimum, and for the most part the foxes would listen. But it would only take ten minutes before something was muttered, and a new fight would break out.

While Seth left Neil alone off the court, he was a constant unyielding asshole on. Neil was a bit rusty in the striker position and while he wasn't awful, he wasn't perfect. Seth made it a point to call out every mistake Neil made.

Kevin of course was as bad a teacher as he normally was, and he turned to frustration more often than genuine advice and help. 

Allison wouldn't pass to him. Dan would but she also didn't try and communicate with him. The rest of the team ignored him.

Altogether the only real words he got were ones of hatred, biting anger, and frustrations

By the time the weekend rolled around, Neil was feeling lost and adrift. Unsure if this was truly better than Edgar Allan at all.

No one had bent him over and forced anything yet, so Neil figured in that way it was better.

Neil just wanted to have Jean and Kevin on his side again, no matter how selfish that may have been. So when Nicky came to the door Friday night, Neil was already there.

Nicky looked surprised when Neil met him at the door.

"Neil hey!" Nicky said with a smile. "Andrew said to give you these."

Neil stared at the bag and raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"We kind of figured you wouldn't know how to dress so we got you clothes for the occasion. Andrew’s orders." Nicky responded.

Neil stared at him, "I have clothes for the occasion, just because I like to dress comfortably, doesn't mean I don't have street clothes."

Neil wasn't allowed out much at Evermore, but when he was he dressed in his best "Don't fuck with me attire" as he walked alongside Kevin and Jean. It probably was amusing to see the shortest of the group also being the badass of the group. But he doubted it would even phase Nicky with having Andrew around.

Nicky stared at Neil as if he didn't believe him, and Neil shrugged and led the way back to the bedroom. He pulled out the boots he had gotten when he and Matt went shopping, along with ripped black jeans that had chains coming off of them. And finally a long sleeve black turtleneck.

Nicky stared at Neil.

" You own clothes like that ?" 

Neil shrugged. He didn't think it was that strange.

"Is it not good enough?" Neil asked.

Nicky seemed to stumble over his response, "No that's actually… uh… better than what we brought you. I'll wait out with Matt and Seth while you change.

Neil nodded and waited until Nicky was out to slip out of his current clothes and into his new ones. They were tighter than he was comfortable with, but the vibe they gave off made Neil feel protected enough to roll with it. They hugged his body and the chains on his pants swung with the sway of his hips.

Neil went to open the door and join Nicky, but he halted when he heard the hushed conversation.

"You're taking him to Columbia tonight aren't you?" Dan's voice asked.

"I still think this is wrong, we should at least warn him or something," Matt's voice cut in next.

"For once I actually agree with the monster, he's not trustworthy. He shows up at the same time as this district change. A raven wanting to be a fox. Has anyone else noticed how he is the first of all three raven's we've got, that it isn't a fight to keep him here?" Allison speaks next.

"We could just ask for the truth," Renee says, "What if we are all wrong about him and this causes some kind of damage. This doesn’t feel right."

"I say let him get damaged," Seth throws in, "Little asshole threw a knife at me I say he deserves it."

Neil felt sick to his stomach and uneasy, but he leaned his head against the door and continues to listen. 

"He doesn't act like he's had the torment of Evermore either." Allison threw in. "He's odd but he actually seems stable. Nothing adds up with him."

Neil almost threw his head back and laughed at that comment. Never before had he thought "stable" and himself belonged in the same sentence. It sounded wrong coming off Allison's tongue.

Neil figured he'd had enough of hearing himself get dragged, and he opened the door. Conversation halted and he could feel the foxes eyeing him warily.

Nicky however was grinning and sent a wink at Neil whilst giving him a once-over.

Neil felt his skin crawl and he spoke before Nicky had the chance to say something inappropriate. 

"Can we go?" Neil asked impatiently. 

He waited for one of the upperclassmen to butt in and warn him about this, apparently, dangerous trip he was about to take. But everyone watched silently. Complacent.

That made Neil’s skin crawl too. He couldn't help but notice the parallels to the nest as he walked to where Aaron and Andrew stood in the hallway.

"Guys look at him," Nicky said in German, "He looks amazing. Aaron don't let me drink too much tonight. Though maybe after a few drinks in him he will-"

"I should tell you now, before you think you continue to embarrass yourself," Neil says still walking towards the exit, never missing a beat, "I speak German too."

It seemed to stun Nicky into silence. And the rest of the group weren't much for talking, so they all headed down the stairs. 

Kevin and Jean were waiting in Jean’s car, parked alongside Andrew’s.

Jean had taken his car from Edgar Allan when he left. The empty spot had been a reminder to Riko for weeks that Jean had gone, and it never failed to have him taking his anger out as best he could on Neil without leaving marks.

Andrew reached to put a hand on Neil’s shoulder and Neil stepped away. Andrew reached again and Neil grabbed Andrew's wrist.

Silence fell around them. Andrew's aversion to touch was just as bad as Neil’s own. Grabbing Andrew's wrist like this was a deathwish.

But Neil hardened his eyes and looked at Andrew's. Andrew was staring at the hand around his wrist like he could burn it off, and Neil waited until Andrew met Neil’s gaze.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Neil enunciated each word carefully, and he never lifted his gaze from Andrew's eyes. Neil dropped Andrew's wrist as soon as he finished talking and took another step back for good measure.

Andrew's attention was set fully on him. His gaze was hard, despite the smile still placed on his face.

Neil waited for Andrew to reach again, but Andrew just stared at him another moment before nodding to Jean's car. 

"Nicky and Aaron are in one, Jean, Kevin, myself, and you are riding in the other," Andrew says the instructions like he knows they will be followed. And they are.

Nicky and Aaron head immediately to Andrew’s vehicle. Kevin and Jean are already in their vehicle, so when Andrew climbs into the backseat, Neil is the only one left standing outside a car. He hesitates for only a moment.

He had agreed to one night of playing by Andrew’s rules. Then he would get to have Jean and Kevin back.

That's all it took for Neil to climb into the backseat of Jean's car and buckle his seatbelt.

As they drove Andrew fell asleep. Neil was tired as well, almost a week of staying up because he couldn't sleep in the company of Seth and Matt was catching up to him. But Neil couldn't sleep when there was too much unknown about the night. 

His leg bounced nervously as Jean led the two cars on the way to Columbia. Neil could probably have spoken to Jean and Kevin then. But he knew tonight was by Andrew’s rules and Andrew’s alone. And he'd promised Andrew one night.

When they finally started pulling off on an exit ramp, Andrew woke up bleary and his hands shaking. Neil watched as Andrew gripped the back of Jean's seat. 

"Jean pullover," Andrew said through gritted teeth.

Jean did so without question, and Andrew threw the door open and began heaving onto the ground. He stayed there until he'd finished coughing up the last of it, and then he climbed back into the car.

The first place they stopped was a restaurant called Sweeties. The parking lot was nearly full when they pulled up, but they managed to find two spots for both their vehicles.

Andrew's state only seemed to deteriorate as they got inside. His entire body was quaking as he sat at their table, gripping hard at the edge as if he could keep himself grounded. The smile was slowly sinking off of Andrew's face.

Kevin pulled out a bottle of pills, "Just take it." 

"Fuck you," Andrew ground out.

Neil could hear Nicky ordering something from the waitress, but his thoughts were stuck on the fact that Andrew was purposefully making himself sober for the night to come.

The thought sent chills down Neil’s spine.

When the waitress finally came back, she placed a large amount of napkins onto the table, and then placed ice cream in front of each of them.

The sight of the dessert made Neil want to bolt.

"Sweet things are going to cost you Nate."

Neil's hand gripped the table harder, he almost missed Andrew sifting through the napkins to grab at something underneath. But when he saw what Andrew was going for he blanched internally. 

"Take your medicine like a good boy Nathaniel."

Neil recognized that people were talking around him, but his hands were a white knuckled grip on the table.

Neil met Kevin's eyes. Kevin was staring at Neil, his eyes wide. He was staring at Neil with a look of understanding.

"You should try the ice cream!" Neil finally hears Nicky's cheerful voice.

Neil shakes his head," Ice cream makes me sick."

It wasn't a lie. Neil wasn't lactose-intolerant, but practically every time he'd been given dessert  in the nest, he had been forced to his knees after. Now ice cream had a bitter disgusting taste to it that made Neil’s insides clench. Just thinking about it made the taste explode inside Neil’s mouth.

Nicky makes a surprised noise that mixes with distress. "How do you live!?" Nicky asks, staring at Neil wide eyed. 

Neil shrugged. 

Andrew ended up taking Neil’s ice cream. The smile had left his face completely, and he watched Neil with every bite of ice cream he took. 

Finally they paid, Aaron attached a clip of 20's to the stack of napkins and they headed out.

Eden's Twilight was loud when they arrived. Jean and Nicky waited for VIP car passes while Andrew led Aaron, Kevin, and Neil inside. 

Kevin and Aaron chose a table, and Andrew gestured for Neil to follow him to the bar. 

The bartender was busy with other patrons when they got up there, but when he saw Andrew the bartender grinned and held up a finger.

"Hey Andrew!" The bartender greeted, "What can I get for you tonight?"

"The usual Roland," Andrew responds

Roland's eyes flick to Neil, "Who's your friend?"

"Nobody," Andrew responds.

Roland grins," Well does 'Nobody' want something to drink?"

Andrew stares at Neil in question, and Neil panics slightly. "Not alcohol."

Roland nods, "Soda then."

"You can't have that Nathaniel."  

Neil says the words before he thinks, "I'm not allowed to have soda." 

Andrew and the bartender stare at him. Roland's face is now that of hesitancy.

Neil stumbles, "Actually… uh… Soda is fine."

Neil fidgets with the edge of his sleeves, trying to ensure that they are pulled down over his hands.

Roland comes back with their drinks and offers Neil one more searching look, before turning a searching one on Neil. 

They head back to the table and the drinks are already being piled down before Andrew even drops the tray.

Neil drinks his soda, trying to ignore the fear in places inside him to do so.

He drinks his soda until it's gone, the overly sweet taste causing his stomach to twist.

Andrew sends Kevin, Jean, Nicky, and Aaron off to dance.

Another soda is placed in front of him and he drinks that one two.

Then the room begins to shift. Neil's stomach bottoms out as realization settles in. Neil's mind halts. He stops being able to think rationally.

The drink is drugged. That means Riko is here. 

"Take your medicine Nathaniel." 

"Leave them alone."

Kevin and Jean. Need to protect Kevin and Jean.

Neil stumbles away from the table, dodging Andrew’s hand. He looks frantically around before turning back to Andrew frantically. He stumbles. But keeps his footing.

"We need to find them, Riko is here, he's gonna hurt them," Neil's mind is blurring at the edges and all he knows is his current mission.

Kevin, Jean.

"The drugs make you so pliant Nate."

No.

Neil grips the table searching and ignoring Andrew's attempts at getting his attention.

Kevin, Jean.

"Say please Nathaniel. Beg."

" Please no."

Neil stumbles off, moving quickly and disappearing into the mass of moving bodies. 

There were hands everywhere, and Neil’s skin crawled as he stumbled.

Neil stumbled straight into the arms of Nicky.

"Don't fight it," Nicky says.

"Don't fight or I'll hurt them." 

Neil goes boneless in Nicky's arms falling to the floor. 

"Neil!" 

Neil can't stop. He stumbles to his feet, swaying. The colors of the room are far too pronounced. The sound is too loud. The hands were everywhere.

Neil pushes his way through the mass of bodies. Stumbling until he reaches the bar. Someone grabs his waist and pulls him against their chest.

Neil can't breathe, he can't think. They are saying something. But Neil can't process it. His hands are shaking. 

A hand clamped over his mouth and he swallows something that is put in his mouth.

His eyes find Roland, who is staring at the scene in horror.

Neil realizes that he's fighting, but not winning.

Neil looks to find Roland again, but the bartender is gone. Nobody is behind the counter.

"Come on pretty boy," a voice whispers in his ear," Let's step outside."

Neil kicks. He tries to scream. Tries to get away. But suddenly the room is even slower than before. It’s even harder to breathe than it had been. He's exhausted. His mind supplies that he has to find Kevin and Jean.

Kevin and Jean.

"Hurry up and get his pants off."

"No stop!"

"Whores don't say no baby boy."

Please.

Where were Kevin and Jean.

"Let him go or I'll cut you both open."

"I'm gonna make you BLEED Nathaniel."

Pain. Trembling. Fear.

Kevin and Jean.

"Where… Kevin Jean?"

Neil's words come out slurred. His entire body shakes. He feels a hand slapping his face a bunch of times.

Andrew sat in front of him, focused on Neil’s face.

"Focus," Andrew says simply, "Do you know what they gave you?"

"Take your medicine Nathaniel."

Foggy, No control. Can't protect them.

Neil's mind floats in and out, but he forces himself to reign in.

"Where are Kevin and Jean? We need to find them. We need to find them now. Riko- "

"Riko isn't here," Andrew says, "I need you to focus and tell me what those assholes put in your system."

"I am your King! Do as I say!"

No. Don't. Leave me alone.

Neil trembles," You don't understand," Neil's words came out slurred, "The drink was drugged. That means Riko is here. He's gonna hurt 'em. You need to get 'em out," Neil's chest heaves with the effort it's taking to talk, "You need to get 'em out of 'ere. I'll distract… I'll distract him."

"Stop talking and focus." Andrew says," I already sent them back to the house with Aaron and Nicky. Riko isn't here. I was the one who drugged you."

Neil's veins turn to ice. But finally Riko's voice quiets in his mind. Neil’s voice exits as a shaky whisper." Does that mean you're going to fuck me?"

Silence settled over the alleyway. And Andrew's jaw clenched.

Neil expected to get hit, but instead Andrew just repeated the question he'd been asking, "Do you know what they gave you?"

Neil shook his head.

The brief moment of clarity Andrew had given him with his words disappeared when there was a loud bang. Neil flinched and his mind snapped.

"Nathaniel!"

"Please stop."

"I need to get to Kevin and Jean."

"I'll hurt them Nathaniel."

Pain. Blood. Fear.

Neil could barely think as Andrew practically carried Neil out of the alley. The car ride was a blur. And as soon as they pulled up to the house, Neil was out the door of the car before the car even stopped. He hit the pavement, skinning his hands on the ground and wincing as his knees hit the ground hard. Someone tried to grab at him from behind but Neil sent an elbow back causing them to wheeze.

Neil was slamming through the door of the house in seconds.

"Jesus Christ!" Nicky says jumping up. Neil pushes past him and stumbles over to Kevin and Jean. 

Kevin stares at him wide eyed, and then glares at something behind Neil.

Kevin's here. Make sure Kevin's okay.

"I told you not to drug him!!!"

Kevin's words were unimportant. Neil's hands went to Kevin's face, prodding at his head, his neck, and his arms. Kevin finally seemed to notice what Neil was doing.

"What is he doing?" Aaron's voice floated in one ear and out the other.

"He's checking us for injuries," Jean responded shakily.

Unimportant words.

Neil checked each of Kevin's fingers. Stopping when Kevin winced on his left hand.

He's hurt. He's hurt. You've failed again.

Neil pointed at Jean shaking, close to breaking. 

"He needs ice," Neil says simply before sitting Kevin down on a couch. Jean brings back a bag of ice and Neil puts it on Kevin's hand before stumbling down and checking Kevin's knees, ankles, and feet."

Neil moves to Jean, pulling the same routine all over again. 

Make sure they are safe. Check, check. Head. Knees. Shoulders. Hands. Feet. Nose. Ears. Ribs.

"Jesus Christ when is he gonna notice he's the only one that's fucking injured," a voice said irritated.

Jean gave Neil a glance. "He won't. He doesn't care."

I don't matter. I don't matter.

A broken noise sounded from behind Neil. Then a hand settled on Neil’s shoulder. 

Neil went rigid, "Don't hurt them," he whispers his eyes blown wide, "I promise I'll be good. Please don't hurt them."

Be good Nathaniel.

The hand is off him in seconds and then Neil is distracted by Jean. Who looks two seconds from throwing up.

Protect. Protect. Protect.

"Go to the room," Neil says he stumbles to his feet before tripping and crashing to the floor," The chair… use the chair. I'll guard the door." Neil's mind is in tatters as he tries to stand. The room is too bright.

Jean and Kevin follow his rules.

"It's fine," Kevin tells someone angrily, "Look this is the only way he'll calm down enough to sleep this off." 

Neil doesn't understand, but soon they are inside the room and Neil positions himself in front of the door. He sucks air into his lungs, trying to breathe. He grips his hair. And eventually he gives into the darkness at the edges of his vision.

His nightmares are full of his own screams.

Neil awoke on a cold hard floor and with a familiar pounding in his head, and for a moment he panicked. He was back in the nest, and he was late for practice. Riko was going to-

“You aren’t in the nest,” A familiar voice broke through his panic, and Neil’s gaze snapped up to Andrew. Andrew’s face was twisted into an expression of discomfort, he hadn’t taken his drugs yet. There was no smile on his face.

Neil felt himself tense, “Where are Kevin and Jean? Are they safe? Did they get hurt?”

Andrew glared at Neil, “What do you remember from last night?”

Neil glared right back,” Answer my question first.”

Andrew stared for a moment, “They are safe,” Andrew finally responded, “Last night you freaked out and told them to go into the room behind you, you fell asleep guarding the door. Wouldn’t let anyone in. You took a swing at Aaron when he tried. Actually hit Nicky when he stepped over you to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and you tried to bite me when I pulled you off of him.”

“Sorry… “ Neil said furrowing his eyebrows, “I don’t remember any of that.”

Andrew passed Neil a sealed water bottle and a plate of strawberries. And Neil raised his eyebrows.

“Kevin texted me and said you like fruit, and I figured you wouldn’t drink anything we offered you unless it was sealed,” Andrew responded.

Neil furrowed his eyebrows, and the events of the night prior came rushing back. They were fractured, and broken. But Neil remembered enough.

“Did those guys from the ally- “

“They didn’t even get your pants unzipped,” Andrew responded, “But they were making out with you when I found you. One had his hand wrapped tightly around your neck.”

Neil brought a hand up to his neck, and winced when even through the fabric the bruise stung.

“I didn’t let anyone touch you,” Andrew said, “So we still need to get a look at it.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Neil asked quietly.

“I don’t believe in regret,” Andrew said, staring at the wall, his arms were crossed over his chest, “But I can admit when I misjudged and was wrong. This will never happen again, I promise.”

Neil let out a shaky exhale of breath. A different him would have been pissed, livid to have been drugged like he was last night. Maybe a him who never ended up with the Ravens. A him who got away with his mother and was free. But this him, didn’t care. It was sad, it was terrifying. But it was normal. And at least this morning he only woke up with a sore neck, and not blood pooling where he was sitting.

“I can guard the door while you shower if it makes you feel better,” Andrew said dryly, “But I’m hoping that you’re sober enough to know that Jean and Kevin are under no threat here.”

Neil nodded, Andrew was right. In his sober state he knew that Kevin and Jean were completely safe.

Neil stood up, or at least tried. He got one leg under him before it gave out and his face planted onto the floor. He tried to push himself up with his arms, but they were no better. A dry laugh exited his lips, and finally he swallowed his pride.

“I need help,” Neil muttered weakly.

Neil heard Andrew shift, and he stiffened out of instinct.

“Yes or no?” 

The question caught Neil off guard.

“What?” Neil asked. He fell onto his back so that he was looking up at Andrew.

“Yes or- “

“I heard you,” Neil said,” I just don’t understand.”

Andrew’s jaw clenched and Neil flinched, preparing for the hit.

“I’m asking if I can touch you to help you up,” Andrew said simply.

“Why are you asking?”

“Because I need your consent.”

“Would it matter either way?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

“It’s not stupid when you’ve lived the life I have,” Neil said.

Andrew is silent for a moment, “From here on out, it matters. If you say no, it means no.”

Neil stares at Andrew’s hand, and he finds himself believing him.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked again.

Neil lifted his arm towards Andrew, “Yes,” Neil said.

Andrew hoisted Neil off the ground and put Neil’s arm around his shoulders, “Don’t touch me anywhere else.” Andrew said. 

Neil nodded, though his head already felt light, his entire body going through flashes of hot and cold.

“I’m going to put my arm around your waist for support,” Andrew said, “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Okay,” Neil responded. But when the arm touched his waist he stiffened. “Too low,” he choked out, your hand is too low.”

Andrew’s hand instantly went higher and Neil relaxed.

“Thank you,” Neil muttered.

“Don’t thank me for human decency.”

“Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I can and will drop you Wesninski,” Andrew said. But Andrew continued to support Neil all the way to the bathroom.

Once there, Andrew set Neil down on the toilet.

“What clothes do you want to wear?” Andrew asked.

“Long sleeves and sweatpants,” Neil responds, he lets his head fall back against the wall when Andrew leaves. Taking a moment to catch his breath.

Neil takes a shower. Normally he was quick, but this morning he found himself slumping against the wall in exhaustion. His neck was sore and his arms hurt as well. To put it simply he felt like trash.

Neil found a set of clothes on the sink when he got out of the shower. They were soft, and the hoodie he threw on smelled nice. So he allowed himself to sink to the floor and be comforted by the soft fabric.

A knock on the door startled Neil, but he managed to calm himself enough to mumble, “Come in.”

Andrew stepped back in and sank down the wall across from Neil. Andrew’s hands shook slightly, and Neil noticed that the grin that came with his medication was still missing.

“You should take your pills,” Neil said,” You’re not looking so hot.”

Andrew just stared at Neil, “I’ll take them in the car. I needed to speak with you first.”

Neil doesn’t respond but he stares at Andrew expectantly. 

“I want to play a game of truths,” Andrew says,” The only rule is that you have to tell the truth and I have to tell the truth.”

“Do I have to answer every question?” Neil asked.

“No.”

Neil stared, “Can you promise me something first?”

Andrew looked at Neil.

“Promise me that, what you did last night,” Neil says, swallowing, “You did it because you were protecting Kevin and Jean.”

Andrew’s gaze never wavers, “I promise.”

Neil relaxes, “Okay.”

“I want to know why you protect them,” Andrew says,” I do it because I have a deal with them. Why do you do it?”

Neil shrugs, “My father is a piece of shit who left me at the nest to rot when I was six. My mother was killed in front of me by said father. Riko promised to protect me and then betrayed me. Kevin and Jean are my brothers. They’ve been there to patch me up after every beating.”

Neil’s breath shudders.

“I don’t care what happens to me,” Neil says, “I’m nothing. I don’t matter. I’m dirty and used and broken. But Kevin and Jean mean everything to me. I would die so that they could be happy.”

It’s silent and when Neil looks up Andrew is watching him.

“Why did you protect Nicky?” Neil asks, “From what I understand you don’t have a deal with him.”

Andrew considers Neil’s question, “He was taking care of me,” Andrew said, “He took Aaron and I in when he didn’t have to.”

Neil nods. Already knowing about Nicky’s history.

“What proof can you give me that you aren’t a threat to Kevin and Jean?” Andrew asks, “You said you won’t tell me how you got out, but I need something that proves that how you got out won’t affect them.”

Neil takes a sharp inhalation of breath. His mind flitting to all the possible ways he could prove to Andrew he wasn’t a threat.

Finally he settles on one.

“Give me your hand,” Neil says quietly, holding out his own,” And promise you’ll keep your eyes on my face.”

Andrew nods and Neil rolls up his sleeve and places Andrew’s fingers on his forearm. Neil’s eye’s never leave Andrew’s face as he guides Andrew’s hand along the length of his long vertical scars. And true to his word, Andrew keeps his eyes locked onto Neil’s. Neil guides Andrew’s other hand to his other arm, and he let’s go, allowing Andrew to trace the lines of his own accord. Trusting Andrew to stop if Neil needed him to.

Neil didn’t know how after one night he could trust Andrew like this, but at the same time. Andrew had been the first and only person to ask ‘yes or no?’ in Neil’s entire life.

“Two years ago I couldn’t take it anymore,” Neil says his eyes locked with Andrew. “Riko had drugged me and made me beg. And I had given in and begged him. I don’t know why that’s what finally broke me of all things but it was. I was taken to the hospital, and while I was gone Jean and Kevin paid the price. I made a promise to myself when I got back that I would get them out of there. That I would make sure they were safe. I made them that same promise. And I am not about to break that promise just because Riko decided to throw a tantrum. Riko can do what he wants to me. I don’t care anymore. But I won’t let him hurt Jean and Kevin. They are the only thing keeping me alive.”

Andrew’s eyes never strayed from Neil’s face, and the only reaction he showed in response was a tightened grip on Neil’s arm that quickly relaxed. The featherlight touch on Neil’s scars was almost soothing in a way, but Neil had had enough touching for the day.

He pulled his arms away and rolled the sleeves of the hoodie back down. Andrew obediently dropped his hands and stood up. Together they exited the bathroom, and watched the rest of the group get ready for the day.

When they got back to the tower Wymack was waiting. His gaze was furious and set on Andrew.

But when he saw Neil’s neck, and the bruise around it. Wymack’s temper flared.

Wymack stepped towards Andrew and Neil felt a surge of protectiveness swell inside him. Never would he have done what he did for anyone but Kevin and Jean, but Neil stood in front of Wymack hands up and tense.

“It wasn’t him,” Neil said nervously, “Some guy at the bar drudged me and dragged me outside, but Andrew got him off me before anything bad happened. They didn’t do anything to me but talk.”

Wymack’s gaze was that of surprise, and from the sharp inhalation of breath behind him, he knew at least a few of the group were wearing a similar expression.

Wymack relaxed and sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Next time would one of you answer your phones?”

"If I feel like it," Andrew responds. His smile is back. His meds coursing through his system.

Neil walked away before he could hear Coach's response. His body was sore, and he was exhausted. He heard Wymack call out to him, but it sounded like one of the group told him to lay off or something close.

Neil fell into bed, ignoring the looks the upperclassmen sent him. But he heard their voices drift through the door only twenty minutes later.

“What did Andrew say?”

“He said to fuck off.”

“Really!? Are we supposed to be trusting him or not.”

“Andrew let him stay so obviously- “

“Or maybe Andrew is slowly plotting his death.”

“I think we should just- “

“I still don’t trust him.”

“Maybe we should at least get to know him.”

“He threw a knife at Seth, excuse me if I don’t really want to be in the same room as him.”

“For now just keep an eye on him.”

“Guys should someone make sure he’s okay, I mean did you see the bruise- “

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

Neil didn’t feel fine. Despite the understanding he and Andrew had come to that morning, he felt raw and exposed. He felt lonely and cornered.

But he was grateful, because despite not having been asked. Andrew kept his secrets.

Andrew's group ignored Neil for the most part after their trip to Columbia. Kevin and Jean though were allowed around him now. So despite the fact that Aaron, Nicky, and Andrew were ignoring his presence. Neil still ended up in their dorm room more often than not, going over plays and conversing with Jean and Kevin.

The two of them were almost enough to make Neil forget about how the other foxes hated him. But at the end of the night, Neil still retired to a dorm room with Seth and Matt.

Matt got better after Columbia. He didn't seem as jumpy around Neil, and he tried to start even more conversations. Matt was the one who helped Neil set up his classes.

"Math? Really?" Matt asked shocked, as Neil put all of his classes as math classes, and chose a math major. "You don't strike me as a math guy." 

"It's better than being a history guy," Neil said it loudly, and Kevin, who had chosen to lounge in Neil's room that day, threw his bottle of water at Neil’s head.

"Fuck you," Kevin said eloquently. "History is great. Your numbers are a fucking eyesore."

"You're just mad because you struggle with times tables," Neil snarled.

This time a pillow flew across the room. And Neil easily ducked under it.

Matt laughed as he watched the two of them bicker.

"I'm starting to see the whole 'brother's thing now," Matt said with a smile.

"Eat shit," Kevin spat at Neil.

Neil made a mocking gasp," I didn't know you were on the menu." 

It took a disappointing minute for Kevin to get it, but when he did he was lunging at Neil.

Neil grinned as he sprinted away. He made it out to the hallway before Kevin leapt tackling Neil to the ground. Kevin tried to pin Neil’s hands to the ground but Neil got free every time. Kevin was bigger and stronger. But Kevin was also more ticklish.

Neil began poking at Kevin's ribs until Kevin fell over with an unmanly screech and clutching at his sides. Finally Neil was on top and had Kevin pinned.

"Got you Day!" Neil sing-songed.

Kevin glared, "Fuck you Wesninski!"

Neil was going to respond, but then rough hands were yanking Neil off of Kevin and dragging him.

Neil’s breath caught in his throat, and he struggled to breathe as he was dragged down the hall. He fought back clawing and kicking.

Someone knocked on a door. There were words exchanged between people.

Neil fought harder.

"Don't touch me," He wheezed," Let me go. Let me go."

It was Evermore. It wasn't Evermore. It was Evermore.

The hallway was flickering between the two places.

Finally he was dumped on the ground and he was pulled into a room.

His mind screamed and he tried to run.

"Stop it." A voice said," You aren't at Evermore."

But he was because someone had grabbed him. Someone had-

"He didn't attack me." Kevin. That sounded like Kevin." We were just messing around. He was tickling me for fucksake."

Neil scrambled. His back was too open; he needed a wall.

"The wall," He heard his own voice say. He scrambled trying to look around.

"I'll help you find the wall, yes or no?" 

Neil’s mind screeched to a halt. 

"Yes or no?"

"Andrew?" Neil breathed. Reality began to come back to him, and Neil grasped it with shaking hands.

"Yes," Andrew said. Andrew wasn't smiling at the moment. And Neil remembered that it was usually about this time that Andrew came off his meds to wind down for the night.

Jean stood in the doorway. Staring in concern at Neil.

"I was messing with Kevin," Neil says. His brows furrowed and he searched the sequence of events. "He ran after me and tackled me, I tickled him and pinned him."

"Kevin's ticklish?" Nicky's voice asked.

"Tickle me and I'll castrate you," Kevin shot back.

Neil didn't listen to the background noise though, his eyes focused on the piercing Hazel ones that grounded him and held his gaze.

"Someone grabbed me," Neil clutched his head, after that the memory was foggy.

"Seth's an asshole. He's had it out for you since you threw a knife at him. And throwing you to me after you 'attacked Kevin' was probably his form of payback." Andrew said. "Dumbass didn't even realize you were panicking."

Neil breathed. "Don't tell him I was. I don't want- "

Neil cut himself off. He didn't want Seth to know Neil had a weakness to being grabbed. It was giving too much to someone who had something against him.

"He's such a jackass," Nicky muttered.

"Don't tell him," Neil responded.

"The rest of the foxes think we were fighting," Kevin says. "They already don't trust you. If we don't tell them- "

"I won't." Andrew responded to Neil. 

Andrew’s eyes held nothing but perfect understanding. It was comforting and jarring all at the same time.  

Andrew got up and offered Neil his hand. Neil took it and allowed himself to be pulled up and guided over to the tables. Nicky had managed to pull Kevin and Jean into a conversation about something Neil didn't have the willpower to care about, so Andrew and Neil sat alone in the kitchen area.

Andrew pulled a chocolate bar out of the cupboard and set it in front of Neil.

Neil's mouth twisted into a grimace and he shook his head.

Andrew set the chocolate aside and then turned to Neil.

"Our game," Andrew said, "Ask me a question."

Neil thought for a moment before responding, "Why don't you try during practices?" Neil asked.

Andrew stared at Neil, his eyebrows raised. As if to judge Neil’s use of a question.

"I don't see the point. I don't enjoy the game. I get nothing out of it." Andrew responded.

Neil’s brow furrowed. "Then why play?"

"That's two questions," Andrew responded.

"Then I'll just owe you an extra one."

"It beats waiting to die," Andrew responds," At least by a small amount."

Neil doesn't know how to respond to that, so he doesn't. Andrew takes Neil’s silence as his cue and chooses to ask his question.

"Why do you dislike ice cream and chocolate?" Andrew asks. "You said ice cream makes you sick and it didn't sound like a lie. But I've seen you drink milk with no problem at all. You aren't lactose-intolerant."

Neil chews his bottom lip," Riko always expected something in return for giving me a dessert."

"Something?"

"My mouth," Neil gritted out. His mouth suddenly tasted like the bitterness that came after Riko used his mouth.

Andrew flicked his gaze to Neil and then pulled something out of his pocket. 

Andrew placed a stick of gum into Neil’s hand and Neil stared at it for a moment before sticking it in his mouth and allowing the minty flavor to assault his senses.

"People won't ask for that here," Andrew pointed out. Remember no means no here.

Neil shrugged," It doesn't matter. None of it tastes like it should anymore. It all tastes… like them ."

Andrew stares at Neil a moment.

"You have issues," Andrew said, standing up and walking away.

"Tell me something I don't know," Neil muttered to himself tiredly.

Sleeping only got more difficult after that day. The foxes seemed even more hesitant to have Neil around. And Neil eventually gave up on trying with them entirely. 

Allison snapped at him easily. Renee seemed to trust him a tiny bit more, but none of the upperclassmen trusted Neil with Renee. Matt was the only other one who figured out the truth of what happened, and Neil had begged him to stay quiet, to not give away Neil’s weakness. And Dan didn't trust Neil with Matt. Seth was like a predator circling his prey. His taunts and jeers got worse and worse.

Neil didn't sleep. He forgot to eat in his attempt to just avoid the team entirely. His mind was on the brink of panic and breaking. He just wanted to sleep. And some moments he caught himself wondering about an external sleep. His arms itched with need. And his head spun.

He threw his body into practice and practice alone.

Neil climbed out of bed after Matt and Seth fell asleep, panic tight in his chest.

He let his feet carry him to the court, and he sat on the floor.

Silver caught his eye and he realized he pulled out his switchblade.

Neil’s hand shook. He was tired. He felt alone. He wasn't thinking straight and there were shadows flitting in every corner.

He was pressing the knife to his skin without processing it. But he startled when the lights flicked on.

Wymack stared at Neil, his eyes wide and his expression a sick parody of the moment Neil climbed through his office window for the first time.

They blinked at each other, and in seconds Wymack was across the room and ripping the knife from Neil’s grip.

"Give me the others," Wymack said gruffly. 

Neil pulled out his knives and put them all into Wymack’s hand.

"I'll be having Jean and Kevin check to make sure that's all of them," Wymack said.

Neil stayed silent. His body was tense. He was tired. He needed sleep.

Wymack crouched down in front of Neil. "Do you want to sleep on my couch for the night?"

Neil's head snapped up. His eyes widened in shock.

Wymack shook his head," You look like you haven't slept in years kid," Wymack supplied," Come crash on my couch if you're having trouble sleeping with the others."

Neil felt a rush of gratitude flow through him. And he suddenly felt awful for every moment he had thought badly of Wymack in the past.

Wymack seemed to recognize it, and he led Neil to his office, where Wymack picked up a stack of files. And then Wymack drove Neil to his apartment. Neil collapsed onto the couch and fell asleep within minutes.

The day before classes started, practice was a mess. All the foxes had to go see Betsy Dobson. The thought sent shivers down Neil’s spine.

Neil had been ordered by his highschool and the state to get professional help after his excessive tendency to self harm was discovered soon after his suicide attemt. As with everything else that had to do with the nest, it hadn't been pleasant. The therapist they had gotten Neil, hadn't cared if Neil bled.

But results were results in the Master's eyes. Neil had stopped self-harming for the simple fact of not wanting to end up back in that office again.

It was almost ironic that self-harm was yet again the reason that Wymack was unrelenting about Neil going. 

"I'm fine coach," Neil said,"It was just a slip up."

"Kid you bringing a knife to your arm isn't the only fucking problem, it's the fact that you felt you needed to." Wymack responded.

"I'm all better now though," Neil said. It felt like a lie. It probably was, Neil wasn't sure.

"Yes you certainly look like the poster boy for mental health," Wymack stated. "The first few hours of meeting you I had you on suicide watch. This has been a long time coming. You're going whether you like it or not. And it's going to be a regular thing. Consider it court ordered."

Neil grimaced at that.

But he didn't grimace quite as hard as when he heard that he would be paired with Renee for their meeting with Dobson.

Andrew handed his keys off to Renee without hesitation when he and Nicky got back. Nicky seemed to grimace at that, but the rest of the foxes were staring at Neil. Their gazes were full of distrust.

Neil wondered what they would say if he told them Renee could probably easily take him out in a fight.

Renee had been one that Riko researched throughly. Renee with a past that was dark and dangerous. She posed a threat to Riko, a big one.

And Neil didn't trust her kind words towards him. She had gotten nicer after Andrew took Neil to Columbia, and she no longer showed the same amount of distrust. But she still regarded Neil warily. And Neil was wary of putting his back to her.

Neil understood why Renee and Andrew got along. Despite her kind hearted exterior, Renee had been through foster care much like Andrew. She had rolled with the wrong crowd. And Neil is pretty sure she even killed some people.

Neil was sure that her dark past was the only reason Andrew tolerated her presence. And the rest of the foxes seemed to think the two Goalies would end up dating, despite that being against what many wanted.

Neil had overheard them all discussing it at one point. Though he'd eventually found the conversation boring and left.

Once they were in the car Neil fidgeted nervously. The girl beside him didn't try to speak, and so Neil settled for fidgeting with the edges of his sleeve and scratching at his arm. Though he tried to stop himself.

His arm itched from his newest cuts, and Neil’s stomach twisted when having to think about telling anybody about them.

The silence in the car was grating so Neil reached an arm out to turn up the volume of the radio.

Renee's hand shot up and Neil flinched back, but not fast enough to avoid her grip.

Neil’s breathing picked up, but he was shocked when Renee turned his arm over. He cursed himself, his sleeve had ridden up while he reached for the dials, and Renee had seen.

They were stopped and a stop light. And Neil watched Renee's gaze turn saddened.

"Oh," she stated simply. She released Neil’s arm, much to his surprise. 

He expected her to say something, tell him how weak his was. We waited for her to tell him comforting bullshit that he'd never believe. But Renee said nothing. Her gaze simply returned to the road.

"Don't tell anyone," Neil said quietly.

Renee is silent for a moment, "Does coach know?"

"It's the whole reason I'll be going to these weekly," Neil mutters.

"Then I won't," Renee responds.

More silence settles between the two of them and then Renee speaks again.

"I'm sure the team will come around by the way," Renee says.

"Edgar Allan came around too," Neil says bitterly," And inside, and on."

The words exited his lips before he could stop them. Kevin always had said Neil had a big mouth and the tendency for smartass remarks. And Neil attitude aged like cheese, getting sharper overtime.

Renee doesn't respond, and Neil is grateful for that. If he didn't learn to keep his mouth shut then the whole team would know how weak he was soon.

He shook the thought away

Renee didn't try to speak to Neil again, and never before had Neil been happy to reach a shrink's office. But here he was.

Renee went first, and Neil’s foot tapped nervously on the ground. His entire body fidgeting. He scratched at his arm, trying desperately to calm himself.

When Renee came back, she was being followed by a woman with narrow-rimmed glasses and a kind face.

Neil’s body went rigid as she turned to him.

"You must be Neil!" Betsy turned to Neil and stuck out her hand, and Neil stared at it. His hands stayed rigid at his sides. Neil had been used by men and women in the nest. Gender didn't affect Neil’s aversion to touch. And gender didn't make anyone any less of a threat.

Betsy seemed to take the hint and led Neil back to the office. 

Neil stopped in the doorway as Betsy continued inside. The whole room reeked of baked cookies, and it made Neil’s stomach churn. He could feel a bitter taste settle in his mouth, and he suddenly had the urge to brush his teeth until him gums bled.

Betsy sat in her chair and made eye contact with him. But she didn't push him to come inside.

So instead of going into the office. Neil put his back against the wall opposite the door in the hall and sat down on the floor.

"Wymack said you'll need to meet with me regularly, but he didn't tell me why," Betsy says, "Could you?"

Neil tried to speak but the air from the office tasted like cookies, and Neil clenched his mouth shut. His body trembling.

The smell and taste were an assault on his senses like none other. And he could almost feel the-

Neil's thoughts were cut off by the sound of a door clicking shut. Betsy stood outside her office and slid down on the floor so that they both sat against opposite of each other.

The smell and the taste were cut off all at once, and Neil felt his heart rate slow.

Betsy watched his face for a moment, and Neil waited to be punished for having such a reaction. He bows his head and waits, trembling.

"Do you not like the office?" Betsy asks.

Neil didn't know if he liked it or not, he hadn't even been able to step inside.

"I don't like desserts," Neil responded.

It sounded stupid. His fingers fisted in the fabric of his shorts. He sounded weak, having such a reaction to something as stupid as the smell of cookies. Neil had smelled desserts before and had no problems. So he didn't understand.

His hands went up and pulled at his hair, trying to ground himself to the present time.

He looked up, expecting judgment, but Betsy just had a look of understanding and kindness. Neil felt himself relaxing even though he didn't mean to. The kindness in Betsy's eyes is the kind he'd been yearning for for the weeks that he'd been with the foxes. No it'd been what he yearned for since the moment that Jean left the nest. He was starved for it.

Betsy hummed, "Do you have your own vehicle?" Betsy asked.

Neil shook his head.

"How about we plan for Wednesdays after Andrew's session then," Betsy smiled. "You can catch a ride with him that way."

"I'll have to check with Andrew first," Neil said quietly.

It felt wrong to agree without asking Andrew, especially after Andrew had been so respectful of Neil’s boundaries.

The quiet "Yes or no?" Echoed in Neil's thoughts whenever he felt like the foxes were being too much. And it was on replay everytime someone mentioned Andrew being a monster. Neil had seen monsters, plenty of them. They haunted his dreams nightly, and none of them had the faces of Andrew. None of them asked "Yes or no?".

Betsy hummed, "I have his phone number, I can ask him now if that's alright? I'd like to get you scheduled in."

Neil nodded, surprised that Betsy had Andrew's phone number at all. Andrew didn't seem like the type to get along with shrinks.

"Hi Andrew," Betsy smiled, "No nothing is wrong. I actually have something to ask you."

There is a moment of silence.

"Neil here is going to start having weekly sessions as well," Betsy says," And I was wondering if you'd be willing to have his line up with yours so that you can ride together. Nicky can drop you both off and pick you both back up."

Neil can hear talking from the other end.

"He's actually the one who wanted to make sure it was okay with you first. He already seems to be okay with the option." Betsy says in response.

There is silence. Neil can't even hear Andrew on the other line. 

Neil holds out his hand and Betsy smiles and pushes the phone into his waiting palm.

"Yes or No?" Neil asks parroting the question back to Andrew.

"Asking for my permission?" A mocking gasp sounds from the other side of the phone.

"It only seems fair."

"I'm a fox." Andrew responds, "I don't get 'fair'."

"With me, you do."

"Getting stuck with you doesn't seem fair," Andrew responds. There's a teasing tone to his voice, but it's neither warm nor cold.

"Then say no if you don't want to," Neil responds. "I'll respect it."

More silence echos over the phone, "I really hate you," Andrew says suddenly.

"Join the club."

"Wow!" There is a maniacal laugh," You really do need therapy. Did you attach your self esteem to a rock and sink it to the bottom of the ocean?"

"Along with my fraying mental state."

Another laugh sounds," Tell Betsy it's a yes, but that there is no promises you will arrive alive."

"There are hardly any promises I'd arrive alive anyways," Neil mutters.

"You are a walking tragedy, Wesninski."

"I know."

Neil hangs up the phone and passes it back to Betsy.

"He says it's fine," Neil responds.

Betsy smiles, "I think that'll be it for today then. I try to keep my sessions relaxed. But yours didn't start great today, so I'll give you a break."

Neil nods and stands up, ignoring the hand that Betsy offered to him. 

Neil walks out and joins Renee, and the two head back to the court.

When practice ended, Neil tried to continue with his two hours after practice, to wait until everyone was gone. But Wymack poked his head out.

"I swear to Christ Wesninski!" Wymack shouted, "Kill yourself on someone else's time. Get your ass in here so that I can start this damn team meeting."

Neil hurried himself, embarrassed by the fact that he had made everyone wait.

The showers were luckily empty by the time he got there, and he showered and changed as fast as he could.

He barely entered the room before Wymack began to speak.

"Now that our resident Exyholic is here," Wymack ground out. "Classes start tommorow which means our practice time changes too. I know all your schedules and I know all of you can be here on time. If one of you is late you'd better have a reason and the reason better be school or dying. The press will be crawling all over the school. Don't talk to them, any of you."

Wymack points at Neil, "Especially you. Your name and face aren't going to be released until the day of our first game. The ERC knows that you're a former raven, but that's it. And the press seemed to have picked up on that fact and have been running it. Which brings me to my next point. Kathy Ferdinand wants to interview Jean, Kevin, and our 'mystery Raven' on Saturday."

Neil stares. He'd met Kathy once or twice when he accompanied Riko, Kevin, and Jean to their interviews on her show. She was annoying, and he'd constantly have to keep from biting his tongue and snapping at her.

Jean snorted out a laugh at Neil's disgusted face. 

"You owe me 20 dollars Kevin," Jean said laughing, " I told you that'd be the face he made." 

Kevin sighed and forked over the money. And Wymack raised an eyebrow.

"Problem?"

"She is a pain in the ass," Neil said.

Wymack sighs," Can you at least promise not to go on stage and cause a scene."

"I'd be lying," Neil responded.

Wymack covers his face with his hand.

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Neil asked.

"If Riko gets the first word about why you left it could be bad," Kevin responded," It's better if you speak out first."

The reasoning was solid. Even more solid when he remembered the deal he'd made with Ichirou to prove himself as a worthy investment.

Neil nodded.

"Hold on. Hold on." Allison holds up a hand," I'm sorry but are we just going to skip over the fact that Kathy asked you one her show?"

It wasn't surprising to any of the ex-ravens. All of them had been trained how to act in front of the press from a young age. And Neil had been trained on how to cover up bruises and look pretty for the cameras. But for the foxes, a popular interview host asking for one of their own to be on the show, was probably new.

"I am going to have to wake up early and watch this?" Dan said excitedly. "Kevin's going to have to be decent."

"For once." Neil added under his breath.

He'd misjudged his distance from Kevin, because Kevin shot his leg out and kicked Neil in the chest.

Neil wheezed and coughed a few times, "Fuck you!" Neil strained out.

Wymack rubbed his temples again, "I have a feeling this is going to be a disaster."

"That's what we'd say everytime 'Nathaniel' and 'media' were mentioned in the same sentance," Kevin said.

Neil made to smack him. But he paused when he remembered how all the foxes saw him as suspicious. His hand dropped back to his lap and Neil averted his eyes to the ground.

Even after Columbia Neil couldn't truly have Jean and Kevin back.

Wymack finally shot in, "I have enough tickets for everyone on the team," Wymack says," So if any of you would like to go, then you can. Be aware it will be an early morning though, and on a day right after a game. Is that all… alright. Dismissed."

The foxes cleared out and headed back to bed.

After getting caught by Wymack in the locker room, Neil had begun sleeping some nights at Wymack’s apartment. Matt had tried to talk to Neil about the issue, but Dan had stepped in as usual, pulling Matt away.

Neil woke up on the day of classes and ran to the campus from Wymack's apartment. 

The day felt tedious more than long. Most his classes were just handing out syllabi and going over basic, so there wasn't anything extremely difficult. But the day was boring and Neil found himself wishing he could be anywhere but in the stuffy classrooms.

When his last class finished, he wove through countless students, back to the tower and power walked to his dorm and then over to his bed.

"Rough first day?" Matt asked, startling Neil out of his thoughts.

"Boring one," Neil responded.

"Wish I could say it gets better… but…" 

Neil huffed out a laugh. He was on the top bunk, so Matt had to look up to stare at him.

"Hey," Matt said," I won't let Seth hurt you in your sleep or anything like that. I don't think the guy would stoop that low. But he'd have to get past me to get to you. And I wouldn't let that happen."

The words shouldn't have given Neil as much relief as they did. But Neil found himself hiding his face inside his pillow so Matt didn't see his vulnerable expression.

"Thank you," Neil finally choked out quietly.

There was no response. There didn't need to be. So Neil let himself be lulled to sleep by Matt's pencil scratching out equations on his paper.

Come Friday, campus was a wild house. Everyone was decked out in orange and white. School logos were everywhere. Everyone was hyped up for the game against Breckenridge.

Neil hadn't realized how important the anonymity he'd had before was, until he stepped onto campus in his jersey. 

That morning his face became known as the newest Edgar Allan raven to join the foxes. And everyone was waiting to swarm him. Neil kept his head down as best he could. Using his hand to cover his tattoo at some points. But it did little good.

Classmates grabbed at his shoulders and spoke with him. People tried to engage in small talk across the board. And Neil was just trying hard to get from class to class.

Neil breathed a sigh of relief when Matt came along and broke up the latest swarm of people. And he didn't even flinch when Matt threw his arm around him to pull him from the crowd. Neil would have started praying if Matt hadn't come, and Neil is pretty sure he pissed God off with his attitude a long time ago.

"Are you nervous?" Matt asked. Matt waved at a group of cheerleaders as they passed, ever the friendly one of the two of them.

"About the game or about all these people?"

"Both?" But it was phrased as more questioning than as a statement.

"I hate the crowds but I'm excited to play," Neil said.

Matt huffed out a laugh," I'd expect nothing less from you!"

Neil frowns.

Matt notices and continues," Dude you practice the most out of everyone. You practice more than Kevin and Jean. Even Kevin has thought about yanking you off the court and forcing you to sleep." 

Neil's eyebrows furrow. "I get less practice here than I did at Edgar Allan."

Matt pauses, "Did you ever sleep?" Matt asked incredulously.

Neil frowned, "I got three hours every night."

It was a lie. Neil hardly slept one hour a night in the nest. But four hours is what he was left alone for most nights, so at least that was some form of rest.

Eventually Matt and Neil split ways, and Neil survived for a bit longer before he was caught again. Girls swarmed Neil and he pushed through, hating the fact that he was being touched.

"Sorry girls," Renee's voice cut through the excited questions about Riko and Kevin," He's with me."

Renee did something similar to Matt, except Renee simply hooked her arm with Neil’s. It was a hold Neil could get out of easily. And Neil appreciated it. Renee led Neil away from the crowds again and acted as a ward to scare off anyone who looked like they were about to start asking questions.

By the time his last class rolled around, Neil was thoroughly exhausted. But despite Neil’s  intense wave of exhaustion, he couldn't sleep.

His mind was running at a million miles an hour, and his thoughts drifted to Ichirou. Technically the foxes could lose this game and still go to championships, but Neil still wanted to win. He needed to impress Ichirou if he ever wanted a chance at staying alive.

Honestly the want was built out of his spite for Riko, but if he was still alive did it matter what his motivations were?

Friday night practice was canceled in preparation for their game and the foxes were expected to be at the stadium an hour before the game started.

Neil made an error, he'd arrived too late to get dressed seperately. He still got there before the foxes did. But he'd been in the middle of changing his shirt in the common when the upperclassmen entered the rroom. He froze with his entire upper body bared, and he heard conversation die.

He couldn't turn around. But his body started trembling. He didn't like using the showers to change because it felt too easy to be cornered in there. And with the time restraint, Neil had just changed in the common area. He'd finished his pants, but he hadn't been fast enough to get his shirt on. And his upper body was the worst. 

Disgusting.

Neil bit his lip so hard it bled, and forced himself to throw on his armor and jersey. His movement seemed to stun the upperclassmen into talking because suddenly he was being talked at by a group of people who previously ignored his entire existence.

"Oh my God- "

"Who did this to you- "

"Jesus Christ- "

"Stop," Andrew’s voice cut over the talking and he finally stepped into the room. The smile is still set on his face but even then Andrew understood boundaries," Can't handle his boo-boos? Aren't you the ones who questioned my judgment on him? Come on now, you can't start showing you give a damn now when that time is long since over."

Renee and Andrew share a glance, and Renee turns to the upperclassmen and says something quietly. Whatever she said, the upperclassmen obeyed and got moving.

Neil left the locker room and stood outside it waiting for Wymack. He listened to the roar of the crowd, and felt his stomach churn in a way only Exy could manage. 

Neil feels a hand on his shoulder and he gets guided back back into the lockerroom by Kevin.

Neil smiled a hungry smile as he looked at Kevin, "You'd better get at least two goals tonight Day." Neil says. The locker room silences and Neil points at Jean," And I know you can shut down their strikers."

Kevin rolled his eyes," I'm still using my right hand Abram, it won't be that simple."

Neil grinned at the use of his middle name," Have you been using your right hand outside of practice?"

"Annoyingly," Andrew states," Hey tweety-bird, next time you have homework for him. Make sure it'd not the kind where he pours alcohol all over our dorm because he's an uncoordinated mess."

"Wait." Allison says," You told Kevin what to do and he listened to you?"

Neil shrugged. And Kevin frowned.

"Neil made a suggestion that made sense," Kevin responded. "He doesn't order me around."

"Neil had lived in the nest since he was six," Jean said. "He's trained with college and professional players since he first picked up a racket."

There was silence. And suddenly Neil remembered that while Andrew’s group knew about Neil being in the nest since he was six, The upperclassmen were just now finding out.

Based on previous overheard conversations, the upperclassmen hadn't figured Neil lived through much of the nest. And with Jean and Kevin keeping his secrets, and the cousins not speaking up about Columbia, this was a huge reality check.

They all stared at Neil with wide eyes. Dan even looked a bit guilty. Neil didn't care, he didn't blame them for being suspicious. He would have been suspicious too. But he certainly didn't want to deal with their questions tonight.

Luckily Wymack entered the room and handed out papers. Neil looked over Breckenridge's starting lineup.

Neil heard a swear from Seth as the paper was looked over.

"Gorilla is back," Seth said annoyed. 

Kevin's face was scrunched up in irritation as well. And Neil mentally went over the player in his head.

"Gorilla" Hawking, was a backliner with a fondness for body checks. And not to mention he dwarfed Neil with his size. 

"Don't worry," Matt said, taking Neil’s silence as concern. "He'll be too busy taking Kevin and Seth out to worry much about you.

The concern made Neil snort.

"You don't need to worry about Neil," Jean said," I am more concerned about Hawking if he goes after Neil."

The foxes shoot Jean a look, but Wymack shuffles the foxes out before they can question what that means.

"Try not to piss off the defensive linemen today," Jean says.

"Yeah no, that would be no fun. I am pissing them off as soon as the door opens." Neil responds.

Jean sighs exasperatedly.

The foxes warm up, their small sized team dwarfed by the size of the jackals.

Neil sat on the side-lines alongside Aaron, Nicky, Alison, and Renee.

The whistle blew and the game started.

It soon became clear that despite the foxes constant fighting and arguments, once they had a common enemy they all banded together.

They were by no means a well-oiled machine. But they communicated and talked. They had a flow. Potential.

Seth and Kevin even managed to keep it together for a short time.

"My money's on them fighting in the first 15 minutes," Nicky said smiling.

And even Neil knew not to take that bet. 

Sure enough Kevin and Seth began to battle it out on the court, and Dan had to break them up.

The foxes managed to hold the defensive line only for a bit longer. But eventually a goal was shot and Andrew couldn't block it there were too many Jackals crowding the goal.

Neil shouted, "Kevin I said two not zero!" 

There was no indication that Kevin heard him over the roar of the crowd, but eventually Kevin turned in a small circle to face back towards Neil. And he stuck his middle finger up high for Neil to see.

Neil grinned broadly.

Gorilla was a monster on the backline though. Whoever had decided on making the man had taken brain functionality and turned it into pure muscle and athletic capability.

Seth was struggling. Not that Kevin was faring much better with his mark. A fight had already broken out between Kevin's mark and himself.

His legs fidgeted underneath him. His knees bounced. And Wymack stared at him. His gaze was calculating.

Neil didn't have to wait much longer to play though. Seth was body checked and fell to ground. After a few moments Seth signaled for a sub.

Neil didn't even have to be asked. He was up and at the door before Wymack even said his name.

"Jesus," He heard Wymack mumble," It's like someone lit his fucking ass on fire."

Neil ran over to Kevin and cracked sticks with him. 

"Let's go Kevin!" Neil said with a smile.

Leverette was the name of Kevin's previous mark, she was annoying and Neil did his best to ignore her.

"You another raven reject like Kevin?" Leverette scorned. Neil ignored her. It was pissing her off so technically he was not listening to her and annoying her at the same time. And it made him smile.

"The great Kevin Day," Leverette taunted. "Reduced to a cripple."

Neil suddenly couldn't ignore her anymore. He took a threatening step towards Leverette but halted when a loud crack of a racket came from Andrew's area. Neil paused and glanced back at Andrew, who resumed his position in goal and twirled his racket lazily.

Neil took the hint.

Neil heard the bounce of an Exy ball on the court floor.

"Hey Roadrunner!" Andrew called.

And Neil already knew. He got set into position, and he was off before he even heard Andrew's racket crack against the ball.

The ball bounced off the far wall and Neil leaped to catch it. Leverette was still lagging behind, unable to keep up with Neil at full strength and speed. Neil took his ten steps before tossing the ball to Kevin.

Kevin only made it two steps before he had to pass it back up the court. His racket was smashed right out of his hands by Gorilla in retaliation.

Kevin gave an angry shake to his hands and picked up his racket again. 

They managed to get the ball back down the court again and Kevin threw the ball into the goal. It lit up red. Kevin gave Neil a wide smile and Neil flashed Kevin a thumbs up.

The two of them high fived. The score was 2-1 Jackals favor.

But Gorilla's tactics changed. And suddenly every time Kevin caught the ball, the racket was smashed out of Kevin's hands.

After the second time, Neil had had enough.

"Let him pick it up next time," Neil shouted in irritated French.

Jean sent Neil a look from down the court. And Kevin stared for a moment before nodding.

The next time Gorilla made to smash the racket out of Kevin's hands, Kevin loosened his grip purposefully. Neil set his feet and began to sprint. Gorilla had just gotten the ball into his net, and Kevin took a full step back away from the man. Neil collided with Gorilla, a loud bang echoed as the huge backliner crashed into the wall. Neil scooped up the ball and sent it to Dan without missing a beat. Dan sent it to Kevin. And Kevin scored.

Gorilla still was crumpled onto the ground.

The stadium wasn't silent, but it was clear that people were shocked. Neil was less than half the size of the massive backliner, and hadn't even blinked when taking the man out.

But Neil was a nice guy. He offered his hand to the backliner on the floor, only to have it get batted away. Gorilla struggled to his feet, before falling again. And Neil once again stuck out his hand. This time, Gorilla angrily took it. Gorilla signaled for a sub and Neil led Gorilla over to the door. He's sure it was quite a sight to see.

Gorilla grabbed Neil by the collar and pulled him up," When I get back out there I am going to slam you against a wall."

Neil kept the panic in that sentence at bay by reminding himself that Gorilla didn't mean it like that . 

Neil smirked. Looked Gorilla up and down and said," Sure you will buddy."

He jogged back to his position and continued the game.

By the time half time rolled around. The score was 7-5, Jackal's favor.

"Neil!" Dan said," Where did you learn to check like that."

Aaron was staring wide mouthed at Neil, as was Nicky and Matt.

Neil shrugged, twirled his racket, and looked at her, "I was officially a backliner at Evermore," Neil stated easily. "I checked Riko constantly. I pissed him off though. He says he's gonna slam me against the wall when he gets back on."

"In that case you're playing the first part of the second half so you aren't playing with him." Wymack says gruffly.

Neil ignores Wymack and looks for Jean,"If he comes after me I'll do my trick."

Jean glares," It's a dirty trick. I hate it."

"Which means he'll hate it too!" Neil says excitedly. "Perfect."

Wymack stares at Neil before turning to Jean. "Is this a legal maneuver."

"It's a Nathaniel maneuver." Kevin responds tiredly," Which means no one can say if it's legal or not, because no one would think to do it."

"It is a practiced art form," Neil said smiling.

"It's a fucking nightmare," Jean responds.

Neil decided to do it anyway.

When the second half begins, Gorilla is on the court. Wymack swears from the side-lines as Gorilla points his racket at Neil, and Neil feels excitement rush through him.

His chance comes when he catches the ball and Gorilla runs at him full speed.

With the quickness of someone who's done this hundreds of times successfully, Neil throws the ball high into the air before running at Gorilla as well. At the last second he tosses his racket over Gorilla's head and slides in between Gorilla's legs. He caught his racket and the ball on the other side and passed it to Kevin all in one fluid motion. Kevin fires the ball, and the goal lights up red. There is a slam as Gorilla runs into the wall.

Neil can hear Wymack sputtering, and Jean's  face is likely just as sour as when Neil would pull the trick on him back at Evermore.

Neil offers his hand to Gorilla again, only this time Gorilla completely ignores Neil’s hand and stalks off.

The next time Gorilla tries to check him Neil passes the ball between Gorilla's open legs, and straight into Kevin's net.

The goal lights up red again. And Neil watches from where he'd leaped out of the way of the check. Gorilla is slouched and glaring against the wall. And Neil is grinning.

Gorilla shoots up and grabs Neil by the collar, slamming Neil against the wall.

"I thought you said you were gonna slam me against the wall," Neil taunted, "You're not doing a great job of it so far." 

Gorilla is yanked off of Neil by the refs and Neil continues to smile.

Kevin gets subbed out as opposed to Neil. (Neil guesses it was because of Neil’s endless energy.) And suddenly Seth is watching Neil with a raised eyebrow.

Neil shrugs and the two of them clack sticks.

They score one more point. And the foxes win the game.

Neil was already up when Wymack came knocking on the door. He was dressed comfortably, already knowing there would be suits at the show.

"Did you even sleep?"

"No." Neil responded. He had gone for a long run before running the steps of the dorm. At some point he had gone to Andrew’s room, and assisted in helping keep Kevin awake.

Neil was wide awake and stared at Wymack’s shocked look.

"Do you live off caffeine and prayers?" Wymack asked incredulously.

"Most likely," Neil responded.

Wymack huffed before continuing with waking the rest of the foxes.

They boarded the bus, Andrew’s group taking up the back, and the upperclassmen taking up the front. Dan tried to get Neil to sit with them. But Neil wasn't interested.

The night prior the foxes had tried to talk to Neil, likely about what they'd seen in the locker room before the game. But Neil had avoided them and hid. He wasn't ready to talk to them and hear what they had to say.

He'd overheard them anyways talking.

Allison and Seth still don't trust him, and that was their only reasoning for coming to the show this morning.

They arrived in Raleigh at around six. They stopped off at a fast food place and got breakfast and coffee for the team. And Wymack stood up and began to speak.

"All right- " Wymack cut himself off and glowered at the back of the bus. "Damnit Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up miles ago!"

Nicky didn't even flinch," I don't want to die."

Neil didn't care if he died so he raised his hand," I've got it."

Coach gave him a suspicious look.

"I've woken Jean and Kevin up for years," Neil stated," And I was in charge of waking up the Ravens." 

Though the Ravens hadn't been as fun to wake up as Jean and Kevin. The ravens tended to wake up lustful. And Neil was like an offering on a golden plate for them.

"Yeah but Andrew wakes up like you," Nicky says grumbling.

Neil thinks for a moment, "I'll be fine." Neil responds. "That being said you guys will want to move."

Nicky and Aaron traded a look before shrugging and moving to the front of the bus. Neil starts with the easiest and pats Jean on the shoulder.

"Get up Jean," Neil says,"I'll be waking Kevin up soon."

Jean shoots up and crawls over the back of the seats to get away from the cluster fuck that was about to occur.

Neil went over the Andrew, staring at the sleeping male for a moment. 

"He wakes up like you."

Neil climbs into the seat behind Andrew and knocks on the window behind Andrew’s head.

"Time to get up Andrew," Neil says," I have places to be and people to piss off."

The foxes all stare in shock as Andrew wakes up without swinging or hitting. Andrew is giving Neil a calculating look, though his eyes are bleary.

"Good morning sleepy head, just a heads up I will be waking Kevin next. You'll want to take a seat at the front of the bus so you're out of the way." Neil says without missing a beat.

Andrew stares at Neil, "I hate you." Andrew says irritated. He slides out of the seat and heads to the group at the front of the bus.

"Join the club," Neil responds," I am the founding member."

There is no response, so Neil walks to Kevin.

"Kevin," Neil calls kicking Kevin's foot," I can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Neil kicks Kevin's foot again. And Kevin kicks out a leg that Neil dodges.

"Fuck off," Kevin mumbles before rolling back over and going back to sleep.

Neil shrugs and looks at the foxes. "You are my witnesses," He says as he strolls to the front of the bus. He cracks his neck a few times before rolling his shoulders. "Kevin last chance!" 

There is no response.

Neil shrugs, "GERONIMO!!!" Neil screams the word and then sprints. Kevin is sitting up bleary eyed at the familiar word and when he sees Neil coming he let's out an ungodly screech. Kevin dives at the same time as Neil does. Kevin over to the next seat and Neil right onto where Kevin had been sleeping. The bus shakes.

"Fuck you Wesninski!!!" Kevin is wide awake and standing.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," Neil smirks," Did you have a nice nap?"

"Suck my dick!" Kevin ground out.

"Sure but I bite," Neil said. Neil clacked his teeth together in a show of biting hard and Kevin shivered. 

"I should have known better," Wymack says tiredly.

By the time they reach the place for Kathy's show, Kathy is already waiting outside for them.

She hugs Kevin, then Jean. And she finally sees Neil. Neil almost glares, but Kevin gives him a look. A fake smile plasters on Neil's face.

"Nathaniel!" Kathy hugged Neil tight and Neil grimaced. He heard the foxes giggling. 

The traitors.

"It has been so long!" Kathy responded," And to see you all in one place again! Nathaniel for a while it was just you and Riko. I bet he was sad to see you go."

Neil held his fake smile, but he dug his nails into his arm behind his back.

"Neil," Renee says warningly, and Neil stops.

He briefly remembered Renee seeing his cuts. Apparently she was keeping an eye on him and ensuring he wasn't doing it anymore.

"I am so excited for the show today," Kathy says," Your teammates all have front row seats of course. My Assistant will guide you boys to the dressing room."

Neil finally let's his smile fall when Kathy walks away, and he mumbles in French, "I hope she trips in those heels."

Jean snorts, and the assistant pays no mind to Neil’s glower. The three ex-ravens are led to the changing rooms.

Neil finds a suit in his size and starts to change.

"Never thought I'd get here," Kevin says," On an interview without Riko."

"Neither did I," Jean responds.

Neil huffs out a laugh," I didn't expect to survive to my first semester of college so this is surprising for all of us."

Neil can feel Kevin's eyes tracing the scars on his back.

"None of it is true," Kevin says quietly.

"What?" Neil asked confused.

"None of what they put on your skin is true," Kevin responded.

Neil pauses in shrugging on his shirt.

"You said when you got here, 'At least they didn't write anything that wasn't true'," Kevin puts forth," But none of it is."

Neil felt something catch in the back of his throat.

"You guys shouldn't lie to me," Neil said with a forced chuckle. "You're gonna give me hope or something."

"We aren't lying," Jean responds.

Neil swallows hard, stamping down on the flutter in his chest that aches to believe them. "I wish I could believe you," Neil says quietly. 

The admission is soft, and Neil feels like a child again. Vulnerable and scared. Promised protection, but never without paying a fee first.

They dress the rest of the way in silence.

Jean and Kevin are sent out first onto the stage. But Neil is distracted from Kathy's intro.

There were two, two seater couches on the stage alongside Kathy's chair. It wasn't the normal set up. And the possibility that pointed to made Neil’s blood turn to ice.

"Kevin! Jean!" Kathy said excitedly. "Two members of the perfect court on my stage. AND you are both the even numbers."

Neil doesn't understand why the crowd laughs. It was a stupid joke.

Kathy talks to them about the game and about the foxes.

But when Kathy asks if either of them plan to stay with the foxes, the hesitation they both have is bone chilling.

Then Neil is shoved.

"Start moving," the person says.

Neil can hear Kathy's words as he approaches the stage.

"Imagine my surprise when the newest member of your team ended up being None other than Nathaniel Wesninski!" Kathy said," Another member of the perfect court. Can you tell us why brought him to Palmetto?"

Kathy poses the question and Kevin shrugs.

"You'll have to ask him that," Jean says.

"Great idea!" Kathy responds," Let's get him out here! Nathaniel come on out!"

Neil walks out to the sound of loud cheers and whoops. Neil waves with both his arms and smiles a smile of a bratty child.

Back at Evermore the Master had been unable to break Neil into a poster boy media child like Riko, Kevin, and Jean. And so by the end, Coach Moriyama decided that Neil would take the persona of the bratty little brother.

It was his mistake.

"Nathaniel!" Kathy says hugging Neil.

"Call me Neil," Neil responds.

"That is much less of a mouthful." Kathy says nodding her head.

Neil looks around for a moment, as if searching for a place to sit. Then like a child, he ignored the empty couch and flopped back onto Kevin and Jean’s laps.

The crowd laughed. And Neil’s grin turned real when Kevin grunted in annoyance.

"Still a handful, I see," Kathy says shaking her head with a smile.

"It's my defining character trait." Neil smiles.

Kevin and Jean exhale, long and hard and the crowd laughs at their annoyance.

Kathy waits for the crowd the settle.

"Neil," Kathy says," I'm just wondering. What on earth were you thinking leaving Edgar Allan like you did?"

"I was thinking," Neil said pretending to be thoughtful," That I wanted to be with the best members of the perfect court."

Neil can feel Kevin and Jean tense.

"And you don't include Riko in that?" Kathy asked.

Neil sat up, he was sitting on one knee per person behind him.

"Riko couldn't do what these guys are doing," Neil shrugs," Don't get me wrong… he's a great player. But these guys are starting from the bottom. It takes a special person to do that. I'm lucky both special people are my brothers."

Neil grinned wide and threw his arms around both Jean and Kevin. 

The crowd laughed again at Neil’s antics.

"And what would Riko think about your change in position?" Kathy asked.

"I don't care what he says," Neil says flipping his hand about. "I was tired of being a backliner and so I made the switch. I am having way more fun."

Kevin pinches Neil’s side and the crowd laughs when Neil smacks him.

"And what about the district change?" Kathy asks.

Kevin shrugs, "I don't presume to know Coach Moriyama's intenrions."

Neil interjected," It's cause they know we are going to wipe the floor with them."

The crowd laughed again, though a few booed, and so Neil shrugged.

"Hey I see no problem with issuing a challenge to my brother at Evermore," Neil said in response to to boos," It'll keep him on his toes."

This time the audience all laughed.

Neil smiled.

"Well how about we see how said brother takes that challenge," Kathy responds.

Neil knew the moment he was two separate couches. But still his insides twisted as Riko was announced. Neil's entire mind filled with the instinct to protect, and it was what got him standing of the couch.

"Riko!" Neil shouted.

"Nate." Riko's eyes were cold as Neil’s old nickname was echoed back.

Riko’s glare was ice as he stepped onto the stage. But a smile pressed on his lips made it look like it wasn’t a glare at all. Neil heard Kevin and Jean rise from behind him.

Riko stepped past Neil and hugged Kevin and Jean. Then he took Jean’s seat next to Kevin. Neil took Kevin’s seat without a second thought.

If Riko thought he was going to sit anywhere close to them, Riko thought wrong. Kevin hesitated, looking at Neil with wide eyes. But Neil just smirked.

“This is apparently the more comfortable couch,” Neil said with a smile.

The audience laughed and Neil continued, “You and Jean get the other one.”

The crowd laughs again, missing the way that Kevin swallows nervously. Kevin sits down next to Jean.

“Kevin if you want to sit next to me,” Riko says, his voice demanding, “Nathaniel can move.”

“No he can’t,” Neil says. He ignores all sense of self preservation and flops his legs over Riko’s lap.

Riko tugs at Neil’s ankle and yanks so that Neil’s thighs are resting on his lap.

“Brat,” Riko says. His eyes are cold, but the audience laughs. Everyone thinking that it’s nothing more than brotherly banter. Everyone but the foxes.

The foxes were stock still, their mouths hanging open in expressions of horror.

Riko’s hand rests on Neil’s thigh. A gesture that makes Neil’s skin crawl. Neil wants to scream, run, jump, hide. But Neil forces a smile.

“You call it being a brat,” Neil says, “I call it being lovable.”

Neil hears a whoop from Matt. But when Neil glances out to smile. Matt is rigid. Neil wonders if the foxes know how much Neil hates the position he’s in right now. He wonders if any of them would even care how much his skin was begging to be clawed off. He wonders if the foxes are imagining Riko carving all of those words they saw on his skin, just like Neil was doing right now.

Based on their expressions, Neil knows they aren’t imagining hugs and kittens.

“Look at me,” Kathy says smiling broadly, “I have all four members of the perfect court on my stage!”

Riko pulls Neil up, even more into his lap. His smile is more real now, and it’s terrifying. Neil and Riko’s bodies are positioned in, towards each other. And Neil realizes  why far too late. From this angle, the cameras, nor the audience or Kathy could see where Riko’s hand was.

Neil grit his teeth. He could feel the hardness in Riko’s pants. And he could already imagine Riko’s voice afterwards.

“You started this Nate, finish it too.”

Neil had to get Kevin and Jean off this fucking stage. The foxes were frozen, the only one’s not were Renee, Matt, and Wymack. All three of them were restraining a struggling Andrew. Hands clamped over his mouth to keep Andrew from shouting out. Legs thrown over his lap to keep him down.

Neil searched for a way to tell Andrew that he had it handled.

“Riko’s a bit of a handful though,” Neil says, keeping himself from reacting when Riko’s cold hand brushes under the waistband of his pants, “But don’t worry I can handle him.”

Neil’s eyes go to Andrew’s. Andrew’s eyes are wide and furious, but Andrew settles into his chair.

Kathy laughs, “I thought you were the handful Neil.”

“He is,” Riko’s nails dig into Neil’s back, and Neil winces, “A big one.”

Kathy catches Neil’s wince.

“Are you doing alright there Neil?” Kathy smiles.

Neil wants to scream, wants to cry, wants to vomit. But he smiles and pats Riko’s thigh.

“I’m a bit sore from yesterday’s game,” Neil says, “And Riko here hasn’t got the comfy muscles that Kevin and Jean do.” Neil laughs, “He’s all bone.”

It was a lie of course. Riko had plenty of muscle. But Riko’s tightened grip under Neil’s shirt said the insult hit.

The foxes laugh though, and so does the audience.

“You’re the last member of the perfect court left at Edgar Allan,” Kathy says to Riko, “Should we be expecting a transfer soon?”

“To a place like Palmetto,” Riko said, “Not a chance.”

“I think the foxes are going to wipe the floor with you this year,” Neil said, “I’d watch what teams you say aren’t worth your time.”

“I heard that challenge earlier Nate,” Riko responded,” Surely you don’t mean that.”

Neil recognizes the words for what they are, a threat. And decides to ditch the last of his self preservation at the curb.

“How could I not?!” Neil smiles. “I have Jean and Kevin with me. And let’s be honest, Kevin was the one who got around me in drills.”

The crowd oooooh’s as Neil speaks. And Riko’s grip turns bruising. 

But Neil continues to speak despite Riko’s warning grip, “And Jean is the best backliner I’ve ever met.”

“Taking yourself out of that equation?” Kathy asked.

Neil braced for pain, “I don’t hold a candle to Kevin and Jean, but I am good enough to beat Riko,” Neil said.

Riko takes hold of Neil’s wrist in a bruising grip. Neil is afraid it will break. 

“To be honest,” Neil says speaking again, “I think Kevin and Jean were being held back at Edgar Allan. Under Riko’s captaincy, they really didn’t have time to grow. And it’s true that Kevin is completely starting over. And Jean has to work with an entirely new backline. But let’s be real. Kevin has full capability to learn how to play with his right hand. Edgar Allan missed that potential and that’s their loss. And Jean is working with backliners who have the potential to be the best on a national level. Have you seen our goalkeeper’s stats. Andrew plays better than the Raven’s goalie, and our goalie has to play on court ordered medication with some seriously bad side effects. Not to mention that once Seth pulls it together, he can be a serious threat on the front line as well. That goes for all the foxes. We may be a small team, but we put up one hell of a fight. Once we pull together, the world better watch out.”

Neil’s hand has gone numb from the way that Riko is holding it.

Kathy’s grin is huge. 

“Anything to say to that Riko?” Kathy asks. 

Riko finally releases Neil’s wrist.

“I guess we'll just have to see on the court, won’t we?”

The tone is dangerous. And Neil barely hears Kathy cutting to a commercial break. Neil sends Jean and Kevin a look that says ‘run’. And the two are scrambling while Neil still sits in Riko’s lap. Neil gives it ten seconds. Then he books it as well. The foxes were already gone. Out of their seats and hopefully back on the bus. And by the time Neil unclips his microphone and gets off the stage, Riko is behind him, and the backstage is empty.

The wall collides hard with Neil’s face, and Neil chokes on a groan, his wrist throbs and his skin crawls as he lays on the ground, writhing in pain. 

The kick to his ribs comes next, and Neil wheezes.

Riko picks Neil up by the collar and throws open a door.

Neil kicks when Riko gets close and dives for the door. Riko tackles Neil to the ground. Holding Neil down as he struggles.

“You haven’t been behaving,” Riko says, pulling Neil’s hair. Neil panics when a needle is pressed to his arm. 

“Stop it,” Neil says. And Riko slams his head into the ground and presses the plunger down.

But Neil was done. He was a fox. And he would go down swinging or he wouldn’t go down at all. 

Neil slams his elbow back into Riko’s face and books it out the door. He stumbles a bit, the drugs Riko put into his system making him woozy already. He fell to his knees. He would fucking crawl if he had to.

“Now now Nate- “

“Riko!” Neil heard Andrew’s shout. Andrew walked towards Riko and Neil, a huge smile plastered on his face.

Riko halted in his motions and then glowered at Andrew. “Leave.”

Andrew presses a finger to his chin, humming. Then he shrugs, “Nah, I don’t feel like it. Actually. I don’t think Neil feels up to whatever you want him to do either, so both of us will be leaving.”

Neil tries to stand, he really does. But a kick sends him sprawling. There’s a slam and Riko is suddenly pinned against the wall. Andrew has a knife to his neck.

“I said,” Andrew says dangerously, “Neil and I will be leaving.”

Andrew drops Riko, and then turns to Neil, “Yes or no?”

Neil is still caught off guard by the question, “Yes.”

Neil winces as Andrew picks him up off the ground.

Neil’s head is foggy.

“Andrew,” Neil breathes,” He drugged me.”

Andrew’s grip clenches slightly. But he doesn’t respond. Neil stumbles along, and Andrew walks perfectly. 

When they finally make it back to the bus Neil collapses on the floor at the front.

“Jesus Christ!” Dan says, “Andrew what the hell- “

“Riko drugged him,” Andrew responds.

“Jesus,” Matt breathes, “We should get him to the hospital in case he- “

“No, no, no,” Neil giggles. The drugs Riko gave him this time had such a different effect than the cracker dust had.” Riko only gives me enough to make me pliant. He doesn’t want to fuck a dead person. But I fight too much otherwise. Like I told Kevin. I bite.” 

The foxes are silent, then. “Jesus this is so fucked,” Seth’s voice is loud.

“Andrew,” Neil says, “I need to see Kevin and Jean.”

“You can barely stand,” Andrew responds.

And it’s true. Neil feels like a puddle melting into the floor.

“Doesn’t matter,” Neil’s speech began slurring, “Help me get back there ya fuckin’ asshole.”

Someone chokes. 

“I’m tempted to leave you right here,” Andrew said. 

“Fine!” Neil said throwing his hands up, “When ya don’ get ta kill me ‘cause I already died. That’s on ya.”

“I hate you,” Andrew says.

“Say it all ya want,” Neil slurs,” I hated me first.”

Andrew dumps Neil down unceremoniously in front of Kevin and Jean. And Neil goes through his checks.

“What is he- “

“He’s checking for injuries,” Nicky chokes out, “He did it in Columbia too. Neil, hun, your wrist.”

Neil pauses and looks at his blackening and blue wrist for a moment, before logging it as unimportant. 

“It’s fine,” Neil waves his uninjured hand.

“Neil,” Abby says staring, “You need to take care of that.”

“I don’ wanna be touched.” Neil slurs.

“That’s fine but at least take care of your injuries yourself then.” Abby responds. She obviously didn’t like Neil refusing her help, but she was willing to compromise. 

Neil sighed, finishing his check of Kevin and Jean. “Fine.” Neil said. 

Neil stumbled to his feet and shucked off his jacket, before throwing off his shirt.

The foxes had seen him shirtless before, but never this close. And they hadn’t been able to look for long. The scratches on Neil’s back from during the show were bright red and angry looking. And the bruise on his hip was dark and ugly. 

The silence that settled over the bus was almost sobering. But only enough that Neil could see the look on every fox’s face was regret.

“Stop it,” Andrew stood in front of Neil. The drugged smile slowly leaves his face. He was due for his next dose. “You’re not going to be happy you did and said this shit when you’re sober.”

“Abby told me to take care- “

“You can do it at the tower,” Andrew says, “Go sit down.”

“I need to talk to you,” Neil says.

“Then sit in my seat,” Andrew responds, “Either way, put your shirt on and sit down.”

Neil considers the options for a moment, before shrugging on his shirt and stumbling to Andrew’s seat. 

“All of you keep your mouths shut,” Andrew says warningly. 

Andrew slides into the seat next to Neil and sits down.

“I need a smartphone,” Neil says. Andrew hums and gestures to Nicky. Nicky hands over his phone.

Without missing a beat, Neil logs onto the Edgar Allan school site, happy to see his login still worked.

Neil scrolled down to the team roster. “We can expect a response tonight,” Neil slurs, “I’m gonna assume you’ll still go to Columbia. Neil opens up the team roster, and then scrolls down to the up and comers. “Riko might show himself. And the main team is an obvious choice for people he gets to do his bidding. But ultimately these guys are also threats. If you see them, you need to go someplace safe.”

Neil hands the phone over to Andrew, and Andrew stares at him for a moment before glancing at the phone. Neil points at a particular picture, “Carey is a dick. He uses drugs as well,” Neil states, “Watch your drinks, he’s short and hard to notice, but he’s quick and did some magician’s camp crap. Sleight of hand bullshit. You won’t notice he was there. If you’re unsure, dump the drink.”

Neil continues to give Andrew pointers, and at some point Abby comes back to watch Andrew take his drugs. But even after the drugs are taken, Andrew focuses on what Neil is saying. 

“Are you coming with us?” Andrew asks.

Neil shakes his head, “Then he’ll definitely go after you. I’m going to stay away from Jean and Kevin tonight. I’m trusting you to keep them safe for me. Promise me you’ll be alert.”

Andrew’s eye’s meet Neil’s. And despite the drugs, Neil sees sharp clarity underneath. 

“I promise.”

Neil awoke laying on someone’s shoulder,and he panicked. His fist shot out, catching whoever it was in the stomach. There was a stumble of movement and then Neil was hunched over and wheezing. 

This was a fight he was in a fight-

“Fucking Christ! Why the fuck are you fighting!?” Wymack’s voice cut through Neil’s panic. And Neil finally looked over to see Andrew wheezing just as much as himself.

“Neil woke up and punched Andrew,” Nicky said, he was looking at Neil like Neil had just signed his own death warrant.

“Sorry,” Neil wheezes,” I don’t normally fall asleep with someone next to me.”

Neil coughs and sputters a few times. Andrew was next to him, trying to regain his composure. Apparently both of them struck out with killing intent when they woke in a panic.

“I fucking hate you,” Andrew spoke through gasping breaths.

“Can’t hate me more than I hate myself,” Neil groans.

The foxes stare in amusement as Neil and Andrew try and get their bearings.

A few of them look like they want to comment, but Andrew glares and they all decide against it.

“Sorry,” Neil responds again,” I shouldn’t have fallen asleep without moving.”

“You passed out while explaining the Raven threats,” Andrew responded,” I went through the rest of them on my own though.”

Neil nods.

“I want to take my turn,” Andrew says,” My extra one.”

Neil nods, signalling Andrew to go on, “Did all of the ravens on there rape you?”

Neil chuckles dryly, “Are we calling it rape now?”

“You didn’t want it.”

“Whores don’t get raped,” Neil says simply.

“Good thing you aren’t a whore.” Andrew responds. “If you didn’t want it, and they didn’t ask or care about your consent, then it’s rape.”

Neil shrugs helplessly,” By that logic, every Raven that’s gone to Edgar Allan since I was six, and who isn’t named Thea, Jean, or Kevin, has raped me at least once.”

“So you won’t mind if I stick a knife in any of their necks?” Andrew asks.

Neil grins, “I’ll only mind if you don’t show me a video.”

Neil intends to go to bed and sleep a bit before he has to get up and spend the night watching the door. Neil didn’t trust campus police as far as he could throw them. However the foxes catch Neil before he can crawl into bed.

Andrew’s group wandered off to get ready for Columbia and so Neil was left to stare at Dan.

“Can we talk?” Dan asked. She fidgeted nervously.

Neil stares at the room, the rest of the upperclassmen were all staring at him. And Renee gestured to the empty seat beside her. Neil sighed and sat down. At some point he was going to have to listen and talk with them. And honestly, Neil was feeling the smallest bit of relief.

Matt was hanging over the upperclassmen and giving them all a disappointed look. Neil knew from overhearing their conversations, that Matt had wanted to start with just talking to Neil.

Nobody spoke for a while and then finally Renee spoke up, “We wanted to apologise. We were wrong and misjudged you. And I think even without meaning to we treated you quite awful. We’re sorry.”

Neil shrugged, “Okay,” Neil said,” It’s fine.”

All the heads in the room snapped up to look at him. And Neil is surprised that he didn’t hear their necks actually snap.

“Dude,” Matt said staring around the room, as if unsure how to proceed, “Not that I’m not happy that you’re forgiving us and everything, but isn’t that a bit fast.”

Neil shrugged, “You guys were protecting Kevin and Jean. I can relate.”

The upperclassmen stare at Neil, all of their faces questioning. 

“I’ve protected them since the day I knew them,” Neil responds,” I’ve stood in the way of Riko for them. I got them out of the nest. I even stole the Master’s car to get Kevin out. I’ve done some shit to keep them safe. At the end of the day, they are all that matters.”

There is a moment of silence.

“What about you?” Renee asks quietly.

Neil’s brows furrow, “I don’t matter.”

The upperclassmen’s brains seem to stall out. 

“Neil that’s not- “

“Jesus- “

“You matter too,” Allison is the first who manages the words with such conviction, “And we’ll be owing you for a long time for all the shit we pulled at the start of this year.”

“Really it’s fine- “

Allison holds up a hand to cut Neil off, “Say it again and I’ll hit you. You matter. What we did was wrong. And if you sit here and tell me it’s fine again and your reasoning is that you don’t matter, instead of we actually redeemed ourselves; I’ll steal one of Andrew’s knives and stab you myself.”

“Bold of you to assume I am scared to die,” Neil responds shrugging.

Allison shakes her head, choosing to not respond. 

The cousins start heading out for Columbia around two hours later. Neil was still awake, and had heard them leave their dorm. The upperclassmen had left a bit ago, minus Seth and Allison, to grab supplies for a movie night.

Neil heads out the door and over to Andrew’s group.

“Take one car,” Neil says, “They know Jean’s car too well. Stick to populated places, but keep them out of crowds. I’d keep Aaron and Nicky off the dance floor tonight. Riko has used all methods of administering drugs. Park your car in well lit areas, and check for tampering before you drive it.”

Neil counts off all of the possibilities in his head, and suddenly he hears.

“Yes or no?”

Neil pauses in his analysis, “Yes.”

Andrew’s hand settles on the back of Neil’s neck, already Andrew was coming down from his high. “I promised, didn't I?” 

Neil nods.

A noise from behind them startles Neil. The upperclassmen were back, but that’s not what Neil’s mind focused on. Neil watched as Seth and Allison, dressed to go out, left their dorms.

“Shit,” Neil mutters under his breath.

“You’re going out?” Nicky calls to Allison, his voice is tense.

Allison shrugs, “I see no reason to stay inside and show Riko we are afraid of him.”

Neil tenses. They should be afraid. “You should be afraid,” Neil says before anyone else can say anything, “Don’t go out.”

Allison shrugs, “We’ll be fine. There will be too many people out for Riko to do anything.”

Neil’s mind raced. If Neil wasn’t able to be gotten to then Riko would go after any teammate of Neil’s he could. And neither Allison nor Seth were any match for any of the Ravens Riko could send. He didn’t trust either of them to be vigilant or memorize who they should be looking out for. Neil’s stomach dropped.

“We should stay in,” Renee said,” It’s not safe.”

If Renee’s words didn’t get through, nothing would. 

Neil bit his lip as Seth shook his head. “We are going out.”

Neil steeled himself, “Fine then I am going too.”

Heads snapped in his direction, and Kevin grabbed Neil’s arm.

“Neil no,” Kevin’s eyes were full of panic, and Neil ignored him. He snatched his arm away.

“Consider a night out on the town as repayment for being a dick to me,” Neil said.

Allison stared for a moment before nodding in assent. “Alright,'' she said. “But you need to change.”

Neil nodded in understanding, and tried to ignore the pit in his stomach.

Renee power walked over to him, and Neil didn’t bother to look at Andrew. And Neil didn’t give Renee a chance to speak.

“I know your history,” Neil said,” And Riko knows it too. I need you to stay here, protect them here. And Andrew has Kevin and Jean. I’ll take care of Allison and Seth. I’ll make sure they get home safe.”

“Neil!”

“No Kevin,” Neil says,” I was the one who pissed him off, and no one here deserves to deal with the consequences of my actions.”

Kevin stares at Neil, both of them knew that this night was going to go wrong. Both of them knew it.

“Jean give me your phone,” Kevin chokes out.

Jean hands it over without question.

“You call us,” Kevin says,” If something happens. I swear to god- “

“I swear I will,” Neil says, “Or I will try to.”

No more words are spoken, but Andrew gives Neil one last look before he follows his group out the door.

After changing, Neil meets Allison and Seth downstairs. The two are making out when he arrives and Allison gives him an appraising look.

“You clean up nice,” Allison says with a wink.

Neil rolls his eyes. 

“Are we taking your car?” Neil asks.

Allison shakes her head,” No we don’t drive drunk, so we take a bus down and a cab back.”

Neil nods and follows Allison and Seth to the bus stop.

The busride isn’t long, but it’s stressful. Neil watches every person that boards the bus, looking and waiting for one to end up being a familiar face. None were, but Neil still felt exhausted by the time the bus pulled up to the bar.

The bar was loud and obnoxious, it was so different from Eden’s Twilight that it was absurd. Neil figured that’s because it was a sports bar.

They found a table easy enough, and Allison went off to get drinks. 

Neil looked around whilst still keeping one eye on Allison. The crowd was taller than Neil, and it was setting his frayed nerves even more on edge.

“Did you mean it?” Seth asked suddenly, pulling Neil from his thoughts.

Seth wasn’t looking at Neil, but instead he was looking at the table.

“Mean what?” Neil asked confused.

“On Kathy’s show,” Seth gestured, “You said I could be a force to be reckoned with if I got my shit together.”

Neil stared incredulously, “Of course I did. You wouldn’t play college sports on a full ride if you didn’t have potential.”

“I play on the fox version of college sports,” Seth scoffed.

Neil let his eyes gaze back at Seth, “And?”

“And the only reason we are recruited is because we have pasts.” Seth points out. “It has nothing to do with our game.”

Neil stares at Seth, “Of course it does. How many Exy players do you think there are in all of the United States? I bet plenty of them meet the standards of having a troubled home life or a drug addiction in their past. Wymack recruited you because he saw your potential to be better than that. The only one who stops you from being great now is you.”

“It’s my last year,” Seth says,” I don’t think I have much of a chance now.”

Neil rolls his eyes,” When you’re ready to stop moping and start trying, I’ll be willing to train you myself.”

Seth looks up at Neil, his eyes widened, “Seriously?”

Neil shrugs, “Just stop being so much of a dick.”

Allison finally gets back to the table with drinks. And Neil relaxes a bit when she shows up.

The night goes on and the sky grows darker. Allison and Seth are dancing together. And Seth wanders off after giving Allison a kiss on the cheek.

Neil watches as Seth stumbles to the bathroom. Allison heads back over to the table. Five minutes pass, and Neil’s eyes catch someone in the crowd. 

“Carey,” Neil mumbles under his breath. It felt like the air got punched from his lungs. “Allison go stand by the bouncers, do not drink anything else.”

Allison stops talking and stares at Neil wide eyed, but Neil is already heading towards the bathroom. 

Carey stands with Kaiser. The two were still in highschool, not set to be signed until the next year. But both of them were strong. Carey was short and built, and Kaiser was tall and buff. Seth stood talking to them. But when they see Neil, everything freezes.

Kaiser had been trying to give Seth a bag of drugs, no doubt the pills were far over the overdose limit. 

“Seth we need to go,” Neil says. Then he sees it, a glint of silver. And Neil is lunging at Carey. Carey swings and misses. But Kaiser tackles Neil to the ground and Neil watches as Seth get’s stabbed with the knife.

“Fuck,” Kaiser yells, “We need to go.”

Neither of them had planned on getting their hands so dirty. The two sprint from the bathroom in a panic. And Neil presses his hand to Seth’s stomach trying to staunch the blood flow.

“Can you tell Allison- “

“No,” Neil says, pulling out his phone and ignoring the trembling of his fingers, “You’re going to tell her yourself. Shut up.”

Seth groans, his head falling back onto the ground. 

A 911 operator answers, and Neil speaks as fast as he can. He ignores the racing of his heart and continues to apply pressure. 

Seth babbles the entire time, and Neil is thankful the man is at least keeping himself awake.

When the paramedics eventually come rushing in, Allison is on their heels.

“He’s going to be fine,” Neil says before Allison can ask.

Allison’s eyes are full of tears, “You were right, we should have just stayed- “

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Neil responds. “They’ll allow one person in the ambulance with him. Go.”

Allison looks between Neil and the paramedics, and Neil gestures again. “Go. I’ll find some other way back.”

Finally it seems that Seth’s pale face won out, because Allison followed the paramedics to the ambulance.

No cops showed up, and that made Neil feel uneasy. The whole situation was wrong, and it made him hesitant to call any of the foxes to come pick him up. So Neil washed the blood off his hands and moved quickly out the doors to find a cab. He saw one parked at the end of the street, and so he made a run for it.

Then something hit the back of his head. And everything went dark.

Neil awoke on a pile of leaves next to a creekbed. His headache and he groaned. His eyes fell on a familiar figure and Neil froze. Neil scrambled up and back, but legs stopped him from moving further.

“Nate,” Riko said smiling, “How impolite. I brought you all the way here so that you could scream as loud as you wanted, and you back away from me?”

Neil trembled, and Riko struck out, punching Neil across the jaw so hard Neil flew sideways.

Neil landed at the muddy edge of the creek and Riko pressed Neil’s face into the water, holding Neil down.

Neil kicked and struggled. He held his breath for as long as he could but soon he was sucking in water. Riko finally yanked Neil back out of the water. 

“I’m willing to offer you a place back with the Ravens,” Riko said,” All of it will stop, Jean and Kevin will be safe.”

Neil breathed. And for a moment he almost said yes but- 

Yes or No?

“Shove your offer up your ass,” Neil spits, “I’m a fox.”

Riko shoved Neil into a tree. Neil’s back collided hard and he fell.

Reacher, Carey, and Kaiser all stared at Neil with malicious grins. And Riko undid his belt.

“This’ll be fun,” Riko said smiling.

It lasted hours. Maybe even days. Neil stopped feeling it after some time. But he felt it when it was done. He passed out as Riko and the other three crawled back up the incline to the road.

“You’ll take my offer eventually,” Riko said. Neil couldn’t respond, his body was already giving way to unconsciousness.

When Neil awoke, he could barely move. He felt his pants around his knees, and using one hand he managed to pull them up and reach into his pocket.

He turned on Jean’s phone, and his heart clenched at all the notifications. It was 4 am in the morning, and the texts were still coming up till about an hour before then.

Neil played through the messages.

Dan

“Neil I know we were shitty to you, but God we are so worried. Allison called us from the hospital. She said you should have been back by now. Neil please call us back.”

Matt

“Neil dude, if you get this call us. Renee said you have Jean’s phone. I’m hoping you just dropped it or something.”

Renee

“Neil, we really need you to call us. It’s been 2 hours, we are really worried. You matter to us.”

Allison

“Neil we can’t find you anywhere, we were out looking but Coach told us to call it a night. Neil you can’t just save Seth and then fucking disappear without letting me hug you.”

Seth

“Neil you gotta pick up man, the doctors wouldn’t let me leave to help look for you, man you have to pick up.”

Nicky

“Neil, we are all really scared. Just tell us where you are?”

Aaron

“Neil, Nicky is crying. Just pick up the damn phone.”

Kevin

“Neil Andrew is driving us back from Columbia. Neil pick up please.”

Neil’s heart clenched and he ached everywhere.

There was a single message from Andrew.

Call me.

Neil knew he needed help. He was hurt. He could barely move. His shoulder was dislocated.

Neil texted Andrew.

Go somewhere private.

Moments later the phone began to ring. Neil answered it.

“Where are you,” Andrew’s voice is calm, and it’s exactly what Neil needs at that moment.

Neil lets out a dry laugh, “I don’t know.”

Andrew is silent for a moment, “Share your location,” Andrew finally says.

Neil manages with minor difficulty. And Andrew goes to hang up.

“Wait!” Neil shouts. The sound echos, “I need you to bring some stuff.”

Neil lists the items he needs.

Soap

Pain Meds

Shampoo

A change of clothes

Bandages

Toothbrush

Toothpaste

Water

When he finishes, the line is silent.

For a moment Neil wonders if Andrew hung up, but then Andrew speaks. “Anything else?”

Neil is silent and then he laughs, it’s horrible and broken sounding, “What else would you bring for someone who’s just been fucked against their will.”

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes,” Andrew says.

Neil hangs up, exhausted and tired. His body and mind are in tatters. But his heart is full when he thinks of how Andrew was coming. The guy didn’t have to. And Neil doubted any of this was going to be glamorous. 

Instead he tried to focus on the list of things he needed to do. He ran them over in his head until he heard a car pull up. A door shut and steps could be heard coming down the slope.

“Neil!” Andrew called out looking for Neil.

“Here,” Neil croaks out.

Neil prepares for the disgust, for the pity. But Andrew’s face is blank. And Neill almost breathes a sigh of relief.

Andrew carries a black duffle slung over his shoulder. And he kneels down in front of Neil.

“What’s your routine?” Andrew asks. And Neil’s mind halts. There is something to that statement, but Neil couldn’t think about it at the moment.

“I need to relocate my shoulder,” Neil says, “And check for any other breaks, sprains, or dislocations. Do you know how to relocate a shoulder?” Neil asks.

Andrew stares at Neil for a moment, he doesn’t tell Neil to wait till he sees Abby. He just moves to the side of Neil where Neil’s arm is hanging limply.

“Yes or no,” Andrew asks.

“Yes,” Neil chokes out.

Andrew maneuvers Neil into a more stable position, he takes hold of Neil’s dislocated arm. He counts.

Neil bites back a scream as his shoulder is relocated. His body slouches but Andrew catches him before he hits the ground.

Neil breathes heavily. “I need to vomit. They made me… I need to… “

Andrew doesn’t need to hear. He’s already let go of Neil and asked- 

“Yes or no? I’m going to help you over to the bushes.”

Neil nods.

“I need a verbal answer.”

“Yes.”

Andrew nods, slinging Neil’s arm that wasn’t injured over his shoulder, and placing his arm around Neil’s waist. 

Andrew practically carries Neil over to the bushes, and he doesn’t react as Neil forces himself to vomit. Soon Neil doesn’t need to force himself anymore and he’s simply puking because the sight of the white fluid coming out of him, and the smell, and the taste… are all enough on their own.

Andrew holds Neil’s hair back, and keeps a hand under Neil’s chest so that the red head doesn’t fall into his own vomit.

Neil’s body trembles with over exertion, and he forces out a hoarse. “I need to brush my teeth.”

Andrew nods, and repeats the process of ‘yes or no?’ and dragging Neil to a new spot near the water’s edge.

Neil brushes his teeth. Three times. Rinsing his mouth with the water that Andrew had brought.

Neil shudders when even three times brushing and the strongest flavour of mint didn’t erase the taste.

“I can still- “

Andrew is already holding out a hand with a stick of mint gum in it. Neil almost sobs in relief. But Neil doesn’t cry.

Neil breathes for a moment, allowing the strong taste of peppermint to invade his senses.

“I need to- “ Neil pauses, “I need them off of me.”

He didn’t know how he was going to bathe, the creek was the obvious choice. But Neil could hardly move.

“Strip down to your boxers and I’ll help you with your upper body,” Andrew says,” I’ll turn and you can lean on me to do your lower body. If you can’t do that, then you can wait till we are back.”

Neil struggles internally. Mulling it over. But ultimately-

Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil’s voice is shaky. And Andrew nods. Andrew pulls out a set of new clothes and sets them on a rock nearby. He pulls out a hoodie and places it down too, alongside a towel.

Andrew helps Neil remove his shirt, and Neil removes his own jeans while leaning on Andrew. Andrew rolls up his pants before they go into the water, but ultimately it was pointless when he has to kneel down and help Neil wash his hair anyways.

Andrew complies when Neil tells him to wash each area three times. Andrew doesn’t even blink. And as promised he turns and gives Neil his back as support as Neil goes through washing each part of his lower body three times.

Neil finally finishes, and he tugs at Andrew’s shirt, unable to find his voice. 

“You won’t look right?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

Andrew keeps his eyes pointed at the sky as he drags Neil back out of the water. His hands never even slip despite Neil’s skin being wet.

He keeps his eyes up as Neil tugs on the soft sweatpants. And at Neil’s request he turns to help Neil tighten the drawstring. He helps Neil into a button up shirt, and a zip up hoodie.

“Your other clothes?”

“Burn them.”

Andrew nods and lights them on fire without a second thought. They watched until the clothes burned up, and Andrew stamped them out. 

Andrew drags Neil to the steep incline back to the road after grabbing the bag. 

“I can’t- “

Yet again Andrew knows.

“I’m going to put one arm under your knees, and one arm behind your upper back. I’ll carry you up. I can give you a knife- “

“Don’t give me anything sharp.”

Andrew just nods, “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

Andrew hoists Neil into his arms and carries him to the car. A soft blanket and a package of dried fruit are in the seat as Neil climbs in.

When Andrew finally gets into the driver’s seat, Neil speaks.

“I want to take my turn.”

Andrew turns expectant.

“You understand… Don’t you?”

Andrew’s jaw clenches. And Neil can see the withdrawal Andrew was fighting through to be there. 

“Foster care,” Andrew answers. “I understand.”

The strongest flavour of toothpaste.

The breath mints.

The blanket.

The button up so Neil didn’t have to lift his arms.

The yes or no?

The knowing.

It wasn’t Andrew being a decent human being. It was perfect understanding.

"He offered me a place back at Edgar Allan," Neil said, the silence of the car had grown to be overwhelming after five minutes." Said he'd stop going after Jean and Kevin."

Andrew flicked a glance in Neil's direction. There was a shaking to Andrew's hands, and Neil was reminded yet again that Andrew was staving of withdrawal to be there.

"You didn't take it." Andrew said, though it was more of a statement than a question.

Neil laughed, it was humorless,"I told him to shove it up his ass… I think he got the directions wrong."

They fell into silence, and Neil’s mind wandered to the understanding Andrew had shown.

"The deal I got out on," Neil says, "It's with Ichirou Moriyama. If the foxes win Championships, I will be allowed to live my life only having to donate 80% of my Professional Exy salary to the main family."

"What about Jean and Kevin?" Andrew asks.

"They'll be free no matter what come the end of the year." Neil says," Even if we lose Championships or don't make it."

"Why not tell them?"

"Because then I'd have to tell them what happens if we fail," Neil isn't looking at Andrew, instead his gaze is out the window. His head rests on the cool glass as his fingers shake. "If we fail I have choices." 

Andrew doesn't speak, so Neil continues.

"Go back to the nest, go back to my father, or Ichirou uses me to get a Trafficking ring to back down quietly." 

"Uses you?" 

"He gives me as an offering," Neil clarifies.

Neil swallows.

Andrew is silent.

"If we fail, I'll be taking my own life. I won't go back to the nest… I refuse. My father would be killing me anyways. And I've seen plenty to know I won't enjoy being a sex slave either. I'm either living free, or dying free. I refuse to go back."

"And yet you'll allow yourself to be raped, beaten, and tortured so that Jean and Kevin are safe." Andrew says.

Neil is silent for a moment," I can put up with it for one more year. At the end of this year I'll either have protection or I'll be dead. And Jean and Kevin will be protected too. I just have to survive this year."

There is a moment of silence again, and then Andrew moves. He clip a key off his keyring and tosses it to Neil.

"What is this?"

"A key to the house in Columbia," Andrew responded," As of now you're under my protection."

Neil’s eyes go wide," No." Neil says," No I'm not."

"You don't decide who I protect," Andrew says.

"I do if it's a deal," Neil responds.

"Good thing it's not a deal then," Andrew responds.

"You don't work without deals," Neil said," This isn't how you do things."

"Would you take a deal if I offered it?" Andrew asked.

"No." Neil responds.

Nobody should be trying to protect Neil. Nobody should care. Neil was dirty, used, disgusting, broken. He wasn't worth the trouble of someone standing in front of a bullet for him.

"That's why I didn't offer you one," Andrew points out," You already painstakingly do the one thing I need you to without one anyways. You keep Jean and Kevin here, and you don't plan on leaving or on giving up on them. But it's in my best interest to keep you alive."

"You don't understand," Neil says shaking his head," Riko is only a small part of how dangerous I am to be around. If you promise to protect me you're either going to fail or you're going to die. Don't do this, I'm not- "

Neil cuts himself off. They were sitting at a red light. The streets were completely empty. And a red glow had passed over Andrew’s features. None of that was why Neil stopped though. Andrew had turned to look at him, with a face of resolve and understanding. Andrew's eyes said everything without his mouth ever needing to.

It made Neil’s words catch in his throat.

"I refuse to back down from standing in the line of fire if it means protecting Jean and Kevin," Neil says," I refuse to hide. I refuse to keep my mouth shut and obey. If you protect me, you're going to have to stand in that with me. I'm not an easy person to protect and I refuse to make myself one."

"I'm counting on it," Andrew responds. The light turns green and Andrew drives.

Neil’s body feels no better when they finally get back to the tower. All the aches and pains were sharper now. And Neil knew standing wasn't an option for at least another day.

Andrew seemed to know it to though, because he was at Neil’s side of the car as soon as he left his. He waited while Neil wrapped the blanket more around himself, and after a quiet 'yes' Andrew was carrying him again.

Neil was amazed at the way that Andrew could hold him. Even at three inches shorter than Neil, Andrew could move efficiently and effectively with Neil’s lanky frame and weight in his arms. The way the blanket was wrapped, only Neil’s bare feet and hair poked out. Andrew’s chest was a warm comfort against Neil’s panic as they ascended the stairs. 

"Relax," Andrew said, "Everyone is in your dorm, I'm taking you back to mine. You can fall asleep and talk to them all come morning."

Neil relaxes, he's practically already drifting off when Andrew places him on the soft bed.

Neil awoke to voices in the kitchen. He blinks blearily and goes to sit up, only to let out a sharp cry of pain.

"Neil!" Nicky says, the smile on Nicky's face is small and obviously forced. But still the relief settled there is real, "I'm so glad you're awake. The team went to see Seth at the hospital. Andrew made Kevin and Jean go, they were being a bit overbearing and trying to wake you up all night, so I think Andrew got irritated and punished them with seeing Seth. And also Allison says she wants to hug you, and we were all really really worried- "

"Nicky I need pain meds," Neil groans out midway through Nicky's tirade. 

Nicky stands up quickly," Oh shit, yeah… okay let me go get them!"

Nicky flies out the door, and Neil flops his head onto the pillow behind him. Neil closes his eyes, trying to will away the pain he felt everywhere. But closing his eyes only made him feel hands too.

He trembled, wanting them off. Wanting them all-

"Neil?" Nicky's soft voice cut through the fog. "Is it okay if I help you sit up."

Neil trembles.

"It will be easier to take the medicine and drink something if you're sitting up," Nicky says," If not I'm sure we can figure out a different way."

"It's okay," Neil said shakily," Help me up."

Nicky carefully places one hand on  Neil's shoulder and one on Neil’s back. But Nicky's hand on his back is too low.

"Too low," Neil says, and Nicky freezes," Your hand is too low."

Nicky moves his hand and Neil relaxes some. Finally they get Neil sitting up and Nicky hands Neil pain meds and water. Neil swallows the pain meds and then chugs the water.

They sit in silence for a while. Nicky eventually finds a textbook to read, and Neil counts internally, trying to keep the memories of the night prior at bay. 

Neil hadn't really talked to Nicky much since arriving at Palmetto. At first Neil had been turned off by the guy's massive boundary issues. But at the moment he just wanted someone to talk to him, and keep him from thinking.

"Can you talk to me?" Neil asks. He curses himself for how pitiful he sounds.

Nicky fumbles when closing his textbook," Yeah… uh… sure… what about?"

"Anything."

Nicky is silent for a moment and then Nicky begins to speak. Nicky talks about Aaron and Andrew, and he talks about Germany. Nicky talks about his fiance Eric. 

At the beginning of the conversation Nicky is tense, but eventually Nicky is relaxed and prattling on about nothing in particular. Like he was just happy someone actually wanted to listen to him for once.

Neil wondered if that's why the guy tried to interject into conversation so much.

During one story about Eric, the door to the dorm slammed open and Kevin stalked into the room.

Jean was close on his heels, but he looked much less angry then Kevin did.

Nicky trailed off midway through his story and looked between Neil and Kevin.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Kevin says angrily.

His anger made Neil’s own flare up. "I actually wasn't able to think much with Riko's dick shoved down my throat, but I'm glad you think so highly of my mental capabilities."

Nicky's mouth dropped slightly ajar. And Neil isn't sure if it's because he hadn't figured out what happened, or because of the bluntness of Neil’s statement.

"I mean at the bar!" Kevin snapped. "You should have called someone to come pick you up! Why didn't you?!"

"I wasn't sure how many Ravens were out hunting us and I wanted to make sure no one got hurt!" Neil shouted back, Neil could see the other foxes congregating in the doorway.  "I thought I could catch a can back! I got hit on the head as I was running to the cab and I got taken to some God awful place near a creek! I didn't ask for this Kevin!"

"That's not what I'm saying!" Kevin shouts, "I don't know how to get you to understand that people give a shit about you. You did this at Evermore too! You pulled this shit where you'd step in and protect us! And every time Riko dragged you off neither Jean nor I would know if you were coming back!"

Neil stares.

And Kevin storms out.

"We were worried," Jean says quietly," You weren't picking up the phone. And the location on it was turned off."

Neil was silent. Because having Kevin mad at him hurt. It hurt worse than anything Riko did to him.

Seth was released from the hospital Monday morning. And Neil didn't have any classes that day so he was at the dorm, alongside Matt, when Seth arrived. 

Matt was in the middle of cooking himself a bowl of Ramen when the door slammed open.

"HEAVEN DIDN'T WANT ME AND HELL COULDN’T KEEP ME!!! I’M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!!!" Seth shouted loudly. And Neil was suddenly glad most of the dorm building's occupants were in class.

"You sure it's not just that Hell didn't want you either?" Matt said, but there is a smile on his face. "It's good to have you back Seth."

Seth smiled, and then his gaze landed on Neil and his smile dropped.

Neil knew why. Despite being an entire day since the attack, the bruises mottled his face into a picture of greens and blues, there were bite marks still prominent around his neck, along with hickeys and even more scratches.  Neil wore clothes that covered the rest of the damage. But there was enough able to be seen that Seth would have no trouble knowing what happened.

Seth looked pained. "I should have listened when you told us to stay in that night," Seth says,"This shouldn't have happened."

Neil shrugs. "There's no point in regretting it,"Neil says. Even though he himself couldn't seem to stop beating himself up over the night. 

It didn't help that Kevin was doing his damndest to avoid Neil entirely. 

"Not regretting putting you into that position is harder than you think it is," Seth says after a moment.

The conversation was too heavy. Too constraining. It felt wrong to have someone care like that. Neil felt the word 'undeserving', that was carved across his chest, burn.

"Did the stabbing leak all of the dickishness out of you too?" Neil asked.

Seth flipped him off," Shut up asshole."

They all settled in to watch movies, and Matt made popcorn after finishing his Ramen. The day passed slowly. Neil was fidgety. Wymack had told Neil that he couldn't practice until Neil could walk without a limp. And Neil was not yet able to pull it off. So when Matt eventually got up to practice, Neil was left on the couch alongside Seth. Relegated to the sidelines.

"Are you pouting right now?" Seth asked Neil after Matt left.

"No!" Neil says far too defensive for someone who hadn't been pouting.

Seth laughed, and went back to the movie, and Neil went back to not-pouting.

"Hey man," Seth said after the movie finished. The credits still rolled across the screen," I thought a lot about what you'd said, while I was in the hospital I mean."

Neil glanced at Seth and was genuinely surprised at what he saw.

He'd seen Seth many different ways, the main way was asshole. But he'd also seen him loving, when with Allison. Playful, with Matt. Injured, on the court. 

But Neil had never seen Seth so vulnerable.

Seth had a giant comforter wrapped around him. The guy wore horrible striped pants, and a tank top. Fluffy socks were on Seth's feet that just had to be Allison's. His legs were criss-crossed, and his shoulders were hunched. The normal look of defiance, and 'fuck you' was completely gone. And in exchange was a look of vulnerability and uncertainty.

Seth was older than him by nearly five years, but yet the guy looked as young as 12 sitting next to Neil like that. 

"I imagine they didn't give you much else to do there," Neil says, finally remembering it was his turn to speak," Hospitals kind of suck."

There was a dry chuckle. But then silence. And then Seth spoke again.

"I was so scared I was going to die there on the bathroom floor. It was weird cause I've never really been scared to die, never really saw the point in surviving past college. But I had Allison and she makes me better you know. And something you said must have resonated or something because all I could think was, 'The moment everything clicks is the moment I die, the story of my life'. But then you saved me, and I sat in the hospital trying to think of how to thank you. Then Allison comes running back and saying that you were missing. Man, I don't know what I'm trying to say… I'm not good at this whole thing."

"Are you trying to say that you'll do better? Because if so, don't say it. Do it. There is no point to words unless you back it up with action." Neil responds.

Seth is silent," I feel like I need to make the promise though to someone. I need to make sure that someone other than me holds me accountable."

Neil thinks about it for a moment. "Then let's go make the promise to the entire team," Neil finally says. "If you're truly serious about this. Make a promise to the entire team. And let's do it right now."

Seth stares at Neil for a moment. Before nodding. 

They arrived sweating, they had to run to make it there before the team left, and they made it in record time for two people who were currently benched because of injuries.

Neil tried to use his code on the door. But the code reader said it was incorrect.

"He probably changed it," Seth said,"And didn't give you the code because he figured you'd practice despite his say-so." 

Neil huffed. It sounded like a challenge.

The next place that he tried was the window to Wymack’s office. It had been closed and locked.

Somehow Neil wasn't surprised to find that every window on the side of the building had been bolted. Apparently Wymack had been learning.

Neil came to his last option. Hidden along the back of the building was a fenced in maintenance area that Neil easily got into. A ladder to the roof was blocked at the bottom half by a bolted gate. Neil picked the lock and opened up the gate and began to climb.

"You're joking." Seth deadpans. "Please tell me you're joking."

Neil paused from halfway up the ladder and stared down at Seth.

"One I hate that word, don't use it around me," Neil says," And two I'm completely serious, are you?"

Seth stared at Neil for a moment, before grabbing hold of the ladder and climbing as well.

Once on the top, Neil opened up one of the roof windows. Neil fiddled with the crank operated window until it opened further than it was supposed to. Enough for Neil to fit through, with Seth on his back.

Neil crouched down and waited for Seth to climb on. 

"Dude…" Seth said," You are half my size."

"You always say size doesn't matter," Neil says.

"That is not even remotely relevant to what is happening right now." Seth says, his cheeks turning red. 

"I thought you said you were serious about this," Neil said. 

Seth opened his mouth to speak, but then thought better of it.

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm touching you?" Seth asks," You can fully expect me to be grabbing onto you like a frightened child."

Neil grinned," Now that I cannot wait to see."

Seth grumbles, "You're a dick," while climbing onto Neil’s back. Seth buries his face into Neil’s shoulder and wraps himself like an oversized koala around Neil's torso."

Neil realized as he stood up that he'd misjudged his own strength, but not enough to have Neil concerned. 

"We are going to hop down." Neil warns," Don't scream."

Inside the court the ceiling was full of crisscrossed scaffolding. Neil hopped through the roof and caught one with… major difficulty. Seth meanwhile, kept a death grip on Neil, that was so tight Neil was having trouble breathing. Neil swung from bar to bar, moving towards the stands. He took a momentary break and looked down to the foxes, who were practicing on the court. He wondered which fox would be the first to look up and see them, and he didn't have to wait long.

Andrew and Renee stood side by side, and once Renee saw, she hesitantly patted at Andrew's arm to get his attention. She nodded in the direction of Seth and Neil. And Neil would have awarded himself for the shocked look that briefly passes over Andrew’s features, but he was too busy with not slipping.

Neil made his way from bar to bar. Eventually Neil made it over to the stands, and Neil dropped down.

He landed and promptly face planted onto the ground.

Seth got off, and Neil managed to recover. Andrew, Aaron, Nicky, Renee, and Matt had all noticed Neil on the ceiling. And were all staring at Neil in varying degrees of shock and amusement.

Wymack was also now aware. At some point in Neil's adventure across the ceiling, Wymack had noticed that at least half his team was distracted by something. And he had followed their gazes to Neil.

Wymack’s jaw was hanging ajar, and he only recovered when Neil and Seth finally made it to the court.

"Hey coach," Neil said, waving.

Wymack’s response was angry, "DON'T YOU 'HEY COACH' ME YOU MALFUNCTIONING MENTALLY UNSTABLE LITTLE BASTARD!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?"

At the coach's yelling Dan, Kevin, Jean, and Allison all turned to see Neil and Seth.

"Seth wanted to talk to you guys," Neil said, shrugging,"We couldn't get in." 

"SO YOU DECIDED TO PULL A DOUBLE 'O' FUCKING SEVEN ON THE CEILING!?" Wymack asked again, angrilly.

"I don't know if I should be impressed or terrified," Matt's voice cuts across the court, and the words aren't meant for him but Neil still responds.

"Don't be impressed or terrified, there is no way I am doing that with someone on my back ever again. I seriously misjudged my own strength." Neil responded.

Neil’s legs burned, as did his arms. His shoulder that had been dislocated only days prior screamed in protest.

Wymack goes to yell again. But seems to recognize that the yelling is getting him nowhere fast. Wymack sighs, breathes and covers his face with his hand.

"You are never doing that again, period!" Wymack says with emphasis. Then he sighs, relenting."What was so important that you had to turn my ceiling into a jungle gym? Instead of using a phone like a goddamn normal human being."

Seth takes a step forward," I was going to wait till later, and actually only do this with a few of you. But Neil was right… I guess… If I did this later I would have chickened out. And if I don't do it for all of you it would feel worthless."

Seth quiets for a moment, and Neil gets bored waiting the five seconds it's silent, and so he kicks Seth on the ass.

"Ow! Fuck you you little shit!" Seth said annoyed.

Neil made a gesture to get on with it. And Seth sighed. 

"I want to promise you guys that I'll be better." Seth finally says. It was so silent that a pin could've been heard dropping," I'm going to stop the drugs. I'm going to stop purposefully trying to start fights just to piss people off. I'm going to start trying to build a future in Pro-Exy."

Kevin snorts. But Kevin had moved and Neil was now close enough to kick him on the back to shut him up.

"I'm going to try to be less of a dick too," Seth says.

"That includes calling people faggots and being a dick about their sexual orientation," Neil says. And Seth glances up.

"Yeah that too," Seth says. "I'm going to stop holding myself back. I'm gonna be better. Hold me to it. And honestly I had to cling to Neil as he pulled an entire Indiana Jones Movie off up on the ceiling, just to be here… so I uh… really mean it this time."

The foxes are all smiling, Andrew is purely because of his medication. But Wymack is staring at Neil with an expression of awe. Neil doesn't really understand why. All he had done was get Seth into the stadium, and Wymack had been pretty angry about that a few seconds ago.

The foxes all congratulate Seth. And surprisingly Kevin offers Seth a nod. 

Neil turned to see Andrew’s reaction, but Andrew was leaning against the goal and staring at Neil. There was a calculating look in his gaze, hidden underneath a manic smile.

When Wednesday rolled around, Neil was feeling well enough to go on a light jog again despite the brief setback Monday's climb across the ceiling had had on his body. Aaron caught a ride with Jean and Kevin to the court, and Nicky drove Neil and a medicated Andrew to Betsy Dobson. 

Neil’s leg was bouncing so much in the backseat, that Nicky actually turned around at a stop light to see why the entire car was shaking.

Andrew just smiled at Neil during his drug induced mania, seemingly amused by Neil’s nerves.

Neil felt himself wishing for the moments when Andrew was off his meds. He never dared say it out loud. The team all thought Andrew was a loose cannon who was only manageable because of the drugs.

They got there a few minutes early, or maybe Betsy's session before them had run over. Either way they had to sit in the waiting room.

Neil’s hands trembled as he sat there. The last time he'd been in Betsy's office, he hadn't even been able to go into the room.

"First time at a shrink tweety-bird?" Andrew asked with a grin," They don't provide you one at the nest?"

Neil stilled.

The therapist they had provided at the nest had been less of a therapist, and more of a tool for correction. Neil attempting suicide and self harming had gotten him landed with sessions for seven months. It had been seven months of pink tinged water and bite marks.

Neil's nails began scratching at his wrist without realizing it, picking the scabs open.

"Yes or no?" The question made Neil pause.

He stopped scratching at his wrist. And suddenly he realized how tight his chest was. 

He wasn't breathing.

The very idea sent him into a tailspin, and he brought his hands up to pull at his hair.

In, out.

Out, in?

In. In. 

Out. Out.

Neil felt like he was going to puke. He lost the route that his breath was supposed to go.

In or out? 

So he just held it. Shaking.

And then the process would start all over again. 

"Neil!"

Neil gripped the edges of his chair. Things were getting fuzzy. He pitched forward.

But an arm caught him from landing onto his face.

Neil froze. But the arm didn't stray to where it shouldn't go. It just pushed him back against the back of the chair, and let go.

It made Neil calm down, if only a little.

Neil breathed and looked at Andrew. The medicated smile still sat on Andrew’s face.

"You have too many issues, Wesninski," Andrew smiled," You might want to consider losing a few."

"I feel like throwing myself off a bridge might be quicker and less painful," Neil said.

"I can arrange that."

"I'd pay you to."

Andrew looked at Neil for a moment, his smile never fading. But after a minute he just shook his head.

"Oh Tweety Bird." Andrew said, shaking his head," All the king's horses and all the king's men could never dream of putting you back together again."

"Impressive did you think of that rhyme yourself?" Neil said back raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

"Where's that rock that they kept you under, it'll be perfect to hit you with." Andrew said, leaning back in his chair.

"Why?" Neil asked confused," Was it a reference."

"I weep for your childhood," Andrew said.

"Don't bother, I never had one."

"Tragic."

A throat clearing caused Neil to flinch. Andrew raised an unimpressed brow, but he turned towards Betsy with a grin.

"Bee!" Andrew called. "Buzz Buzz. Get it Neil? Or did they forget to teach you animal sounds growing up too."

"I remember that the Ass says 'My name is Andrew'," Neil bit back.

"See Bee," Andrew said gesturing to Neil," Such a smart mouth, but also such a dumb ass."

"You think my ass is dumb?" Neil said, cocking his head to the side, "Why have you been looking?"

Betsy let's out a laugh, startling Neil into looking at her.

"Sorry," Besty says laughing," I didn't think anyone could keep up with Andrew’s remarks like that. It's good to see you boys getting along. Andrew, are you ready?"

Andrew got up, "Ready when you are."

Betsy led Andrew back, and Neil stayed in his chair. Despite how much Neil hated the medicated side of Andrew, he still missed the comforting presence Andrew brought.

Neil caught himself as he thought that. He had thought that same thing about Riko. He had trusted Riko. He had found comfort in Riko. And then Riko had-

Neil puts his head forward between his knees, feeling sick. The events of Saturday rushing forward. 

"No."

"Hold him down."

"Stop."

"You know how to beg Nate."

"Fuck you."

"Wrong answer."  

"Neil?"

"You betrayed me Nate."

"You betrayed me first, you impotent prick."

"I think you need to apologize for that. Such a quick little tongue. Put it to use."

"Neil, I need you to breathe."

Kengo's bed.

The therapist's office.

The Nest.

The locker rooms.

"I've got it Bee."

Be a good boy.

You deserve a reward.

You've been bad.

Don't bite.

"Yes or no?"

Whores don't get to-

Yes or no?

Neil’s eyes snapped up to meet Andrew’s. And Neil felt himself take a gasping intake of breath.

"That's your second one today Tweety-bird," Andrew says, "I think it's time for a therapy session don't you?"

"Time to go to therapy Nate." 

Neil jolts back away from Andrew. "No."

Andrew’s eyes narrow, but he takes a full step back. Betsy watches from even further back.

"I won't go back," Neil says, grabbing tightly to the chair. "I won't go back. I know what happens in a shrink's office. I won't go back."

Betsy glances at Andrew, but Andrew isn't looking at her.

"You heard coach Tweety-bird," Andrew grins," This isn't up for negotiation. You're just as crazy as me. So unless you want to start sitting on the bench I suggest we take a trip back."

"No." Neil says quietly.

It's too soon after Saturday. Every wound and memory feels too raw. Neil had come to get used to it in the nest, breakdowns like this stopped occurring, and Neil had stopped saying anything at all after Jean and Kevin left. He didn't beg, or fight. But after a summer away, and a handful of "yes or no's", Neil was ripped raw all over again after Saturday's event. It felt like tearing open stitches.

"No." Neil repeated more firmly. But his hands shake.

"Bee give us a second."

Betsy walked a distance away without argument. It made Neil’s shoulders untense.

"I want to take my turn," Andrew said, "tell me why you won't go back."

Neil took a shaky breath, "Because shrinks are there to punish you. Evermore sent me to a shrink too. I won't do it. Not again."

Neil trembles.

"Punish you? Are you afraid Bee is gonna spank you- "

Neil cut him off with a glare," You know what I mean."

Andrew's eyes darkened even through the haze of the drugs," What part of I'm protecting you now did you miss? Do you think I'd let you walk back with someone who'd do shit like that to you? Do you really think my protection is that flimsy?"

Neil was silent, "I didn't ask for-"

"Yeah yeah, we've been over this. Your self esteem got dropped down a bottomless pit and now you need therapy. That's what we're here for." Andrew says. Neil didn't think he imagined how the smile fell slightly. 

Neil’s hands shook.

"Neil," Betsy's voice cut through," What if Andrew came back with us? That way you aren't alone with me. We can do that until you trust me."

Neil swallows, his eyes flick to Andrew’s," I'm okay with it. But if Andrew doesn't- "

"Come on Bee," Andrew cuts Neil off," Let's take the road runner back. Oh? What do we work on first? His crippling trust issues? Or the self esteem dropped in the deepest parts of the ocean?"

Neil followed in a daze as Andrew stood between him and Bee. Neil already felt exhausted. 

Neil hesitated when entering the room, but ultimately found that instead of cookies, the room smelled like peppermint. The strong smell overpowered the room and Neil found himself stepping inside easily.

"Andrew said you might like the smell of peppermint," Betsy says smiling," He told me you dislike the smell of dessert."

Neil nodded absently. The candle, which was the source of the smell, was brand new and had just been lit.

Neil found himself relaxing into the smell, and soon into the comfy couch that Betsy had in her office. 

"Make yourself comfortable," Betsy says smiling, "Is there anything you like to drink? Hot chocolate?"

Neil's hand shot up to his mouth as a found taste invaded his sense just at the thought of tasting chocolate.

Andrew stared at him, and pulled out a stick of gum, "You are a tragedy."

"Maybe I should sell my life story to the Greeks," Neil says.

"Now you are sounding like Kevin," Andrew says smiling.

Neil glared.

It was strange how easily Andrew could coax the fight back into Neil. And Neil had to wonder if Andrew did it on purpose. 

"You never answered my question," Betsy says interrupting," Is there a type of drink you like."

Neil is thoughtful for a moment, wondering if maybe this would backfire. If maybe something else he loved would become nothing more than a trigger after he said it. But Andrew had said that wouldn't happen.

Yes or no?

"I like tea," Neil finally says. His voice shakes a little, and he pulls his feet up onto the couch to tuck them under himself. His shoes felt uncomfortable. Neil looked over at Andrew and saw that the other had shucked off his own shoes and was sitting with his feet up on the table.

Betsy didn't say anything about Andrew doing it, so Neil followed suit, only he tucked his legs underneath himself.

Betsy never responded to Neil’s answer so he was surprised when a cup of tea appeared in front of him.

Neil stared at it. Untrusted.

But Andrew noticed and took a sip of it. "See!" Andrew said," No drugs. Go ahead and drink it."

Neil took the mug into his hands and took a sip.

Betsy settled into her chair.

"Last time you had a bit of a rough time," Betsy says. "I'm sorry about that by the way."

Neil shrugs, "It's fine."

Betsy beams. "You and Andrew seem pretty close."

"Close to killing him maybe," Andrew says.

Therapy continued much the same way. Andrew consistently threw in jokes and jabs, derailing Betsy's questions entirely. But it relaxed Neil. The more that Andrew quipped and jabbed, the more the entire environment felt safe. 

And Betsy didn't seem to mind it either, though she kept a close eye on Neil. Gauging his reactions to certain questions, and watching as he interacted with Andrew.

By the time they were heading out the door of therapy, Neil and Andrew were bickering again. It was never heated, and it surprised Neil that it felt a tiny bit like bickering with Kevin and Jean. But yet at the same time, it felt different.

Nicky drove them back to the court, grinning at Neil and telling Neil about a call he'd made with Eric that morning.

The smile on Nicky's face when he talked about Eric was blinding, it was so much more real than the ones he gave when joking with the foxes.

When they finally got the the court, the foxes were still practicing, and Wymack was on the phone as Neil and Andrew changed out.

Andrew gave Neil a look," You know Wymack isn't about to let you practice Tweety-bird, so how about you go build a nest or something." 

Neil still got dressed and grabbed his racket. It was then that Wymack shouted into the changing rooms for Andrew.

"Andrew Joseph Minyard! What the flying FUCK, have you done this time?"

Andrew raised an eyebrow and Neil looked at him.

"Normally it's me getting yelled at for doing stupid shit," Neil says confused," What did you do?"

Andrew looked just as perplexed as Neil though, but he quickly wiped it away and the crazy smile was back in full force. "It wasn't me, coach! How do you know it wasn't our new resident problem child!?"

Nevertheless Andrew left the changing room and Neil followed after him.

"My new problem child didn't just get asked for on the phone by the police. Andrew, what the hell have you done?" Wymack asks.

Andrew shrugged, "Maybe it was my stunt double. You don't know."

"You're stunt double doesn't cause nearly as many problems as you," Neil mumbles under his breath.

"It seems I've forgotten," Andrew said, tapping his chin," Who was it that played spider monkey on the ceiling the other day?" 

Neil glared. But he stopped when Wymack turned back to the phone.

"What seems to be the problem, Officer… Higgins, was it?" The words left Wymack’s lips and Neil tensed.

Andrew shot Neil a look, and it briefly distracted him from Wymack’s conversation.

Neil could see the way that Andrew’s body tensed, and Neil also knew enough about Higgins.

Officer Higgins had been a person from Andrew's past. He was the one who told Aaron about Andrew in the first place. Riko had spent many hours pouring over information and paying for it. That knowledge paired with what Andrew had told Neil of his past, that small little bit.

"Foster care… I understand."

Told Neil that the conversation was meant for Andrew and Andrew alone.

Neil snatched the phone away from Wymack and ignored the confused yell that Wymack gave in response. He passed the receiver to Andrew.

Andrew took it, but he didn't press it against his ear. Instead he favored Neil with a questioning look. Probably wondering how Neil knew Higgins' name.

"Don't keep him waiting, Minyard," Wymack gruffly said.

Andrew pressed the phone to his ear.

"Pig Higgins, is that you?" Andrew asked. His face was still twisted into a smile. And Neil wondered if his face hurt at the end of the day. "Oh, it is. Yes I'm surprised. Did you forget I hate surprises. What? No, don't stall. You clearly wouldn't have hunted me down after all this time to chat so what do you want?"

There was a few minutes of silence, and Wymack regarded both Andrew and Neil suspiciously. Likely thinking that Neil had been an accomplice for whatever the cops were calling about, especially with how Neil had snatched the phone.

There was a short, "No." From Andrew and he hung up.

Neil raised an eyebrow. And Andrew regarded him with the same twisted smile. The phone however began to ring again.

Andrew stared at it like he wanted to throw it off a bridge.

"I can answer it," Neil offered," I've been told I'm good at putting people off."

"I think that's the truest thing you've ever been told," Andrew said. He answered the phone again.

The foxes all watched with interested looks, and Neil turned to them. The fact that they were staring at a conversation that was probably linked to Andrew’s past made Neil feel a surge of protectiveness. Andrew’s past was his to share.

"Staring is rude, you know," Neil said," Let's get moving." 

The foxes all seemed slightly embarrassed at being caught. And honestly Neil was going to use the moment to run off and start doing drills, but Wymack caught him by the collar.

"You aren't practicing." Wymack said.

Neil scowled. And Wymack kept a grip on the back of his shirt.

In the background, Andrew continued to talk to Higgins and then he hung up again.

There was a moment of silence, and then the phone rang again. Neil almost grabbed the phone and told Higgins to fuck off himself, but Wymack still held tight to the back of his shirt.

Neil didn't feel right listening to the conversation. And honestly he just wanted to practice a few precision drills.

Neil slipped his arms through the sleeves and slipped out of the shirt. Wymack stared at the empty shirt in his hands, and then stared at Neil in tired exasperation.

Andrew finally answered the phone again, and Neil was about to slip past and just practice shirtless, but Andrew caught him by the straps of his armour.

Neil frowned, annoyed and resigned himself to becoming deadweight.

Andrew silently listened to the phone and held Neil up effortlessly. After about thirty seconds Neil held out a hand for his shirt like he was accepting defeat. And put it on in about ten seconds, then he grabbed his racket, and Andrew had him by the shirt yet again. Neil resigned himself finally to listening to the conversation.

Andrew's smile was slowly falling off his face as Higgins talked at him from the other end of the phone.

"Go back," Andrew cut in finally, "Who complained? Oh, Pig, don't give me the runaround. I know where you work, you see. I know who you work with. That means there's a child in that house. She isn't supposed— what? No. Don't ask me that. I said don't. Leave me alone. Hey!" Andrew's shout startled Neil hard enough he flinched, "Call me again and I'll kill you."

Andrew hung up. And when the phone didn't ring again, he looked to Neil. Neil began to reach for his racket, but Andrew kicked it and it slid across the court. 

Wymack glanced between Andrew, who had just had a police officer call him. And Neil who wouldn't stop trying to get free so that he could practice.

"I really don't know which of you to yell at first," Wymack said," It's exhausting."

"Why would you need to yell at me coach?" Andrew asked, feigning innocence. Neil tried to use the moment to get away. But Andrew kicked his legs out with one foot and so Neil dangled from his grip like a petulant child getting scolded.

"I hope that question is rhetorical," Wymack gruffed. 

Andrew shrugged and moved past Wymack, dragging Neil along with him.

"Minyard where the fuck do you think you're going?" Wymack asked. Neil turned and bit Andrew's hand. In response, Andrew flicked his forehead.

"I'm taking your second problem child back to the dorm," Andrew said with a smile, twisting his expression."Unless you want to spend all practice trying to yank him off the court."

Neil glared, and Andrew flicked him again.

Wymack gave a long look at Andrew, "Are you coming back after?" 

"No," Andrew said.

Kevin stepped forward angrily," You can't just skip out of practice—"

"Blame Neil," Andrew said, shrugging his shoulders," I'd of course come back, but Neil here would run right back like the roadrunner he is."

Neil turned and glared, "Liar," Neil said," Don't you blame–"

Andrew flicked Neil again. 

Kevin was glaring at both of them now, and the sight made Neil’s insides twist. Kevin had never regarded him with this level of anger for this long. Suddenly he was all for trying to escape practice for the day.

He stood up and crossed his arms. Andrew let go of the hold he had had on Neil’s shirt.

"Minyard we will be talking about this," Wymack said.

"Sure we will Coach," Andrew said waving his arm about.

And then Neil followed Andrew off the Foxhole Court. 

Neil frowned when they skipped the car to walk back to the dorms. Neil had assumed they would wait outside for the others. Honestly he figured maybe Andrew would get distracted enough that Neil could run off and sneak a racket outside to practice a bit

"Why aren't we- "

Neil started to ask but Andrew cut him off.

"Because a certain little roadrunner is having trouble understanding what 'no practice till your better means'. Did someone drop you on your head as a child?" Andrew said.

Neil shrugged. "Probably. I mean my Dad once used me as an ironing board."

Andrew paused mid-step and raised an eye at Neil.

Neil pulled his shirt away from his shoulder. The older scar was overlapped by a few newer ones and honestly it paled in comparison to the abuse that came years after. But a special amount of fear came with any memories of his father. The only thing that kept them from being more terrifying than Riko, was the fact that Nathan was in prison.

A gift Kengo had given to Neil. Neil hadn't asked him to, but Neil doubts that the lack of Neil's involvement did much to temper Nathan's rage towards his son. But Nathan wasn't a problem yet, and hopefully Neil would be protected or dead before Nathan could become one.

"Can I take my turn?" Neil asks. The drugs were obviously still coursing through Andrew's system, but Neil could see a hardness to his jaw and eyes. Andrew’s hands were in his pockets, but Neil assumed that they too were clenched tight.

"You're a brave little bird," Andrew grounds out. It's a dangerous threatening tone. Neil assumes he's meant to be scared. But Neil hasn't been afraid of dying in years. And Andrew couldn't do anything worse than Riko had. "I could kill you, you know."

Andrew’s  hand comes up and presses against Neil's throat.

"No," Neil says. And Andrew’s hand is snatched back in seconds.

Neil smirks, his point proven. "You could but you won't. Don't make offers you can't keep."

Andrew stares at Neil for a moment, "I hate you."

Neil just waves his hand in dismissal," Can I ask a question?"

Andrew pulls out a cigarette and places it between his lips, before taking out his lighter.

Neil takes it as an allowance, "Why did Higgins call you?"

Andrew looked at Neil," I hope you realize I'll be asking a question of equal importance."

"Scary," Neil says dryly.

Andrew takes a drag of his cigarette and blows smoke into Neil's face, "A kid came forward from one of my old foster homes. Higgins was asking me if I knew anything."

Neil nodded. And Andrew took another drag before asking his next question. 

"How'd you get Jean out? Kevin was obviously let go because of his injury, but Jean wasn't permanently maimed." Andrew says.

Neil's blood turned to ice. Because regardless of what Andrew knew of him already, what would he think when he knew Neil had agreed to what Kengo had done. He didn't want to find out.

"No," Neil's voice came out.

"I told you a question of equal-"

"And I said no," Neil said, taking a step back," You may think that's a question of equal importance. But that answer will cost you."

Andrew regarded Neil for a moment," How much is the cost?"

"More than you're currently willing to pay," Neil responded.

Andrew nodded, "How do you know so much about our pasts?"

"Riko researched you guys in depth after Kevin left. He sent people out to scout for information, he paid people off. And eventually he gave the information to me thinking I'd do something with it." Neil laughed at the memory.

Andrew gave a questioning glance. And Neil elaborated.

"I bitch slapped him with a file folder this thick," Neil gestured till he was showing the thickness of about a dictionary and then shrugged," He got knocked the fuck out. I'd caught him off guard, and super hard across the face."

"I'm betting you had a rough night that night," Andrew said dryly.

Neil huffed and looked at the path they were walking, "Trust me, you have no idea. After I refused to read the file folders and offer any help towards finding Kevin. He read them to me while I was being torn apart by Reached. It was kind of like a sick twisted version of a bedtime story, so I guess I can check that off my list."

Andrew's manic grin was starting to fall. 

"Do you need your meds?" Neil asked.

"I'll take them when we get back," Andrew says, "Take your turn."

Neil thought for a moment then asked," Riko hadn't found anything about what you told me Saturday. But I doubt he stopped looking, and if the police are connecting you to something that has to do with foster care then he'll find it. I won't ask names. And I won't press. But be honest, is one of those people still alive enough to be a threat."

Andrew glances at Neil, and lets out an exhale of smoke, "Yes."

Neil nodded. And Andrew was silent for a few moments.

"You're the only person who isn't scared of me off my meds. Why?" Andrew asked. They had reached the tower, and so Neil sat down and leaned against the brick wall. Andrew followed suit.

Neil questioned whether or not he should tell Andrew. But truly, Andrew already knew well enough what Riko could do.

"At one point," Neil said,'' I protected Riko too. I protected him against his Uncle and the older Ravens who we practiced with. He used to take care of me after. He'd clean all my wounds. He'd hold me as I broke down. And he promised to protect me as soon as he had enough power and pull to do so. But when the day came, he was named captain. He turned around and hurt me instead. And he did so with the biggest smile on his face. He laughed and he got off on it. Saying he never gave a damn about me. And looking back he didn't, he just wanted me to protect him. You don't scare me, because I've seen what real monsters look like. Real monsters don't ask 'yes or no'."

Andrew is silent at that. But his gaze is locked on Neil’s face. Eventually Andrew tore it away and took out his medicine. Taking one of the pills. The medicated smile returned and they sat, waiting, for the foxes to return.

When the foxes finally got back, there was a tension between the Upperclassmen and Aaron, and Nicky was avoiding Seth entirely. Kevin was angry with Jean, and Jean had a specific look that said he was pissed at Kevin right back. Renee looked tired as she approached.

"Do you need me?" Renee asked.

Neil’s brain short circuited. Because the way Renee had asked had been oddly intimate. We're they–

Neil looked between the two with wide eyes.

"Are you two fucking?" Neil asked in shock.

Andrew and Renee shared a glance and Renee smiled in amusement. She looked over to Neil with a smile, "No we are sparring partners."

Neil relaxed some. Though he's not really sure why he tensed up in the first place.

Andrew just got up and dusted himself off, "Let's go Renee. We are taking the bird with us."

"Why am I going with you?" Neil glared.

"Because I can tell that you're about to go flying back to the court to practice. Heads up Tweety-bird, you're an awful liar." Andrew says.

Neil glared and conceded that he wasn't about to get out of this. He followed Renee and Andrew into the building and up the stairs. They didn't stop at the foxes floor and instead continued up to the roof. 

Neil sat off to the side.

"Knives or no knives?" Renee asked Andrew.

"Do knives," Neil says without looking at them, "See if you can cut the assholisness out of him."

"I'm about to see if I can cut the smartass out of you," Andrew retorted.

Neil smirked," Riko already tried and it didn't go so well for him did it?"

Despite Neil’s kind request, Renee and Andrew set their knives next to Neil for safe keeping. Neil picked up one of Andrew's and began subconsciously twirling it between his fingers with practiced ease.

Renee and Andrew sparred. Renee was cold and calculating, and Andrew was quick and unforgiving with his blows.

It went on for around thirty minutes before Renee turned and saw Neil flipping the knife around.

"You know how to handle a knife," Renee says," And you have your own, but you claim your aim is bad. And you don’t seem like a very good fighter."

Neil glanced at her. Her observation was just that, an observation. And Neil shrugged.

"I was an awesome fighter for a four year old, when my father first put a knife in my hand, but I got lousy after being taken to Evermore. I wasn't allowed to fight back, and there was no way I would ever win in a fight against 5 college level backliners as a six year old. So I guess you can say I have the basics but I'm inexperienced. Riko gave me the knives as a joke when I picked up self-harm." Neil looked away, not caring about her reaction.

Andrew was drinking water and stretching.

Renee glanced at Andrew and then back to Neil. "Would you like to spar with me now?"

Andrew paused at that, bottle halfway to his lips and glancing at Neil. Waiting for Neil's response.

"Just you?" Neil asked with a smirk. "Make it interesting. Let's do both of you at once."

"Maybe another day," Renee says with a smile. 

Neil stands with the help of Renee, and remembers how baggy his shirt was.

Neil sends a glance back to Andrew, who was watching with an eyebrow raised.

"So you won't let me practice," Neil says, removing his shirt," But you'll let me spar?"

"Maybe I'm hoping you'll get some sense knocked into you," Andrew shrugged, and Neil huffed.

Renee lunged at Neil and Neil dropped just in time to avoid the blow. Keeping one leg and one arm on the ground he kicked to knock out Renee's feet. But Renee took a step back, and Neil flipped back onto his feet. 

Andrew watches from beside the knives, "Where did you learn how to be such a monkey, Tweety-bird?" Andrew asks, and Neil watches Renee cautiously as she circles. "I highly doubt they taught you how to be a monkey in the nest."

Neil responds, eyes not leaving Renee's calculating form. "I used to hide from Riko in tough to reach places. You learn how to be pretty acrobatic to reach some of them. I consider it to be a nice survival skill."

Renee dove at him, and Neil twisted and grabbed, he threw a punch but Renee caught it and then threw him, sending him sprawling. He rolled as Renee went to hit him again and he kicked out, catching Renee in the chest. The two retreated to breathe and recover, but they circled each other and watched each other carefully.

"Was one of those places the ceiling of the court?" Andrew asked.

Neil smirked, lunging forward at Renee and catching her on the shoulder before dodging her blow to his face. "How'd you know?"

"Context clues," Andrew responded. Neil looked back at him to find Andrew smirking. The smirk was so unlike the smiles Andrew normally gave, and even through the medicated haze Neil could see something that made Andrew’s eyes glimmer. Andrew’s eyes appeared golden, and Neil was struck by the sight. Then by Renee's fist.

Neil groaned as he hit the ground, "I claim unfair as he was distracting me," Neil points at Andrew.

Andrew cackles. Renee rolls her eyes. "You were here and Andrew still won so I revoke that claim."

Neil stared at her, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Renee just smiled and walked off. And Neil was left staring at the ground as Andrew left as well.

Later that night, after Andrew, Kevin, and Jean got back from their night practice, Neil snuck out and ran to the court.

He snuck in and began running his drills, and then running the court, and then running the stands. He was trying to outrun his thoughts, his fears, the hands. And a lingering feeling he had in his chest whenever he thought of Andrew. Neil didn't like it. He'd had a similar one with Riko years prior. And that didn't bode well for Neil.

"Do you need a 24 hour babysitter just to keep from killing yourself?" 

Andrew stood at the top of the stands. And Neil startled, tripping over his own feet and face planting.

Andrew gave him a look and walked down to where Neil was, putting a hand out to help Neil up.

Neil took it and stood.

"We are leaving," Andrew said.

"But–"

Andrew cut Neil off," You need sleep as much as you need practice Junkie."

Neil paused. There was no way he was going to convince Andrew into letting him stay. And Andrew knew he'd won and started walking to the car.

Neil sighed and followed. Climbing into the car after Andrew.

"How was I distracting you on the roof?" Neil asked.

Andrew was silent for a moment before a simple,

"You're interesting."

Practice on Thursday was a mess. But arriving at the court Friday was complete and utter devastation. 

Neil normally left before the foxes, choosing to run to the stadium as opposed to letting one of the foxes drive him to the court. It gave him time to think and chill out for a second before being back around the foxes' rowdiness. Normally he would leave enough time for himself to get there as the others were arriving. But he hadn't left in enough time, and so the foxes were already in the locker room when Neil arrived. The lounge was full of shouting.

"Maybe you should watch where you're fucking going!" Nicky's voice shouted. It was so generally out of character, that Neil’s brain actually had to take a second to recognize the voice as Nicky's.

Nicky never shouted, he was a lover not a fighter. He had strong opinions of course, but he normally settled his issues with sharp jabs and jokes that got under someone's skin.

"I fucking tripped you faggot!" Seth shouted back," What's your fucking problem?" 

Neil heard Renee's calming voice, and he knew the fight had to be bad. Normally Renee allowed the foxes to duke it out themselves, she allowed them the chance to find their own footing and settle their own disagreements. If she was trying to calm people down, then something was going wrong.

Neil walked into the locker room and saw that Renee was holding Seth back with the help of Matt, and Dan was holding Allison back. Kevin and Jean were busy holding back Nicky and Aaron. But Andrew, ironically, was the only fox staying out of it. Wymack was nowhere to be seen.

"Fuck you and your entire group!" Allison fired at Nicky. "All he did was fucking tripped, you were the one that fucking shoved him without second thought. Your entire group is just a bunch of fucking monsters."

Andrew cackled at this," Hear that Nicky? You're just like me."

"Fuck off," Aaron snarled at his brother.

Andrew looked ready to respond but Nicky was firing at Seth, "I don't get how everyone can just say you're some perfect fuxking angel now! What? Because of some promise! You were a fucking dick to me since I got here, I don't believe a second of you being able to change."

"Yeah you wouldn't believe in change would you?" Seth spat," How did conversion therapy end up for you?"

"Fuck you!" Nicky said, renewing his struggles," You had Saturday coming! You should have fucking died."

Seth got free of Matt and Renee and slammed Nicky against the lockers.

Neil saw Andrew move, but Neil was closer. In seconds Neil proved Seth off and shoved him. Then he slapped both men across the face.

There was a shocked silence. And Neil's entire body shook. He hadn't realized how angry the two comments had made him until he had moved.

"We are foxes," Neil said, "That means we say some pretty messed up things. But the shit that just exited the two of your mouths was beyond awful."

Seth and Nicky began to try and justify their actions. But Neil held up both his hands. 

"You," He said pointing at them," were both fucking wrong. Seth I don't know where you get off throwing conversion therapy in someone's face like that, but let me tell you that brainwashing isn't fun. And it doesn't fucking feel great. And Nicky, telling someone they deserved some form of trauma over a fucking argument, way to remind me of the fucking nest."

Nicky and Seth recoiled as if they had been slapped a second time. 

"Everyone sit down and stop talking to each other," Neil ordered," We have a game tonight, and in case you've forgotten, we are a man down. Now is not the time for the foxes bullshit."

The locker room shifted into silence, and Wymack finally appeared in the door.

"I heard shouting," Wymack said, "What the fuck happened?"

Dan sputtered for a moment. Looking between Wymack and Neil. Her eyes wide.

"There was a fight," Dan said," But… uh… Neil put… everyone… in their place."

Wymack raised an eyebrow, but Neil ignored him. He was still feeling rage over the comments that had been said. Maybe it was because the blows had been so below the belt that Neil couldn't help but think of the ravens.

Wymack huffed," Well alright then. Moving on. Tonight we only have two strikers, and that's going to be a problem. Neil, I'm assuming from seeing your endless energy supply many times, that you can play a full match."

Neil nodded," Yes Coach."

Wymack nodded, "The only problem that remains is that Kevin can't. This is his first season back, he won't survive a full game. The only one that can fill in for him is Dan, and the only one we have that can fill in for a defensive dealer is Renee."

Nicky sputtered," But Coach," Nicky said, "Without Renee, who's playing Goalie in the second half?"

Wymack glanced over to Andrew, and by that regard, Neil who was sitting right next to Andrew. Andrew's gaze shifted to Neil, as if thinking Wymack meant to put Neil in.

"Coach," Andrew says lazily," I know Neil is the jack of all trades master of none, but I doubt even he can be a striker and Goalie. Unless he's found a way to clone himself."

"Never know," Neil says," I might be saving that trick."

"The day you have a clone is the day I end up killing you."

"Is that a promise?"

Wymack interjects before the conversation is carried even further off the rails, "I was looking at you Minyard."

Andrew raises an eyebrow, "Coach knows that my medicine doesn't work like that. Don't we already push the limit with how long I stay off them as is."

Andrew grins his maniacal grin. And Neil stares.

Neil hadn't known that Andrew came off his meds for games for sure, but he had a pretty good idea. Andrew at practices was too spacey and distracted to make any effort at all, Andrew during games was far sharper and focused.

Andrew's medicine made him too distractible for the Goalie to be much of use while on them. So Neil had figured that Andrew had to come off them during games. Neil just hadn't realized that the entire team knew.

"I know," Wymack said," But I'm offering you a deal. Same terms and conditions as last year. Abby already has a bottle packed, it's yours as soon as you're off the court."

Instead of responding Andrew looks to Neil and says, "Pick a number between one and five."

Neil glances at Andrew. Unsure of what he means. But the team makes an odd noise. Neil stares at them confused.

Neil wondered if it was a trick question, "Two." He finally responded. 

Andrew leaned back and looked at Coach Wymack, "You heard him Coach."

Neil was still confused, but Wymack was looking between Andrew and Neil. One of his eyebrows raised. He looks like he's ready to say something but then, "Above my pay grade." Is all that exits his mouth. "Alright you maggots get moving towards the bus. We've got a six hour drive ahead of us."

The foxes began to shuffle about and grab their things. Matt left to help Wymack load the stick rack. And Neil worked to get his gear. He admired the travel duffle for a moment. The colors were so different from his Edgar Allan bag. And his number, ten, was emblazoned on the side. No longer Number 3. Instead he was Neil Abram Wesninski number 10 striker on the Palmetto Foxes College Exy Team.

A loud bang down the line of lockers, started Neil out of his amazement. Andrew was opening and closing his locker for no particular reason. He did it two more times, and then Kevin caught the door.

Neil could see the fighting before it happened. Kevin's face was twisted and ready for a fight. And Neil felt himself bristling, Kevin had always had the tendency to get into fights when upset about something. Neil isn't surprised that now wasn't any different.

"What's going on?" Kevin asked, "You can't play a full game without your medicine!"

Neil had to agree, but probably for different reasons than everyone else. Andrew’s withdrawal came in 3 stages. Mental and physical crash, Sickness, and homicidal urges. The foxes all seemed afraid of Andrew in that third stage, but Neil couldn't find it in himself to be afraid. Instead he.was worried. Andrew was going to put himself through hell that night so that the team would win. Neil doubts it feels all that great any other game, but this game would be especially rough on the goalkeeper.

"No, probably not," Andrew said, sounding cheerful. Neil's eyes locked with Andrew's when he glanced up. Neil winced.

"I just can't believe you're doing the number thing again Andrew!!!" Nicky said, though the man sounded far too pleased. Neil was still concerned about Andrew making it through the game without puking. 

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Neil asked. Cutting off everybody else, "Playing while in withdrawal doesn't sound comfortable."

Andrew paused in what he was doing. And the rest of the foxes looked at him. Neil wondered how blind they all had to be, not to notice how uncomfortable the withdrawal was for Andrew, he wondered why more weren't worried about him.

"Don't worry too much," Matt cut in. "He's done it before."

Neil bit back the retort of, "just cause he's done it before doesn't mean he should do it again". It seemed hypocritical.

"Yeah!" Nicky said pack his bag, "Last year we found out the ERC was going to cut us from class one if we didn't start winning games. Coach asked Andrew for a miracle, and Andrew delivered. He told Coach to pick a number between 1 and 5. And that's exactly how many points he let by before shutting the other team out completely. It was so badass."

Neil felt stunned. Andrew had asked him that same question. Neil also felt a wave of disbelief pass over him. Neil had picked two. Did Andrew really think he could stop all but two?

Kevin however wasn't in disbelief. He didn't even seem to question if Andrew could do it. Instead Kevin stood up straighter. In a pose and with an anger that was far too much like Riko.

"So you're trying because Coach asked you to?"

"Kevin calm down," Jean reached to grab Kevin's arm, but Kevin shoved Jean off.

"Careful Kevin," Andrew said," I think you're showing your jealousy a little."

"For eight months you told me no! In eight seconds you told him yes! Why?" Kevin shouted.

Andrew's gaze flicked to Neil, and Neil felt his confusion flare again. 

But then Andrew flicked his gaze back to Kevin, "I think it's just more fun to tell you no."

Neil had lived long enough with Kevin to know those words would be what sent him swinging. And Neil knew Andrew well enough to know Andrew wouldn't hesitate to pull a knife if touched. Neil was between the two in seconds. One hand pressed to Kevin's chest and the other, not touching, but hovering above Andrew's. A burning sensation slashed on his cheek. But Neil didn't even wince. Just like he had thought, when Kevin moved, Andrew had pulled out a knife.

The cut on Neil’s cheek wasn't deep, but it was deep enough that a trickle of blood rolled down his cheek.

"Jesus!" Matt called out, and he moved forward to help Neil. But Neil spoke first.

"That's enough ," Neil said," Kevin I know you're pissed at me. But taking it out on the rest of the team isn't fair. Andrew has his reasons and they're his own. Not your's."

"You've got nothing to do with this," Kevin snapped, "Stay out of it."

"I won't," Neil said," I know you probably hate me right now- "

Kevin's face crumpled and he went to speak but Neil wasn't in the mood for his excuses.

"I'm talking now Kevin," Neil said, and Kevin shut his mouth," I know you're mad at me right now, but that is no reason to get angry at this team. And they are my team too, so you being volatile towards them is my problem. Back off."

Neil whirled on Andrew. Andrew was staring at Neil’s hand, and the way that it was positioned so that Andrew couldn't step forward towards Kevin, but still he could escape from it. And Neil wasn't touching him. Neil had done it purposefully.

Andrew's gaze floated up to Neil. And Neil glared, "You promised you'd protect them. You don't get to pull a knife on him. If he crosses a boundary, by all means clock him so hard he hits the ground. but you'd better never pull a knife on him again."

Andrew's smile was still in place. But there was an acceptance in Andrew’s eyes as Andrew finally resheathed the blade.

"Let's get to the bus," Neil says. And the foxes all startle into motion.

Neil moves to go too, but Dan claps him on the shoulder, making Neil jump.

"Sorry!" Dan's hands go up, "I forgot about the no touch thing! I just wanted to say that that was amazing."

Neil shrugged," I didn't really do much. I just told them to get their shit together."

Dan shrugged, "Yeah but… it actually worked."

Neil paused, "I mean I guess. They are all still mad at each other though. It's not like I did anything to fix that."

Dan gave Neil a cursory glance," I think you could though."

Neil thinks about it, "I think you put too much faith in me."

Dan laughs," I think you don't put enough faith in yourself… Look… I've never seen this amount of teamwork from this team. And I've certainly never seen Allison and Seth go three days straight without a breakup. I think you can do it. And I mean, it doesn't hurt to try does it?"

On the contrary, Neil's found in life that trying and failing hurt almost as much as never trying at all. But again saying that was a turn off for him would be hypocritical.

"I can try," Neil said, heading to the bus. Dan followed right along behind him.

When Neil got on the bus, he looked towards the back. Andrew sat by himself, per usual. In front of him were Jean and Kevin. Both of whom were ignoring each other and listening to music on their phones. And in front of them was Nicky and Aaron. Neil hesitated before walking back and plopping down next to Andrew.

The foxes gave Neil the faces of pure shock.

"I'm beginning to think he has a death wish," Seth mutters.

"Only beginning too?" Neil muttered to himself, "I must need to try harder."

Andrew had been staring out the window. But upon Neil’s arrival, he slowly panned over to where Neil sat.

"I'm beginning to think you're less bird and more fly," Andrew said," Shoo fly don't bother me."

"You don't belong to anybody though," Neil points out.

"Oh so you got that reference," Andrew says," Good I was beginning to wonder if I'd even be able to lift that rock that they hid you under."

"I want to ask a question," Neil said.

"It's not your turn," Andrew responds.

Neil sighs and waits.

Andrew stares at Neil in silence before asking, "How do you swing?"

Neil was expecting a lot of different questions, but that hadn't been one of them. His surprise must have shown on his face because Andrew's manic smile grew.

"You have many bets right now placed on your sexuality. Not to mention plenty on whether you've ever slept with Jean and Kevin." Andrew responds.

Neil blanched, "I've never nor will I ever sleep with Kevin or Jean."

"Because they're male?"

"Because Jean is my brother and Kevin is… Kevin ." Neil said, gesturing wildly. "As for the bets, I thought you wouldn't partake."

"I don't."

"Then why ask?" Neil questioned.

Andrew stared for a moment," I'm trying to figure you out."

"I'm not a math problem," Neil responds.

"I'll still solve you." Andrew shoots back.

Neil huffs, before answering, "I don't know… The only encounters I've had in that regard have been bad or ones I don't want to think about. And I don't really think about it. It doesn't seem necessary to swing, and I highly doubt anyone's ever going to want me like that. But to answer your question, I don't know, I've never really thought about it."

Andrew stares at Neil before nodding, then gestures for Neil to ask his question.

"Why are you really trying at the game today?" Neil asked.

Andrew favors him another glance. The smile is still on his face. "I told you I'd protect you Tweety-bird." Andrew says. "And that just so happens to mean helping you get to championships. Remember?"

"I didn't ask you to." 

"You didn't." Andrew agrees.

"So why?"

"Because I made a promise. And I keep my promises."

Neil stayed sitting next to Andrew on the ride to Belmonte. At first he was going to move, but then Kevin and Jean fell asleep 30 minutes into the drive, and well, that was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Andrew watched him, a drug-induced smile on his face, with vague interest as Neil pulled his pencil pouch out of his bag. He pulled out his stack of post it notes, and began his work.

He stuck as many post it notes as he could on Jean, having to be extremely careful not to wake the man. But Neil had done this shit for years at the nest, sometimes it was the only way to make life interesting.

Neil looked at Andrew when he'd finished posting Jean. Andrew was staring at Neil, the smile on his face was obviously from the drugs, but the glimmer in his eye was amusement.

"Kevin's even more fun," Neil grinned," He doesn't wake up for shit."

Andrew stood up, looking over the back of the seat in front of him to Kevin and Jean. He looked back to Neil and held out his hand. Neil handed Andrew a stack of post it notes, and together they began papering Kevin. They stuck to Kevin's face and arms but, at one point, Neil got out of his seat and papered Kevin's shoes.

None of the foxes paid them any mind, likely assuming the back of the bus would remain as uneventful as always. But Neil and Andrew eventually had Jean and Kevin looking like some sort of Office Store Bird mascot. When they ran out of post-it-notes, Neil dug around until he found his paperclips. Then he studiously applied them to each of Kevin's fingers. He was careful to make sure it didn't cut off any circulation.

When he had finished he sat down again next to Andrew. 

Neil smiles at his antics. Though he knew Kevin probably was too mad at him to even retaliate like they normally did.

The thought made Neil sigh and lean back in the seat.

"Such a mood switch," Andrew comments," I almost got motion sick with that swing."

"He hates me," Neil said, staring at the back of Kevin's seat.

"No." Andrew said, " I hate you. Kevin's just licking his wounds. He's still mad that you didn't call anybody for help on Saturday."

Neil huffs," He always gets mad when I let myself get hurt for him. But the moment I don't get there in time and it's him getting hurt instead, he's crying out for me to help him."

Andrew looks at Neil at that point. Ad Neil shrugs.

"It's not like I'm upset about it," Neil says," I'd rather him want my protection, it makes things easier. I just wish he wouldn't sit there and get mad after the fact."

"Your lack of self worth astounds me," Andrew says.

"I'm surprised that's what you're stuck on."

"Nothing about you makes sense, I'm starting to think the drugs are making up fantasies for me now." Andrew says.

Neil chuckles dryly. "I'm a pretty sad fantasy."

Andrew doesn't respond.

When they finally arrived at Belmonte, Wykack turned around. When his eyes caught on Kevin and Jean he stopped. Jean began blinking blearily awake, likely awoken by the lull of the bus engine turning off.

Wymack stared at them and then slowly looked up at Neil and Andrew, "Why the fuck do they look like knock off pianta birds?"

Jean finally sat up and looked down at his arms, then he put a hand up to his face and groaned. "I should have known better than to fall asleep with you in the seat behind me."

"Why are you assuming it was me?" Neil asked, feigning innocence. 

"It's always you!"

"Andrew helped," Neil said.

Andrew was busy cackling. The rest of the foxes were staring, and trying not to laugh at the sight.

Neil doesn't know what woke Kevin. Probably an act of God. But Kevin blinked blearily awake and stretched. The paper made a crinkling noise, and a few post-its fell off. But the majority stayed in place. Kevin finally got a confused look on his face, and he looked at his arms.

The foxes were dying of laughter up front. And Wymack looked like he was just dying. 

"What a pretty bird!" Dan said laughing.

"Fuck you." Kevin snarled.

"Does Kevin want a cracker?" Matt asked.

"Fuck you too!"

Neil was laughing as well, until Kevin sent him a glare so full of ice that Neil stopped. Neil swallowed and Kevin stomped off the bus trailing post-its behind him.

Jean looked from Kevin to Neil. His teeth grit when looking at Kevin. But he softened when he turned his gaze to Neil’s downturned expression.

He smirked at Neil," I'll get you good for that one Wesninski." Jean said.

Neil smiled a bit at the familiarity, but it fell soon enough. His entire life had been devoted to protecting both his brothers. To have one at odds with him hurt.

Jean sighed and got off the bus. Though he collected all his post-its and the ones from the ground and threw them into the trash.

"You know I can turn you into a doormat if you want to be walked all over," Andrew said with a grin.

Neil shot him a dirty look, "Can you crash already?"

"All in good time," Andrew said waving his hand around, "What I want to know is why you refuse to lie over for Riko, but you'll let Kevin treat you like dirt over a tiny argument."

"I stood up to him this morning," Neil said.

"Correction you stood in the way of him," Andrew said, "You stepped in between him and I. Just because you don't let him steamroll others doesn't mean you don't let him do it to you."

"It's complicated."

"It's simple," Andrew responds, his smile falling ever so slightly, you either grow a spine or you don't."

Andrew stepped past Neil and off of the bus. And Neil followed.

The Belmonte stadium was nearly the same as the Foxhole court. The only difference really was the colors. Neil hadn't realized how much he'd come to take comfort in the orange until it was suddenly gone.

Then when Neil got to the locker rooms he noticed another key difference. The showers didn't have doors.

It's not like Neil had any illusions about the other schools investing in closed showers. But he hadn't planned for it today. Edgar Allan hadn't had closed showers either, but Edgar Allan had been different from the foxes in many ways. Even though Neil knew that none of the foxes would try to hurt him in a completely naked and vulnerable state, it didn't make the idea of being vulnerable any easier.

Neil shook off the feeling and started to change. The foxes had seen Neil without a shirt enough times that it didn't matter anymore for that. Neil tried to shake off the idea of them seeing him completely naked after the game.

The foxes changed out and headed into the stadium. The crowd was rowdy, and being an away game meant the foxes didn't have their usual large crowd. Though Neil was sure Palmetto had a good chunk of people cheering them on.

The mascot was making rounds, and when it saw the foxes and soon the giant Terrapin Turtle was running at them.

"I just want to know what school wants the mascot of a turtle," Neil asks.

The turtle makes crude thrusts in their direction. Neil rolls his eyes and sends it the middle finger, though Nicky takes it a step further, along with Seth, and they start thrusting back at it. Wymack hits all three of them lightly on the back of the head.

Neil grabs his stick and inspects it. Twirling it a few times. Finding it to his satisfaction he slings it over his shoulders. Dan seemed the tiniest bit worried about Neil though.

"Are you sure you'll be okay for a full match?" Dan asked, and Neil glanced at her. A small smile passed over his face, and a mischievous glint twinkled in his eye.

"I've got it," Neil said. "Believe me."

Neil was used to playing a full match. At Edgar Allan he would play scrimmage after scrimmage without so much as a water break, for damn near close to five hours straight sometimes. Not only that, but Neil would also play full games at his high school team. And Neil hadn't stopped with his extreme conditioning when he left the Nest.

Dan looked at Neil's face and shrugged. Kevin was glancing at Neil, but when he noticed Neil was looking he scoffed and turned away.

You either grow a spine or you don't.

Neil shook the words away, but he couldn't help the short burst of anger he had at Kevin. He felt disgusted at himself for a moment.

Wymack called for the huddle and all the foxes converged.

The Vixens and Roxy Foxy walked onto the court though, distracting all the foxes from whatever Wymack had been about to say. Wymack sighed.

"Hi Katelyn!" Nicky shouted. 

Aaron growled and elbowed Nicky, but Nicky just laughed and continued to wave. A small blonde, taller than Aaron, waved back grinning brightly.

Nicky smirked and elbowed Neil before stage whispering, "Katelyn is Aaron's girlfriend."

"She is not!" Aaron said.

Neil found he actually didn't care. It seemed like Aaron's personal business, but Nicky did care.

"She would be if you asked," Nicky pointed out.

Andrew made a noise and then hit his hand to the side of his head like he'd just figured something out, " Oh I know," Andrew said in German, " Maybe he's afraid she'll die like the last woman he ever truly loved."

Aaron glared at Andrew, "Fuck you."

At the same time Nicky let out a, "Christ Andrew!"

Neil glared at the Goalie, and Andrew smiled back," I thought I made it clear that we shouldn't be starting shit right now."

Andrew shrugged with a smile still in place," This started a long time ago Tweety-bird. Stay out of it."

Neil rolled his eyes but couldn't help the curiosity that surged through him.

"Are you guys all done wasting my oxygen?" Wymack asked, "Good now shut up. In Ten minutes you're all on the court doing warm-ups. Nicky, Neil, Andrew. Don't start shit with the Terrapins."

"Why am I getting called out?" Neil asked.

"Don't ask me that question for the sake of my own fucking sanity. Now go!" Wymack ordered and the foxes filed into line behind Dan.

Kevin ran next to Neil in the warm-ups, but Kevin was unyielding in his silence. It made Neil’s earlier rage simmer to the surface all over again. Neil had given so much for Kevin. Had done so much for him. Neil at least deserved the decency of a mature conversation when Kevin was mad at him. He at least deserved his brother being there after Neil had been raped.

Undeserving.

Neil almost flinched as the word surfaced in his mind. And his anger evaporated.

The foxes ran around the court, and then grabbed their rackets and began warm-ups. Eventually Dan went over for the coin flip, and she won the team first serve. The Terrapins would be starting at home court.

Neil listened as the announcers prattled on, and his leg began to jump in anticipation. Wymack noticed. Neil wanted to be on the court. He wanted it more than he wanted air.

He realized how bad of an analogy it was in his head considering he was damn near suicidal.

He needed the court, like he unfortunately needed air, flowed much better through his mind.

Neil's name was finally called and he shot up and ran onto the court, almost knocking Wymack over.

Neil hurried past the backliners, but slowed to inspect his own.

Herrera was the backliner's name, and the man had at least a foot on Neil. Neil smirked at him, and Herrera glared. Neil waved his hand around, as if the backliner's glare hadn't intimidated him at all, and hurried to his place.

Neil’s pulse thrummed as the doors were shut. His adrenaline surging. He was poised on the balls of his feet, ready to run. Ready to play.

The buzzer sounded and Neil took off. But the ball didn't come. Allison was serving, so Neil looked back to see what happened. He watched as Allison sent it back to Andrew. And Neil smirked as Andrew swung. Neil hit full speed as Andrew’s racket hit against the ball. It hit the wall behind the Terrapins and came back, but Neil had it in his net before it hit the ground again. Neil took ten full steps before passing it to Kevin. Kevin was pacing himself, and didn't make it far before passing it back to Allison. Kevin's mark laughed at him for not trying harder, so, when a few moves later, Kevin's mark stole the ball. Neil checked her hard into the wall, before scoring and lighting the goal up red.

Herrera glared at Neil when Neil got back into position, but Neil ignored him and celebrated with his team.

The next point wasn't scored for another ten minutes. A back and forth of constant motion and checking on the court. Herrera was getting steadily more angered by Neil’s evasionary footwork and skills. And unfortunately, Herrera's anger only made the backliner sharper and quicker.

Neil hated to say that he was struggling, but he wouldn't be lying if he said it.

Herrera finally got him though. Checking Neil hard into the wall, and sending the ball up court to the strikers. Andrew’s goal lit up red, but Andrew hadn't even moved to stop it. Neil could still see the slowly slipping smile on Andrew’s face. And Neil remembered the number he'd chosen.

Two.

Moments later Wymack sent out his substitutions. And as Kevin passed Neil, he gave Neil a once over before saying the first words he had to Neil all week.

"Destroy him." 

Neil knew Kevin meant Herrera, and never before had he agreed with Kevin so easily. Neil nodded and set his feet.

When the game started again, Allison did the same serve from earlier. And Neil and Dan were already up by their marks by the time Andrew cracked the ball up court. The ball hit the wall, and then the ceiling and then at a sharp angle it flew back down. 

Herrera ended up getting it, and Neil smirked. Neil charged full body into Herrera, knocking Herrera into the wall.

Herrera glared.

But Neil sent the ball to Dan, ignoring Herrera's glare as the backliner stumbled to his feet. Dan lost the ball and it got sent back to Andrew's area. Matt caught it and passed it to Renee, Renee to Jean, and Jean passed it to Allison. Allison passed it to Andrew, and Andrew cleared the ball back up court to Dan. Dan made it four steps before passing it to Neil, and Neil caught it.

He sent up a mental curse when he realized he didn't have enough time to evade Herrera's attack. Neil popped the ball into the air and dropped down in the same motion. Herrera's fast and angry style was his downfall. And Herrera tripped, his foot catching on Neil’s shoulder, over Neil and slammed head first into the wall.

Neil's shoulder burned with red hot pain. And he thanked God for the shoulder armor. Neil picked the ball up, ignoring the angry pounding on the wall where his team was, and sent it to Dan, and Dan scored.

Dan ran over and hugged Neil. And Neil tried not to tense. He failed.

"Sorry!" Dan says letting go quickly," I keep… damn… sorry I keep forgetting. That was fucking awesome Neil! Don't do it again though, we can't have you benched with Seth."

Neil laughed," I'm fine."

Dan rolled her eyes.

Herrera had to be replaced, and the Terrapins scored one more time before halftime. Again Neil watched as Andrew didn't even try. But he also watched as soon as the point was scored, Andrew twirled his racket once before shifting into a position that sent chills down Neil’s spine.

The Terrapins began to fall apart. As soon as Andrew let by the second goal, he turned into a wall. The Terrapin strikers were throwing ball after ball at Andrew. And Andrew was clearing ball after ball right back.

When half time finally rolled around, Neil was at Andrew's side in seconds.

"You're amazing!" Neil said.

Andrew was silent, but he regarded Neil with a gaze.

"Shut up."

"I mean seriously everyone talked about you being this awesome goalkeeper, even Riko was ready to make me your pet to have you at Edgar Allan."

Andrew's eyes darkened at that, but Neil stopped him before he could say anything about it. 

"But seriously I didn't think you would be that good," Neil said. "I'd never score in practice if you did that everyday."

Andrew was silent. And Neil wondered if he was speechless or something. But finally Andrew just looked away from Neil.

"Shut up."

Neil rolled his eyes. The rest of the team was too busy talking to notice Andrew and Neil, much less notice Andrew’s hands. But Neil noticed.

"Are you going to be okay?" Neil asked Andrew. Andrew's hands were shaking.

Andrew regarded Neil with another look.

"You shouldn't kill yourself over a game." Neil said.

Andrew glared," I will kill you if you start to give me that lecture."

Neil winced. Realizing how hypocritical it was for multiple reasons.

"How's your arm Neil," Matt asks from somewhere in the room.

Neil shrugs," It's fine."

Kevin slammed against the locker door, interrupting Nicky's shout of triumph.

Kevin stalked over to Neil and Neil tensed.

"I swear to god Nate!" Kevin shouted. And Neil flinched at the name, but Kevin continued shouting," Are you fucking stupid? Do you know how bad it would be if you played with a serious injury? You're no use to us on the court if you're too injured to play! Injuries aren't a fucking joke Nate! They aren't something to gloss over and ignore. If you get hurt you do something about it Nate–"

Kevin didn't make it through the third time saying Neil’s old Nickname. Neil had slapped him hard across the face. Kevin stumbled.

"I thought I told you not to call me that anymore," Neil said. His hands shook by his side, and his voice sounded shakey. He looked at the floor, trying to to think about how he had just slapped Kevin. He had done it before, normally when Kevin was being an ass to someone or when Kevin was thinking far too irrationally. None of them were ever hard, just startling. But this one had been hard, and it had been in defense of Neil himself. And everything inside Neil screamed it was wrong.

You either grow a spine or you don't.

"Neil- "